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Title : Sonnets of a Budding Bard

Author : Nixon Waterman

Illustrator : John A. Williams

Release date : October 28, 2012 [eBook #41216]

Language : English

Credits : Produced by David Edwards, Matthew Wheaton and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
file was produced from images generously made available
by The Internet Archive)

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD *** 

  

   
   

    SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD
   

  

  

  

   
  

  

   

    BOOKS BY
    

    NIXON WATERMAN
    

    

    A BOOK OF VERSES
    

    IN MERRY MOOD
    

    BOY WANTED
    

    

    FORBES & COMPANY
    

    CHICAGO
   

  

  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     
      Sometimes I get to wishin’ I might be
     
    

    

     
      A little lamb like Mary’s, fond and true,
     
    

    

     
      With Susan Sanderson as Mary, see?
     
    

    

     
      We’d play amidst the clover sweet with dew,
     
    

    

     
      And everywhere that she wast there’d be me,
     
    

    

     
      And if she wasn’t, I’dst be elsewhere, too.
     
    

   

  

  

  

   
  

  

   SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD
  

  

   BY
   

   NIXON WATERMAN
  

  

   WITH DRAWINGS BY
   

   JOHN A. WILLIAMS
  

  

   CHICAGO FORBES & COMPANY
   

   1907
  

  

   
    Copyright, 1907, by
   
   

   
    The Century Co.
   
   

   

   
    Copyright, 1907, by
   
   

   
    Forbes and Company
   
  

  

   Printed by COLONIAL PRESS:
   

   C. H. Simonds & Co., Boston, U. S. A.
  

  

  

   CONTENTS
  

  

   
  

  

   

    
     

      
       SONNET
      
      
      
      
       PAGE
      
      
      
     

     

      
       I.
      
      
       
        Lines Wrote in School Whilst I Shouldst Have Been Studyin’ My Lesson
       
      
      
       11
      
      
      
     

     

      
       II.
      
      
       
        Thoughts Thought Whilst Thinkin’ about Mary and Her Pet Lamb
       
      
      
       13
      
      
      
     

     

      
       III.
      
      
       
        Lines Wrote Whilst Thinkin’ about How Pa Acts When Dressin’ Up
       
      
      
       15
      
      
      
     

     

      
       IV.
      
      
       
        Lines Wrote Whilst Realizin’ We Oughtst to Be Kind to Dumb Brutes
       
      
      
       17
      
      
      
     

     

      
       V.
      
      
       
        Sonnet Wrote Whilst Thinkin’ of Our Parents in the Garden of Eden
       
      
      
       19
      
      
      
     

     

      
       VI.
      
      
       
        Lines Wrote Whilst Smartin’ from Punishment Received for Lyin’
       
      
      
       21
      
      
      
     

     

      
       VII.
      
      
       
        Thoughts Thought about Ma’s Notions Regardin’ Love and House-keepin’
       
      
      
       23
      
      
      
     

     

      
       VIII.
      
      
       
        Thoughts Thought Whilst Thinkin’ of Peary on a Hot Summer Day
       
      
      
       25
      
      
      
     

     

      
       IX.
      
      
       
        Thoughts Thought Whilst Thinkin’ of a Thanksgivin’ Day Turkey
       
      
      
       27
      
      
      
     

     

      
       X.
      
      
       
        Sonnet Wrote Whilst Thinkin’ of My Sister Maymie’s Homely Beau
       
      
      
       29
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XI.
      
      
       
        Lines Wrote Whilst Recovering from an Accident Caused by a Hornet
       
      
      
       31
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XII.
      
      
       
        Lines Wrote on a Summer Day Whilst Thinkin’ of a Soda Fountain
       
      
      
       33
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XIII.
      
      
       
        Lines Wrote After Bein’ Scolded for Not Doin’ as Children Used To
       
      
      
       35
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XIV.
      
      
       
        Lines Wrote On Readin’ How Cleopatra Made Men Act Very Foolish
       
      
      
       37
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XV.
      
      
       
        Sonnet Wrote Whilst Thinkin’ What I Wouldst Do with Carnegie’s Gold
       
      
      
       39
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XVI.
      
      
       
        Some Thoughts Thought Whilst Havin’ to Bathe in a Bath-tub
       
      
      
       41
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XVII.
      
