Citt And Bumpkin (1680) by Roger L'Estrange, Introduction By B. J. Rahn A Project Gutenberg eBook

According to discoveries made by Titus Oates in the autumn of 1678, England was threatened by a Roman Catholic conspiracy headed by the Pope and the King of France, whose objectives were: 1) to murder the King, 2) to overthrow the government, and 3) to destroy the Protestant religion. Although Oates was subsequently exposed as a charlatan, in 1678-81 a panic held the nation in an iron grip, and belief in the Plot fostered irrational and reprehensible excesses. The Popish Plot was not so much a religious fraud as a political cause célèbre , the significance of which can be assessed only in the context of the republican movement of the seventeenth century to redistribute power within the state. The conflict which developed between Charles II and the Parliament during the 1670's reflects the struggle for ascendance of two opposing theories of government: absolute versus limited monarchy. Charles, supported by the Tories and the Anglican clergy, was determined to maintain all the hereditary privileges and powers of an English monarch, while the Whig coalition in Parliament, led by the Earl of Shaftesbury, was intent upon subordinating the power of the Crown to the will of Parliament. The Opposition realized almost immediately that in the Popish Plot lay means for furthering their schemes of political reform. Under the guise of counteracting the Plot, they hoped to enact legislation to: 1) increase parliamentary power, 2) limit the prerogatives of the King, 3) control the succession, and 4) curtail the influence of the prelacy. Published in 1680 when the Plot crisis was at its peak, Citt and Bumpkin is one of a series of pamphlets by Sir Roger L'Estrange written to support the policies of Charles II and to defend the government from attacks by the Whig Opposition.

Since James, Duke of York, had given the Whigs every reason to believe that he would oppose their policies vehemently after he came to the throne, they decided to take advantage of the public resentment against him as a Roman Catholic to try to pass a bill in Parliament to exclude him from the succession. James had already been accused of conspiring with the French King to overthrow Protestantism in England and institute Roman Catholicism as the state religion. In addition to reiterating this charge, the [Pg ii] Whigs enlarged upon the awkwardness and danger bound to arise in a Protestant nation with a Roman Catholic ruler. The question of a Popish successor soon came to be the principal concern of Parliament, and the battle over the Exclusion Bill dominated the political scene in 1679-81. While the Exclusion crisis was at its height, Charles II circumvented this plan to deprive the Duke of York of his hereditary title by repeatedly proroguing and dissolving Parliament so that the bill could not be brought to a final vote. This series of adjournments began when Charles dissolved the Parliament soon after the Exclusion Bill was first introduced in the spring of 1679. After a bitterly fought election contest during the summer of 1679, the newly constituted Parliament assembled in October only to be prorogued once again until 26 January 1680. The Whigs were furious and began to fear that the King had no intention of permitting the Parliament to meet even in January. Powerless to act legally out of Parliament, the Whigs realized that a long series of postponements would lead to the defeat of all their carefully drafted legislative plans. To combat Charles' delaying tactics, the Opposition hit upon the expedient of petitioning him to allow Parliament to sit. By a strong demonstration of popular will, they hoped to force the King to comply with their demands.

Under the leadership of Shaftesbury and his followers in the Green Ribbon Club, the Whigs achieved a degree of party organization and efficiency in the autumn and winter of 1679-80 which remained unrivalled during the seventeenth century. [1] While petitions were being printed in London, the country was divided into districts; then petitions were distributed to party agents everywhere who systematically canvassed for signatures. In London, blank petitions were conveniently placed in coffee houses and taverns; pens and inkstands appeared in the Strand and at the Royal Exchange. Since these petitions were designed as instruments to convey the will of the masses, emphasis was placed on collecting large numbers of signatures with scant concern for the political, economic, or social status of the subscribers. According to the Tory historian Roger North, the people were warned by the promoters of the petitions that, if the King were allowed to govern without a Parliament, despotism would inevitably ensue, followed [Pg iii] by a resurgence of Popery. [2] Frightened, and in some cases confused by these formidable predictions and threats, many people (especially in the country) subscribed. After the canvassing had been completed, the petitions were sent to London for presentation to the King.

The petitions themselves were phrased inoffensively enough, stressing the fact that the Popish Plot had created a state of national emergency and requesting that Parliament be called to deal with this danger. The first petition, The Humble Address and Advice of several of the Peeres of this Realm For the Sitting of the Parliament , was presented to the King at Whitehall on 7 December by ten Whig peers. Charles accepted the petition and dismissed them. But he could not dismiss the rumors of countless other petitions in preparation and the unavoidable disturbance such an onslaught would produce. Since the petitions were not promoted through official channels, and since there was evidence that they were designed to create tumult for seditious ends, Charles denounced them as illegal. Moreover, on 11 December the King issued a Royal Proclamation forbidding seditious and tumultuous petitioning. The effects of the Proclamation were twofold. The Tories, who objected to petitioning as a popular movement carried on by men without substance or position, received the Proclamation everywhere as an expression of the King's disapproval, and cited it as an authority to discourage others from promoting and subscribing to petitions. The Whigs, on the other hand, protested that petitioning was the legal right of the subject and resumed their petitioning activities with added vigor.

In order to demonstrate his firm resolve not to be intimidated in the exercise of his prerogative to call and dismiss Parliament, and in order to rob the petitioning movement of its impetus by destroying its immediate objective, Charles issued a second Proclamation on 11 December proroguing Parliament from 26 January to 11 November 1680. Spurred on by the realization that so long a recess would utterly ruin their hopes, the Whigs directed considerable effort toward promoting an official petition from the City of London. [3] Because of the power and prestige of the City, the Whigs felt that such a petition would lend encouragement to [Pg iv] those being prepared in the country. Accordingly, they arranged to present a petition from the City of London for a vote in the Common Council on 20 January. The King deliberately attempted to frustrate the London petition by purging the City Council of disaffected members through enforcement of the Act for Regulating Corporations. This Act disqualified all Dissenters, who usually held Whig principles. Consequently, by the time the petition was brought to a vote, the Tories had gained enough support to defeat the referendum by a small margin. Although this ballot was won in effect only by the votes of the Court of Aldermen, it was accounted a great victory for the Court Party and left the Whigs sorely disappointed.

The peak of petitioning activity occurred during the month of January, and the atmosphere became increasingly more tense as the day approached upon which Parliament was supposed to meet. The week following the Common Council's rejection of the London petition was the most strained. Petitions continued to appear daily, though the King received them with marked disfavor and sharply rebuked the delegates who delivered them. When Monday, 26 January, finally arrived, the air was charged with excitement; everyone crowded to Westminster to see what would happen. But Charles had no intention of capitulating. As soon as the Lords and Commons were assembled, the King addressed them, reaffirming his determination to prorogue them and implying that the recent petitions had served only to strengthen his resolve. The Whigs complained bitterly but offered no open resistance. Charles had won the day and emerged with his prerogative untarnished but not unchallenged. Shortly after this coup , a counter reaction to petitioning set in, and a wave of loyalty gained momentum and found expression in the form of abhorrence addresses which poured in from all over the kingdom condemning the practice of petitioning and professing loyalty to King and Court.

A fortnight after the prorogation of Parliament, just before the tide of abhorrence addresses began to inundate the capital, on 10 February, Narcissus Luttrell (indefatigable collector of Popish Plot ephemera) recorded possession of the most important pamphlet written about petitioning—Sir Roger L'Estrange's Citt and Bumpkin . Whether the date which Luttrell gives represents [Pg v] the day of publication as well as the day of purchase is a matter of conjecture, but his note does establish the fact that the pamphlet was available to the public and in Luttrell's hands by 10 February. Corroboration that the pamphlet was in circulation before the end of February comes also from L'Estrange's bookseller Henry Brome, who first advertised Citt and Bumpkin for sale as already published in a list of pamphlets dated 27 February. On 5 March in the Popish Courant , a companion sheet to The Weekly Pacquet of Advice from Rome , a violently anti-Papist newspaper in which L'Estrange was frequently traduced, Henry Care condemned Citt and Bumpkin in a list of Catholic libels, "All publisht within little more than this fortnight." Although less precise than Luttrell's note, the references by Brome and Care help confirm the hypothesis that Citt and Bumpkin was published by mid-February. Further evidence which helps to define the date of publication occurs within the text of the pamphlet itself. On page 24, L'Estrange mentions Henry Care's History of the Damnable Popish Plot and says it appeared on 26 January. This date in turn is verified by two advertisements for the work in Care's own journal—one on 23 January announcing its impending release, and another on 30 January commenting on its recent publication. Since Citt and Bumpkin obviously appeared after Care's tract was released and before Luttrell's entry was made, it must have been published during the fortnight between 26 January and 10 February.

Citt and Bumpkin was not only the best written pamphlet on petitioning, it was also the most ambitious in scope. Arranging his material artfully, L'Estrange presented it with the wit and skill that demonstrate unequivocably his mastery of the polemic medium. Unlike most other party writers who confined their efforts to a few folio pages, L'Estrange sustained his performance through 38 quarto leaves of readable, entertaining prose. Moreover, his objectives and arguments were much more comprehensive and sophisticated than those of the other pamphleteers engaged in the controversy over petitioning. Most Tory writers treated petitioning as an isolated issue and directed their attack accordingly, failing to relate any of their arguments to each other or to a larger scheme. Many authors attempted to defeat petitioning by identifying the petitions of 1680 with those of the 1640's leading up to the Civil [Pg vi] War. In addition, some insisted that petitioning was illegal and defended the Proclamation against it, while others tried to discredit the organizers and promoters of petitions as disaffected persons motivated by hopes of preferment and profit. At the same time, they launched a collateral attack upon those members of Parliament who actively encouraged petitioning. There was even a general indictment of Parliament as a whole, suggesting that it intended to usurp the King's prerogatives and take sovereignty upon itself. But there was no definite, direct statement that a plot led by the petition managers was actually underway to subvert the government. In Citt and Bumpkin L'Estrange accused the republicans and Dissenters of actively promoting a Protestant Plot more insidious than the Popish Plot but with identical goals: 1) to kill the King, 2) to undermine the government, and 3) to destroy the established Church of England. Throughout the pamphlet, which is an exposé of this alleged conspiracy, L'Estrange supplied a great deal of specific factual detail upholding his claims. His objective was not merely to discredit petitioning, but to lessen belief in the Popish Plot and to launch a counterattack against the enemies of the Court. By indicating that petitioning was not an end in itself but an integral part of a larger plan, L'Estrange managed to censure petitioning per se , to increase its odium by linking it with the greater disaster of rebellion and civil war, and yet to preserve a sense of proportion by directing the brunt of his attack against the Protestant Plot as a whole.

Although it is cast in the form of an ironic dialogue, Citt and Bumpkin has much in common with a dramatic skit. L'Estrange sketches the setting, develops the characterization, provides realistic conversation, and builds dramatic tension to a climax (or turning point in the action), which is followed by a falling off of tension or dénouement . As if to make the reading of parts easier, the speeches of the characters are set in different type faces. L'Estrange even provides stage directions and indicates action in the speeches of the characters. Like many dramas, Citt and Bumpkin begins in medias res and draws the reader immediately into the action. In a very natural fashion, the subject of the conversation is defined and the scene is set within the first four lines. The sense of setting is never destroyed, for L'Estrange unobtrusively [Pg vii] sustains it by occasional specific but natural references to it in the course of the conversation.

The dialogue between Citt and Bumpkin takes place during a casual encounter in a tavern, where the two fall to discussing religion and politics over a cup of ale. As their names suggest, Citt and Bumpkin represent a sophisticated London citizen and a naive country bumpkin. While they are not fully realized dramatic characters, neither are they mere bloodless stick figures. During the course of their conversation, they reveal information about their personalities, their social and economic status, their political affiliations, their religious sympathies, their moral values, and their occupations. One learns from Citt that he is an ex-felon who is employed as a party agent by a political organization plotting to overthrow the government and undermine the Church of England. Motivated only by ambition and avarice, Citt is a completely immoral man who openly endorses a policy of expediency, and who condones any act—no matter how evil—because he believes that the end always justifies the means. As befits a partner in crime, Bumpkin is Citt's Doppelgänger in many ways. The essential differences are those of experience and intelligence. Bumpkin is only slightly less immoral and unscrupulous than Citt, but he is just as hypocritical, lawless, and untruthful. As the two discuss how they promoted petitions in the city and the country, Citt and Bumpkin admit to all sorts of treacherous and Fraudulent practices. In addition, they reveal the goals, the methods, the leaders, the strength, and the immorality of the Protestant Plot. Ironically, they unintentionally expose themselves and the Plot to the reader's censure; for, although the characters seem to be oblivious to the immorality of their behavior, the reader is not so insensitive. The reader contrasts their ethics and conduct with ideal values, rejects their code as immoral, and carries his judgment of the characters over into the real world to condemn the petitioners as republican plotters.

