Title : The works of the Rev. John Wesley, Vol. 10 (of 32)
Author : John Wesley
Release date : May 2, 2024 [eBook #73519]
Language : English
Original publication : Bristol: William Pine
Credits : Richard Hulse and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive)
Transcriber’s Notes
The cover image was provided by the transcriber and is placed in the public domain.
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This book was written in a period when many words had not become standardized in their spelling. Words may have multiple spelling variations or inconsistent hyphenation in the text. These have been left unchanged unless indicated with a Transcriber’s Note.
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Transcriber’s Notes are used when making corrections to the text or to provide additional information for the modern reader. These notes are identified by ♦♠♥♣ symbols in the text and are shown immediately below the paragraph in which they appear.
THE
WORK
S
OF THE
Rev.
JOHN WESLEY,
M.A.
Late Fellow of
Lincoln-College
,
Oxford
.
Volume X.
BRISTO L:
Printed by WILLIAM PINE, in Wine-Street .
MDCCLXXII.
Serious thoughts occasioned by the late Earthquake at Lisbon.
A Collection of Forms of Prayer for every Day in the week.
A Collection of Prayers for Families .
An Address to the Clergy .
A short Account of the Death of Thomas Hitchens .
A short Account of the Death of Samuel Hitchens .
A short Account of the Life and Death of Nathanael Othen .
Some Account of the Life and Death of Matthew Lee .
Extract of the Life and Death of Mr. John Janeway .
Extract of the Life and Death of Mr. Thomas Haliburton .
Tua res agitur, paries quum proximus ardet.
T HINKING men generally allow that the greater part of modern Christians are not more virtuous than the antient Heathens: perhaps less so; since public spirit, love of our country, generous honesty and simple truth, are scarce any where to be found. On the contrary, covetousness, ambition, various injustice, luxury and falshood in every kind, have infected every rank and denomination of people, the clergy themselves not excepted. Now they who believe there is a God are apt to believe, he is not well pleased with this. Nay, they think, he has intimated it very plainly, in many parts of the Christian world. How many hundred thousand men have been swept away by war, in Europe only, within half a century? How many thousands, within little more than this, hath the earth opened her mouth and swallowed up? Numbers sunk at Port-Royal , and rose no more. Many thousands went quick into the pit at Lima . The whole city of Catanea in Sicily , and every inhabitant of it perished together. Nothing but heaps of ashes and cinders shew where it stood. Not so much as one Lot escaped out of Sodom !
And what shall we say of the late accounts from Portugal ? That some thousand houses, and many thousand persons are no more! That a fair city is now in ruinous heaps. Is there indeed a God that judges the world? And is he now making inquisition for blood? If so, it is not surprizing, he should begin there, where so much blood has been poured on the ground like water? Where so many brave men have been murdered, in the most base and cowardly, as well as barbarous manner, almost every day, as well as every night, while none regarded or laid it to the heart. “Let them hunt and destroy the precious life, so we may secure our stores ¹ of gold and precious stones.” How long has their blood been crying from the earth? Yea, how long has that bloody house of mercy ² , the scandal not only of all religion, but even of human nature, stood to insult both heaven and earth? And shall I not visit for these things, saith the Lord? Shall not my soul be avenged of such a city as this?
It has been the opinion of many, that even this nation has not been without some marks of God’s displeasure. Has not war been let loose even within our own land, so that London itself felt the alarm? Has not a pestilential sickness broken in upon our cattle, and in many parts, left not one of them alive? And although the earth does not yet open in England or Ireland , has it not shook, and reeled to and fro like a drunken man? And that not in one or two places only, but almost from one end of the kingdom to the other?
Perhaps one might ask, Was there nothing uncommon, nothing more than is usual at this season of the year, in the rains, the hail, the winds, the thunder and lightning, which we have lately heard and seen? Particularly, in the storm which was the same day and hour, that they were playing off Macbeth ’s thunder and lightning at the theatre. One would almost think they designed this (inasmuch as the entertainment continued, notwithstanding all the artillery of heaven) as a formal answer to that question, “Canst thou thunder with an arm like him?”
