CAPTAIN CHAOS

I heard the voice as I opened my eyes. I was lying down, still not aware of where I was, waiting for the voice.

"Your name is David Corbin. Do you understand?"

I looked in the direction of the sound. Above my feet a bulkhead loomed. There were round dials set in a row above a speaker. Over the mesh-covered speaker, two knobs glowed red. I ran the words over in my sluggish mind, thinking about an answer. The muscles in my throat tightened up in reflex as I tried to bring some unity into the jumble of thoughts and ideas that kept forming. One word formed out of the rush of anxiety.

"No."

I shouted a protest against the strangeness of the room. I looked to the right, my eyes following the curving ceiling that started at the cot. The curve met another straight bulkhead on the left. I was in a small room, gray in color, like dull metal. Overhead a bright light burned into my vision. I wondered where in the universe I was.

"Your name is David Corbin. If you understand, press button A on your right."

I stared at the speaker in the wall. The mesh-covered hole and the two lights looked like a caricature of a face, set in a panel of dials. I twisted my head to look for the button. I pushed away from the close wall but I couldn't move. I reached down to the tightness that held my body, found the wide strap that held me and fumbled with the buckle. I threw it off and pushed myself up from the hard cot. I heard myself yell in surprise as I floated up towards the light overhead.

I was weightless.

How do you describe being weightless when you are born into a world bound by gravity. I twisted and shut my eyes in terror. There was no sensation of place, no feeling of up or down, no direction. My back bumped against the ceiling and I opened my eyes to stare at the cot and floor. I was concentrating too hard on remembering to be frightened for long. I pushed away from the warm metal and the floor moved up to meet me.

"If you understand, press button A on your right."

What should I understand? That I was floating in a room that had a curved wall ... that nothing was right in this hostile room?

When I reached the cot I held it and drew myself down. I glanced at the planes of the room, trying to place it with other rooms I could see in my mind. Gray walls with a crazy curved ceiling ... a door to my left that appeared to be air tight.

I stared at my familiar hands. I rubbed them across my face, feeling the solidity of flesh and bone, afraid to think too hard about myself.

"My name ... my name is...."

"Your name is David Corbin."

I stared at the speaker. How long did this go on? The name meant nothing to me, but I thought about it, watching the relentless lights that shone below the dials. I stood up slowly and looked at myself. I was naked except for heavy shorts, and there was no clue to my name in the pockets. The room was warm and the air I had been breathing was good but it seemed wrong to be dressed like this. I didn't know why. I thought about insanity, and the room seemed to fit my thoughts. When the voice repeated the message again I had to act. Walking was like treading water that couldn't be seen or felt.

I floated against the door, twisting the handle in fear that it wouldn't turn. The handle clanged as I pushed it down and I stared at the opposite wall of a narrow gray passageway. I pushed out into it and grasped the metal rail that ran along the wall. I reasoned it was there to propel yourself through the passageway in this weightless atmosphere.

It was effortless to move. I turned on my side like a swimmer and went hand over hand, shooting down the corridor. I braced against forward motion and stopped against a door at the end. Behind me I could see the opened door I had left, and the thought of that questioning voice made me want to move. I swung the door open, catching a glimpse of a room crowded with equipment and....

I will always remember the scream of terror, the paralyzing fright of what I saw through the portholes in the wall of the room. I saw the blackest night, pierced by brilliance that blinded me. There was no depth to the searing brightness of countless stars. They seemed to press against the glass, blobs of fire against a black curtain burning into my eyes and brain.

It was space.

I looked out at deep space, star systems in clusters. I shut my eyes. When I looked again I knew where I was. Why the little room had been shaped like quarter round. Why I drifted weightlessly. Why I was....

David Corbin.

I knew more of the puzzle. Something was wrong. After the first shock of looking out, I accepted the fact that I was in a space ship, yet I couldn't read the maps that were fastened to a table, nor understand the function or design of the compact machinery.

WHY, Why, Why? The thought kept pounding at me. I was afraid to touch anything in the room. I pressed against the clear window, wondering if the stars were familiar. I had a brief vivid picture of a night sky on Earth. This was not the same sky.

Back in the room where I had awakened, I touched the panel with the glowing eyes. It had asked me if I understood. Now it must tell me why I didn't. It had to help me, that flat metallic voice that repeated the same words. It must tell me....

"Your name is David Corbin. If you understand, press button A on your right."

I pressed the button by the cot. The red lights blinked out as I stood in patient attention, trying to outguess the voice. I recalled a phrase ... some words about precaution.

Precaution against forgetting.

It was crazy, but I trusted the panel. It was the only thing I saw that could help me, guard me against another shock like seeing outside of the clear portholes.

"It is assumed the experiment is a success," the voice said.

What experiment?

"You have been removed from suspension. Assume manual control of this ship."

Control of a ship? Going where?

"Do not begin operations until the others are removed from suspension."

What others? Tell me what to do.

"Rely on instructions for factoring when you check the coordinates. Your maximum deviation from schedule cannot exceed two degrees. Adopt emergency procedures as you see fit. Good luck."

The voice snapped off and I laughed hysterically. None of it had made sense, and I cursed whatever madness had put me here.

"Tell me what to do," I shouted wildly. I hammered the hard metal until the pain in my hands made me stop.

"I can't remember what to do."

I held my bruised hands to my mouth, and I knew that was all the message there was. In blind panic I pushed away from the panel. Something tripped me and I fell back in a graceless arc. I pushed away from the floor, barely feeling the pain in my leg, and went into the hall.

Pain burned along my leg but I couldn't stop. In the first panic of waking up in strangeness I had missed the other doors in the passage. The first swung back to reveal a deep closet holding five bulky suits. The second room was like my own. A dark haired, deep chested man lay on the cot. His muscular body was secured by a wide belt. He was as still as death, motionless without warmth or breath as I hovered over him.

I couldn't remember his face.

