[1]
By Bruce Bairnsfather
Bullets and Billets
Fragments from France
A Few Fragments from His Life
[2]
FRAGMENTS
FROM FRANCE
BY
CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER
AUTHOR OF "BULLETS AND BILLETS"
G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS
NEW YORK AND LONDON
The Knickerbocker Press
1917
Transcriber's Note:
Where text is included in a cartoon and a closer look would be
aid in readability, links are provided to larger images. These links are indicated
by underlines on the caption title providing your browser supports such linking.
[3]
FOREWORD
By the Editor of "The Bystander."
HEN Tommy went out to the great war, he went
smiling, and singing the latest ditty of the halls. The
enemy scowled. War, said his professors of kultur
and his hymnsters of hate, could never be waged in the Tipperary
spirit, and the nation that sent to the front soldiers who sang and
laughed must be the very decadent England they had all along
denounced as unworthy of world-power.
I fear the enemy will be even more infuriated when he turns
over the pages of this book. In it the spirit of the British citizen
soldier, who, hating war as he
hated hell, flocked to the
colours to have his whack at
the apostles of blood and iron,
is translated to cold and permanent
print. Here is the
great war reduced to grim and
gruesome absurdity. It is not
fun poked by a mere looker-on,
it is the fun felt in the war by
one who has been through it.
CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER.
Captain Bruce Bairnsfather
has stayed at that
"farm" which is portrayed in
the double page of the book;
[4]
he has endured that shell-swept "'ole" that is depicted on the cover;
he has watched the disappearance of that "blinkin' parapet" shown
on one page; has had his hair cut under fire as shown on another.
And having been through it all, he has just put down what he has
seen and heard and felt and smelt and—laughed at.
Captain Bairnsfather went to the front in no mood of a "chiel
takin' notes." It was the notes that took him. Before the war,
some time a regular soldier, some time an engineer, he had little
other idea than to sketch for mischief, on walls and shirt cuffs, and
tablecloths. Without the war he might never have put pencil to
paper for publication. But the war insisted.
It is not for his mere editor to forecast his vogue in posterity.
Naturally I hope it will be a lasting one, but I am prejudiced. Let
me, however, quote a letter which reached Captain Bairnsfather
from somewhere in France:
"Twenty years after peace has been declared there will
be no more potent stimulus to the recollections of an old
soldier than your admirable sketches of trench life. May
I, with all deference, congratulate you on your humour,
your fidelity, your something-else not easily defined—I
mean your power of expressing in black and white a condition
of mind."
I hope that this forecast is a true one. If this sketch book is
worthy to outlast the days of the war, and to be kept for remembrance
on the shelves of those who have lived through it, it will
have done its bit. For will it not be a standing reminder of the
ingloriousness
of war, its preposterous absurdity, and of its futility
as a means of settling the affairs of nations?
[5]
CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER
This picture was taken at the Front, less than a
quarter of a mile from the German trenches.
Captain Bairnsfather has come "straight off the
mud," and is wearing a fur coat, a Balaclava
helmet, and gum boots. Immediately behind
him is a hole made by a "Jack Johnson" shell.
When the ardent Jingo of the day after to-morrow rattles the
sabre, let there be somewhere handy a copy of "Fragments from
France" that can be opened in front of him, at any page, just to
remind him of what war is really like as it is fought in "civilised"
times.
Captain Bairnsfather has become a household word—or perhaps
one should say a trench-hold word. Who is ever the worse for a
laugh? Certainly not the soldier in trench or dug-out or shell-swept
billet. Rather may it be said that the Bairnsfather laughter
has acted in thousands of cases as an antidote to the bane of
depression. It is the good fortune of the British Army to possess
such an antidote, and the ill-fortune
of the other belligerents
that they do not possess its
equivalent.
A Scots officer, writing in the
Edinburgh Evening News
, hits the
true sentiment towards Bairnsfather
of the Army in France
when he writes:
"To us out here the
'Fragments' are the very
quintessence of life. We
sit moping over a smoky
charcoal fire in a dug-out.