What shall we say to the affair of ♦ Whitson Cliffs ? Of which were it not for the unparalleled stupidity of the English , all England would have rang long ago, from one sea to another. And yet seven miles from the place, they knew little more of it in May last, than if it had happened in China or Japan .
The fact (of the truth of which any who will be at the pains of enquiring, may soon be satisfied) is this. On Tuesday, March 25th last, being the week before Easter , many persons heard a great noise near a ridge of mountains called Black Hamilton in Yorkshire . It was observed chiefly on the south west side of the mountain, about a mile from the course where the Hamilton races are run, near a ledge of rocks, commonly called ♦ Whitson Cliffs , two miles from Sutton , and about five from Thirsk .
The same noise was heard on Wednesday by all who went that way. On Thursday , about seven in the morning, Edward Abbot , weaver, and Adam Bosomworth , bleacher, both of Sutton , riding under ♦ Whitson Cliffs , heard a roaring (so they termed it) like many cannons, or loud and rolling thunder. It seemed to come from the cliffs: looking up to which, they saw a large body of stone, four or five yards broad, split and fly off from the very top of the rock. They thought it strange, but rode on. Between ten and eleven, a larger piece of the rock, about fifteen yards thick, thirty high, and between sixty and seventy broad, was torn off and thrown into the valley.
About seven in the evening, one who was riding by, observed the ground to shake exceedingly, and soon after several large stones or rocks of some tons weight each, rose out of the ground. Others were thrown on one side, others turned upside down, and many rolled over and over. Being a little surprized, and not very curious, he hasted on his way.
On Friday and Saturday the ground continued to shake, and the rocks to roll over one another. The earth also clave asunder in very many places, and continued so to do till Sunday morning.
Being at Osmotherly , seven miles from the cliffs, on Monday, June 1 , and finding Edward Abbot there, I desired him the next morning to shew me the way thither. I walked, crept and climbed round and over great part of the ruins. I could not perceive by any sign, that there was ever any cavity in the rock at all; but one part of the solid stone is cleft from the rest, in a perpendicular line, and as smooth as if cut with instruments. Nor is it barely thrown down, but split into many hundred pieces, some of which lie four or five hundred yards from the main rock.
The ground nearest the cliff, is not raised, but sunk considerably beneath the level. But at some distance it is raised in a ridge of eight or ten yards high, twelve or fifteen broad, and near an hundred long. Adjoining to this lies an oval piece of ground thirty or forty yards in diameter, which has been removed whole as it is, from beneath the cliff, without the least fissure, with all its load of rocks, some of which were as large as the hull of a small ship. At a little distance is a second piece of ground, forty or fifty yards across, which has been also transplanted intire, with rocks of various sizes upon it, and a tree growing out of one of them. By the removal of one or both of these, I suppose the hollow near the cliff was made.
All round them lay stones and rocks, great and small, some on the surface of the earth, some half sunk into it, some almost covered, in variety of positions. Between these the ground was cleft asunder, in a thousand places. Some of the apertures were nearly closed again, some gaping as at first. Between thirty and forty acres of land, as is commonly supposed, (tho’ some reckon above sixty) are in this condition.
On the skirts of these, I observed in abundance of places, the green turf (for it was pasture land) as it were pared off, two or three inches thick, and wrapt round like sheets of lead. A little farther it was not cleft or broken at all, but raised in ridges, five or six foot long, exactly resembling the graves in a church-yard. Of these there is a vast number.
That part of the cliff from which the rest is torn, lies so high and is now of so bright a colour, that it is plainly visible to all the country round, even at the distance of several miles. We saw it distinctly not only from the street in Thirsk , but for five or six miles after, as we rode toward York . So we did likewise, in the great North road, between Sandhutton and Northallerton .