The next room held another man. He was young and wiry, like an athlete cast in marble, dark haired and big jawed. A glassy eye stared up when I rolled back his eyelid. The eyelid remained open until I closed it and went on. Another room ... another man ... another stranger. This man was tall and raw boned, light of skin and hair, as dead as the others.

A flat, illogical voice had instructed me to revive these men. I shivered in spite of the warmth of the room, studying the black box that squatted on a shelf by his head. My hand shook when I touched the metal. I dared not try to operate anything. Revive the others ... instructions without knowledge were useless to me. I stopped looking into the doors in the passageway and went back to the room with the portholes. Everything lay in readiness, fastened down star charts, instruments, glittering equipment. There was no feeling of disorder or use in the room. It waited for human hands to make it operate.

Not mine. Not now.

I went past the room into another, where the curves were more sharp. I could visualize the tapering hull leading to the nose of the ship. This room was filled with equipment that formed a room out of the bordered area I stood in. I sat in the deep chair facing the panel of dials and instruments, in easy reach. I ran my hands over the dials, the rows of smooth colored buttons, wondering.

The ports on the side were shielded and I stared out at static energy, hung motionless in a world of searing light. There was no distortion, no movement outside and I glanced back at the dials. What speeds were they recording? What speeds and perhaps, what distance? It was useless to translate the markings. They stood for anything I might guess, and something kept pricking my mind, telling me I had no time to guess. I thought of time again. I was supposed to act according to ... plan. Did that mean ... in time ... in time. I went back down the passageway.

The fourth small room was the same. Except for the woman. She lay on a cot, young and beautiful, even in the death-like immobility I had come to accept. Her beauty was graceful lines of face and her figure—smooth tapering legs, soft curves that were carved out of flesh colored stone. Yet not stone. I held her small hand, then put it back on the cot. Her attire was brief like the rest of us, shorts and a man's shirt. Golden hair curled up around her lovely face. I wondered if she would ever smile or move that graceful head. I rolled back her eyelid and looked at a deep blue eye that stared back in glassy surprise. Four people in all, depending on a blind helpless fool who didn't know their names or the reason for that dependence. I sat beside her on the cot until I could stand it no longer.

Searching the ship made me forget my fear. I hoped I would find some answers. I went from the nose to the last bulkhead in a frenzy of floating motion, looking behind each door until I went as far as I could. There were two levels to the ship. They both ended in the lead shield that was set where the swell of the curve was biggest. It meant the engine or engines took up half the ship, cut off from the forward half by the instrument studded shield. I retraced my steps and took a rough estimate of size. The ship, as I called it, was at least four hundred feet long, fifty feet in diameter on the inside.

The silence was a force in itself, pressing down from the metal walls, driving me back to the comforting smallness of the room where I had been reborn. I laughed bitterly, thinking about the aptness of that. I had literally been reborn in this room, equipped with half ideas, and no point to start from, no premise to seek. I sensed the place to start from was back in the room. I searched it carefully.

Minutes later I realized the apparatus by the cot was different. It was the same type of black box, but out from it was a metal arm, bent in a funny angle. At the tip of the arm, a needle gleamed dully and I rubbed the deep gash on my leg. I bent the arm back until the angle looked right. It was then I realized the needle came to a spot where it could have hit my neck when I lay down. My shout of excitement rang out in the room, as I pictured the action of the extended arm. I lost my sudden elation in the cabin where the girl lay. The box behind her head was completely closed, and it didn't yield to the pressure I applied. It had a cover, but no other opening where an arm could extend. I ran my fingers over the unbroken surface, prying over the thin crack at the base helplessly. If some sort of antidote was to be administered manually I was lost. I had no knowledge of what to inject or where to look for it. The chamber of the needle that had awakened me was empty. That meant a measured amount.

In the laboratory on the lower level I went over the rows of cans and tubes fastened to the shelves. There were earths and minerals, seeds and chemicals, testing equipment in compact drawers, but nothing marked for me. I wondered if I was an engineer or a pilot, or perhaps a doctor sent along to safeguard the others. Complete amnesia would have been terrible enough but this half knowledge, part awareness and association with the ship was a frightening force that seemed ready to break out of me.

I went back to the cabin where the powerful man lay. I had to risk failure with one of them. I didn't want it to be the girl. I fought down the thought that he might be the key man, remembering the voice that had given the message. It was up to me, and soon. The metal in the box would have withstood a bullet. It couldn't be pried apart, and I searched again and again for a release mechanism.

I found it.

I swung the massive cover off and set it down. The equipment waited for the touch of a button and it went into operation. I stepped back as the tubes glowed to life and the arm swung down with the gleaming needle. The needle went into the corded neck of the man. The fluid chamber drained under pressure and the arm moved back.

I stood by the man for long minutes. Finally it came. He stirred restlessly, closing his hands into fists. The deep chest rose and fell unevenly as he breathed. Finally the eyes opened and he looked at me. I watched him adjust to the room. It was in his eyes, wide at first, moving about the confines of the room back to me.

"It looks like we made it," he said.

"Yes."

He unfastened the belt and sat up. I pushed him back as he floated up finding little humor in the comic expression on his face.

"No gravity," he grunted and sat back.

"You get used to it fast," I answered. I thought of what to say as he watched me. "How do you feel?"

He shrugged at the question. "Fine, I guess. Funny, I can't remember."

He saw it in my face, making him stop. "I can't remember dropping off to sleep," he finished.

I held his hard arm. "What else? How much do you remember?"

"I'm all right," he answered. "There aren't supposed to be any effects from this."

"Who is in charge of this ship?" I asked.

He tensed suddenly. "You are, sir. Why?"

I moved away from the cot. "Listen, I can't remember. I don't know your name or anything about this ship."

"What do you mean? What can't you remember?" he asked. He stood up slowly, edging around towards the door. I didn't want to fight him. I wanted him to understand. "Look, I'm in trouble. Nothing fits, except my name."

"You don't know me?"

"No."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, yes. I don't know why but it's happened."

He let his breath out in a whistle. "For God's sake. Any bump on your head?"