Suddenly someone, more
wide-awake than others remembers
the 'Fragments.'
Out it comes, and we laugh
[6]
uproariously over each picture. For are these not the
very things we are witnessing every day, incidents full of
tragic humour? The fed-up spirit you see on the faces of
Bairnsfather's pictures is a sham—a mask beneath which
there lies something that is essentially British."
In a communication received by Captain Bairnsfather an eminent
Member of Parliament writes: "You are rising to be a factor
in the situation, just as Gillray was a factor in the Napoleonic
wars." The difference is, however, that instead of turning his
satire exclusively upon the enemy, as did Gillray, Captain Bairnsfather
turns his—good-humouredly always—on
his fellow-warriors. This habit of ours of
making fun of ourselves has come by now to
be fairly well understood by even the most
sensitive and serious-minded of our continental
friends and neighbours. It hardly needs nowadays
to be pointed out that it is a fixed condition
of the national life that wherever Britons are
working together in any common object, whether in school, college,
profession, or even warfare, they must never
appear
to be regarding
their occupation too seriously. Those who know us—and who,
nowadays, has the excuse for not knowing us, seeing how very
much we have been discussed?—understand that our frivolity is
apparent and not real. Because we have the gift of laughter, we
are no less appreciative of grim realities than are our scowling
enemies, and nobody knows that better in these days than those
scowling enemies themselves.
Their hymns of hate and prayers for punishment have been
impotent expressions of exasperation at our coolness, deliberation,
[7]
and inflexible determination—qualities they had deluded themselves
before the war into believing would prove all a sham before
the first blast of frightfulness. They told themselves that, a war
once actually begun, the imperturbable pipe-smoking John Bull
would be transformed into a cowering craven. More complete
confusion of this false belief is nowhere to be found than in these
"Fragments." It ranks as a colossal German defeat that successive
bloodthirsty assaults upon us by land, sea, and air should
produce a Bairnsfather, depicting the "contemptible little Army,"
swollen out of all recognition, settling humorously down to war as
though it were the normal business of life.
"Fed up"? Yes, that is the word by which to describe, if you
like, the prevalent Bairnsfather expression of countenance. But
the kind of weariness he depicts is the reverse of the kind that
implies "give up."
Au contraire, mes amis!
The "fed-up"
Bairnsfather man is a fixture. "
J'y suis
," he might exclaim, if he
spoke French, "
et il m'embête que j'y suis. Je voudrais que je n'y sois
pas. Mais j'y suis, et, mes bons camarades, par tous les dieux, j'y
reste!
"
If the enemy should read in the words "fed up" a sign that our
tenacity is giving out, he reads it wrong; grim will be the disillusionment
of any hopes he may build upon his misreading, and
even grimmer the anger of those whom he may have deluded.
These
verdammte Engländer
are never what they seem, but are
always something unpleasantly different. We are the Great Enigma
of the war, and in our mystery lies our greatest strength. Let
us be careful not to lose it. Those who would have us simplify
ourselves upon the continental model, and present to the world
a picture of sombre seriousness, are asking us to change our
[8]
national character. Cromwell asked the painter to paint him,
"warts and all." Bairnsfather sketches us—smiles and all. And
who would take the smiles off the "dials" of the figures you will
see on the pages that follow?
Where to Live—[ADVT.]
![Where to Live—[ADVT.]](images/illus009.jpg "Where to Live—[ADVT.]")
IN ONE OF THE CHOICEST LOCALITIES OF
NORTHERN FRANCE.
TO BE LET (three minutes from German trenches), this attractive and
WELL-BUILT DUG-OUT,
containing one reception-kitchen-bedroom and UP-TO-DATE FUNK
HOLE (4ft. by 6ft.), all modern inconveniences, including gas and water.