But how may we account for this phenomenon? Was it effected by a merely natural cause? If so, that cause must either have been fire, water, or air. It could not be fire; for then some mark of it must have appeared, either at the time, or after it. But no such mark does appear, nor ever did: not so much as the least smoke, either when the first or second rock was removed, or in the whole space between Tuesday and Sunday .
It could not be water; for no water issued out, when the one or the other rock was torn off. Nor had there been any rains for some time before. It was in that part of the country a remarkable dry season. Neither was there any cavity in that part of the rock, wherein a sufficient quantity of water might have lodged. On the contrary, it was one, single, solid mass, which was evenly and smoothly cleft in sunder.
There remains no other natural cause assignable, but imprisoned air. I say, imprisoned : for as to the fashionable opinion, that the exterior air is the grand agent in earthquakes, it is so senseless, unmechanical, unphilosophical a dream, as deserves not to be named, but to be exploded. But it is hard to conceive, how even imprisoned air could produce such an effect. It might indeed shake, tear, raise or sink the earth, but how could it cleave a solid rock? Here was not room for a quantity of it, sufficient to do any thing of this nature; at least, unless it had been suddenly and violently expanded by fire, which was not the case. Could a small quantity of air, without that violent expansion, have torn so large a body of rock from the rest, to which it adhered in one solid mass? Could it have shivered this into pieces, and scattered several of those pieces, some hundred yards round? Could it have transported those promontories of earth, with their incumbent load, and set them down unbroken, unchanged at a distance? Truly I am not so great a volunteer in faith, as to be able to believe this. He that supposes this, must suppose air to be not only very strong, (which we allow) but a very wise agent; while it bore its charge with so great caution, as not to hurt or dislocate any part of it.
What then could be the cause? What indeed, but God, who arose to shake terribly the earth: who purposely chose such a place, where there is so great a concourse of nobility and gentry every year; and wrought in such a manner, that many might see it and fear, that all who travel one of the most frequented roads in England , might see it, almost whether they would or no, for many miles together. It must likewise for many years, maugre all the art of man, be a visible monument of his power. All that ground being now so incumbered with rocks and stones, that it cannot be either ploughed or grazed. Nor can it well serve any use, but to tell all that see it, Who can stand before this great God?
Who can account for the late motion in the waters? Not only that of the sea, and rivers communicating therewith, but even that in canals, fishponds, cisterns, and all either large or small bodies of water? It was particularly observed, that while the water itself was so violently agitated, neither did the earth shake at all, nor any of the vessels which contained that water. Was such a thing ever known or heard of before! I know not, but it was spoken of once, near eighteen hundred years ago, in those remarkable words, “There shall be σεισμοί (not only earthquakes , but various concussions or shakings ) in divers places.” And so there have been in Spain , in Portugal , in Italy , in Holland , in England , in Ireland ; and not improbably in many other places too, which we are not yet informed of. Yet it does not seem, that a concussion of this kind, has ever been known before, since either the same, or some other comet revolved so near the earth. For we know of no other natural cause in the universe, which is adequate to such an effect. And that this is the real cause, we may very possibly be convinced in a short time.
But alas! why should we not be convinced sooner, while that conviction may avail, that it is not chance which governs the world? Why should we not now, before London is as Lisbon , Lima , or Catanea , acknowledge the hand of the Almighty, arising to maintain his own cause? Why, we have a general answer always ready, to screen us from any such conviction: “All these things are purely natural and accidental; the result of natural causes.” But there are two objections to this answer: first, it is untrue; secondly, it is uncomfortable.