To reinforce this ironic self-indictment by Citt and Bumpkin, L'Estrange introduces a third character, Trueman, who enters like a deus ex machina to represent the abstract forces of truth, justice, and morality—albeit with a Tory bias. Because he functions as an abstract symbol in contrast with Citt and Bumpkin, who [Pg viii] are very much of this world, Trueman has a personality uncomplicated by any psychological subtleties or idiosyncrasies which would emphasize his humanity. The entrance of Trueman may well be regarded as the climax of this little drama, for the plot unfolds gradually and dramatic tension builds to the point of his intrusion, when the course of action is interrupted and diverted in another direction by his arguments. Taking up the topics previously discussed by Citt and Bumpkin while he was concealed in a nearby closet, Trueman confronts them with their confessed treachery, denounces their chicanery and folly, and refutes their political views with Tory arguments. The fact that Trueman symbolizes extrahuman moral forces lends authority to his defense of absolute monarchy and the established Church.

Couched in an authentic colloquial style, the dialogue between Citt and Bumpkin progresses in an entirely natural, credible manner. Their conversation is animated, colorful, humorous, informative, and purposeful. The direction of the conversation is logically dictated by its substance; there is nothing artificial, contrived, or foreordained about it. The interaction of personality is reflected in the verbal exchange. As in a play, the development of the action depends upon each character's immediate and genuine response to the statements made by the other dramatis personae . Again, as in the theater, dramatic tension is created as the plot unfolds and the reader waits to see what will happen next. Except for one passage of extended quotation (pp. 32-33), the dramatic realism is sustained effortlessly.

Although Citt and Bumpkin was the first of L'Estrange's Popish Plot pamphlets written in dialogue, he was thoroughly familiar with the form and had often employed it in his polemic skirmishes during the Civil War. In fact, L'Estrange found the genre so congenial that he chose to write his famous newspaper The Observator (1681-87) in dialogue. This literary device, employed by hack writers, controversialists, and eminent littérateurs , was extremely popular in England between 1660 and 1700 and was used to conspicuous advantage for discussing issues of momentary importance as well as serious philosophical questions. According to Eugene R. Purpus in his study of the "Dialogue in English Literature, 1660-1725," few other literary forms had such universal [Pg ix] and continual appeal. [4] In an age when the drama was the reigning literary fashion, the dialogue naturally enough had a concomitant vogue. Its popularity is attested to by the large number of dialoguists as well as by the bulk of their writing. As Purpus notes, party writers quickly discovered that this genre was an excellent vehicle for presenting highly controversial ideas and forceful arguments.

During the Restoration, there were no rigid conventions governing the genre, and any work passed as a dialogue which represented a conversation between two or more persons or which was organized in a question-and-answer manner. [5] Frequently, dialogues resembled an interrogation or a catechism rather than natural discourse between real human beings. Often writers of such artificial dialogues abandoned any attempt at characterization or conversational verisimilitude, merely substituting "Q." and "A." to indicate a series of queries and responses. Sometimes authors identified the speakers with proper names but made no effort at actual characterization. Concern for dramatic realism varied from writer to writer; and all too often, improbable puppet-like creatures were represented in illogical, unbelievable, and contrived conversations. The artistic integrity of a successful dialogue, however, lies in the dramatic exchange of differing points of view or the interplay of opposing arguments in realistic conversation between credible characters with clearly differentiated personalities.

The stilted, artificial quality of some dialogues is in part attributable to the fact that many writers turned to the genre as a facile means of expressing a particular point of view. [6] As Purpus observes, the inherent dramatic quality of the form is lost if: 1) the writer substitutes invective, prejudice, and railing for realistic conversation, and/or 2) the author obviously contrives the dialogue merely to reflect his particular bias on a given question. On the other hand, although some writers used the form as a convenient frame on which to display their opinions, other writers erred by including too much dramatic machinery. Dialogues of this sort almost became short dramas.

No matter what the content or objective purpose of dialogues, however, they were uniformly written in what became known after [Pg x] the Restoration as the "plain, easy, and familiar" style. [7] Sentences were more conveniently broken up than heretofore, and there was increased lightness of tone. Though there was still a great deal of invective, Hugh Macdonald notes in "Banter in English Controversial Prose after the Restoration," that banter became prominent in the literature of disputation after 1660. On the other hand, "No one would expect to find a clear-cut division between banter, satire, sarcasm, burlesque, and abuse in every passage of a book written in the seventeenth century." [8] As Mr. Macdonald states, it is largely a question of emphasis. Employing a great deal of banter, Marvell reintroduced a tradition forgotten since the Marprelate tracts—that of treating a grave subject lightly yet with serious intention of reinforcing the argument. Restoration polemicists, with L'Estrange in the vanguard, quickly realized the advantages of this technique and claimed it as their own.

Citt and Bumpkin survives close scrutiny according to the critical criteria for evaluating dialogues suggested by Purpus and Macdonald. Although L'Estrange does use the genre for a specific controversial end, he does not lapse into a barren question-and-answer type of organization nor into that of an artificial didactic catechism. While he sketches a setting, develops characterization, and creates believable conversation, L'Estrange does not err in the direction of over-dramatization either. He provides all the requisite machinery to support the dramatic realism necessary in a successful dialogue, but he goes no further. Throughout Citt and Bumpkin , L'Estrange maintains the appropriate "plain, easy and familiar" style. The sentence structure is simple, and clauses are well punctuated. Abounding with colloquial expressions, contractions, and slang, the vocabulary is common and especially suited to the low characters. A bantering tone predominates, accompanied by passages employing irony, satire, and invective. There is not enough invective, however, to destroy the mood. If L'Estrange's Tory bias is perfectly evident, it is not aggressive enough to prevent the accomplishment of his polemic objectives. Although the republican political theories of the Whigs are attacked satirically in the first part of Citt and Bumpkin , they are stated and refuted in proper controversial style in the final pages of the pamphlet. On the whole, Citt and Bumpkin conforms to the [Pg xi] conventions of a successful dialogue; where it does not, the infringements are not great enough to destroy its artistic integrity.

Citt and Bumpkin's popularity was indisputable. Of all the pamphlets about petitioning, it was by far the most widely read. It went into four editions by June 1680 and a fifth in 1681. Although there were no substantive changes in the various editions, the type was reset each time, so implying a continuing demand for the pamphlet. Indeed, the contemporary response was so overwhelming that within six weeks L'Estrange wrote a sequel entitled, Citt and Bumpkin, The Second Part; Or, A Learned Discourse upon Swearing and Lying . In addition, there were many references in the Whig press denigrating L'Estrange and his pamphlet; derogatory remarks appeared in newspapers, ballads, and poems. In particular, three pamphlets were issued, replying directly to Citt and Bumpkin and attacking L'Estrange personally. The first and most considerable of these rejoinders appeared on 16 March, a month after the publication of Citt and Bumpkin , when its effect was being fully realized and the need felt to combat it.

A Dialogue Between Tom and Dick Over a Dish of Coffee Concerning Matters of Religion and Government , issued also as Crack-fart and Tony; Or, Knave and Fool , [9] is a parody following closely the format and arguments of Citt and Bumpkin . Having appropriated the framework employed by L'Estrange, the author of Tom and Dick adjusted it by a series of simple substitutions from an attack on the Protestant Plot, Dissenters, Schism, and republicans, to an assault on the Popish Plot, Papists, Roman Catholicism, and loyalists. The parallels in setting and characterization are established immediately, when Tom and Dick meet in a coffee house and agree to hold a conversation in which Tom will speak, write, invent, and hold forth as Citt had done, while Dick will hear, believe, and speak in his turn (but to little purpose) like Bumpkin. The parody breaks down, however, when one compares Trueman with Goodman, who endorses Trueman's arguments rather than misrepresenting or opposing them. Nor does Goodman observe Trueman's scrupulous care in replying to all the issues raised by the other two characters. Throughout the dialogue, the author manages to maintain dramatic realism and to sustain a mock-serious tone in the absurd-but-credible verbal exchange between his two buffoons. [Pg xii]

The second rebuttal was released three months later on 14 June. Signed E. P. (possibly Edward Phillips), The Dialogue Betwixt Cit and Bumpkin Answered replies not only to Citt and Bumpkin , but reflects upon several other polemic tracts by L'Estrange, and attacks him ad hominem from beginning to end. A long prefatory letter discussing the powers and privileges of city corporations and the faults of L'Estrange's Popery in Masquerade precedes the dialogue, which preserves the same general format and style of its target. The roles of the characters are only roughly analogous, however, and the development of the argument is retarded and obscured by the abuse of L'Estrange. All too often, the argument is neither pertinent nor incisive. Unfortunately, E. P. lacks all the vitality, wit, and imagination of his polemic adversary. Incensed by E. P.'s scurrility, L'Estrange replied within three days to all of his charges in A Short Answer to a Whole Litter of Libels .

Although it does not appear in Luttrell's Popish Plot Catalogues , the third reply to Citt and Bumpkin , Crack upon Crack: Or, Crack-Fart Whipt with his own Rod, by Citt and Bumpkin , can be dated approximately upon the basis of internal evidence. References to L'Estrange's flight to escape a sham plot against him in October, 1680, imply a late autumn publication date. Purporting to answer both parts of Citt and Bumpkin , this pamphlet does not deal with any of the arguments raised in either work. The author abandons any attempt at parody, and instead borrows details of setting from the popular Letter from Legorn pamphlets which appeared that year. The characters pursue the absconded Trueman ( i.e. , L'Estrange) aboard a Mahometan ( i.e. , Papist) ship and lure him ashore in order to seek revenge for their recent humiliation at his hands. The dialogue contains four pages of unimaginative abuse of Trueman which culminates in his drubbing by Citt and Bumpkin. Largely scatological, this uninspired attack upon L'Estrange does not strike a single telling blow against Citt and Bumpkin .

In fact, Citt and Bumpkin enjoyed unqualified success despite the best efforts of its various detractors. And its popularity was well deserved. Appearing just when the unrest over petitioning was at its height, Citt and Bumpkin captured the interest and imagination of the public with its cogent argument and witty satire. [Pg xiii]

NOTES

Text

The text of Citt and Bumpkin here reprinted is the copy in the William Andrews Clark Memorial Library.

CITT

BUMPKIN.

DIALOGUE

A Pot of Ale,

MATTERS

RELIGION

GOVERNMENT.

Citt and Bumkin ,

In a DIALOGUE, &c.

Citt. So that you would know, First , how we manag'd the Petition ; and Secondly , how it came to miscarry .

Bum. Those are the two Points , Citt, but first take off your Pot, and then tell your Story; you shall have mine afterward .

Citt. There was no way, you must know, to carry the business clear, without getting a Vote of Common-Council for the Petition ; and so making it an Act of the City : And in order to this End, we planted our Committees every where up and down, from Algate to Temple-barr , at convenient distances; some few of them in Taverns but most at Coffee-houses ; as less liable to suspition. Now we did not call these Meetings , Committees , but Clubs ; and there we had all Freedom both for Privacy and Debate : while the Borough of Southwark , Westminster , and the Suburbs , proceeded according to our Method.

Citt. Their Commission was to procure Subscriptions , to justify the Right of Petitioning , and to gain Intelligence : And then every Committee had one man at least in it that wrote short-hand .

Citt. It was his part to go smoking up and down from One Company to another, to see who was for us, and who against us: and to take Notes of what people said of the Plot , or of the Kings Witnesses , or against this way of Petitioning .