      
       
        Lines Wrote in School Whilst Throwin’ Glances at Susan Sanderson
       
      
      
       43
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XVIII.
      
      
       
        Thoughts Thought Whilst Mowin’ the Lawn on a Saturday Afternoon
       
      
      
       45
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XIX.
      
      
       
        Sonnet Wrote on the Fly-leaf of My Grammar Durin’ School Hours
       
      
      
       47
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XX.
      
      
       
        Thoughts Thought on Hearin’ Folks Find Fault with the Weather
       
      
      
       49
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XXI.
      
      
       
        Lines Wrote After Seein’ Shakespeare’s Hamlet from an Upper Gallery
       
      
      
       51
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XXII.
      
      
       
        Sonnet Wrote Whilst Retrospectively Contemplatin’ My First Cigar
       
      
      
       53
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XXIII.
      
      
       
        Sonnet Wrote Whilst Thinkin’ About a Vacation Spent on a Farm
       
      
      
       55
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XXIV.
      
      
       
        Lines Composed After Seein’ a Book Full of Byron’s Love Letters
       
      
      
       57
      
      
      
     

     

      
       XXV.
      
      
       
        Sonnet Wrote After Hearin’ a Youth Oratin’ about “Casabianca”
       
      
      
       59
      
      
      
     

    
   

  

  

  

   SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD
  

  

  

   
    LINES WROTE IN SCHOOL WHILST I SHOULDST HAVE BEEN STUDYIN’ MY LESSON
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     I’ve just about madest up my mind to be
    

    

     A poet such as Shakespeare and the rest
    

    

     Of them big literary gents, and dressed
    

    

     In velvet clothes, write up the things I see
    

    

     In some grand style to show that Browning he
    

    
     
      [Pg 11]
     
     

     
      [Pg 12]
     
    
    

     Hast been done up! And when plain folks request
    

    

     My autograph, then, throwin’ out my chest,
    

    

     I’llst make them wish that they wast great like me!
    

   

   

    

     I’m tired dwellin’ midst surroundin’s where
    

    

     Cheap things art always waitin’ to be done:
    

    

     I’dst rather loaf and dream and have long hair
    

    

     Like all great poets dost: and, oh! what fun,
    

    

     To dash off lays and sell them, then and there,
    

    

     Whenever I’llst be needin’ any “mon.”
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 13]
    
   
  

  

   
    THOUGHTS THOUGHT WHILST THINKIN’ ABOUT MARY AND HER PET LAMB
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     Full oft I’ve read how Mary’s lamb didst go
    

    

     Where’er his kind and lovin’ mistress went,
    

    

     As if the little creature wast content
    

    

     If it couldst only be where she wast. Oh,
    

    

     I realize what madest it hanker so
    

    
     
      [Pg 14]
     
    
    

     To be in school that day: it surely meant
    

    

     It loved her! Yet, that mean old teacher bent
    

    

     On bossin’ things—he didst not seem to know.
    

   

   

    

     Sometimes I get to wishin’ I might be
    

    

     A little lamb like Mary’s, fond and true,
    

    

     With Susan Sanderson as Mary, see?
    

    

     We’d play amidst the clover sweet with dew,
    

    

     And everywhere that she wast there’d be me,
    

    

     And if she wasn’t, I’dst be elsewhere, too.
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 15]
    
   
  

  

   
    LINES WROTE WHILST THINKIN’ ABOUT HOW PA ACTS WHEN DRESSIN’ UP
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     Whilst pa and ma art dressin’ up to go
    

    

     To church or somewhere, so I’ve heard ma tell
    

    

     The neighbor women, pa tears ’round pell-mell
    

    

     And turns things upside down, and wants to know
    

    

     Who hid his clothes! and makes ma stop and show
    

    
     
      [Pg 16]
     
    
    

     Him where to find them. Ma she know’st full well
    

    

     They’re where he’s kept them since he earnest to dwell
    

    

     In our house: that’s been twenty years or so.
    

   

   

    

     And when ma’s donest her level best to try
    

    

     To help pa so he wilt not fuss and fret,
    

    

     And found his clothes, shoes, collar, cuffs and tie,
    

    

     And there ain’t nothin’ more for her to get,
    

    

     Pa looks at her and with an awful sigh
    

    

     Says: “Thunderation! Ain’t you ready yet?”
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 17]
    
   
  

  

   
    LINES WROTE WHILST REALIZIN’ WE OUGHTST TO BE KIND TO DUMB BRUTES
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     Wise William Goat, familiarly addressed
    

    

     As “Billy!” Thou art an amusin’ brute,
    

    

     For thou hast some traits that are truly cute
    

    

     And others, still, so it must be confessed,
    

    

     That I hast learned in sorrow to detest.
    