"I feel all right physically. I just can't place enough."

"The others. What about the others?" he blurted.

"I don't know. You're the first besides myself. I don't know how I stumbled on the way to revive you."

He shook his head, watching me like I was a freak. "Let's check the rest right away."

"Yes. I've got to know if they are like me. I'm afraid to think they might be."

"Maybe it's temporary. We can figure something out."

II

The second man, the dark haired one, opened his eyes and recognized us. He asked questions in rapid fire excitement. The third man, the tall Viking, was all right until he moved. The weightless sensation made him violently sick. We put him back on the cot, securing him again with the belt, but the sight of us floating made him shake. He was retching without results when we drifted out. I followed him to the girl's quarters.

"What about her. Why is she here?" I asked my companion.

He lifted the cover from the apparatus. "She's the chemist in the crew."

"A girl?"

"Dr. Thiesen is an expert, trained for this," he said.

I looked at her. She looked anything but like a chemist.

"There must be men who could have been sent. I've been wondering why a girl."

"I don't know why, Captain. You tried to stop her before. Age and experience were all that mattered to the brass."

"It's a bad thing to do."

"I suppose. The mission stated one chemist."

"What is the mission of this ship?" I asked.

He held up his hand. "We'd better wait, sir. Everything was supposed to be all right on this end. First you, then Carl, sick to his stomach."

"Okay. I'll hold the questions until we see about her."

We were out of luck with the girl. She woke up and she was frightened. We questioned her and she was coherent but she couldn't remember. I tried to smile as I sat on the cot, wondering what she was thinking.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

Her face was a mask of wide-eyed fear as she shook her head.

"Can you remember?"

"I don't know." Blue eyes stared at me in fear. Her voice was low.

"Do you know my name?"

The question frightened her. "Should I? I feel so strange. Give me a minute to think."

I let her sit up slowly. "Do you know your name?"

She tightened up in my arms. "Yes. It's...." She looked at us for help, frightened by the lack of clothing we wore, by the bleak room. Her eyes circled the room. "I'm afraid," she cried. I held her and she shook uncontrollably.

"What's happened to me?" she asked.

The dark haired man came into the room, silent and watchful. My companion motioned to him. "Get Carl and meet us in Control."

The man looked at me and I nodded. "We'll be there in a moment. I'm afraid we've got trouble."

He nodded and pushed away from us. The girl screamed and covered her face with her hands. I turned to the other man. "What's your name?"

"Croft. John Croft."

"John, what are your duties if any?"

"Automatic control. I helped to install it."

"Can you run this ship? How about the other two?"

He hit his hands together. "You fly it, sir. Can't you think?"

"I'm trying. I know the ship is familiar, but I've looked it over. Maybe I'm trying too hard."

"You flew her from earth until we went into suspension," he said.

"I can't remember when," I said. I held the trembling girl against me, shaking my head.

He glanced at the girl. "If the calculations are right it was more than a hundred years ago."

We assembled in the control room for a council. We were all a little better for being together. John Croft named the others for me. I searched each face without recognition. The blond man was Carl Herrick, a metallurgist. His lean face was white from his spell but he was better. Paul Sample was a biologist, John said. He was lithe and restless, with dark eyes that studied the rest of us. I looked at the girl. She was staring out of the ports, her hands pressed against the transparent break in the smooth wall. Karen Thiesen was a chemist, now frightened and trying to remember.

I wasn't in much better condition. "Look, if it comes too fast for me, for any of us, we'll stop. John, you can lead off."

"You ask the questions," he said.

I indicated the ship. "Where in creation are we going?"

"We set out from Earth for a single star in the direction of the center of our Galaxy."

"From Earth? How could we?"

"Let's move slowly, sir," he said. "We're moving fast. I don't know if you can picture it, but we're going about one hundred thousand miles an hour."

"Through space?"

"Yes."

"What direction?"

Paul cut in. "It's a G type star, like our own sun in mass and luminosity. We hope to find a planetary system capable of supporting life."

"I can't grasp it. How can we go very far in a lifetime?"

"It can be done in two lifetimes," John said quietly.

"You said I had flown this ship. You meant before this suspension."

"Yes. That's why we can cross space to a near star."

"How long ago was it?"

"It was set at about a hundred years, sir. Doesn't that fit at all?"

"I can't believe it's possible."

Carl caught my eye. "Captain, we save this time without aging at all. It puts us near a calculated destination."

"We've lost our lifetime." It was Karen. She had been crying silently while we talked.

"Don't think about it," Paul said. "We can still pull this out all right if you don't lose your nerve."

"What are we to do?" she asked.

John answered for me. "First we've got to find out where we are. I know this ship but I can't fly it."

"Can I?" I asked.

We set up a temporary plan of action. Paul took Karen to the laboratory in an effort to help her remember her job. Carl went back to divide the rations.

I was to study the charts and manuals. It was better than doing nothing, and I went into the navigation room and sat down. Earth was an infinitesimal point somewhere behind us on the galactic plane, and no one else was trained to navigate. The ship thundered to life as I sat there. The blast roared once ... twice, then settled into a muted crescendo of sound that hummed through the walls. I went into the control room and watched John at the panel.

"I wish I knew what you were doing," I said savagely.

"Give it time."

"We can't spare any, can we?" I asked.

"I wish we knew. What about her—Dr. Thiesen?"

"She's in the lab. I don't think that will do much good. She's got to be shocked out of a mental state like that."

"I guess you're right," he said slowly. "She's trained to administer the suspension on the return trip."

I let my breath out slowly. "I didn't think about that."

"We couldn't even get part way back in a lifetime," he said.

"How old are you, John?"

"Twenty-eight."

"What about me?"

"Thirty." He stared at the panel in thought for a minutes. "What about shock treatment? It sounds risky."

"I know. It's the only thing I could think of. Why didn't everyone react the same?"

"That had me wondering for a while. I don't know. Anyway how could you go about making her remember?"