Citt. For that, let me tell you, we had two Grand Committees , that adjourn'd from place to place, as they saw occasion: But they met most commonly at Two Coffee-houses ; the One near Guild-Hall , the Other in the Strand ; for you must take notice that we went on, hand in hand with our Neighbours in the Main Design . [Pg 2]

Citt. These two Grand Committees , I tell you, nominated and appointed the Sub-Committees , gave them their Orders , and received their Reports : It was their Office moreover to digest Discoveries , and Informations ; to instruct Articles , improve Accusations , manage Controversies , defray the charge of Intelligencers , and Gatherers of hands , to dispose of Collections ; to influence the Anglicus 's and Domesticks , and fortify those that were weak in the Faith; to furnish matter sometimes for Narratives .——

Citt. They are only Strange Storys ; as that of the Dragon in Essex ; Earth-quakes , Sights in the Air , Prodigies , and the like.

Bum. One would think it should not be worth their while, to busy their heads about such Fooleries as these.

Citt. Now this is thy simplicity Bumpkin , for there is not any thing that moves the hearts of the People so effectually toward the Work of the Lord , especially when the Narrative carries some Historical Remarque in the Tayl of it: As for the purpose, this or that happen'd in such a Kings Reign, and soon after such and such troubles befell the Church and State : such a Civil War , such or such a Persecution , or Invasion follow'd upon it. When the People perceive once that the Lord hath declared himself against the Nation, in these tokens of his Displeasure, the Multitude seldom fail of helping the Judgment forward.

Bum. I don't know what ye call your Committees, but Our Gentry had their Meetings too; and there was a great Lord or two among 'um that shall be Nameless .

Citt. We could shew you othergates Lords among Us , I'le assure you, then any you have; but let that passe.

Bum. You told me that your Committees were to procure Subscriptions; we were hard put to't, I'm sure, in the Country to get Hands.

Citt. And so were we in the City Bumpkin ; and if it had not been to advance the Protestant Interest , I'de have been torn to pieces by wild Horses, before I'de have done what I did. But extraordinary Cases must have extraordinary allowances . There was hardly a Register about the Town that scap'd us for Names : Bedlam , Bridewell , all the Parish-books , nay the very Goals , and [Pg 3] Hospitalls ; we had our Agents at all Publick Meetings , Court , Church , Change , all the Schools up and down; Masters underwrit for their Children , and Servants , Women for their Husbands in the West-Indies , nay we prevail'd upon some Parsons , to engage for their whole Congregations ; we took in Jack Straw , Wat Tyler , and the whole Legend of Poor Robins Saints into our List of Petitioners ; and the same Names serv'd us in four or five several places . And where's the hurt of all this now? So long as the Cause it self is Righteous.

Bum. Nay, the thing was well enough Citt, if we could but have gone through with it: And you shall see now that we were put to our shifts in the Country, as well as you in the City. I was employ'd you must know, to get Names at four shillings a Hundred, and I had all my Real Subscriptions written at such a distance, one from another, that I could easily clap in a Name or two betwixt 'um; and then I got as many School-boys as I could, to underwrite after the same manner, and after this, fill'd up all those spaces with Names that I either Remember'd, or Invented my self, or could get out of two or three Christning-books. There are a World (ye know) of Smiths, Browns, Clarks, Walkers, Woods, so that I furnish'd my Catalogue with a matter of Fifty a piece of these Sir-names , which I Christen'd my self. And besides, we had all the Non-conformist Ministers in the Country for us, and they brought in a power of hands .

Citt. What do you talk of your Non-conformists ? They do but work Journey-work to Ours . We have the Heads of all the Protestant Dissenters in the Nation here in this Town, why, we have more Religions , Bumpkin , in this City , then you have People in your whole Country .

Bum. Ay, and 'tis a great blessing too, that when Professors are at so mighty Variance among themselves , there should be so wonderfull an Agreement in the Common Cause.

Citt. And that's notably observ'd, Bumkin ; for so we found it here. The Presbyterian got hands of His Party ; the Independent of His ; the Baptist of His ; the Fifth-Monarchy man of His ; and so throughout all our Divisions: and we had still the most zealous man in His way, to gather the Subscriptions : And when they had completed their Roll , they discharg'd themselves as Naturally into the Grand Committee , as Rivers into the Sea . And then we were sure of all the Republicans .

Bum. But after all this Care and Industry , how was it possible for the business to Miscarry?

Citt. Why I know 'tis laid in our dish, that when we had set [Pg 4] the whole Kingdome agogg upon Petitioning , our hearts would not serve us to go through stitch, and so we drew our own necks out of the Collar, and left the Countries in the Lurch.

Bum. Nay that's the Truth on't, Citt ; We stood all gaping for London to lead the way .

Citt. The great work that we look't upon was the gaining of a well-affected Common-Council ; which we secur'd upon the Election , with all the skill, and watchfullness imaginable.

Citt. Why we had no more to do, then to mark those that we knew were not for our turns, either as Courtiers , or Loose-livers , or half-Protestants , and their business was done.

Bum. We went the same way to work too in the Country , at all our Elections; for it is a Lawfull Policy, you know, to lessen the Reputation of an Enemy .

Citt. Nay we went further still; and set a Report a foot upon the Exchange , and all the Coffee-houses and Publique Houses thereabouts, which held from Change-time , till the very Rising of the Common-Councill , when the Petition was laid aside ; that past so currant, that no mortall doubted the Truth on't.

Citt. It was this, that the King had sent a Message to the City to let them understand that he took notice how much they stood affected to the Petition; that he expected they would proceed upon it; and that his Majesty was ready to give them a gracious Answer.

Bum. Well thou'rt a heavenly man , Citt! but come to the Miscarriage it self .

Citt. After as Hopefull a Choice as ever was made, we procur'd a Common-Councill : where the Petition was put to the Vote , and it was carry'd in the Commons by two Voyces , for the presenting it, and by Fourteen , or Fifteen Votes in the Court of Aldermen , on the Negative .

Bum. So that your Damn'd Aldermen , and our Damn'd Justices, have ruin'd us both in City and Country.

Citt. Hang'um, they are most of them Church-Papists ; but we should have dealt well enough with them , if it had not been for [Pg 5] that confounded Act for Regulating Corporations .

Citt. Take notice then that this Devillish Statute has provided, that no man shall serve as a Common-Councell man, but upon condition of taking three Oaths, and subscribing one Declaration, therein mention'd; and having taken the Sacrament of the Lords Supper, according to the Rites of the Church of England, within one year next before his Election . Now it so fell out, that what with this Act , and a Court-Letter for putting it in Execution , a matter of thirty of our Friends were put by , as not duly qualify'd; And upon this Pinch we lost it. Nay let me tell ye as a friend, there were at least twenty or thirty of the rest too, that would hardly have past Muster.

Citt. Why I am now in my Element, Bumkin ; for thou know'st my Education has been toward the Law.

Bum. This was a Plaguy jobb , Citt, but we must look better to our Hitts next bout .

Citt. Nay my life for thine we'll have another touch for't yet. But tell me in short; how came you off with your Petition in the Country ?

Bum. It went on for a good while prettily well at the Quarter-Sessions; till at last one Cross-grain'd Curr there upon the Bench claw'd us all away to the Devill, and got an Order of Court against it, while you would say what's this .

Bum. Oh there was a great deal of stuff on't; the King, and the Judges (he said) had declared it to be Seditious, and so they were to take it. That they sat there to keep the Kings Peace, not to countenance the Breaking of it; and then (says he) these fellows don't know what they would have . One Petitions for Chalk, and Another for Cheese; the Petition was at first for the meeting of the Parliament; and then they came to Twit the King with his Coronation-Oath, and then , Delinquents must be brought to Punishment; and then the Parliament was to Sit as long as they pleas'd, and at last, every man must be mark'd for a Common Enemy that would not Subscribe it. So that first they would have the Parliament Sit; and then they'd cut 'um out their work; and in fine, it was little other then a Petition against those that would not Petition. He said there were Ill practices in the getting of hands, and so they threw out [Pg 6] the Petition, and order'd an Enquiry into the Abuses.

Bum. I had need of Patience I'm sure, for they're Examining the Hands allready, as hard as they can drive; You'l see me in the Gazette next Thursday, as sure as a Gun .

Citt. Pre'thee what art affraid of? There's no Treason in getting hands to a Petition man.

Bum. No, that's true; but I have put in such a Lurry of Dog-Rogues; they cry they're defam'd, with a Pox , they'le have their remedy; and they make such a Bawling .

Citt. Come, come, set thy heart at rest: and know that in this City th'art in the very Sanctuary of the Well-affected . But 'tis good however to prepare for the worst , and the best (as they say) will help its self . But art thou really afraid of being taken ?

Bum. And so would you be too, if you were in my condition, without a penny, or a friend in the world to help ye .

Citt. Thou art two great Owls, Bumkin , in a very few words. First , thou hast great friends and do'st not know on't , and Secondly thou do'st not understand the Blessing , of having neither Friends , nor Money . In one word, I'll see thee provided for; and in the mean time, give me thy answer to a few questions.

I make no doubt but they that put thee into this Trust , and Employment of helping on the Petition , are men of Estate , and men well-inclin'd to the Publique Cause .

Bum. O, their Landlords and Masters are men of huge Estates; but 'tis the Tenants, and the Stewards that I have to do withall. But then (do you mark me) those people are all in all with their Masters.

Citt. I suppose you may be known to the Landlords and Masters themselves too. Do they ever take any notice of you?

Bum. Yes, yes; I go often to their Houses man, and they speak mighty kindly to me; and there's nothing but Honest Obadiah, and Good Obadiah at every turn; and then the Men take me into the Kitchin, or into the Cellar, or so. And let me tell you Citt, if it had not been for them once, I had been plaguyly paid off in the Spirituall Court upon a certain Occasion .

Citt. That's a very good sign of Affection to the Cause , as I told thee: and it would be never the worse if they were under a [Pg 7] Cloud at Court ; for an Honest Revenge , ye know goes a great way with a tender Conscience .

Citt. They never speak any thing to you in private, do they? As of Grievances , (I mean) Religion, the Liberty of the Subject , and such like?

Bum. No, no, but they talk as other people do, of the Plot, and the Jesuits, and Popery, and the French King, and so .

Citt. And what is the reason now, do ye think, that you are not receiv'd into their Bed-Chambers , their Closets , into their Arms , and into their very Hearts , as well as some other people as we know?

Bum. Alas! what should they do with me? I'm not a man fit to keep them Company.

Citt. Why then Honest Bumpkin , here's a Golden Sentence for thee; Be Taken, Sifted, Imprison'd, Pillory'd , and stand true to thy Principles , and th'art company for the best Lord in Christendom . They'l never dare to trust thee till th' art Jayl and Pillory-proof ; and the bringing of thee into a Jayl would be a greater kindness, then the fetching of Another man Out .

Bum. Prethee Cit, tell me one thing by the way, hast thou ever made Tryal of this Experiment thy self?

Citt. To tell thee as a friend, I have try'd it, and I'm the best part of a thousand pound the better for't. 'Tis certainly the high way to preferment.

Citt. And that's because th' art an arrant buzzard; the Lord deliver me from a fellow that has neither Mony , nor Friends , and yet's afraid of being Taken . Why 'tis the very making of many a mans Fortune to be Taken . How many men are there that give mony to be Taken, and make a Trade on't; Nay happy is the man that can but get any body to Take him. Why I tell ye, there are people that will quarrel for't, and make Friends to be Taken . 'Tis a common thing in Paris , for a man in One six Months , to start out of a Friendless , and Monyless condition, into an Equipage of Lacquays and Coaches ; and all this by nicking the blessed Opportunities of being discreetly Taken .

Bum. I have heard indeed of a man that set fire to one Old House, [Pg 8] and got as much Mony by a Brief for't, as built him two New ones.

Citt. Have not I my self heard it cast in a fellows Teeth, I was the making of you , Sirrah, though y' are so high now a body must not speak to you: You had never been Taken and clapt up, Sirrah, but for me .

Citt. Now put the case Bumpkin , that you were Taken, Examin'd and Committed , provided you stand to your Tackle , y'are a Made man already; but if you shrink in the wetting , y'are lost.

Citt. You must be sure to keep your self upon a Guard, when y'are before the Justice ; and not to be either wheedled , or frighten'd into any Discovery ; for they'le be trying a thousand Tricks with you.

Bum. But may I deny any thing that's charg'd upon me, point-blank, if I be guilty of it?