This desirable Residence stands one foot above water level, commanding an
excellent view of the enemy trenches.
EXCELLENT SHOOTING (SNIPE AND DUCK).
—Particulars of the late Tenant, Room 6, Base Hospital, Bonlog c.
[9]
"Where did that one go to?"
[10]
[11]
That Evening Star-shell.
"Oh, star of eve, whose tender beam
Falls on my spirit's troubled dream."
—
Wolfram's Aria in "Tannhäuser."
[12]
"They've evidently seen me."
[13]
Situation Shortly Vacant.
In an old-fashioned house in France an opening will shortly occur for a
young man, with good prospects of getting a rise.
[14]
The Tactless Teuton.
A member of the Gravediggers' Corps joking with a private in the Orphans'
Battalion, prior to a frontal attack.
[15]
"Well, if you knows of a better 'ole, go to it."
[16]
A Proposal in Flanders.
The point of Jean's pitchfork awakens a sense of duty in a mine that
shirked.
[17]
No Possible Doubt Whatever.
Sentry: "'Alt! Who goes there?"
He of the Bundle: "You shut yer —— mouth, or I'll —— come
and knock yer —— head off!"
Sentry: "Pass, friend!"
[18]
"Gott strafe this barbed wire."
[19]
So Obvious.
The Young and Talkative One: "Who made that 'ole?"
The Fed-up One: "Mice."
[20]
The Fatalist.
I'm sure they'll 'ear this damn thing squeakin'."
[21]
A Maxim Maxim.
"Fire should be withheld till a favourable target presents itself."
[22]
Our Adaptable Armies.
Private Jones (late "Zogitoff," the comedy
wire artist) appreciably reduces the quantity
of hate per yard of frontage.
[23]
A.D. Nineteen Fifty.
"I see the War Babies' Battalion is a coming out."
[24]
Frustrated Ingenuity.
Owing to dawn breaking sooner than he anticipated, that inventive fellow,
Private Jones, has a trying time with his latest creation, "The Little
Plugstreet," the sniper's friend.
[25]
Keeping His Hand In.
Private Smith, the company bomber, formerly "Shinio," the popular
juggler, frequently causes considerable anxiety to his platoon.
[26]
"—— —— these —— —— rations."
[27]
Dear ——
"At present we are staying at a farm. . ."
[28]
The Eternal Question.
"When the 'ell is it goin' to be strawberry?"
[29]
Directing the Way at the Front.
"Yer knows the dead 'orse 'cross the road? Well, keep straight on till yer
comes to a p'rambulator 'longside a Johnson 'ole."
[30]
The Late Comer.
"Where 'ave you been? 'Avin' your
bloomin' fortune told?"
[31]
The Innocent Abroad.
Out since Mons: "Well, what sort of a night 'ave yer 'ad?"
Novice (but persistent optimist): "Oh, alright. 'Ad to get out and rest
a bit now and again."
[32]
"There goes our blinkin' parapet again."
[33]
By one who's been "Pushed."
[34]
"The Spirit of our Troops is Excellent."
[35]
The Things that Matter.
Scene: Loos, during the September offensive.
Colonel Fitz-Shrapnel receives the following message from "G. H. Q.":—
"Please
let us know, as soon as possible, the number of tins of raspberry
jam issued to you last Friday."
[36]
The Soldier's Dream.
A "Bitter" disappointment on waking.
[37]
The Thirst for Reprisals.
"'And me a rifle, someone. I'll give these ——s 'ell for this!"
[38]
The Ideal and the Real.
What we should like to see at our billets—and
(inset) what we do see.
[39]
"Watch me make a fire-bucket of 'is 'elmet."
[40]
"That 16-inch Sensation."
[41]
That Sword.
How he thought he was going to use it——
[42]
——and how he did use it.
What It Really Feels Like.
To be on patrol duty at night-time.
[43]
[44]
"My dream for years to come."
[45]
Coiffure in the Trenches.