"Throw a crisis, some situation at her, I guess."

He shrugged, letting his sure hands rest on the panel of dials. I headed back towards the lab. If I could help her I might help myself. I was past the rooms when the horn blasted through the corridor. I turned automatically with the sound, pushing against the rail, towards the control room. Deep in my mind I could see danger, and without questioning why I knew I had to be at Control when the sound knifed through the stillness. John was shouting as I thrust my way into the room.

"Turn the ship. There's something dead ahead."

I had a glimpse of his contorted face as I dove at the control board. My hands hit buttons, thumbed a switch and then a sudden force threw me to the right. I slammed into the panel on the right, as the pressure of the change dimmed my vision. Reflex made me look up at the radar control screen.

It wasn't operating.

John let go of the padded chair, grinning weakly. I was busy for a few seconds, feeding compensation into the gyros. Relief flooded through me like warm liquid. I hung on the intercom for support, drawing air into my heaving lungs.

"What—made you—think of that," I asked weakly.

"Shock treatment."

"I must have acted on instinct."

"You did. Even for a sick man that was pretty fast," he laughed.

"I can think again, John. I know who I am," I shouted. I threw my arms around his massive shoulders. "You did it."

"You gave me the idea, Mister, talking about Dr. Thiesen."

"It worked. I'm okay," I said in giddy relief.

"I don't have to tell you I was scared as hell. I wish you could have seen your face, the look in your eyes when I woke up."

"I wouldn't want to wake up like that again."

"You're all right now?" he asked. I grinned and nodded an answer. I saw John as he was at the base, big and competent, sweating in the blazing sun.

I thought about the rest of the crew too. "We're heading right for a star...."

"It's been dead ahead for hours," he grunted. I leaned over and threw the intercom to open. "This is control. Listen ... everyone. I'm over it. Disregard the warning siren ... we were testing the ship."

The lab light blinked on as Paul cut in. "What was it ... hey, you said you're all right."

"John did it. He hit the alarm figuring I would react. Listen, Paul. Is any one hurt?"

"No. Carl is here too. His stomach flopped again but he's okay. What about food. We're supposed to be checked before we eat."

"We'll have to go ahead without it. Any change?"

"No, I put her to bed. Shall I bring food?"

I glanced at John. He rubbed his stomach. "Yes," I answered. "Bring it when you can. I've got to find out where we are."

We had to get off course before we ran into the yellow-white star that had been picked for us. Food was set down by me, grew cold and was carried away and I was still rechecking the figures. We were on a line ten degrees above the galactic plane. The parallactic baseline from Earth to the single star could be in error several degrees, or we could be right on the calculated position of the star. The radar confirmed my findings ... and my worst fears. When we set it for direction and distance, the screen glowed to life and recorded the star dead ahead.

In all the distant star clusters, only this G type star was thought to have a planetary system like our own. We were out on a gamble to find a planet capable of supporting life. The idea had intrigued scientists before I had first looked up at the night sky. When I was sure the electronically recorded course was accurate for time, I checked direction and speed from the readings and plotted our position. If I was right we were much closer than we wanted to be. The bright pips on the screen gave us the distance and size of the star while we fed the figures into the calculator for our rate of approach.

Spectroscopic tests were run on the sun and checked against the figures that had been calculated on Earth. We analyzed temperature, magnetic fields, radial motion, density and luminosity, checking against the standards the scientists had constructed. It was a G type star like our own. It had more density and temperature and suitable planets or not, we had to change course in a hurry. Carl analyzed the findings while we came to a decision. Somewhere along an orbit that might be two hundred miles across, our hypothetical planet circled this star. That distance was selected when the planets in Earth's solar system had proved to be barren. If the observations on this star were correct, we could expect to find a planet in a state of fertility ... if it existed ... if it were suitable for colonization ... if we could find it.

"So far, so good," said Carl as he laid the papers down.

"What's your guess about planets?"

Carl shrugged. "I wouldn't care to even guess that."

"Here's something," Paul shouted and we looked up at the screen.

Another mass was recorded. "It's too close," he commented. "But it's something at least."

"We'll have to head for a probable orbit and follow it," I said.

"The whole thing looks improbable up close," John said.

"I agree," Paul said.

"Consider this. We're thirty days past its probable orbit. That's quite some figuring, roughly a small fraction of one percent. Unbelievably small error considering the distance we've come. I'm willing to stake my life that there will be such a planet."

"One thing," said John, "if this planet should exist we can find it in less than a year by following its probable orbit."

"That's half our answer," Carl said. "We can still look farther out with the radar."

John shook his head ponderously. "I remember when they first tested this drive. To the moon and back in sixty hours, with the ship so hot you could fry eggs on the wall. Now with the bugs taken out we can hit two million miles in an Earth day."

"Remember Ellington talking about the speed of light within the realm of fuels and metals?"

"Yeah. We could meet some of our children's children coming out to meet us."

"Except that married men didn't make this trip," I reminded them.

When we turned and set up an arbitrary course we were within forty million miles of the brilliant sun. Opaque shields went over the portholes to keep out the blinding glare, and we settled down to the routine of resting and watching the instruments. I set up two man watches, partly to keep us from getting in each other's way in the crowded quarters. The ship, with its bulk cut in half by the engines had never been designed for comfort. There was enough room for flight operations, but little privacy. Besides the five small cabins on the upper level there was a series of equipment lockers and the larger navigation and control room.

Below, the gallery and the laboratory were set forward of the air lock. Another small room where waste could be jettisoned out, broke up the pattern of equipment that was braced sideways for landing. Adequate space, if not ample, but Karen presented a problem. Scientist or not, she was a woman who hadn't realized that privacy would be hard to achieve aboard the ship.

We changed our comfortable attire for uniforms from the clothing locker, and tried to ignore Karen's brief costume. At the start of my third watch I met Paul coming out of Karen's room.

"Paul, you and John better get some rest. I'll call you in six hours if nothing comes up."

"Okay sir. I was just looking in on her."