Citt. Yes, in the case of self-preservation , you may; but you must be sure then that no body can disprove you; for if it be known , 'tis a Scandall , and no longer Lawfull : Your best way will be not to answer any Questions against your self.

Bum. But now you have brought me into a Goal, you would do well to tell me how I shall get out again .

Citt. Why before you turn your self thrice in your Kennell , (if Baylable ) Y'are out again, upon a Habeas Corpus : But in the mean time, the Town rings of your Commitment , the Cause of it, and how bravely you carry'd it upon your Examination ; all which shall be Reported to your Advantage; and by this time, y'are Celebrated for the Peoples Martyr . And now come in the Bottles , the Cold-Pies , and the Guynnies : But you must lay your finger upon your Mouth, and keep all as close as if the Fayries had brought it.

Citt. No, not altogether so neither; but I serv'd a Convenient time in two of his Majesties Houses; and there I learnt My Politiques ; that is to say, in Newgate , and the Gate-house; Two schools (says one) that send more wise men into the World, then the four Inns of Court. Now let your suffering be what it will, the Merit of it will be rated according to the Difficulty and hazzard [Pg 9] of the Encounter : For there's a great difference betwixt the Venture of a Pillory , and of a Gibbet . But in what case soever; if you stand fast, and keep your Tongue in your head, you shall want neither Mony , nor Law ; nor Countenance , nor Friends in the Court , nor Friends in the Jury .

Bum. Hold, hold , Citt; what if all my great Friends should deceive me at last ?

Citt. They'le never dare to do that, for fear you should deceive them . I have found the Experiment of it my self, and every Term yields us fresh Instances of people that make their Fortunes in a trice, by a generous contempt of Principalities, and Powers .

Bum. Thou'rt a brave fellow Citt; but pre'thee what may thy Employment be at present, if a body may ask thee ?

Citt. I am at this present, Bumpkin, under the Rose, a Secretary-Extraordinary to one of the Grand Committees I told thee of; and my business is to draw up Impeachments, Informations, Articles ; to lick over now and then a Narrative ; and to deal with the Mercuries to publish nothing against the Interest of that Party: and in fine , there's hardly any thing stirs, but I have a finger in't. Mine is a business I can tell you, that brings in Money .

Bum. I make no doubt on't Citt: But could ye put me in a way to get a little money too ?

Citt. We'l talk of that presently. You may think perhaps now the City-Petition's blown off, that our Committee will have nothing to do. But, I do assure you, businesse comes in so fast, upon us, that I shall never be able to go through it without an Assistant ; and if I find you fit for't, you shall be the man.—Nay hold, let Me speak, First; do you continue the use of your Short-hand ?

Bum. Yes, I do; and I have mended my Bastard-Secretary very much since you saw it .

Bum. I'le give you what security you'le ask, for my Truth and Diligence; and for my Secrecy, I could almost forget to speak .

Citt. That Figure pleases me; but I must shrift you further. How stands your appetite to Wine and Women ?

Citt. 'Tis not to barr ye neither; but what Liberties ye take, let them be Private ; and either to advance the Common-cause , or at spare hours .

Citt. Only a word or two more, and then I'le let you into my affairs. What course did you propound to your self, in case your Petition had succeeded? I ask this, because you seem so much troubl'd at the Disappointment.

Bum. Why if this Petition had gone on, and the Parliament had met, I was promis'd four or five Petitions more; One against Danby, and the Lords in the Tower, another for the Sitting of this Parliament, till they had gone through all they had to do; a Third, for taking away the Bishops Votes, a Fourth for the Remove of Evill Counsellours; and a Fifth for putting the Militia into Safe hands.

Citt. These points you must know, have been a long time upon the Anvill; and our Friends have Instructions all over the Kingdom, to proceed upon them to shew the Miraculous Union of the Nation. But do you think because the First Petition has receiv'd a checque , and the Parliament is Prorogu'd , that therefore the other Petitions must fall to the ground ?

Citt. Why then let me tell you, Bumpkin , We'l bring the whole business about again, and carry it on, in spite of Fate: for we have better heads at work perhaps then you are aware of.

Citt. Those Heads will find Hands , never trouble your self, if there should be occasion; but 'tis too early-days for that sport yet. 'Twas an unlucky thing however to be so surpriz'd; For our Friends did no more dream of the Sacrament , then of their Dying day .

Bum. Well there's no recalling of what's past: But the Question is how we shall avoid it for the time to come.

Citt. Nay Bumpkin , there's a Trick worth two of avoiding it, we'l Take it next bout, and then we're safe; we'l carry it; I'le undertake by fifty Voices .

Citt. 'Tis the custom of the City I confess, for the Lord Mayor to Summon and dissolve Common-Councils , and to put all points to the Question ; but we'l finde a cure for that too. 'Tis a thing we've been a good while about already; the bringing [Pg 11] down the Authority of the City into the Major part of the Commons .

Bum. Now if the Mayor and Aldermen should be aware of this, they'l never endure it; but we must leave that to time. But hark ye Citt. I thought our Friends refusing of the Sacrament had been matter of Conscience.

Citt. Why so it is man, but take notice then, that you are to distinguish of Consciences : There is, First , a plain, simple Conscience , and that's a Conscience that will serve well enough to keep a man Right , if he meet with nothing else to put him out of the way . And then there's a Conscience of State , or Profit ; and that Conscience yields, as a Less Weight does to a Greater ; an Ounce turns the Scale , but a Pound carries the Ounce , and no body blames the Weaker for being over-power'd by the stronger . There is a Conscience of Profession too; which is a Conscience that does not so much regard the Reason of the thing , as the being True to a Party , when a man has past his Word : and this is the Conscience of a man of Honour , that fights for his Whore . There is likewise a Conscience of Religion , and that's a quiet peaceable Conscience , that rests in the Affections of the Heart , in submission to Lawfull Institutions ; and in serving God , and doing Good to our Nighbour , without Noise or Ostentation .

Bum. Well, but I see a great many very Consciencious men that love to Pray and Sing Psalms next the Street, that their Neighbours may hear 'um; and go up and down shaking of their Heads , and wringing of their Hands, crying out of the Calves of Bethel, and the High places, Popery, Prelacy, and the Common-Prayer, in such a manner, that 'twould grieve a bodies heart to see 'um .

Citt. These are Consciencious men Bumpkin , and this is the Conscience of State or Profit , that I told ye of.

Bum. Ay, but I have seen some men in Fits of the Spirit, Jump, and fling about a Pulpit so desperately, that they set the children a crying to have 'um let out. One while they'd raise themselves upon their Tip-toes, and Roar out upon a suddain, you'd have thought they had been pinch'd with Hot Irons; and then all in an Instant, they'd Dop down again, that ye could hardly see 'um; And so fall into a faint, lamenting Voice, like the Grone of a poor woman three quarters spent in Labour. Nay there was One of 'um that gap'd, and held his mouth open so long, that People cry'd out , The man has a Bone in his Throat. Those must needs be very Consciencious Men, Citt.

Citt. They are so Bumpkin , but 'tis the same Conscience still; [Pg 12] for it works all manner of ways. We took up this Mode I suppose, from the Transports , and Grimaces of the Pagan Priests , in the Ceremony of their Sacrifices , which had a very effectual operation upon the People.

Bum. Nay Citt, these Men have a Holy way of Language too, as well as of Behaviour, for all their Talk is of Heaven, and Heavenly things, the Saints and the New Jerusalem; they deal mightily, in Expositions upon the Viols, and the Little Horn: and then they are bitterly severe against Wicked Magistrates, and those that Lord it over Gods Heritage. They are in fine a very Consciencious sort of People .

Citt. Oh beyond question so they are: But this is still a Branch of the same Conscience . I have known indeed some people so Transported with this same Talkative Holiness , that it has been a kind of Spiritual Salivation to 'um, they continue spitting when they have not one drop of Moisture left 'um in their Bodies .

Bum. Prethee Citt, tell me in Honest English, where shall a body finde the simple, and the Religious Consciences thou told'st me of ?

Citt. Why every man living has the Former of 'um, but takes no notice on't: But for the Latter sort, 'tis very scarce; and you shall find more of it perhaps in one Jayle , or in one Hospital , then in all the Courts of Christendom . It is commonly the Blessing of men in years , in sicknesse , or in adversity .

Bum. Ah Citt, that I were but as capable of Learning as thou art of Teaching! Pre'thee explain thy self a little upon the Conscience of Profession too .

Citt. Observe me what I say then, Bumpkin ; There is a Profession , Particular , and General : Particular , as when One Cavalier serves another in a Duell , he's oblig'd to't by the Profession of a Sword-man , without Formalizing upon the Cause . There's a Conscience of Profession even among the Banditi themselves. What is it but the Profession of Presbytery , that makes the whole Party oppose Episcopacy ; as the Independents do Presbytery , the Republicans , Monarchy , and the like.

Bum. Now I thought that there might have been Conscience of State, as well as of Profession in These Cases .

Citt. Thou sayst very well, Bumpkin , and so there is, and of Profit too; and it was much the same Case too, throughout [Pg 13] the Circle of our Late Revolutions, when we Swore and Vow'd from the Oaths of Allegiance , and Canonical Obedience , to the Protestation , the Solemn League and Covenant , the Engagement , the Negative Oath , the Oath of Abjuration , and so till we swore round, into the Oath of Allegiance again.

Citt. I mean the Subordination of a Partiall to a Generall , of a Private Profession to a Publick ; as thou seest in the Late Times, Bumpkin , how strictly the Divided Reformers kept themselves to This Rule, so long as the Common Enemy was upon his Legs.

Citt. I mean, the Court , and the Church-Party . So long (I say) all our Brethren of the Separation joyn'd as one man, against that Inordinate Power ; and herein we were Conscienciously True to our General Profession ; but so soon as ever we had subdu'd that Popish and Tyrannical Interest , through the Conscience of our General Profession , we then consulted our Particular ; and every man did Conscienciously labour for the Establishment of his own way. But now we come to the great Nicety of all; that is to say, the Conscience of making a Conscience of using any Conscience at all : There's a Riddle for ye, Bumpkin .

Citt. That's for want of a Discerning Spirit Bumpkin . What does Conscience signifie to the Saints , that are deliver'd from the Fetters of Moral Obligations , by so many Extraordinary and Over-riding Priviledges , which are granted in a peculiar manner to the People of the Lord ? What's he the better , or the worse , for keeping or for breaking the Ten Commandments , that lies under the Predestinarian Fate of an Unchangeable Necessity and Decree ? What needs he care for any other Guide , that carries within himself an Infallible Light ? Or He for any Rule at all that cannot sin ? For the same thing may be sin in another man , which in Him is None .

Bum. Really this is admirable: So that we that are the Elect are bound up by no Laws at all, either of God or of Man .

Citt. Why look you now for that; we Are , and we are Not . If it so happens that the Inward and Invisible Spirit move us to do the same thing , which the Outward , and Visible Law requires of us; in That Case we are Bound ; but so, as to the Spirit , not to the Law : and therefore we are bid to stand fast in our Christian Liberty .

Bum. That's extreamly well said, for if We Christians should [Pg 14] be Shackled with Human Laws , which can only reach the Outward Man , then are the Heritage of the Lord , in no better Condition then the Wicked , and the Heathen .

Citt. Oh! th'art infinitely in the Right: for if it were not for this Christian Liberty , we could never have Justify'd our Selves in our Late Transactions : the Designe of Overturning the Government had been Treason ; taking up Arms against the King , Rebellion ; Dividing from the Communion of the Church had been Schism ; appropriating the Church Plate , and Revenues to Private Uses , had been Sacriledge ; Entring upon Sequester'd Livings had been Oppression : taking away mens Estates had been Robbery ; Imprisoning of their Persons had been Tyranny ; using the name of God to all This, would have been Hypocrisy , forcing of Contradictory Oaths had been Impiety , and Shedding the Blood both of the King , and his People , had been Murther : And all This would have appear'd so to be, if the Cause had come to be Try'd by the Known Laws either of God , or of Man .

Bum. Make us thankfull now! What a blessed State are we in, that Walk up to our Calling , in Simplicity and Truth , whose Yea is Yea , and whose Nay is Nay . 'Tis a strange way thou hast, Citt , of making things out to a man. Thou wert saying but now, that the same thing may be a Sin in One Man , and not in Another . I'm thinking now of the Jesuites .