"Keep yer 'ead still, or I'll 'ave yer blinkin' ear off."
[46]
Another Maxim Maxim.
"Machine guns form a valuable support for infantry."
[47]
Our Democratic Army.
Member of Navvies' Battalion (to Colonel): "I say, yer mate's dropped
'is cane."
[48]
[49]
Never Again!
"In future I snipe from the ground."
[50]
Thoroughness.
"What time shall I call you in the morning, sir?"
(Colonel Chutney, V.C., home on short leave, decides to keep in touch with
dug-out life.)
[51]
That Hat.
"Pop out and get it, Bert."
"Pop out yerself."
[52]
Springtime in Flanders.
"Personally, I think this is just what you want
for laying your eggs in, but, as Bairnsfather says,
'If you knows of a better 'ole, go to it.'"
[53]
The Dud Shell—Or the Fuse-Top Collector.
"Give it a good 'ard 'un, Bert; you can generally 'ear 'em fizzing a bit first
if they are a-goin' to explode."
[54]
"What's all this about unmarried men?"
[55]
The Historical Touch.
"Well, Alfred, 'ow are the cakes?"
[56]
His Initiation.
No. 99988 Private Blobs (on sentry-go) feels that he has at last stumbled across the true explanation of that
somewhat cryptic expression, "There'll be dirty work at the cross-roads to-night!"
[57]
When One Would Like to Start an Offensive on One's Own.
Recipe for Feeling Like This
—Bully, biscuits, no coke, and leave just
cancelled.
[58]
Trouble With One of the Souvenirs.
"'Old these a minute while I takes that blinkin' smile off 'is dial."
[59]
The Conscientious Exhilarator.
"
Every encouragement should be given for singing and whistling.
"—(Extract
from a "Military Manual.")
That painstaking fellow, Lieut. Orpheus, does his best, but finds it uphill
work at times.
[60]
The Nest.
"'Ere, when you're finished, I'll borrow that there top note of yours to clean
the knives with."
[61]
Those Superstitions.
Private Sandy McNab cheers the assembly by pointing out (with the aid of his pocket almanac) that it is
Friday the 13th and that their number is one too many.
[62]
The Professional Touch.
"Chuck us out that bag o' bombs, mate; it's under your 'ead."
[63]
Happy Memories of the Zoo.
What Time do they Feed the Sea-Lions, Alf?"
[64]
Observation.
"'Ave a squint through these 'ere, Bill; you can see one of the ——'s
eatin' a sausage as clear as anythin'."
[65]
Immediate and Important!
Never has Private Smith's face felt so large and smooth as when he hands
his Captain the following message at what he feels is an unsuitable moment:
"The G.O.C. notices with regret the tendency of all ranks to shave the upper
lip. This practice must cease forthwith."
[66]
The Decline of Poetry and Romance in War.
[67]
His Dual Obsession.
Owing to the frequent recurrence of this dream, Herr Fritz von Lagershifter
has decided to take his friends' advice: Give up sausage late at night and
brood less upon the possible size of the British Army next spring.
[68]
The Communication Trench.
Problem
—Whether to walk along the top and risk it, or do another mile
of this.
[69]
Letting Himself Down.
Having omitted to remove the elastic band prior to descent, Herr Franz von
Flopp feels that the trial exhibition of his new parachute is a failure.
[70]
Old Saws and New Meanings——By Bairnsfather.
There is certainly a lot of truth in that Napoleonic maxim, "An army moves on its stomach."
[71]
Nobbled.
"'Ow long are you up for, Bill?"
"Seven years."
"Yer lucky ——, I'm duration."
[72]
The Intelligence Department.
"Is this 'ere the Warwicks?"
"Nao. 'Indenburg's blinkin' Light Infantry."
[73]
Valuable Fragment from Flanders: It All Comes to This in Time.