I met his glance, knowing how he had felt about her back at the base.

"I wasn't checking on you. We all feel badly about Dr. Thiesen. Has she made any progress?" I asked.

"No," he said flatly. "Whatever it is, we'll have to wait and hope she gets better. I've tried talking to her." His face was set in hard lines as he spoke. "She doesn't know me. Talks a little about the field at El Paso. Not much sense to it."

"Why did she have to come?" I asked. It had bothered me since I first placed my background. I hadn't known her very well at the base. There had been conferences we attended together, but her clinical attitude and the shapeless white uniform she wore gave her a neutral quality. I had never seen what she was like physically until now. I sat with her and Paul at a night club one night, staring across a table at a tanned goddess in a low cut gown that shimmered in the candlelight. She had spoiled the moment when she laughed and teased me about taking time out for a drink. Later there had been a few dances, brief conversations about people and events. Nothing on a personal basis. I had been in love with her for months but preparations for the trip kept me too busy to do anything about it. Now she was here.

"You asked me that several times," Paul said. "She's a trained technician. Isn't that enough?"

"You knew her better than anyone at the base, didn't you?"

"Better than most guys. There were always plenty of guys who asked her out. I knew she could only see one guy. That's all we ever talked about."

"I'm sorry I mentioned it."

"Forget it. He didn't give her a tumble."

"Real brainy guy, I'll bet."

Paul changed the subject. "Anything of interest yet. We didn't pick up a thing."

"Carl is checking again. If we don't hit it we'll have to go farther out," I said.

"It may be out there, but the chances get down to infinitesimal percents," he said wearily.

"You said it was possible."

"Anything is possible. Find a mass that has cooled sufficiently to provide the right temperature for the accomplishment of chemical processes, maybe you'll find a system capable of supporting life."

"We may not find it, but I had to see what was this close."

Paul smiled briefly. "Whither thou goest ... I can't get sympathetic about an overcrowded condition on Earth. Hell, birth control could have helped the balance of nature, but this—this is worth looking for."

III

I drifted in to talk with Karen. She turned her head to look at me.

"How do you feel?" I asked briskly.

She had control of her emotions, after the first shock had worn off.

"I feel better ... thank you." Lines of concentration were in her lovely face.

"Would you like some water?"

"Paul brought me some."

"Do you know Paul?"

She shook her head, "No. I know your names. What did you think about when you woke up?"

"Not much of anything. I could remember a little. That's what made it so hard to take."

"I remember a part of it, I think," she said hopefully.

"You just rest. You'll be fine in no time."

She looked at me until I turned away in confusion. "Did we know each other before?"

"Yes."

"What does that mean when you say it like that?"

"I didn't know you very well. You were busy most of the time, or just not around. It means I would have liked to know you better if it had been possible."

"What do I look like?" she asked.

I could see her sitting across a small table, looking at me over graceful hands that held a wine glass.

"Don't you know?"

She shook her golden curls. "I never thought about it until now."

I found a thick, stainless metal tray in the galley and brought it to her. She looked at her reflection. She held it to her breast with hands folded over it and closed her troubled eyes.

We recorded the presence of an unknown mass ten days later. It was on the orbit we had intercepted. The electronic radar screen gave us the first indication, transmitting its speed and size into figures that were fed into the calculator. We set the ship on automatic control, tracking the body by instrument. For the next two weeks we were in a constantly shortening trajectory.

Our course was navigated by the slower moving stars beyond the planet as the sleek ship carried us closer, day by day. The discovery of the planet had snapped Karen out of the lethargic condition she had come to know as her existence.

Carl worked with her in the lab while we installed the deceleration cots in the navigation room. The padded chair in the control room was positioned so I could check our rate of fall in the radar when we came in tail first. The last two days sleep was forgotten as we spent our time in front of the screen, watching the image grow larger and larger, processing the constant readings into the automatic equipment that gave us specifications on our new world.

It was slightly larger than Earth, with a mass six times heavier than water. On the last day we began to perceive the variations in the surface. It was mostly covered with water, with a large land mass cutting diagonally from the tipped polar cap to the high south latitudes. Other lands masses were revealed as the planet revolved in thirty earth hours.

"Look at this," Carl said.

He thrust a rough map towards us. "Here's the distribution of land and water. It's probably in a stage like the Cenozoic era. These mountains are rugged, not worn down by wind or weather. Here, this looks like glacial activity down into the temperate zone."

We studied the penciled map he had drawn. There was no resemblance to Earth, but when the spectrograph analysis showed vegetation we began to think of it as home.

How shall I describe what we felt when the ship thudded on solid ground? My ears were still pounding with the echo of the roaring jets, as I lay on my back in the chair and watched the radar pip off point zero. Gravity was a new sensation, pulling me back and making my head ache as blood rushed to it. The engines had cut out, yet I still felt the vibration going through it. It was daylight on the planet and golden brightness poured into the ship.

There was an air of dulled emotion in the others as if they could absorb only so much newness and no more. I felt it too as I climbed down to them. We crowded around the porthole talking excitedly.

"What do you make of it," John asked.

I stood by Karen, looking out in silence. We were three hundred and fifty feet in the air. Below I could see the fin of the tail. Out from that a carpet of vegetation sloped up to a jungle-like forest of leafy trees. Everything was blue in color as far as I could see.

"I'd like to walk around down there," Carl said.

"Anything moving?" Paul asked.

"Not that I can see. A few clouds, sort of low over those peaks."

I had the eerie sensation that it looked familiar. All but the color.

"It looks like an unexplored jungle," Karen said.

"I wonder what's out there," Paul said. Far away to the left of the ship, a series of raw mountains thrust up like hackles into the thick clouds. "We may as well run some tests now. Maybe we can go outside while it's still light," Carl suggested.

"Or maybe we won't go out at all," I remarked. The valley where the ship had landed looked too peaceful.