Citt. Oh That's a Jugling, Equivocating, Hellish sort of People ; 'tis a thousand pitties that they're suffer'd to live upon the Earth; They value an Oath no more then they do a Rush . Those are the Heads of the Plot now upon the Life of the King , the Protestant Religion , and the Subversion of the Government .

Bum. Ay, Ay, Citt , they're a damn'd Generation of Hell-hounds . But, as I was thinking just now; we have so many things among Us , like some things among Them , that I have been run down some times allmost, as if We our selves were Jesuites ; though I know there's as much difference, as betwixt Light , and Darknesse : and for my part, I defie them as I do the Devill .

But Citt thou hast so wonderfull a way of making matters plain, I'de give any thing in the world thou'dst but teach me what to say in some Cases, when I'm put to't. One told me t'other day, You are rather worse then the Jesuites; (says he) for when They break an Oath , they have some mental Reservation or other for a Come-off: [Pg 15] But You Swallow your Perjuryes, just as Cormorants do Eeles ; an Oath's no sooner In at One End , then Out at t'other .

Citt. Let your Answer be This, Bumpkin , That the Lawmaker is Master of his own Laws ; and that the Spirits dictating of a New Law , is the Superseding of an Old one .

Bum. These are hard words , Citt; but he told me further , don't You Justifie King-Killing ( says he ) as well as the Jesuits ? Only They do't with Pistol , Dagger , and Poyson ; and You come with Your Horse , Foot , and Cannon : They proceed by Excomunicating , and Deposing ; by dissolving the Character , first , and then destroying the Person ; and just so did You . First , ye Depos'd the King , and Then ye Beheaded Charles Stuart . And then you need never go to Rome for a Pardon , when every man among you is his own Pope .

Citt. Now your Answer must be This; That we had, First , the Warrant , for what we did, of an Extraordinary Dispensation . (as appear'd in the providence of our Successes) Secondly , we had the Laws of Necessity , and Self-preservation to Support us. And Thirdly , the Government being Coordinate , and the King only One of the Three Estates ; any Two of the Three might deal with the Third as They thought Fit : Beside the Ultimate Soveraignty of the People , over and above. And now take notice, that the same Argument holds in the Subversion of the Government .

Bum. Now you have Arm'd me Thus far, pray'e help me on, one step farther; for I was hard put to't not long Since, about the businesse of the Protestant Religion. What is That, I pray'e, that ye call the Protestant Religion?

Citt. You are to understand, that by the Protestant Religion is meant the Religion of the Dissenters in England , from the Church of England ; As the First Protestants in Germany 1529. (from whom we denominate our Selves) were Dissenters from the Church of Rome : And So Call'd from the famous Protestation they enter'd against the Decree of the Assembly at Spires , against Anabaptists .

Bum. So that I perceive We Set up the Protestant Religion; we did not Destroy it: But they prest it Then, that the Church of England was a Protestant Church, and that the Jesuites had only Design'd the Destruction of it, where as We did Actually Execute it .

Citt. Your Answer must be, that the Church of England , [Pg 16] though it be a little Protestantish , it is not yet directly Protestant : As on the Other side, it is not altogether the Whore of Babilon , though a good deal Whorish ; and therefore the Reply to That must be, that we did not Destroy , but only Reform it.

Bum. Why I have answer'd People out of my Own Mother-Wit, that we did but Reform it . And they told me again, the Cutting of it off Root and Branch, was a very Extraordinary way of Reforming.

Citt. The Answer to That is Obvious, that the Cutting Off Root and Branch , is only a Thorow , or a Higher degree of Reforming . But upon the whole matter, it was with Us and the Jesuites , as it was with Aaron and the Magicians ; we did Both of us, make Froggs , but We alone had the Power to quicken the Dust of the Land, and turn it into Lice .

Thou art by this time, I presume, sufficiently instructed in the Methods , and Fundamentalls of the Holy Cause . I shall now give you some necessary Hints, to fit, and quallify you for the Province that I intend you. But besure you mind your Lesson .

Bum. As I would do my Prayers, Citt, or I were Ungratefull, for you have made me for ever.

Citt. Come we'l take t'other Sup , first, and then to work. Who wayts there without? Two Potts more, and shut the door after Ye.

A great part of Your businesse, Bumpkin , will ly among Parliament-Rolls and Records ; for it must be Our Post to furnish Materialls to a Caball only of Three Persons , that may be ready upon Occasion, to be made use of by the Grand Committee .

Bum. My Old Master would say that I had as good a guesse at a Musty Record, as any man; And 'twas my whole Employment almost, to hunt for Presidents. Nay the People would Trust me with Great Bags home to my Lodging; and leave me alone sometimes in the Offices for four and twenty hours together.

Bum. Concerning the Kings Prerogative, Bishops Votes, the Liberty and Property of the Subject; and the like: And such as They wanted, I writ out.

Citt. But did you Recite them Whole ? or what did you Take , and what did you Leave ?

Bum. We took what serv'd our Turn, and left out the Rest; and [Pg 17] sometimes we were taken Tripping , and sometimes we Scap'd : But we never falsify'd any thing. There were some dogged Passages, indeed we durst not meddle with at all; but I can turn ye to any thing you have occasion for, with a wet-finger.

Citt. So that here's One great point quickly over; in thy being Train'd to my hand: A man might lay thee down Instructions , now, for thy very Words , Looks , Motions , Gestures ; nay thy very Garments ; but we'l leave those matters to Time, and Study. It is a strange thing how Nature puts her self forth, in these Externall Circumstances . Ye shall Know a Sanctifi'd Sister , or a Gifted Brother more by the Meene , Countenance , and Tone , then by the Tenour of their Lives , and Manners . It is a Comely thing for Persons of the Same Perswasion, to agree in these Outward Circumstances , even to the drawing of the same Tone , and making of the same Face : Always provided, that there may be read in our Appearances , a Singularity of Zeal , a Contempt of the World , a fore-boding of Evills to come ; a dissatisfaction at the Present Times ; and a Despair of Better .

Bum. Why This is the very Part, that I was Made for; these Humours are to be put On , and Off , as a man would shift his Gloves ; and you shall see me do't as Easily too; but the Language must be got, I Phansy, by Conversing with Modern Authours , and frequenting Religious Exercises .

Citt. Yes, yes, and for a help to your memory I would advise you to dispose of your Observations into these Three Heads , Words , Phrases , and Metaphors : Do you conceive me?

Bum. There's not a word you say, falls to the Ground. And I am the more sensible of the force of Words , Looks , Tones , and Metaphors (as ye call 'um) from what I finde in my self. Ours certainly may be well term'd a Powerfull Ministry , that makes a man cry like a Child at the very Noyse of a Torrent of Words that he does not Understand One Syllable of. Nay, when I have been out of reach of hearing the Words , the very Tone and Look , has Melted me.

Citt. Thou canst not but have heard of That Moving Metaphor of the late Reverend Mr. Fowler : Lord Sowse us; (says he) Lord Dowse us, in the Powdering-Tubb of Affliction; that we may come forth Tripes worthy of thy Holy Table. Who can resist the Inundation of This Rhetorique ? But let us now pass from the Generall Ornaments of our Profession , to the Particular businesse of our present Case .

I need not tell you, Bumpkin , of the Plott , or that we are all [Pg 18] running into Popery ; and that the best Service Englishman can do his Country, would be the ripping up of This Designe to the Bottom .

Citt. But yet you may have Heard, perhaps, of some people that are Popishly affected .

Citt. Can you prove that ever they Sayd , or Did any thing, in favour of the Papists ?

Bum. Nay there's enough of That I believe; but then there are such Huge Great men among 'um.

Citt. Pluck up a good heart Bumpkin ; the Greater , the Better ; We fear 'um not. Rub up your Memory, and call to minde what you can say upon Your own Knowledge , and what you have Heard ; either about Sir Edmond-Bury Godfrey , The Plott ; The Traytors that Suffer'd, or the Kings Evidence .

Bum. I have seen people shrug sometimes, and lift up their Hands and Eyes, and shake their Heads, and then they would clutch their Fists, look sour , make Mouths, and bite their Nails, and so: And I dare swear I know what they thought.

Citt. Ah Bumpkin , if they had but so much as mutter'd, they'd been our own.

Bum. Well but hark ye Citt, I hear People swear , or in WORDS to this Effect; why may not a Man as well swear , in SIGNS to this Effect? and that they lifted up their Eyes, and hands, bent their Fists, knit their Brows, and made Mouths, to this or that Effect?

Citt. No, that will never do Bumpkin , but if thou could'st but phansy that thou heard'st them speak .

Bum. Why truly I never thought on't, but I saw a Parson once, the Tears flood in his Eyes, as one of 'um went by to Execution. But your Surcingle-men, ( as our Doctor told us last Lords day ) are all of 'um Papists in their Hearts.

Citt. Why what's the Common-Prayer Book Bumpkin , but a mess of Parboyl'd Popery ?

Citt. Nay, we are e'en at a fine pass, when the Pulpit prays [Pg 19] for the Queen , and the Bench Drinks the Duke of Yorks Health . But to the point, bethink your self well; a man may forget a thing to day, and recollect it to morrow. Take notice however, that it is another main point of your Instructions to procure Informations of this quality.

Bum. I'le fit you to a hair for that matter: But then I must be running up and down ye know, into Taverns, and Coffee-houses, and thrusting myself into Meetings, and Clubs. That licks mony.

Citt. Never trouble your self for that, you shall be well paid and your expences born: Beside so much a head from the State, for every Priest that you discover.

Citt. And yet let me tell you Bumpkin , a bare fac'd Papist is not half so bad as a Papist in Masquerade .

Citt. They are your Will-worship-men , your Prelates Brats : Take the whole Litter of 'um, and you'l finde never a barrel better Herring . Let me tell thee in Love Bumpkin, these Curs are forty times worse to Us then the Jesuits themselves ; for the One is an Open Enemy , the Other lies gnawing like a Canker in our Bowells . And then being train'd up to Latin and Greek , there's no opposing of the Power of Godlinesse to the Sophistry of Human Reason : Beside that, the Law is For us in the One Case, and Against us in the Other .

Citt. We must joyn the Wisdom of the Serpent , to the Innocence of the Dove ; and endeavour to compass that by stratagem , which we cannot gain by Argument . But now am I going to open a Mistery to thee, that's worth ——

Bum. Prethee the Worth on't Citt: For talk is but talk, the Worth is the Main point.

Citt. Why then let me tell thee Bumpkin , the Mistery that I am about to disclose to thee, was worth to our Predecessours not long since, no less then Three Kingdoms , and a better penny . But I'le seal your Lips up, before I stir one step further.

Bum. Why look ye Citt, may this Drink never go thorough me, if ever blab one Syllable of any thing thou tell'st me as a Secret.

Citt. Hold, hold, Bumkin , and may it never come up again if [Pg 20] thou do'st ; for we'l have no shifting.

Citt. Well, I'm satisfy'd, and now give attention; thou seest how unanimously fierce all the several Parties of the Protestant Dissenters are against the Papists . Whence comes this Conjunction , I prethee, of so many separate Congregations , that are many of them worse then Papists, One to Another ? There must be in it, either Conscience , or Interest : If it were Conscience , we should fall foul One upon Another , and for matter of Interest ; when the Papists are destroy'd , we are but still where we were.

Citt. Be enlighten'd then. It is not the Destruction of those that are Really Papists , that will do our Work; for there's nothing to be got by't. But it must be our business to make those people pass for Papists , that are not so, but only have Places to Lose: such as we our selves, by the removal of them, may be the better for; and This, Bumpkin must be our Master-piece .

Bum. I had this very phansy my self , Citt; but it stuck betwixt my Teeth, and would not out.

Citt. You hear now in General, what is to be done; You must be next instructed in the Acts of Raising , Cherishing , and Fomenting such Opinions ; in what Cases to Improve them, and where to apply them.

Bum. I'm perswaded my Masters Brother had this very thing in his Head, though he never made any words on't to me, He had got a List of all the considerable Offices and Employments in the Kingdom: And I remember he was us'd to say, that most of the respective Officers were either Corrupt, or Popishly affected. If they were Publick Ministers; either the Kings Councells were betray'd, or they put him upon Governing in an Arbitrary way, and without Parliaments: As for the Judges there was either Bribery, Absolute Power, or Oppression laid to their Charge; and so all the rest were branded for Frauds, Imbezilments, and the like, according to the Quality of their businesse: All the Governours of Towns, Castles, and Forts, were Popishly Inclin'd; and not to be Trusted. And then all Ecclesiasticall Officers, whatsoever, within four or five, were half way at Rome already.