"This interesting fragment, found near Ypres (known to the ancients as
Wipers), throws a light on a subject which has long puzzled science, i.e.,
what was the origin and meaning of those immense zigzag slots in the ground
stretching from Ostend to Belfort? There is no doubt that there was some
inter-tribal war on at this period."—
Extract from
"
The Bystander
,"
a.d.
4916.
[74]
In Nineteen Something: General Sir Ian Jelloid at Home.
Having picked up this cherished possession for a mere song at a sale near
Verdun, the General has now let his country seat, "Shrapnel Park," and
says he finds the new abode infinitely cheaper, and not a bit draughty, if you
keep the breech closed.
[75]
In and Out (I).
That last half-hour before "going in" to the same trenches for the 200th time.
[76]
In and Out (II).
That first half-hour after "coming out" of those same trenches.
[77]
Pushfulness at Plug Street.
Colonel Ian Jelloid, of the Blobshire Rifles, being an energetic and businesslike
man, believes in advertising as an antidote to stagnant warfare.
[78]
His Secret Sorrow.
"I reckon this bloke must 'ave caught 'is face against some of them forts
at Verdun!"
[79]
The Hard Lines of Communication.
[80]
The New Submarine Danger.
"They'll be torpedoin' us if we stick 'ere much longer, Bill."
[81]
—As it is for most of us.
[82]
A Matter of Moment.
"What was that, Bill?"
"Trench mortar."
"Ours or theirs?"
[83]
The Saint.
That indiscriminating orb, the moon, gives Private Scattergood a saintly
appearance, sadly out of keeping with his thoughts. He's filling 100
sandbags at 11 p.m.
[84]
Those Tubular Trenches.
"Is this right for 'eadquarters?"
"Yes, change at Oxford Circus."
[85]
[86]
Con Moto Perpetuo.
"
Our Bert
" (going on leave—having asked a question, and having listened
to three minutes' unintelligible eloquence): "And 'ow does the chorus go?"
[87]
Real Sympathy.
"I wish you'd get something for that —— cough of yours. That's the second
time you've blown the blinkin' candle out!"
[88]
Entanglements.
"Come on, Bert, it's safer in the trenches."
[89]
"LEAVE."
[90]
There are times when Private Lightfoot feels absolutely convinced that it's going to be a War of Exhaustion.
[91]
Chat on 'Change.
"You owes me two francs and I owes you one that's got into the lining
of me coat; that makes it right, don't it?"
[92]
Every familiar feature of the Film is happily caricatured by Captain Bairnsfather
in his amusing page of pictures. The hero, the heroine (with smile), the
villain, the heavy father, all of the most approved pattern—everything down to
[93]
the meticulous inaccuracy characteristic of the American film in matters of
detail, is shown with the good-natured sarcasm befitting a master of satire as
well as of humour, while the story tells itself with breathless enthusiasm.
The Whip Hand.
Private Mulligatawny (the Australian Stock-whip wonder) frequently causes a lot of bother in the enemy's trenches.
[94]
Christmas Day: How it dawned for many.
[95]
"Under the spreading chestnut tree the village smithy stands."
[96]
Augusts Three.
To each year its type.
[97]
[98]
Overheard in an Orchard.
Said the Apple to the Plum: "Well, anyway, old man, they can never ask us
what we did in the great war!"
[99]
Now that the war has become a world business, we must at any moment
expect the appearance of this sort of thing in our papers.
[100]
The Offensive.
What it looks like—and what it feels like.
[101]
"The Imminent, Deadly Breach."
"Mind you don't fall through the seat of yer trousers, 'Arry!"
[102]
Telepathy.
"Two minds with but a single thought."
[103]
Trouville-sur-Somme.
"Tell 'er to 'op it, Bert. I'm sittin' on a bit o' shell or somethin'."
[104]
Omar the Optimist.
"Here with a loaf of bread beneath the row,
A muttered curse, but ne'er a whine, and thou—
Beside me, singing in the wilderness,
The wilderness is Paradise enow."
