Acknowledgment is here made to Messrs. Harper & Brothers (the publishers
of seven of Mr. Gibson’s books), by special arrangement with whom this
work is made possible.
Copyright, 1894, by R. H. Russell & Son.
Copyright, 1894, 1898, 1899, 1900, 1901, 1902, by Robert Howard Russell.
Copyright, 1897, 1903, 1904, 1905, 1906, by Charles Scribner’s Sons.
WASTED ENERGY.
Professor Bung
:
A beauty? Well, perhaps she is.
Mr. Rattles
:
Why, man, haven’t you noticed the divine way she smiles?
“
Oh, I’m not altogether unobservant. I have made a calculation, in fact,
that the energy expended on her smiles, if scientifically applied, would
run an automobile.
”
She
:
You don’t know what it is to love.
“
I don’t, eh? Haven’t I been to every play, read every popular novel in
the last six months, got into debt hopelessly, had my appendix removed,
and all for your sake?
{79}
”
KIND OF FUNNY, AFTER ALL.
“
It’s no laughing matter to be rejected by a million dollars!
”
“
Well, I don’t know. You see, old man, she’s just accepted me.
”
A LAST REMEMBRANCE.
Ethel
(
ecstatically
): “
Oh, Charlie, would you just as leave propose
all over again, and do it into this phonograph?
”
Cholly
: “
Why?
”
Ethel
: “
Why, I want to have something to remember you by after you
have gone in and spoken to papa about it.
{155}
”
Ferguson
(
the politest man in New York
): “
When you go
back, Nora, please ask the cook if there is any cold meat in the house.
”
(
Exit Nora.
)
To the company
: “I beg you to excuse our maid. These accidents happen
to her somewhat overfrequently. She was bred, I believe, a dairymaid,
but had to leave that employment because of her inability to handle the
cows without breaking off their horns.
{159}
”
CHANGED.
Mr. Eubeedee
: “
Yes, I’ve changed a good deal since then, Mrs. Jones.
”
“
And for the better, I trust.
”
“
They used to call me a Wild Youth, you remember; but now——
”
“
Now?
”
“
Now they call me an Old Reprobate.
{227}
”
CURRENT LITERATURE
“
I said, my daughter had been indulgently brought up, and was used to
luxury, and I could not consent to her becoming the wife of a literary
man. And he said, Damme, his last book had sold a million copies and
brought him in over three hundred thousand dollars! What’s a man to do a
case like that? He’s got more books making, he says. I shall have to let
the foolish girl throw herself away on him, if she wants to.
{297}
”