Citt. This is well remembred, Bumpkin ; Now 'tis worth a [Pg 21] bodies while to make these Blades passe for Papists , and Traitors , that leave Good Offices behinde 'um. Nay, we must not suffer so much as any man, either of Brains , or Fortune (that does not joyn with Us ) to passe untainted.

Bum. Thou say'st Right , Citt; for whosoever is not With us, is Against us.

Citt. Thou hast spoken patt to This point, Bumpkin , but yet thou begin'st at the wrong End; For you must first get the skill of Raising , and Improving a Report , before ye come to the Fixing of it: For that's a Nicety not to be medled with, till we come to the taking out of the very Pins, and the Unhinging of the Government; So that the First Clamour must be Level'd point-blank at some Known , and Eminent Papists .

Citt. Why, if we were Once at the bottom of This Plot (which, upon my soul, Bumpkin , is a most hideous one) and wanted matter for Another , I would charge them with a designe of betraying us to a Foreign Enemy .

Citt. As Thus: I would charge 'um with holding an Intelligence with the Emperor of Morocco , for the Landing of five and thirty thousand Light-horse men upon Salisbury Plain .

Citt. Pre'thee do not Balderno , ye should say; Speak Statutable English , ye Fool you. Thou think'st perhaps that the people will not believe it: Observe but what I say to thee; let it but be put into the Protestant Domestique , that his Imperiall Majesty is to hold up his hand at the Kings Bench-barr for't, and let me be Dogs-meat if they do not swallow That too. Why pre'thee, Bumkin , we must make 'um believe stranger Things than This, or we shall never do our businesse. They must be made to believe that the King intends to play the Tyrant ; that all his Counsellors are Pensioners to the French King ; that all his Enemies are turn'd his Friends , o'th sodain, and all his Friends , his Enemies ; That Prelacy is Anti-Christian ; all our Clergy-men , Papists , the Liturgy the Masse-Book , and that the Ten Commandments are to be read backward .

Citt. Come, come, Sirrah; y'are under an Oath; and This [Pg 22] is the plain Truth on'. What is it to Thee and Me, I pre'thee, whether the Great Ministers be True , or False ; Or what Religion , the Clergy are of, so long as their Livings ye Rogue, are Orthodox , and their Offices well-Affected .

Bum. This does Qualifie, I must confess. But you were saying, that the First Clamour should be levell'd at some Known and Eminent Papists: Now what comes after That, I beseech you?

Citt . You may safely Mark all Their Friends then for Popishly-Affected ; and so consequently on to all that Love them , and all that They Love . When this Opinion is once started, 'tis an Easy matter, by the help of Invention , and Story , to improve it; and by this means we shall come, in a short time to secure all the Councils of the Nation to our Party , that are chosen by Suffrage . If you were read in History you would finde, that still as the Papists set the House on fire, the Non-conformists took the Opportunity of rosting their own Eggs .

Bum. Yes, yes, I understand ye. As for Example now, One goes to the Lords in the Tower, another ( as you were saying ) drinks the Dukes Health, a Third prays for the Queen: a Fourth Phansies Two Plots; a Fifth refuses the Petition, a Sixth speaks well of my Lord Chief Justice, or calls the Protestant Domestick a Libel. All these now are Popishly-Affected.

Citt. Save your breath Bumpkin , and take all in one word: whosoever will not do as we would have him shall be made so.

But now to the matter of Invention , and Story ; I hate the over-hearing of Discourses, in Blinde Allyes, and such ordinary Shams : I'm rather for coming downright to the Man , and to the Poynt ; after the way of the Protestant Domestique.

Bum. Ay, ay: There's your free Speaker. Well Citt, the King wants such men about him. But pre'thee hear me; Is it certain his Majesty has Lent the King of France Three Millions?

Bum. Why, if the King would but make a League now with the Swiss to keep the Turk off , That way; and another with the Protestants in Hungary, to keep off the French, the whole world could never hurt us.

Citt. Nay that's true enough, but then the Pole lies so damnably betwixt Us and the Baltique .

Bum. I'de not value that a Half-penny, so long as we have the Waldenses to Friend.

Citt. And then New-England lies so conveniently for Provisions . [Pg 23] But what do you think of drawing Nova Scotia , and Geneva into the Alliance ?

Bum. Ay, but there's no hope of that: so long at the King follows these Counsells.

Bum. I have always had a phansy to Stows Survey of London, and those kinde of Books.

Citt. But Good Bumpkin , what's thy Opinion of the Bishops Votes , in Case of Life and Death ?

Bum. Ay, or in Cases of Heaven and Hell either. Why as true as thou art a man Citt, we have but three Protestant Bishops in the Nation; and I am told they are warping too.

Citt. Prethee why should we look for any Protestant Bishops in the Kingdom , when there's no Protestant Episcopacy in the World ? but for all this, we may yet live to see the Rufling of their Lawn sleeves .

Bum. Oh, now I think on't; dist thou ever reade the Story of Moses and the Ten Tables?

Bum. Gad I think 'tis the Two Tables. I read it in Print t'other day, in a very good Book, that as sure as thou art alive now, the Bishops in Henry the 8th. made the Ten Commandments.

Citt. Why that was the reason, Bumpkin , when the Lords and Commons put down Bishops , they put down the Ten Commandments too ; and made New ones of their Own . And dost not thou take notice that they put down the Lords Prayer too, because 'twas akinn to the Popish Pater-Noster ? and then for the Creed , they cast it quite out of the Directory .

Bum. Now as thou lay'st it down to me, the Case is as clear as Christal. And yet when I'm by my self sometime, I'm so affraid methinks of being Damn'd.

Bum. Why for Swearing, Lying, Dissembling, Cheating, Betraying, Defaming , and the like.

Citt. Put it at worst, do not you know that every man must have his Dos of Iniquity ? And that what you take out in One way you abate for in another , as in Profaning, Whoring, Drinking , and so forth. Suppose you should see P O Y S O N set in Capital [Pg 24] Letters, upon seaven Vials in a Laboratory ; 'twere a madness I know, for any man to venture his Life upon 'um, without a Taster . But having before your Eyes so many instances, of men that by drinking of these Poysonous Liquors, out of a Consumptive, half-starv'd , and Heart-broken Condition, grow Merry, Fat , and Lusty , would not you venture too? Imagine These Seven Waters to be the Seven Deadly Sins , and then make your Application .

Bum. Nay, the Case is plain enough, and I cannot see why that should be a Poyson to me, that's a Preservative to Another: Only our Adversaries twit us with Objections of Law forsooth, and Religion.

Citt. Wherefore the Discipline of the Late Times sav'd a great deal of puzzle. Mr. Prynn sent His Clients to Mr. C ase for Religion ; and Mr. Case , in requital, sent His to Mr. Pryn for Law ; which kept up a concord among the Well-affected . But your Lesson in both these Cases, falls into a very Narrow compass.

Bum. Pray'e let it be Plain that I may understand it; and short that I may Remember it.

Citt. Keep close only to these Three Positions: First , that the King is One of the Three Estates; Secondly , that the Sovereign Power is in the People ; and Thirdly , that it is better to obey God , then Man . These Fundamentals will serve to guide ye in allmost any dispute upon this Matter, that can occur to you.

Bum. But what becomes of me, if my Adversaries should turn the question another way?

Citt. I'le fortify you there too. And let me tell you that he'l have much ado to keep himself Clear of one of these Two Rocks: Either of Dashing upon the Plott , or upon the Liberty of the Subject . As for Example,

There's L'Estrange ; as wary a Dog perhaps, as ever pist; and yet ye shall see how we have hamper'd Him. I writ the thing my self, ye must know, though it comes out in the Name of the Authour of the Weekly Pacquet of Advice from Rome. 'Tis Dedicated to Both Houses of Parliament ; and Design'd just for the 26th. of January : So that if the Parliament had Set, there would have been means us'd to have had him Question'd for't.

Bum. Gad, I know where y'are now. 'Tis in the Preface to the History of the Damnable Popish Plott.

Citt. Ay, that's it. I'le give ye First, the Words in't that [Pg 25] concern L'Estrange , and you shall Then see the Writings of His that I have reflected upon.

Bum. Oh, 'Tis a devilish witty Thing, Citt; I have seen it. Methinks the Rogue, should hang himself out of the way. I'le go to Mans Coffee-house and see how he Looks on't.

Citt. No, no, Pox on him; he's an Impudent Curr; nothing less than a Pillory will ever put Him out of Countenance. This Toad was in Newgate , I know not how long; and yet he'l take no warning.

Bum. You must consider, Citt, that he writes for Money; O my Soul, they say, the Bishops have given him five hundred Guynnyes. But pre'thee Citt; hast not thou seen the Answer to the Appeal, Expounded.

Bum. Why then take it from me, Citt, 'tis one of the shrewdest Pieces that ever came in Print. L'Estrange, you must know, wrote an Answer to the Appeal.

Citt. We've a sweet Government the while, that any man should dare to fall foul upon That Appeal .

Bum. Well, but so it is; and Another has written Notes upon Him: You cann't imagine Citt, how he windes him about's Finger; And calls him Fidler, Impudent, Clod-pate; and proves him to be a Jesuite, and a Papist, as plain as the Nose of a mans Face: he shews ye how he accuses the Kings Evidence; and that he is in Both Plots, in I know not how many places.

Citt. I have known the man a great while; and let me tell ye in Private, I am to draw up Articles against him. But I have been so busy about my Lord Chief Justices Articles , and Other Articles against a Great Woman , that lay upon my hand, that I could not get leisure; and yet I should have met with him long e're This too, for all That, but that the Committee Sits so cursedly Late: And then they have cut me out such a deal of work about the Succession . Well I heard a great Lord say, that That History of his deserv'd to be burnt by the hand of the Common Hang-man .

Bum. Bravely sayd, Citt, I Faith: who knows but we two may come to be Pillars of the Nation? Thou shalt stand up for the City, and I for the Country.

Trueman. Nay hold, my Masters; we'l have no flinching. Sit down, ye had best, without putting me to the Trouble of a Constable.

Citt. Why we have said nothing, sir, that we care who hears; but because you seem to be a Civill Gentleman, my Service to you, Sir.

Bum. Ay, Sir; and if you'l be pleased to sit down and Chirp over a Pot of Ale as we do, y're wellcome.

True. Very-good; And You are the Representative (forsooth) of the City, and You , of the Country. Two of the Pillars of the Nation , with a Horse-Pox; A man would not let down his Breeches in a House of Office that had but Two such Supporters . Do not I know you, Citt , to be a little Grubstreet-Insect , that but t'other day scribled Handy-dandy for some Eighteen-pence a Job , Pro and Con , and glad on't too? And now, as it pleases the stars, you are advanc'd from the Obort , the Miscarriage , I mean, of a Cause-splitter , to a Drawer-up of Articles : and for your skill in Counterfeiting hands , preferr'd to be a Sollicitor for Fobb'd Petitions : You'l do the Bishops bus'nesse , and You'l do the Dukes bus'nesse ; And who but You , to tell the King when he shall make War , or Peace ; call Parliaments , and whom to Commit , and whom to let go ? And then in your Fuddle, up comes all; what such a Lord told you, and what you told him; and all this Pudder against your Conscience too, even by your own Confession.

True. Come, I know ye too well to be mistaken in you; and for your part, Bumpkin , I look upon you only as a simple Fellow drawn in.

Bum. Not so simple neither, it may be, as you take me for. I was a Justices Clerk in the Countrey, till the bus'nesse of the Petitions; and my Master was an Honest Gentleman too, though he's now put out of Commission: And to shew ye that I am none of your simple Fellows ( do ye mark ) if ye have a minde to dispute upon Three Points, I'm for you. First, the King is One of the Three Estates; [Pg 27] Secondly, the Sovereign Power is in the People. And Thirdly, 'Tis better to Obey God then Man.

Citt. Always provided, Bumpkin , that the Gentleman take no advantage of what's spoken in Discourse.