    
     
      [Pg 18]
     
    
    

     ’Tis fun to see thee, in thy manner mute,
    

    

     When boys dost tease thee, give some one a “beaut,”
    

    

     Yet, he who’s “it” deems thee a sorry jest.
    

   

   

    

     Yestreen I met some other boys, and we,
    

    

     At thy expense, wert havin’ much delight
    

    

     Till thou got’st ’round to where I didst not see
    

    

     That thou wast headed my way. Sorry plight!
    

    

     That’s why I write this standin’—woe is me!—
    

    

     And slept’st upon my bosom all last night.
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 19]
    
   
  

  

   
    SONNET WROTE WHILST THINKIN’ OF OUR PARENTS IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     O Adam and O Eve! How very nice
    

    

     It must have been to live where you wast at.
    

    

     No neighbors anywhere with whom to spat,
    

    

     Nor any one to give you free advice.
    

    

     Ma says she’d gladly pay ’most any price
    

    
     
      [Pg 20]
     
    
    

     For such a lay-out. And she’s certain that
    

    

     Because there wert no servants in your flat
    

    

     Is how you camest to call it “Paradise.”
    

   

   

    

     And pa says that if Eve hadst dressed the way
    

    

     Our women do we shouldst have missed the fate
    

    

     Of goin’ forth into the world to stray,
    

    

     For she’d be somewhere, still, inside the gate
    

    

     Delayin’ things, as women dost to-day,
    

    

     A-tryin’ for to pin her hat on straight.
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 21]
    
   
  

  

   
    LINES WROTE WHILST SMARTIN’ FROM PUNISHMENT RECEIVED FOR LYIN’
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     O Washington! (O Reader, hast thou not
    

    

     In readin’ high-toned poems wrote for show,
    

    

     Observed how many of them start with “O?”
    

    

     Well, anyhow, there is an awful lot.)
    

    

     The noble deeds thou wrought’st are not forgot
    

    
     
      [Pg 22]
     
    
    

     But serve to make thy name, where’er we go,
    

    

     A household word. If all they say is so
    

    

     Thou didst some mighty clever stunts. That’s what!
    

   

   

    

     And yet, thy fame belongest to thy dad;
    

    

     Thou shinest by reflected light, forsooth,
    

    

     For thou ’rt the only boy that ever had
    

    

     A pa who, when his son dared tell the truth
    

    

     About some kiddish prank didst not get mad
    

    

     And lamm him! O thou heaven-protected youth!
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 23]
    
   
  

  

   
    THOUGHTS THOUGHT ABOUT MA’S NOTIONS REGARDIN’ LOVE AND HOUSE-KEEPIN’
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     When sister Maymie saidst she’d like to learn
    

    

     To sweep the keys of a piano-forte,
    

    

     Ma she spoke up and cut her right off short
    

    

     And saidst she’d rather that a girl of her ’n
    

    

     Shouldst know just how to sweep a room, nor spurn
    

    
     
      [Pg 24]
     
    
    

     A poor but honest man, for that’s the sort
    

    

     Pa wast. And ma insists no woman ort
    

    

     To spend more money than a man canst earn.
    

   

   

    

     A kid-gloved dandy with a stove-pipe hat
    

    

     Wed ma’s proud cousin. Say, but he wast sly!
    

    

     “Our home shalt be next thing to Heaven!” That
    

    

     Wast what he vowed. Ma says that that’s no lie
    

    

     For they art packed into a stingy flat
    

    

     Four stairways up, and plumb against the sky!
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 25]
    
   
  

  

   
    THOUGHTS THOUGHT WHILST THINKIN’ OF PEARY ON A HOT SUMMER DAY
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     O Peary! With the scorchin’ summer here
    

    

     And everybody payin’ double price
    

    

     For little weeny, teeny bits of ice,
    

    

     It dost no longer seem so very queer
    

    

     That thou shouldst have the bravery to steer
    

    
     
      [Pg 26]
     
    
    

     Thy ship up North where it is cool and nice.
    