[105]
[106]
"Where do yer want this put, Sargint?"
Coming to the Point.
"Let's 'ave this pin of yours a minute. I'll soon 'ave these winkles out of 'ere."
[107]
A Castle in the Air.
"A few more, Bert, and that there château won't be worth livin' in."
[108]
The Freedom of the Seas.
"I wish they'd 'old this war in England—don't you, Bill?" (No answer.)
[109]
In Dixie-Land.
"Well, Friday—'ow's Crusoe?"
[110]
Alas! Poor Herr Von Yorick!
Fricourt—July, 1916.
[111]
Those Signals.
THE VIGILANT ONE: "I say, old chap, what does two green lights and
one red one mean?"
RECUMBENT GLADIATOR (just back from leave): "Two crêmes de
menthe and a cherry brandy!"
[112]
His Christmas Goose.
"You wait till I comes off dooty!"
[113]
Urgent.
"Quick, afore this comes down!"
[114]
Helmets, Shrapnel, One.
[115]
The Candid Friend.
"Well, yer know, I like the photo of you in your gas mask best."
[116]
The Long and the Short of It.
Up Last Draft
: "I suppose you 'as to be careful 'ow you looks over the
parapet about 'ere."
Out since Mons
: "You needn't worry, me lad; the rats are going to be
your only trouble."
[117]
"Old Moore" at the Front.
"As far as I can make out from this 'ere prophecy-book, Bill, the seventh
year is going to be the worst, and after that every fourteenth!"
[118]
Supra-Normal.
Captain Mills-Bomme's temperature cracks the thermometer on seeing his
recent daring exploits described as "On our right there is nothing to report."
(
He and his battalion had merely occupied three lines of German trenches, and
held them through a storm of heavy Lyddite for forty-eight hours.
)
[119]
Private 9998 Blobs has always thought a machine for imitating the sound of
ration parties (and thus drawing fire) an excellent idea, but simply hates his
evening for working it.
[120]
That "Out Wiring" Sensation.
[121]
Natural History of the War
The Flanders Sea Lion (Leo Maritimus).
"An almost extinct amphibian, first discovered in Flanders during the Winter
of 1914-15. Feeds almost exclusively on Plum and Apple Jam and
Rum. Only savage when the latter is knocked off."
[122]
Things that Irritate.
Private Wm. Jones is not half so annoyed at accidentally falling down the
mine crater as he is at hearing two friends murmuring the first verse of
"Don't go down the mine, Daddy."
[123]
Still Keeping His Hand In.
Private Smith (late Shinio, the popular juggler) appreciably lowers the protective
value of his section's shrapnel helmets by practising his celebrated
plate and basin spinning act.
[124]
Those —— Mouth-Organs.
"Keep away from the 'ive, Bert; 'e's goin' to sting yer!"
[125]
A sensation only to be had at a Base—in other words, a base sensation.
[126]
[127]
Those Raiders at the Seat of War.
"I wish the 'ell you'd put a cork on that blinkin' pin of yours, Bert!"
[128]
Romance, 1917.
"Darling, every potato that I have is yours" (engaged).
[129]
Modern Topography.
"Well, you see, here's the church and there's the post-office."
[130]
"There Was a Young Man of Cologne."
(I've forgotten the rest of the poem, but it's something about "a bomb" and
"If only he'd known.")
[131]
In the Support Trench.
Old Bill has practically decided to get Private Shinio (the ex-comedy-juggler
and hand-balancer) transferred to another platoon.
[132]
It's the Little Things that Worry.
What is so particularly annoying to Private Lovebird is, that he would not
have had this bother with his dug-out if his leave had not been postponed.
[133]
That Periscope Sensation.
"I wonder if I oughtn't to tell the captain about that thing sticking up in the
sea over there."
[134]
At the Brewery Baths.
"You chuck another sardine at me, my lad, and you'll hear from my solicitors."
[135]
A Miner Success.