True. No, there's my hand I will not; and now let's fall to work. If the King of England be One of the Three Estates , then the Lords and Commons are two Thirds of the King of England .

True. Nay, if y'are thereabouts:—Well; If the Soveraignty be in the People , why does not the Law run In the Name of our Sovereign Lords the People?

Bum. This is a meer Jesuitical Trick, to disparage the Kings Witnesses; for They are part of the People. Now do you take up the Cudgels , Citt.

Now to shew ye that I gave good heed to your Discourse, I'le run over the Heads of it as you deliver'd them. First, for Committees , and Grand Committees , what are they compounded of, but Republicans , and Separatists , a Medly of People disaffected both to Church and State ? This you cannot deny; and that they would not suffer any man otherwise affected, to mingle with them. Now beside the scandal , and Ill Example of such Irregular Conventions , whoever considers their Principles , may reasonably conclude upon their Designs : For they are wiser, I hope, then to lay their Heads together to destroy themselves.

True. Yes, Protestants may meet, but not in the quality of Conspirators , no more then Conspirators , may meet under the Cloak , and colour of Protestants . The intent of the Meeting is matter of State , and you turn it off, to a point of Religion .

Citt. But is it not matter of Religion to joyn in a Petition for the meeting of a Parliament , to bring Malefactors to a Tryall , and to extirpate Popery ?

True. Such a Petition as you Instance in, is in the appearance of it, not only Lawfull , but Commendable ; But then it must be promoted by Lawfull means , and under Decent Circumstances . [Pg 28] 'Tis a good thing to Preach , or C atechize , but it is not for a Lay-man presently to pluck the Parson out of the Desk , or Pulpit , that he himself may do the Office. It is a Good thing to execute Justice , but yet a private man must not invade the Judgment-Seat , though it were to passe even the most Righteous Sentence .

Citt. The King may chuse whether he'l Grant or no; So that without invading His Right we only claim the Liberty of Presenting the Request .

True. That may be well enough at First ; but still, after One Refusal , and That with a Publick Interdict on the Neck on't, forbidding the pursuance of it; such a Petition is not by any means to be Repeated . First , out of Respect to Regal Authority : Secondly , as the King is the Sole Judge of the matter: Thirdly , upon the Importunity , it is not so properly Desiring of a thing, as Tugging for it. Fourthly , It tends many ways to the Diminution of his Majesties Honour , in case it be Obtain'd: For it implys, either Levity , or Fear ; or (to make the best on't) the King confers the Obligation , and the Heads of the Petition receive the Thanks . Now adde to all this, the suborning of Subscriptions , and the Inflaming of Parties , what can be more Undutifull or Dangerous ?

Citt. But do not you find many Honest and Considerable men concern'd in these Petitions ?

True. Yes, in several of them I do; and the main reason is This. There's no man under Five and Fifty , at Least, that is able to give any Account, of the Designe , and Effects of this way of Petitioning in Forty and Forty One , but by Hear-say : so that This Nation proceeds mostly upon the Maxims , and Politiques , which That Republican Humour deliver'd over to us: But yet let the Thing , or the Manner of it be as it will, Those that disarm'd , and turn'd back the Kentish Petitioners at London-bridg . Those that Wounded , and Murther'd the Surry-Petitioneres in the Palace Yard , only for desiring a Peace , and in order to the Preservation of his late Majesty : Those People methinks, that were so Outrageous Against Those Petitions (and Several others of the same kind) should not have the Face now to be so Violent, for This . And whoever examines the present Roll , will find the Old Republicans to be the Ring-leaders .

True. Consider then the Mean ways ye have of advancing your [Pg 29] Pretensions, by Falshoods , and Scandals , to disappoint Honest men of Elections ; The use ye make of the most Servile Instruments , to promote your Ends; your fawning Methods of Popularity toward the Rabble ; your ways of undermining the Government of the City , as well as of the Nation ; your worse then Jesuitical Evasions in matter of Conscience ; your Non-sensical Salvo's , and Expositions of Christian Liberty ; your putting out the Church of Englands Colours , and calling your selves Protestants , when you are effectually no better then Algerines , and Pyrating even upon Christianity it self ; your Beating of the wood, in the History of our most Seditious Times , to start Presidents and Records in favour of your own Disloyal Purposes. The Pharisaical Distinguishing of your selves from the Profane (as you are pleas'd to stile all others,) even in your Dresse, Tone, Language , &c. Your Uncharitable Bitternesse of Spirit ; your lying in wait for Blood ; and laying of Snares for the Unwary and the Innocent ; and still vouching an Inspiration for all your Wickednesse ; your gathering of all Winds toward the raising of a Storm ; Your Unity in Opposition , and in nothing Else : your Clamours , and Invectives against Priests , and Jesuits , when it is the Church of England yet, that feels the Last effect of your Sacrilegious Rage . 'Tis not so much the Officers of the Church, and State, that are Popishly Affected , but the Offices Themselves; and Those in the first place (as you chuse your Sins too) that are most Beneficiall . To say nothing of your wild Impostures upon the Multitude .——

Citt. Now you talk of Impostures , what do you think of L'Estrange's History of the P L O T , and his Answer to the A P P E A L ? Whether are Those Pamphlets, Impostures upon the Multitude , or Not ?

True. You were saying e'en now, That The History of the Damnable Popish Plot was of your Writing; Answer me That Question, First; Was it so, or not?

True. Why then let me tell ye, if a man may believe the Preface to That Club-History , or the Notes upon the Answer to the Appeal (for I have read them all:) L'Estrange's Pamphlets are great abuses upon the People : But if you had the Books about ye, the matter were easily clear'd by comparing them.

Citt. By good luck we have 'um all about us, that can any [Pg 30] way concern this Question. And look ye here now.

First, He calls his Abridgement of the Tryals, The History of the Plot, without mentioning one word of the Original Contrivance, the Preparatives, manner of Discovery, and other Remarkables essential to a History.

2. He omits Staly's and Reading's Tryals, which yet sure had Relation to the Plot.

3. In his Epistle, he seems to drown the Popish Plot with suggestions of an Imaginary One of the Protestants.

4. The amusing People with such Stories, is notoriously a Part of the Grand Popish Designe.

5. Whereas he tells us, that not one Material Point is omitted, most Readers cannot finde the substantial part of Mr. Bedloes Evidence against Wakeman, (P. 46 of the Tryall) So much as hinted at: Not to mention the gross shuffles, and Omissions in Pag. 77, and elsewhere.

6. He charges the Printed Tryals ( in his FREEBORN SUBIECT P. 15.) with many Gross Incoherences, and very Material mistakes; yet Instances but One, and corrected too, as an Erratum.

7. When Our Posterity shall urge these Tryals for proof against Papists, how easily may the subtle Villains stop their Mouths, by alledging from this Authour that no heed is to be given to the said Tryals; (being so publickly own'd by a Person of his Note, and Late Qualification) to be guilty of so many, and such very Material Mistakes.

True. Observe here, First L'Estrange expounds his History in the Title Page , by restraining it to the Charge and Defence of the Persons there mentioned : Beside that he calls it an Historical Abstract , and a Summary , in his Epistle .

2. Staleys Trial had no Relation at all to the Plot , and Reading was not Try'd for's Life ; and so not within the Compass of his intention exprest in the Preface .

3. The Epistle acknowledges a Detestable Plot , and a Conspiracy : but advises Moderation , and that the Rabble may not dictate Laws to Authority ; for that Licence was the Cause of the Late Rebellion .

4. It was more then a Story , the Murther of the Late King , and the Subversion of the Government, and the suppressing of these [Pg 31] Necessary Hints , and Cautions is notoriously a part of the Grand Phanatical Design .

5. In L'Estranges History here Pag. 79 and 80. there's every particular of Mr. Bedloes Evidence in Sir George Wakemans Tryal, Pag. 46. with many other passages over and above: whereas your Damnable History here Pag. 295. falls short at least by One Half. And then for the shuffles , and Omissions reflected upon, Pag. 77. see L'Estranges Words, Pag. 88. The Lord Chief Justice (says he) after some Remarkes upon the Romish Principles, summ'd up the Evidence, and gave Directions to the Jury: which is the substance of the Page cited in the Preface . Touching your Elsewhere , it is in plain English, No where .

6. Look ye, here's more Juggling. He says S E V E R A L Gross Incoherences , and you have made them M A N Y: and then you have left out the Parenthesis , ( especially in the Latter of them ) which varies the Case too. And I remember again, that the Erratum was supply'd after L'Estrange had corrected it: And sure it was a Gross one too, to expose a Protestant Gentleman for a Papist, Nine times in two Pages . I could shew ye several other Material Mistakes , but One shall serve for all. Pag. 45. (as I take it) of Irelands Tryal ; which you will finde charg'd upon the Press, in L'Estranges History, Pag. 18.

7. Pray'e mark me now: L'Estrange findes Errours of the Press in the Other Tryals and Rectifies them, in his Own : Now if Posterity shall finde in the Right , that the Other are wrong , they are in no danger of being Misled by the One , in what is Corrected by the Other : And if they do not read the Right Copy at all, there's no harm done to the Other, but they must take it as they finde it. So that this Remark is so far from Disparaging the Proceedings , that a greater Right can hardly be done to Publick Justice by a Pamphlet . But now let the Epistle speak for it self .

To the READER.

There has not been any point, perhaps, in the whole Tract of English Story , either so dangerous to be mistaken in, or so difficult, and yet so necessary to be understood, as the Mystery of this detestable Plot now in Agitation. (A Judgement for our Sins, augmented by our Follies,) But the world is so miserably divided betwixt some that will believe every thing, and others nothing that not only Truth , but Christianity it self is almost lost between them; and no place left for Sobriety and Moderation. We are come to govern our selves by Dreams and Imaginations; We make every Coffee-house Tale an Article of our Faith; and from Incredible Fables we raise Invincible Arguments. A man must be fierce and violent to get the Reputation of being Well-affected ; as if the calling of one another Damned Heretique , and Popish Dog , were the whole Sum of the Controversie. And what's all this, but the effect of a Popular Licence and Appeal? When every Mercenary Scribler shall take upon him to handle matters of Faith, and State; give Laws to Princes; and every Mechanique sit Judge upon the Government! Were not these the very Circumstances of the late Times ? When the Religious Jugglers from all Quarters fell in with the Rabble, and managed them, as it were, by a certain sleight of hand: The Rods were turned into Serpents on both sides, and the Multitude not able to say, which was Aaron , and which the Enchanter . Let us have a Care of the same Incantation over again, Are we not under the protection of a Lawfull Authority? Nor was there ever any thing more narrowly Sifted, or more vigorously discouraged, then this Conspiracy . Reformation is the proper business of Government and Council , but when it comes to work once at the wrong End, there is nothing to be expected from it, but Tumult and Convulsion . A Legal and Effectual provision against the Danger of Romish Practices and Errours , will never serve Their Turn, whose Quarrel is barely to the Name of Popery , without understanding the Thing it self. And if there were not a Roman Catholick left in the three Kingdoms, they would be never the better satisfied, for where they cannot find Popery, they will make it: nay and be troubled too that [Pg 33] they could not find it. It is no new thing for a Popular Outcry, in the matter of Religion , to have a State-Faction in the belly of it. The first late Clamour was against Downright Popery ; and then came on Popishly Affected ; ( That sweeps all.) The Order of Bishops , and the Discipline of the Church took their Turns next; and the next blow was at the Crown it self; when every Man was made a Papist that would not play the Knave and the Fool, for Company, with the Common People.

These things duly weighed, and considering the Ground of our present Distempers; the Compiler of this Abridgment reckoned that he could not do his Countrymen a better Office, than (by laying before them the naked state of things) to give them at one view, a Prospect, both of the subject matter of their Apprehensions, and of the Vigilance, Zeal, and needful severity of the Government on their behalf. To which end, he hath here drawn up an Historical Abstract of the whole matter of Fact concerning those Persons who have hitherto been Tryed for their Lives, either upon the Plot it self, or in Relation to it: opposing Authentick Records to wandring Rumours; and delivering the Truth in all Simplicity. He hath not omitted any one material Point: There is not so much as one Partial Stroke in it; not a flourish, nor any thing but a bare and plain Collection , without any Tincture either of Credulity, or Passion. And it is brought into so narrow a Compass too, that it will ease the Readers head , as well as his purse ; by clearing him of the puzzle of Forms , and Interlocutories . that serve only to amuse and mislead a man, by breaking the Order, and confounding the Relative parts of the Proceeding .