    

     I’ll bet you smile whilst thinkin’ thou hast twice
    

    

     The fun we’re havin’ at this time of year.
    

   

   

    

     And, say! old boy, since thou dost understand
    

    

     The pole is an imaginary spot,
    

    

     Why not “imagine” thou hast found it and
    

    

     Of time and trouble save an awful lot?
    

    

     Couldst others track thee to that frozen land
    

    

     And prove thou didst not find it? I guess not!
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 27]
    
   
  

  

   
    THOUGHTS THOUGHT WHILST THINKIN’ OF A THANKSGIVIN’ DAY TURKEY
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     O Eagle! emblem of my country, thou,
    

    

     Who art the boss of every other bird,
    

    

     My muse, to find the highfalutin word
    

    

     With which to name thee, dost not know just how.
    

    

     Yet ’tis not thee who hast, I must allow,
    

    
     
      [Pg 28]
     
    
    

     My patriotic breast the deepest stirred,
    

    

     And they who planned our country’s banner erred
    

    

     In makin’ thee the sign to which we bow.
    

   

   

    

     For whilst, O Eagle, thou dost dare to climb
    

    

     The highest mountain peak and greet the sun,
    

    

     It is the turkey that dost nearest rhyme
    

    

     With all the lofty thrills that through us run;
    

    

     He beats thee to a standstill every time,
    

    

     For, stuffed and roasted—say! he takes the bun!
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 29]
    
   
  

  

   
    SONNET WROTE WHILST THINKIN’ OF MY SISTER MAYMIE’S HOMELY BEAU
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     O Love! ’Tis saidst that thou art blind. Alas!
    

    

     I didst not think that it wast truly so
    

    

     Until I saw my sister Maymie’s beau
    

    

     Who’s awful stingy and as green as grass!
    

    

     How love canst make such guys as he is pass
    

    
     
      [Pg 30]
     
    
    

     For something beautiful, I dost not know.
    

    

     Hadst I my way, you bet! he’d stand no show
    

    

     Of settin’ in our parlor wastin’ gas.
    

   

   

    

     He steals things, too! Last night whilst in a nook
    

    

     Of our dark hall I heardst him say: “Alack!
    

    

     I must steal one!” This morn I went’st to look
    

    

     And found’st all our umbrellas in the rack,
    

    

     And so I guess whatever ’twast he took,
    

    

     My sister Maymie madest him give it back.
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 31]
    
   
  

  

   
    LINES WROTE WHILST RECOVERIN’ FROM AN ACCIDENT CAUSED BY A HORNET
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     O Hornet! When I think’st what thou canst do
    

    

     To make strong men just hump themselves and run,
    

    

     Men who wouldst boldly face a ten-inch gun
    

    

     But lack the “sand” to halt whilst you pursue,
    

    

     And deem’st thy stinger something they wouldst rue,
    

    
     
      [Pg 32]
     
    
    

     I’ve wondered if, when things that weigh a ton
    

    

     Flee from thy wrath, thou dost not deem it fun
    

    

     To chase folks that are so much bigger ’n you.
    

   

   

    

     Didst I accordin’ to my size possess
    

    

     The means for gettin’ even thou dost own,
    

    

     ’Twouldst be great sport to tackle—well, I guess!—
    

    

     A boy ’most any size, and hear him moan
    

    

     As I didst when thou gavest me that caress
    

    

     From something hotter than the torrid zone!
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 33]
    
   
  

  

   
    LINES WROTE ON A SUMMER DAY WHILST THINKIN’ OF A SODA-FOUNTAIN
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     When I’m a man I shalt not care to be
    

    

     The President of these United States:
    

    

     I’dst rather be the drug-store clerk who waits
    

    

     On people at the soda-fountain. He
    

    

     Hast lots more first-class fun, it seems to me,
    

    
     
      [Pg 34]
     
    
    

     For whilst the public dost not get rebates
    

    

     On soda, he canst get it at cut rates,
    

    

     And lots of times, I’ll bet, he gets it free!
    

   

   

    

     Of course, I know it must be pretty fine
    

    

     To hear the brass bands and the big bass drums
    

    

     Come marchin’ by the White House all in line
    

    

     And playin’: “See, the Conquerin’ Hero Comes!”
    