We climbed down the wall ladder to the laboratory. Captive air filled a pressure tank while I watched them set up the testing equipment. We had picked a region near water in the temperate belt of the planet, and the temperature recorded seventy degrees with the sun overhead as Carl started to analyze the gas structure of the atmosphere.

"What are you doing?" Karen asked. She had found a skirt to wear. Her blonde hair was long, tied back with a ribbon. I would have felt more at ease if she hadn't groomed herself while we went ahead to the lab.

"Testing the air, Doctor," Carl grunted.

She thrust her hands into the pockets of the skirt, standing with her feet wide spread, man fashion.

"Are we going outside?" she asked.

"We're not going to a picnic," I blurted sharply, thinking about the equipment we would have to lower from the ship. I was sorry I had spoken forgetting for an instant the rough time she was having. She stepped back at the loudness of my voice, crimson spreading to her cheeks. She bit her lip, blurting, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. We're all getting jumpy I guess," I said.

Paul stepped to her and put his arm around her shoulders in assurance. "We will know in a few minutes."

"I just wanted to walk in the sunshine," she said. "It was always so hot at El Paso. The heat used to make the mountains shimmer."

Paul straightened up. "Do you remember the base?"

She nodded, "Yes. I used to work in a white building. We had a radio in lab but it never played when they tested the engines."

"Do you remember the little bar?"

"I think so ... where I danced and a funny man made faces when he played the piano," she mused. Paul shook his head at us. We had stopped watching the colors change in the tubes. I could picture the squat concrete buildings that sat on a checkerboard of dusty roads.

"Karen, try to think. Do you recall when we went to the ship. It rained for the first time in months that night. We drove in the rain."

"I was afraid of the ship," she said.

I remembered the lights of the truck, dim in the glare of the flood lights that criss-crossed through the driving rain. I hadn't known who the new replacement would be as they climbed out of the car and ran to the shelter. I thought she had come to say good-bye to Paul, using her father's influence to break regulations. Someone had thrust a watch in my face and I went out to the ship without talking to her.

Seventeen minutes before blast off I had gone to the small cabin where I would spend the next century. Karen was there checking the master control.

"You aren't going along," I had shouted in fear. The area was being cleared and I knew she was the replacement.

"You cannot change the orders, Captain Corbin."

She had been right. We were sealed in and the official voice on the radio cut me short, repeating the order only once. We would leave on schedule.

"Why?" I had shouted. "You're young and beautiful. You're risking your life in this."

"I have my reasons, as I'm sure you do."

"You cannot come because of Paul."

"It isn't because of Paul," she answered coolly. I was still trying to get the officials to change it when the ten minute warning sounded. Then it was too late. I was still wondering why when we switched to automatic drive, far out in space. Then it was time to press the button that operated the suspension. The others were all ready in a dreamless sleep as I watched my arm fall back. The room grew dim. The last thing I remembered was counting the dials on the panel, saying her name over and over.

"I was afraid of the ships," Karen said to Paul. "I don't know why I came."

John nudged my arm. "We can go out, Dave. It's all right."

This was better to think about. It was easier to follow routine, giving orders about equipment and planning.

"We go out in twos. John, you and I first. We'll stay by the ship and move fast if we spot anything. Paul, you and Carl exit in ten minutes on signal."

"What about Karen," Paul asked.

"Dr. Thiesen stays in the ship," I answered. "John, break out the ammunition. We'll lower the scout car if everything looks all right."

"I'm going too," Karen cried. She doubled her small hands into fists.

"You stay here. That's an order. I'm responsible for the safety of this ship. We don't know what's out there."

"Responsible to whom?" she said angrily.

"Every man on this ship."

"You just ordered them to go out."

"Look, they have work to do."

"I won't stay here alone."

"I can lock you in a storeroom if I have to."

Karen turned away blindly and started to cry. The room was suddenly filled with tension.

"Karen, stop that crying," I said.

"I'm not," she said, but she couldn't stop the flood of hysteria that shook her. I turned her around and slapped her face.

"I'm sorry I had to do that," I said humbly. Her wide eyes didn't believe me.

"Aren't you taking your job rather big," Paul said tensely.

"I didn't enjoy doing that, Paul. I think you know that."

"Karen is part of this crew. Why single her out for rough treatment?"

John rubbed his hands together and moved to my side. "Dave knows what he's doing," he said gruffly.

"Forget it, John. Don't make me pull rank, Paul. You may be out of military jurisdiction but I'm still in charge of this mission. If I thought you were responsible for bringing her...."

"Don't threaten me, Captain," he said. They were all specialists in their respective fields, enjoying a loose immunity from the routine of the base. Here they were even more independent and my job was to get them here, nothing more.

"Don't argue because of me," Karen said abruptly. "Go out and claim your blue world in the name of science."

"Thank you," I said. "We'll be back for you."

John's bulk was a comforting presence. We stood on the rim of the scorched circle of thick vegetation watching the unbroken monotony of the bluish growth. Nothing moved except the bushes as the wind skipped across the flowery tops of the plants.

"I've never seen anything like this," John said.

"I don't think there is anything like this," I breathed. It was hard to believe the color and delicate structure of the landscape was not a setting, painted with bright blues and greens, daubed with light and darks of all colors where clusters of flowering plants shone in the sunlight.

"It's good, very good," he said.

"Yes. I think fairy tales were written for a view like this. It's a pity we won't get back to tell about it."

John frowned and rested the rifle on the ground. "She was better in the ship. You heard her talk about the base."

"But she doesn't remember what we need. I'm afraid it's useless," I said glumly.

He scuffed up scorched earth with his foot. "Then why are we going ahead with all these plans?"

"To keep from thinking about the other, I guess. I know what you've all been thinking. So have I. I even thought we might stay here and hope someone else would try in our lifetime. That's out. There are four men and one girl."

"Then what will you do?"

"I don't know yet, John. I haven't thought about it because it isn't good."

"There's nothing moving yet, sir," John said. "You remembered when you had to. We can wait until she thinks of how to operate the suspension."

"The longer we wait the more chance of another kind of trouble."