Having this in Contemplation; and being at the same time possest of a most exact Summary of all passages here in Question; This Reporter was only to cast an Extract of these Notes into a Method: especially finding, that upon comparing the substance of his own papers, with the most warrantable Prints that have been published; his own Abstract proved to be not only every jot as Correct, but much more Intelligible, which being short and full ; he thought might be useful, and find Credit in the world upon its own account, without need of a Voucher .

True. You have now the whole matter before you; the Epistle , ye see, justifies it self: And then for the Narrative , I dare undertake he shall yield up the Cause, if you can but produce any One Material Point , which he hath either Falsify'd , Palliated , or Omitted , in the whole Proceeding . But to be plain with you, Citt , One of the Authours of your Preface is a Common setter , a Forger of Hands , a little spy upon the Swan in Fishstreet ; a Hackny Sollicitor against both Church and State : You know this to be true Citt ; and that I do not speak upon Guess; so that Calumny , and False Witnessing is the best part of that Authours Trade . And then the pretended History is a direct Arraignment of the Government . He takes up the King and Council , Pag. 381. reflects upon the Judges in the very Contents , and elsewhere; he descants upon the Duke of York in opposition to the express sense and declaration of the Bench , Pag. 145. and has the confidence yet to Dedicate this Gally-mawfry of audacious slanders to the Two Houses of Parliament . There is little more in the whole, then what has been eaten and spew'd up again Thirty times over: and the intire work is only a Medly of Rags , and Solacisms , pick'd up out of Rubbish , and most suitably put together.

Citt. You may take his part as ye please, But there's a Famous Lecturer charg'd him Publiquely for Popery , in his Answer to the Appeal ; and for falling upon Dr. Lloyd .

True. He did so; but at the same time that Lecturer found no fault with the Appeal it self ; and the best on't is, his Tongue's no more a slander then his Pen : And whoever reads what he has written concerning the Late King , and the Episcopal Church , will think never the worse of L'Estrange for what he says. Now for the Reverend Dean of Bangor , I dare say he never spake , or thought of him, but with Veneration . Let me see the book.

Look, ye here, 'tis pag. 18. in L'Estrange's Impression , and 'tis pag. 15. in this ; and here's the Point [ Their Loyalty and Good service paid to the King (says the Appealer speaking of the Papists) was meerly in their own Defence .] Now see L'Estrange's Reply upon it, If it lies (says he) as a Reproach upon them that they did then not serve the King out of Loyalty; that which they did, was yet better then not serving him at all; and better in a Higher degree still, then Fighting against him . And a little after. It is worth the Observation, that not a man drew his Sword in the opposite Cause who was not a Known Separatist; and that on the Other side, not one Schismatick [Pg 35] ever struck stroke in the Kings Quarrell.

And now for your Notes upon his Answer, they are so silly, that it were Ridiculous to Reply upon 'um [ who knows (says he) but the Regicides were Papists in disguise , pag. 19.] And a deal of such senselesse stuff; enough to turn a bodies Stomach. And if you'd inform your self of his Malice; look ye here pag. 4. p. 9. and p. 33 how he Palliates, if not Justifies, the Late Rebellion, the Murther of the Arch-Bishop of St. Andrews , and the drawing of the Sword against the King.

Briefly, 'tis an Insipid Bawling piece of Foolery , from One end to the Other. And it is not but that I highly approve of your Zeal for the Discovery of the Plot , and Suppressing of Popery , but we are not yet to Trample upon Laws , and Publique Orders , for the attaining even of those Glorious ends.

But now I think on't; deal freely with me; did you really go to the Registers ye spake of, to furnish Names for your Subscriptions ?

True. Are not you Conscious to your selves of your Iniquities? who made You a Commissioner for the Town , or You for the Country ? But we are like to have a fine business of it, when the Dreggs of the People set up for the Representatives of the Nation ; to the Dishonour of the most Considerable , and Sober part of the Kingdome . Pre'thee Bumpkin , with thy Poles , and Baltiques , how shouldst thou come to understand the Ballance of Empires ? who are Delinquents , and who not ? the Right of Bishops Votes ? And You (forsooth) are to Teach the King when to call a Parliament , and when to let it alone. And are not you a fine Fool i'the mean time, to Drudg for the Faction that Sets ye on, to be afterwards made a slave for your pains?

And then for You, Citt , with your Mouldy Records , your Coordinate Estates , and your Sovereign Power of the People . Do not I know all your Fallacies, your Shifts, and Hiding-holes? There's not one step you set, but I can trace you in't: You have your Spies upon all Libraries , as well as Conversations ; your Agents for the procuring of old Manuscripts , and Records , and for the Falsifying of New ones , to make them look like Old Ones . Nay, the Papers of State themselves had much ado to scape ye. Those that assert the Just Rights of the Crown , you either Bury or [Pg 36] Conceal ; only Publishing the Presidents of Seditious Times , in Vindication of such Principles.

Citt. I must confess I take the Government to be Coordinate , and the King One of the Three Estates , with submission to be better inform'd.

True. If it be so, how comes it that the House of Commons even in their most Popular seasons, have still own'd the Crown of England to be Imperial ? How comes it that all our Laws are call'd the Kings Laws : all our Courts of Justice his Majesties Courts , and all Publick Causes try'd in the Kings Name , and by the Authority of his Majesty ?

True. You must distinguish betwixt the Consent , and the Sanction ; the Preparatory Part is Their's , the Stamp is the Kings : The Two Houses Consent to a Bill ; It is only a Bill , when it is presented , and it remains yet a Bill , even when the King has Consented to it; and in this Common Consent , in Order to a Law , the Two Houses may be said to share with his Majesty : But then the Fiat , that superinduces an Authority , and is Only , and Properly the Act of Legislation , is singly in the King . So that though they share in the Consent , they have no pretence at all to the Sanction : which is an Act of Authority ; the other but of Agreement .

And yet again, admitting your Coordination ; First, every King runs the hazzard of his Crown upon every Parliament he calls: For That Third Estate lies at the Mercy of the Other Two : And further, 'tis a kinde of Ringing the Changes with the Government, the King and Lords shall be Uppermost One day , the King and Commons , Another , and the Lords and Commons , the Third : For in this Scale of Constitution whatsoever the One will not , the Other Two , may .

True. If ours be a Mixt Government , so as to any Popular Participation of Power with the King , then it is not a Monarchy : (which is the Government Only of One ) but if you'l call it a Qualifi'd Government ; so as to distinguish it from an Absolute and Unlimited Government , I'le agree with you. But let the Government be what it will, and where it will, let it do Right or Wrong , it is Equally Unaccountable , for there lies no Appeal , but to a Superiour , and the [Pg 37] Supreme has none but God Himself .

Citt. But if we be a Free People , have not We as much Right to Our Liberties , as the King has to his Crown ?

True. Yes, we have, but the King has this Advantage of us, that We may Forfeit our Liberties but He cannot forfeit his Crown .

Citt. What if a King will Transgresse all the Laws of God and Man ? may not the People resume their Trust ?

True. No, not unlesse you can produce an expresse stipulation to That very purpose . But let me shew you, First, the Errour of taking That to be a Trust from the People , which, in truth, is an Ordinance of Providence , For All Power is from God ; And Secondly, the Absurdity of the very Supposition , even in the Case of a Trust conferr'd by the People. If the King breaks his Trust , the People Resume it: but who are These People ? If a Representative , they are but Trustees Themselves , and may incur a Forfeiture too, by the same Argument. Where are we next then? For if it devolves to the Loose Multitude of Individuals , (which you will have to be the Fountain of Power ) you are Then in an Anarchy , without any Government at all; and There you must either Continue in a Dissociated State , or else agree upon Uniting into some Form of Regiment , or other: and whether it be Monarchy , Aristocracy , or Democracy , it comes all to a Point. If you make the Government Accountable upon every Humour of the People , it lapses again into a Confusion . To say nothing of the ridiculous phansy of a Sovereignty in the People upon This Account; that they can never be so brought together either to Establish or to Dissolve a Government , as to authorize it to be the Peoples Act . For there must be, First , an Agreement to Meet and Consult . Secondly , an Agreement upon the Result of That Debate ; and any One Dissenter spoils all, where every Individuall has an Equall Right : So that unlesse the People be all of the same minde, This Supposition will be found wholly Impractible and Idle.

True. Only Patience , unless you run into Anarchy , and then into that which you call Tyranny again; and so tread Eternally that Circle of Rigour and Confusion . In fine , the Question is this, whether people had better run Certainly into Confusion to avoid a Possible Tyranny , or venture a Possible Tyranny , to avoid a Certain Confusion .

Citt. But where we finde Positive Law and Provisions to fail [Pg 38] us, may we not in those Cases, betake our selves to the Laws of Nature and Self-Preservation ?

True. No, ye may not; for many Reasons. First, it makes you Judges ; not only when those Laws take Place, but also what they are . Secondly, the Government is Dissolved , if Subjects may go off or on at pleasure. Thirdly, Self-Preservation is the Plea only of Individuals ; and there can be no Colour for the exposing of the Publick in favour of Particulars . What would ye think of a Common Seaman that in a Storm should throw the Steers-man Overboard , and set himself at the Helm ? Or of a Souldier that shou'd refuse a Dangerous Post for fear of being knock'd on the Head, when the whole Army , depends upon the Maintaining of That Pass .

Citt. Pray'e tell me what it is that you call Government , and how far it extends ? for you were saying even now, that the Reason of all Governments is alike .

True. Government is the Will, and Power of a Multitude, United in some One Person, or More, for the Good, and safety of the whole. You must not take it that all Governments are alike ; but the Ratio of all Governments is the same in some Cases. As in the Instance of Self-Preservation ; which is only Pleadable by the Supream Magistrate , in Bar to all General Exceptions ; for he is First, presumed in Reason, to be vested with all Powers necessary for the Defence , and Protection of the Community : without which his Authority is Vain. He is Secondly, Oblig'd in Duty to exert those Powers for the Common Good : and he is Thirdly, entrusted with the Judgment of all Exigences of State , be they Greater or Lesse ; wherein the Publick Good may be concern'd. Now put the Case that a Magistrate should make a wrong Judgment of Matters, and misemploy those Powers ; it were an Infelicity in the Administration ; but the Sacredness of Authority is still the same: And he is a Mad man, that plucks down his House , because it rains in at the Window . And in case of the Magistrate , it is not so much He , as They ; for the King is (as I said before) the United Power and Will of the People . And so Fare ye well.

Transcribers Note

THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY

15. John Oldmixon, Reflections on Dr. Swift's Letter to Harley ... (1712) and A. Mainwaring's The British Academy ... (1712).

17. Nicholas Rowe, Some Account of the Life of Mr. William Shakespeare (1709).

22. Samuel Johnson, The Vanity of Human Wishes (1749) and two Rambler papers (1750).

31. Thomas Gray, An Elegy Wrote in a Country Church-yard (1751); and The Eton College Manuscript.

93. John Norris, Cursory Reflections Upon a Book Call'd, An Essay Concerning Human Understanding (1960)

95. An Essay on the New Species of Writing Founded by Mr. Fielding [Pg 40] (1751).

103. Samuel Richardson, Clarissa: Preface, Hints of Prefaces, and Postscript .

105. Bernard Mandeville, An Enquiry into the Causes of the Frequent Executions at Tyburn (1725).

109. Sir William Temple, An Essay upon the Origin and Nature of Government (1680).

114. Two Poems Against Pope: Leonard Welsted, One Epistle to Mr. A. Pope (1730); Anonymous, The Blatant Beast (1740).

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The Project Gutenberg eBook of Citt and Bumpkin (1680)

CITT
AND BUMPKIN

B. J. RAHN

GENERAL EDITORS

ADVISORY EDITORS

CORRESPONDING SECRETARY

INTRODUCTION

NOTES

Text

CITT

BUMPKIN.

DIALOGUE

A Pot of Ale,

MATTERS

RELIGION

GOVERNMENT.

Citt and Bumkin ,

In a DIALOGUE, &c.

To the READER.

Transcribers Note

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