    

     And, yet, no presidential job in mine:
    

    

     The soda clerk’s the one that gets the plums!
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 35]
    
   
  

  

   
    LINES WROTE AFTER BEIN’ SCOLDED FOR NOT DOIN’ AS CHILDREN USED TO
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     I yearn’st to live to be ten times as old
    

    

     As wast Mathusalem, the patriarch:
    

    

     Then when some older person durst remark:
    

    

     “When I wast young the children weren’t so bold
    

    

     And always loved to do as they wert told,
    

    
     
      [Pg 36]
     
    
    

     And went to bed soon after it wast dark;”
    

    

     I’llst say to him: My errin’ friend, now hark
    

    

     To one who wilt no longer hear thee scold:
    

   

   

    

     I knew thy great-great-great-grand-parents when
    

    

     They wert sly youngsters vexin’ their poor nurse,
    

    

     And children now art good as they wert then!
    

    

     They always have been stubborn, mean, perverse,
    

    

     And always wilt be, since, alas! like men,
    

    

     They’re just as heaven makes them—only worse!
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 37]
    
   
  

  

   
    LINES WROTE ON READIN’ HOW CLEOPATRA MADE MEN ACT VERY FOOLISH
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     To-day I readst in an old history book
    

    

     How Cleopatra used to make men do
    

    

     Just any fool thing that she wanted to
    

    

     By givin’ them a “lovey-dovey” look.
    

    

     Time wast, long, long ago, when I’dst have shook
    

    
     
      [Pg 38]
     
    
    

     My head and saidst the story wast not true,
    

    

     But that, alas! that wast before I knew
    

    

     Miss Susan S. who hast my fancy took.
    

   

   

    

     To-day I hadst an apple I’dst have not
    

    

     Let any boy in school taste, but when she
    

    

     Asked couldst she have a bite and took a lot,
    

    

     I didst not mind at all, for, oh, to me,
    

    

     Where she hadst bit hadst somehow made the spot
    

    

     Taste awful sweet! Thus dost love rule us. See?
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 39]
    
   
  

  

   
    SONNET WROTE WHILST THINKIN’ WHAT I WOULDST DO WITH CARNEGIE’S GOLD
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     O Great Carnegie! With thy wealth, oh, my!
    

    

     I dost not know exactly what I’d do,
    

    

     But seem’st to me I’d have more fun than you
    

    

     Art havin’ with it. Anyhow, if I
    

    

     Hadst money, as they say, “to burn,” I’d try
    

    
     
      [Pg 40]
     
    
    

     To burn it here, for, oh! ’twouldst make me blue
    

    

     To think I’d have to smell it burnin’ through
    

    

     The endless eons of the by and by!
    

   

   

    

     And you can bet if I hadst gold in bins
    

    

     As thou hast got, in quantities so vast
    

    

     Thou canst not spend it, I’d buy diamond pins
    

    

     And soda water to the very last!
    

    

     And I’d be sorry that I wast not twins
    

    

     So I couldst spend my fortune twice as fast.
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 41]
    
   
  

  

   
    SOME THOUGHTS THOUGHT WHILST HAVIN’ TO BATHE IN A BATH-TUB
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     I don’t like bathin’ in a bath-tub. Say!
    

    

     It’s no more like a good old swimmin’-hole
    

    

     Where you can dive right in and splash and roll
    

    

     Or anything you please, than work’s like play!
    

    

     Some afternoon of a hot summer day
    

    
     
      [Pg 42]
     
    
    

     When thou from school and poky things hast stole,
    

    

     Oh, ain’t it good for heart and brain and soul
    

    

     To plunge right in and swim your own sweet way?
    

   

   

    

     I pity folks who bathe where they must wear
    

    

     A bathin’-suit! I wouldst have none in mine.
    

    

     Give me a good old shady corner where
    

    

     Nobody’s lookin’. That’s what I call “fine!”
    

    

     And when I bathe in this sawed-off affair,
    

    

     The swimmin’-hole’s the thing for which I pine.
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 43]
    
   
  

  

   
    LINES WROTE IN SCHOOL WHILST THROWIN’ GLANCES AT SUSAN SANDERSON
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     “Oh, what is love?” the poet asks. I guess
    

    

     I’dst better tell him. When a girl’s cheeks seem
    

    

     As fascinatin’ to you as ice-cream,
    

    

     And though snub-nosed and freckled, more or less,
    

    

     She’s still the phantom of pure loveliness
    

    
     
      [Pg 44]
     
    
    

     That ever and anon athwart your dream
    

    

     Comes stealin’, whilst you scheme and scheme and scheme
    

    

     To be where she is, thou ’rt in love! Oh, yes!
    