"They must 'ave 'ad some good news or somethin', Alf; you can 'ear 'em
cheerin' quite plain."
[136]
Birds of Ill Omen.
"There's evidently goin' to be an offensive around 'ere, Bert."
[137]
If Only They'd Make "Old Bill" President of Those Tribunals.
"Well, what's your job, me lad?"
"Making spots for rocking-horses, sir."
"Three months."
"Exemption, sir?"
"Nao, exemption be ——d! Three months' hard!"
[138]
—and their return to earth.
[139]
Down at the Ration Dump.
"Call me a Tank again, my lad, and I'll knock yer —— 'ead off!"
[140]
The Glorious Fifth.
"'Ere, Guy Fawkes—buzz off!"
[141]
When one feels rather in favour of floating a War Loan of one's own.
[142]
This Muddy War.
"These 'ere staff cars do splash a lot, don't they, Bill?" (No answer.)
[143]
Unappetising.
Moments when the Savoy, the Alhambra, and the Piccadilly Grill seem very
far away (the offensive starts in half an hour).
[144]
[145]
[146]
The Tourists, 19..?
"Remember this place, Bert?"
"Yes, it's where we used to chuck the fish to you, ain't it, Bill?"
[147]
Alas! My poor Brother!
(
In this cartoon Captain Bairnsfather refers to the report that the corpses of
German soldiers fallen in battle were utilised in a Corpse-Conversion Factory for
the purpose of providing fats for the Fatherland.
)
[148]
Can-Tank-erous.
"'Ere! Where the 'ell are ye comin' with that Turkish bath o' yours?"
[149]
Curfew.
What particularly annoys Lieutenant Jones, R.F.A. (who thought he could
get a better view from the belfry), is that irritating prediction which keeps
passing through his head, "The curfew shall not ring to-night."
[150]
You will never quite realise how closely we are bound to our French Ally
until you have had the good fortune to travel on one of those "leave" trains—six
a side, windows shut, fifty miles to go, and eighteen hours to do it!
[151]
Getting the Local Colour.
In that rare and elusive period known as "Leave" it is necessary to reconstruct the "Atmosphere" of the front
as far as possible in order to produce the weekly "Fragment."
[152]
The Ghost of Dead Pig Farm—19..?
At midnight, an indignant, husky voice is heard to say: "B—— these blinkin' sandbags."
[153]
George versus Germany.
Should Mr. Robey be at any time called upon to go to the Front, he must be
careful how he does this: "I'm surprised at you, Ludendorff!"
[154]
A Puzzle for Paderewski.
"It's a pity Alf ain't 'ere, Bert; 'e can play the piana wonderful."
[155]
"Substitutes" in the Field.
"I thought you said your uncle was a sending you an umbrella."
[156]
Leave.
Dep.: Paddington 2.15. Arr. Home 4.
[157]
ROLLS-DAIMLER, 1917
.—Four-seated Coupé body (très coupé). Hardly been
used, beautifully finished (almost completely). One dickey seat (
very
dickey),
detachable rims (two already detached). Only driven 10 miles (Albert to
Gommecourt). Excellent shock absorber (has absorbed any amount). In exceptional
condition. £650 (or good bath chair). BARGAIN.—Captain Somepush,
No. 2, Red Cross, Rouen.
Merely a Warning.
To those who may be contemplating picking up a Government car cheaply
after the war. Insist on seeing photograph. Don't be satisfied by just
reading the advertisements.
Transcriber's Notes:
With the three noted exceptions, punctuation anomalies were retained to
match the original drawings. The exceptions are in the books printed
explanations, not in any cartoon.
Page
5
, period added to illustration caption ("Jack Johnson" shell.)
Page
112
, single opening quote changed to double. ("You wait till I)
Page
125
, period added to title of picture to match rest of format (That
Provost-Marshal Feeling.)
Pages
92 and 97
were halves of the same comic. They were reattached to
aid readability.
War
!