"Karen?"

"Yes. Or you or me, Paul or Carl. Anyone of us can start trouble."

"Sure. It's tough having her around all right," he said. "I always thought she was a cool number, all study and no play. It's different when you can't help seeing that kind of beauty."

I moved around the area restlessly, not watching the landscape as much as I had. "You in love with her, John?"

"I suppose I am. Not in the way you are," he said. He was studying the black ground intently, not looking up at me.

"How do you know?"

"I knew back at the base. You showed it in your eyes every time she was around."

"Everybody looked when she came into a room," I said.

"That isn't the same either." He stood up, grinning at me. "This climate is bad for us. It's got us talking like school children."

I signaled the others and we went back in to get equipment. The power-crane swung the tank-like scout car down, and we spent busy minutes loading it with the testing facilities we would take with us. I didn't share Paul's enthusiasm as he fidgeted to get started. The sun was down near the top of the mountain range when we roared up the valley for our first look past the forest.

We rode for several miles up a winding valley, heading for higher ground. We kept looking back at the silver ship until it slipped out of our view. Carl sang an old Viking ballad as the tracks of the car dwindled out behind us. The blue was changing into deep purple hues in the shadow of the mountains, an incredible, breathtaking shade of color that made me feel like singing too. We stopped on a high rise of ground and got out. Paul and Carl worked in a circle, setting the portable equipment down, taking samples of the plants and soil. John and I sat on the top of the armored car, watching the alien landscape for movement.

IV

The high powered rifle in my hands felt out of place in the peaceful looking land, but we kept watching back to back, while the two men worked and talked quietly. John spotted our visitors first. We turned at his shout, looking in the direction of his outthrust arm. Five or six small creatures bounded through the vegetation that grew to our knees. They came towards us in bouncing leaps, and we were so quiet in frozen motion, we could hear the swishing as they approached. John still held his rifle in his lap. When he raised it, I whispered.

"Don't kill anything." We were intruders here. I thought about unseen Gods watching this scene unfold. The creatures were about a hundred feet away when they saw us. They stopped, as if by command, vanishing into the thick grass. Nothing moved for a minute. Carl still held a spade in his hand, bent over in the act of digging. Paul was kneeling, holding a thick plant in gloved hands. Then we saw the creatures again, bounding closer. They were bigger than rabbits, fat and furry in appearance with large round eyes. As they came over the tops of the grass, I followed the first in the sights of the rifle until it was close enough to distinguish the brown fur and short legs. The others, there were six in all, hopped cautiously behind the leader and stopped in a comical straight line.

Carl straightened his back and they were gone. I stood up on the hood and watched them reappear.

"Here they are," I said quietly, pointing in front of the car. The creatures were twenty feet away, watching us with eyes that never blinked.

"Hey," shouted Paul to relieve the tension. They stood their ground.

"What's the idea of you six fat clowns scaring us?"

"I forgot to breathe," Carl said, sucking air into his lungs.

"They got us outnumbered but they look harmless," John chuckled.

"They're surely not afraid. I expected they might blast us with a bolt of lightning or something," I laughed.

Not so much as a twitch of a nose greeted us. The creatures were four-footed, with large hindlegs. They evidently belonged with the flora, where we didn't.

"Are they young ones?" I asked Paul. He shrugged. "Show me an old one and I'll tell you better. We'll need at least one specimen for our report."

"Not now," I said. "We've made a good impression, at least." John and I kept watch on our visitors as the technicians kept at their work. The six creatures regarded us for a few minutes, then as if their curiosity was satisfied they bounded away, emitting piping cries.

"I wish we would have taken one," Paul commented dryly. My hands were wet where I held the rifle.

"I'm glad we didn't just yet," I said to the group.

We raced the deepening shadows back to the ship. Paul and Carl put their guesses as to the nature of the animals in scientific language. I couldn't help thinking of them as bundles of fur that had seemed friendly. My sense of fitness made me wonder if mankind should disturb this blue world. I could see the relentless feelers of an Earth civilization clearing the land for cities, exterminating whatever didn't fit, like the caricatures of rabbits that paid us a call.

It was late for such thoughts. Our valley had started to change when we came into it. I couldn't explain why but it made me sadder than I had felt in a long time. We got back to the ship as the sunlight faded. The tip of the gleaming projectile caught the last rays of daylight as we climbed out of the scout car. We unloaded the supplies and put them in the crane. I was shivering in the sudden cool wind as John started up the ladder. Blackness settled down like a cloak until we could only see each other and the ship. The ship blazed with light and we waited for John to operate the crane. He shouted from the hatchway high above us, "Karen is gone."

She wasn't in the ship. We searched both sections thoroughly without success. We left everything where it was, taking flashlights and rifles, spreading out from the ship to look for her in the darkness. On both sides I could see the lights of the others, growing smaller and apart. Our shouts echoed across a widening circle, as I walked and swung the light of the torch. Minutes later I could no longer hear the others. I was hemmed in by the darkness, eerie and silent. My flashlight beam picked up the thick trucks of the tangled forest, and I had to turn and walk along the edge, farther and farther from safety.

It must have been five or six minutes later that I heard the sound. I was calling her name less and less in fear of attracting some wild beast, but I had to chance it in case she was cut off from the light.

"David. David. Over here."

I heard something move in the direction of the sound. My muscles tightened as the rustling stopped.

"David, please."

Karen, I thought, but I was afraid to move. It sounded like her voice, but there was something else in the night. I swore in fear, conjuring up some nightmare that might be enticing me into the woods, reading my mind and calling in a soft voice.

"David, help me."

"Karen," I shouted, straining to hear the voice again. Something moved in the carpet of thick growth. I swung the light in a full circle, but the blackness seemed to absorb it.

"Where are you?" I shouted.