   

   

    

     When you keep thinkin’ how you’dst squeeze her hand
    

    

     If sometime thou couldst be her little glove,
    

    

     And if thou feelst that thou wouldst like to stand,
    

    

     With only just the frosty stars above,
    

    

     In some big snowdrift ’neath her window and
    

    

     Stay there forever, then thou art in love!
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 45]
    
   
  

  

   
    THOUGHTS THOUGHT WHILST MOWIN’ THE LAWN ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     O Circus Day! So very brief art thou,
    

    

     From early morn when first doth rise the tent
    

    

     Till midnight comes and all the show hath went;
    

    

     Thou ’rt like a swiftly passin’ dream. Oh, how
    

    

     I wish the laggin’ tasks that wet the brow
    

    
     
      [Pg 46]
     
    
    

     With per-spi-ra-tion (sweat is what I meant)
    

    

     Would haste as thou dost haste. How different
    

    

     This world wouldst be from what we find it now!
    

   

   

    

     Or ’twouldst be better still if time wouldst pass,
    

    

     Whilst laughin’ at the antics of the clown,
    

    

     As slow as run’st the sands within the glass
    

    

     Whilst I, ’neath sun that almost melts me down,
    

    

     Must mow the lawn. O Fate, why must, alas!
    

    

     Thy smile be so much shorter than thy frown?
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 47]
    
   
  

  

   
    SONNET WROTE ON THE FLY-LEAF OF MY GRAMMAR DURIN’ SCHOOL HOURS
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     O Education! Maybe thou art all
    

    

     Our teachers tell us, but just let me say
    

    

     That if my folks wouldst let me have my way,
    

    

     From early Spring till frost comes in the Fall
    

    

     I’dst be outdoors, you bet! a-playin’ ball
    

    
     
      [Pg 48]
     
    
    

     Or otherwise enjoyin’ each fine day.
    

    

     It seem’st a shame for boys to have to stay
    

    

     Like culprits shut in by a prison wall!
    

   

   

    

     I guess if you get rich folks wilt not care
    

    

     If you don’tst know your grammar to a T,
    

    

     For baby boys, you’llst find ’most everywhere,
    

    

     Art named for uncles who hast money, see?
    

    

     Though they hain’tst got no learnin’ they canst spare
    

    

     Nor never spell their ’taters with a p.
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 49]
    
   
  

  

   
    THOUGHTS THOUGHT ON HEARIN’ FOLKS FIND FAULT WITH THE WEATHER
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     I love cold winter weather with the snow
    

    

     A-driftin’ on the walks I hast to clear,
    

    

     And frost a-bitin’ nose and cheek and ear,
    

    

     With the thermometer “away below.”
    

    

     I also love the summer when it’s so
    

    
     
      [Pg 50]
     
    
    

     Red-hot that clothes next to you all “adhere”
    

    

     And everybody’s frantic, pretty near,
    

    

     And sayin’ things that hot folks dost, you know?
    

   

   

    

     I love both seasons, but I wish I could
    

    

     Enjoy them whilst they’re with us, for, you see,
    

    

     It’s winter when the summer seem’st so good,
    

    

     And summer when the winter pleases me.
    

    

     But, somehow, I have never understood
    

    

     Why either of them whilst it’s here’s “n. g.”
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 51]
    
   
  

  

   
    LINES WROTE AFTER SEEIN’ SHAKESPEARE’S HAMLET FROM AN UPPER GALLERY
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     O Shakespeare! Thou whom’st all the world dost think
    

    

     Hast written some good things, I, too, wouldst pay
    

    

     My best respects to thee; yet, wouldst I say
    

    

     That whilst I like thee yet I dost not shrink
    

    
     
      [Pg 52]
     
    
    

     From tellin’ thee that thou art on the “blink”
    

    

     And very sadly out of date to-day.
    

    

     Still, if thou’lt follow my advice thou may
    

    

     Still count as one of us, and get more “chink.”
    

