The Man Who Made The World

Doctor Janishefsky sat in his office. Leaning back in a great leather chair, hands folded. He had a reflective air and a well-trimmed goatee. He hummed a few bars of—"It Ain't Whatcha Do, It's The Way Thatcha Do It." He broke off and looked up with a kindly smile as the nurse entered. Her name was Mudde.

NURSE MUDDE. Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room who says he made the world.

DOCTOR J. Oh?

NURSE MUDDE. Shall I let him in?

DOCTOR J. By all means, Nurse Mudde. Show the man in.

Nurse Mudde left. A small man entered. He was five foot five wearing a suit made for a man six foot five. His hands were near-hidden by the sleeve ends, his trouser leg bottoms creased sharply at the shoe tops, assuming the function of unattached spats. The shoes were virtually invisible. As was the gentleman's mouth lurking behind a mustache of mouselike proportions.

DOCTOR J. Won't you have a seat Mr....

SMITH. Smith. ( He sits )

DOCTOR J. Now.

( They regard each other )

DOCTOR J. My nurse tells me you made the world.

SMITH. Yes. ( In a confessional tone ) I did.

DOCTOR J. ( Settling back in his chair ) All of it?

SMITH. Yes.

DOCTOR J. And everything in it?

SMITH. Take a little, give a little.

DOCTOR J. You're sure of this?

SMITH. ( With an expression that clearly says—I am telling the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me. ) Quite sure.

DOCTOR J. ( Nods once ) When did you do this thing?

SMITH. Five years ago.

DOCTOR J. How old are you?

SMITH. Forty-seven.

DOCTOR J. Where were you the other forty-two years?

SMITH. I wasn't.

DOCTOR J. You mean you started out....

SMITH. Forty-two years old. That's correct.

DOCTOR J. But the world is millions of years old.

SMITH. ( Shaking his head ) No. It isn't.

DOCTOR J. It's five years old.

SMITH. That's correct.

DOCTOR J. What about fossils? What about the age of rocks? Uranium into lead. What about diamonds?

SMITH. ( Not to be bothered ) Illusions.

DOCTOR J. You made them up.

SMITH. That's....

DOCTOR J. ( Breaking in ) Why?

SMITH. To see if I could.

DOCTOR J. I don't....

SMITH. Anyone can make a world. It takes ingenuity to make one and then make the people on it think that it's existed for millions of years.

DOCTOR J. How long did all this take you?

SMITH. Three and a half months. World time.

DOCTOR J. What do you mean by that?

SMITH. Before I made the world I lived beyond time.

DOCTOR J. Where's that?

SMITH. No where.

DOCTOR J. In the cosmos?

SMITH. That's correct.

DOCTOR J. You didn't like it there?

SMITH. No. It was boring.

DOCTOR J. And that's why....

SMITH. I made the world.

DOCTOR J. Yes. But ... how did you make it?

SMITH. I had books.

DOCTOR J. Books?

SMITH. Instruction books.

DOCTOR J. Where did you get them?

SMITH. I made them up.

DOCTOR J. You mean you wrote them?

SMITH. I ... made them up.

DOCTOR J. How?

SMITH. ( Mustache bristling truculently ) I made them up.

DOCTOR J. ( Lips pursed ) So there you were out in the cosmos with a handful of books.

SMITH. That's correct.

DOCTOR J. What if you had dropped them?

SMITH. ( Chooses not to answer this patent absurdity )

DOCTOR J. Mister Smith.

SMITH. Yes?

DOCTOR J. Who made you?

SMITH. ( Shakes his head ) I don't know.

DOCTOR J. Were you always like this? ( He points at Mr. Smith's lowly frame. )

SMITH. I don't think so. I think that I was punished.

DOCTOR J. For what?

SMITH. For making the world so complicated.

DOCTOR J. I should think so.

SMITH. It's not my fault. I just made it, I didn't say it would work right.

DOCTOR J. You just started your machine and then walked away.

SMITH. That's....

DOCTOR J. Then what are you doing here?

SMITH. I told you. I think I've been punished.

DOCTOR J. Oh yes. For making it too complicated. I forgot.

SMITH. That's correct.

DOCTOR J. Who punished you?

SMITH. I don't remember.

DOCTOR J. That's convenient.

SMITH. ( Looks morose )

DOCTOR J. Might it be God?

SMITH. ( Shrugs ) It might.

DOCTOR J. He might have a few fingers in the rest of the Universe.

SMITH. He might. But I made the world.

DOCTOR J. Enough, Mr. Smith, you did not make the world.

SMITH. ( Insulted ) Yes, I did too.

DOCTOR J. And you created me?

SMITH. ( Concedingly ) Indirectly.

DOCTOR J. Then uncreate me.

SMITH. I can't.

DOCTOR J. Why?

SMITH. I just started things. I don't control them now.

DOCTOR J. ( Sighs ) Then what are you worried about, Mr. Smith?

SMITH. I have a premonition.

DOCTOR J. What about?

SMITH. I'm going to die.

DOCTOR J. So...?

SMITH. Someone has to take over. Or else.

DOCTOR J. Or else...?

SMITH. The whole world will go.

DOCTOR J. Go where?

SMITH. No where. Just disappear.

DOCTOR J. How can it disappear if it works independently of you?

SMITH. It will be taken away to punish me.

DOCTOR J. You?

SMITH. Yes.

DOCTOR J. You mean if you die, the entire world will disappear?

SMITH. That's correct.

DOCTOR J. If I shot you, the instant you died I would disappear?

SMITH. That's....

DOCTOR J. I have advice.

SMITH. Yes? You will help?

DOCTOR J. Go to see a reputable psychiatrist.

SMITH. ( Standing ) I should have known. I have no more to say.

DOCTOR J. ( Shrugs ) As you will.

SMITH. I'll go but you'll be sorry about this.

DOCTOR J. I dare say you are already sorry, Mr. Smith.

SMITH. Goodbye. ( Mr. Smith exits. Doctor Janishefsky calls for his nurse over the interphone. Nurse Mudde enters. )

NURSE M. Yes, doctor?

DOCTOR J. Nurse Mudde, stand by the window and tell me what you see.

NURSE M. What I...?

DOCTOR J. What you see. I want you to tell me what Mr. Smith does after he comes out of the building.

NURSE M. ( Shrugs ) Yes, doctor. ( She goes to the window )

DOCTOR J. Has he come out yet?

NURSE M. No.

DOCTOR J. Keep watching.

NURSE M. There he is. He's stepping off the curb. He's walking across the street.

DOCTOR J. Yes.

NURSE M. He's stopping now in the middle of the street. He's turning. He's looking up at this window. There's a look of ... of ... realization on his face. He's coming back. ( She screams ) He's been hit by a car. He's lying on the street....

DOCTOR J. What is it, Nurse Mudde?

Nurse M. ( Reeling ) Everything is ... is fading ! Doctor Janishefsky, it's fading! ( Another scream )

DOCTOR J. Don't be absurd, Nurse Mudde. Look at me. Can you honestly say that.... ( He stops talking. She cannot honestly say anything. She is not there. Doctor Janishefsky who is not really Doctor Janishefsky floats alone in the cosmos in his chair which is not really a chair. He looks at the chair beside him. ) I hope you've learned your lesson. I'm going to put your toy back but don't you dare go near it. So you're bored are you? Scalliwag! You just behave yourself or I'll take away your books too! ( He snorts ) So you made them up, did you? (He looks around). How about picking them up, jackanapes!

SMITH. ( Who is not really Smith ) Yes, father.