I heard the noise and started to bring the light to bear, with the automatic held in my other hand. I was halfway around when the light picked out something big and black that sprang with a snarl. A tearing pain slammed into my chest, hurling me back as the light spun away. Something fell on me. I reached out and caught thick fur, jamming the gun into it, firing until all eight shots were out. I was barely conscious from the pain, pushing away from the weight across me. I rolled free and started to fall through black space, head over heels through the ripping hiss of the roar in my head.

Something stopped my headlong plunge and I felt my head being lifted. I could hear Karen talking from a million miles distant, then shots exploded in my ear.

"David," she screamed. I couldn't breathe or lift my left arm as I struggled to get up.

"Karen, where were you?"

"Here, right here. I kept hearing you shout but I was afraid to answer." She shined the flashlight on me. "Dear God, you're hurt," she cried.

"What ... was it," I asked. I rolled to my knees as she shined the light on the creature. I stared at it and shuddered through the pain in my chest. It was as big as a bear with thick hindlegs and a massive blunt face that stuck out of hunched shoulders. Black blood oozed from the gaping holes in its chest, staining the fur and dripping on the crumpled grass.

"What kind of a beast is that?" I said in wonder. It had moved with the speed of a machine when it struck me.

"I heard it following me in the dark. I ran into the trees and kept still."

"It went for the light when it hit me. Maybe it has no sense of smell."

"It didn't come any closer when I stopped. I was afraid to shout at you. Oh David, look at your arm."

I felt the blood on my arm, shaking my head. "Not that. Something's wrong with my chest. I think it busted some ribs when it jumped me."

I tried to ease the fire in my body, but I couldn't move very far before knives jabbed into my flesh.

"We've got to get out of here," she whimpered.

"Are you hurt?"

"No. David, I'm so ashamed. I should have stayed in the ship."

"Just so you're not hurt, Karen. There's a clip in my pocket. Fire the rest of your clip."

"It's empty."

"Then fire just four of these." I was too busy worrying about us to ask her why she had left the ship. She fired the shots in rapid order.

She tried to help me up, but the needles stuck me again. "No use. Let me down easy," I grunted. I started to black out again, reaching out to grab her to keep from doing so.

The stars quit flashing in my head and I came to with my head in her lap. Her firm legs cushioned me. She was holding my bloody arm.

"Why are you crying?" I asked.

"You're hurt," she answered. I had to hold her hand to keep from blacking out. "I'm just scared. Why did you leave the ship? It was nearly dark when we left."

"I was trying to find you."

"What happened?"

She tore away my shirt sleeve carefully, wiping away the warm stickiness. Her voice was choked when she spoke. "I remember. I was trying to find the car to tell you. It got dark so fast I got lost coming back. Then I heard that...."

"Forget about that. Karen, your memory is back?"

"Yes. Everything makes sense now."

"And you wanted to see Paul," I said.

"Not Paul, you."

She was too far ahead of me. I was content to lie and hold her hand tightly, feeling the warmth of her.

"Oh David. I found your picture. That's why I remembered."

"I don't understand."

"It isn't very clear, but when I got on the ship I put my personal things in a small suitcase. I saw it later but I didn't know it was mine. After you had gone I suddenly thought about putting it somewhere. I had shoved it in the clothing locker because I wouldn't need it."

"Finding it made you remember."

"Yes. Listen. I hear them shouting. They're coming to find us. Your picture was in that suitcase. I had taken it from a bulletin board."

"What are you trying to tell me?" I asked. I thought I was unable to trust the thoughts that came to mind.

"Stop moving. I don't know why I'm telling you this," she said. I tried to get up.

"Karen...." I stopped when I heard the others. "Fire the clip," I shouted as I rolled away from her. It hurt me to move and I groaned. The gun roared in the quiet air and she dropped down beside me.

"David."

"S'all right," I managed to grunt.

"They're coming. Don't try to move."

"Karen. Come here before they get here. You were telling me about the picture."

"Yes. I love you. You're hard headed, so very busy, so very military, David."

"I must have addled my brains. I thought I heard you say you loved me."

"I love you."

I tried to get up but she held me back. "Karen. I had to come here to find you. I've loved you ever since—"

"Don't talk," she urged gently.

"I've got so much to tell you. I wanted to say it so many times."

She silenced me with a soft hand and shouted to the others. I could see the lights bobbing closer as she brushed my lips. "We have a life time to say it, David."

"But so long to wait—"

"Sleep is timeless. We will be together before we go back," she whispered.

"Much will have changed before we get back," I said doubtfully. "People and ideas may be different—"

"Does it matter?"

"All that counts is us."

I have finished the last entry in the log of the Pioneer . Everything that has happened is here, from waking to now. In the two weeks we stayed after I was hurt, the others roamed farther from the ship, mapping, testing, collecting the proof that this world would do. It was a wild country, young and free, big with space and challenge. It would fight man's coming like the Earth had fought advance, hurling storms and force against civilization. Sitting at this table, I can still picture the sun on the dark mountains, the restless life that will change when another ship returns. There is no pain to remind me of its power, only a half wistful sense of loss. The specimens and records are stored away for the trip. They will tell our children the gamble is won. Some day soon, in a relative time, new pioneers will thrust their strength and courage across the forests and fields of our new worlds. That is as it should be, for born in man is an indomitable urge to reach out and touch the stars. On the last day, before we blasted off for home, we drove out and left a message on an outcropping of stone. Burned into the face of a blue marble cliff is our prophesy. Acid ate the letters out of stone; faith put them in our minds to set down.

HERE LIES AN UNEXPLORED WORLD.
CLEAR ITS FIELDS AND MOVE ON.
THERE IS NO POINT OF RETURN
FOR DESTINY.

We drank a toast in silence as Karen prepared us for the long journey. Afterwards we shook hands, and I watched the men go to sleep as I had done once before.

Karen and I delayed a few minutes to talk of nothing, watching the stars from the control room. Her kiss was brief, but hard and full of promise as her eyes fluttered closed. She whispered for me to sleep well. I went to the navigation room to finish the last entry. That is done now. The log is up to date. I leave it open to the page where the next new entry will be recorded with the others.