   

   

    

     Your plays ain’t any good the way they stand:
    

    

     Thou ought’st to tone them up with something nice:
    

    

     Some coon-songs, fire-engines, blood-hounds and
    

    

     A swingin’ bridge and chunks of floatin’ ice
    

    

     Wouldst make your old plays draw to beat the band,
    

    

     And folks wouldst crowd your show at any price!
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 53]
    
   
  

  

   
    SONNET WROTE WHILST RETROSPECTIVELY CONTEMPLATIN’ MY FIRST CIGAR
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     Oh, woe is me! and other things like that!
    

    

     Yestreen I soughtst to smoke my first cigar:
    

    

     It gav’st my system a tremendous jar!
    

    

     I didst not have the gumption of a gnat.
    

    

     All night I couldst not tell where I wast at.
    

    
     
      [Pg 54]
     
    
    

     I wish I knew just what those cheap smokes are;
    

    

     It seem’st to me they’re made of glue and tar.
    

    

     Ah, me! I’m weaker than a half-starved cat.
    

   

   

    

     Oh, let them smoke henceforth, say’st I, who will,
    

    

     For who am I that I shouldst dare condemn
    

    

     Their vile tobacco? I have hadst my fill:
    

    

     Let others have it; I sha’n’tst envy them,
    

    

     For I’llst not never smoke no more until
    

    

     I’m ten times older than Mathusalem!
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 55]
    
   
  

  

   
    SONNET WROTE WHILST THINKIN’ ABOUT A VACATION SPENT ON A FARM
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     O Farmer, independentest of all
    

    

     Mankind art thou! I know, because, last year
    

    

     I spent my whole vacation, pretty near,
    

    

     On Uncle Eben’s farm, and though I’m small,
    

    

     I hoed the corn and beans, and helped him haul
    

    
     
      [Pg 56]
     
    
    

     And stack his hay. I’dst work until I’dst fear
    

    

     I’dst just drop down and end my sad career
    

    

     Before they’dst give the welcome dinner call.
    

   

   

    

     My uncle dost not weigh his words with care,
    

    

     For once he told me that I wast a shirk;
    

    

     But I wouldst rather breathe the country air
    

    

     Than be a shut-in office-boy or clerk;
    

    

     For I found out whilst visitin’ out there
    

    

     That I like farmin’, but I hate farm work.
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 57]
    
   
  

  

   
    LINES COMPOSED AFTER SEEIN’ A BOOK FULL OF BYRON’S LOVE LETTERS
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     One reason why I’m ’most afraid to get
    

    

     So famous like we poets always do,
    

    

     Is that they’ll print my spoony letters, too,
    

    

     As is the way with all of us who let
    

    

     Our fancies caper. Hadst I thought whilst yet
    

    
     
      [Pg 58]
     
    
    

     Unknown, I’dst be a poet, quite a few
    

    

     Endearin’ words with which I soughtst to woo
    

    

     More girls than one I’dst not have wrote, you bet!
    

   

   

    

     If Susan Sanderson shouldst find I sent
    

    

     The valentine I saidst I wrote for her
    

    

     To Jane Jones, too, the thirty cents I’ve spent
    

    

     For soda water’s wasted, I’dst infer:
    

    

     Why must we poets do things we’ll repent?
    

    

     And oh! why thus didst me and Byron err?
    

   

  

  

   
  

  

  

   
    
     [Pg 59]
    
   
  

  

   
    SONNET WROTE AFTER HEARIN’ A YOUTH ORATIN’ ABOUT “CASABIANCA”
   
  

  

   
  

  

   

    

     O Boy, that stood’st upon the burnin’ deck
    

    

     And gotst thyself in our school readers and
    

    

     The “Whoop-’er-up” school speakers of our land
    

    

     Because thou wouldst not leave that sinkin’ wreck,
    

    

     Oh, don’tst thou think if thou hadst saved thy neck
    

    
     
      [Pg 60]
     
    
    

     And wisely cut and run to beat the band,
    

    

     Thou couldst have later done things still more grand?
    

    

     Alas! too soon didst death thy valor check!
    

   

   

    

     Oh, didst thou stay because thou couldst not swim?
    

    

     Or wast it fame for which thy heart didst yearn?
    

    

     Of course thou gotst a name time canst not dim,
    

    

     But seemst to me that all I canst discern
    

    

     In thy foolhardy, stickin’-to-it whim
    

    

     Is that thou deemed the world hadst boys to burn.