First, If by affirming, “All this is purely natural,” you mean, it is not providential, or that God has nothing to do with it, this is not true, that is, supposing the bible to be true. For supposing this, you may discant ever so long on the natural causes of murrain, winds, thunder, lightning, and yet you are altogether wide of the mark, you prove nothing at all, unless you can prove, that God never works in or by natural causes. But this you cannot prove, nay none can doubt of his so working, who allows the scripture to be of God. For this asserts in the clearest and strongest terms, that all things (in nature) serve him : that (by or without a train of natural causes) he sendeth his rain on the earth , that he bringeth the winds out of his treasures , and maketh a way for the lightning and the thunder : in general, that fire and hail, snow and vapour, wind and storm fulfil his word . Therefore allowing there are natural causes of all these, they are still under the direction of the Lord of nature. Nay, what is nature itself but the art of God? Or God’s method of acting in the material world? True philosophy therefore ascribes all to God, and says in the beautiful language of the wise and good man,
Here, like a trumpet, loud and strong,
Thy thunder shakes our coast;
While the red lightnings wave along,
The banners of thy host .
A second objection to your answer is, it is extremely uncomfortable. For if things really be as you affirm, if all these afflictive incidents, entirely depend on the fortuitous concourse and agency of blind, material causes; what hope, what help, what resource is left, for the poor sufferers by them? Should the murrain among the cattle continue a few years longer, and consequently produce scarcity or famine; what will there be left for many of the poor to do, but to lie down and die? If tainted air spread a pestilence over our land, where shall they fly for succour? They cannot resist either the one or other. They cannot escape from them. And can they hope to appease
Illacrymabilem Plutona?
“Inexorable
Pluto
, king of shades?”
Shall they intreat the famine or the pestilence to shew mercy? Alas, they are as senseless as you suppose God to be.
However, you who are men of fortune can shift tolerably well, in spite of these difficulties. Your money will undoubtedly procure you food as long as there is any in the kingdom. And if your physicians cannot secure you from the epidemic disease, your coaches can carry you from the place of infection. Be it so: but you are not out of all danger yet; unless you can drive faster than the wind. Are you sure of this? And are your horses literally swifter than the lightning? Can they leave the panting storm behind? If not, what will you do when it overtakes you? Try your eloquence on the whirlwind? Will it hear your voice? Will it regard either your money, or prayers, or tears? Call upon the lightning. Cry aloud. See whether your voice will divide the flames of fire ? O no! It hath no ears to hear. It devoureth and sheweth no pity.
But this is not all. Here is a nearer enemy. The earth threatens to swallow you up. Where is your protection now? What defence do you find from thousands of gold and silver? You cannot fly; for you cannot quit the earth, unless you will leave your dear body behind you. And while you are on the earth, you know not where to flee to, neither where to flee from. You may buy intelligence, where the shock was yesterday, but not where it will be to-morrow—to-day. It comes! The roof trembles! The beams crack. The ground rocks to and fro. Hoarse thunder resounds from the bowels of the earth. And all these are but the beginning of sorrows. Now what help? What wisdom can prevent? What strength resist the blow? What money can purchase, I will not say, deliverance, but an hour’s reprieve? Poor honourable fool, where are now thy titles? Wealthy fool, where is now thy golden god? If any thing can help, it must be prayer. But what wilt thou pray to? Not to the God of heaven: you suppose him to have nothing to do with earthquakes. No: they proceed in a meerly natural way, either from the earth itself, or from included air, or from subterraneous fires on waters. If thou prayest then (which perhaps you never did before) it must be to some of these. Begin. “O earth, earth, earth, hear the voice of thy children. Hear, O air, water, fire!” And will they hear? You know, it cannot be. How deplorable then is his condition, who in such an hour has none else to flee to? How uncomfortable the supposition, which implies this, by direct necessary consequence, namely, that all these things are the pure result of meerly natural causes!
But supposing the earthquake which made such havock at Lisbon , should never travel so far as London , is there nothing else which can reach us? What think you of a comet? Are we absolutely out of the reach of this? You cannot say we are; seeing these move in all directions, and through every region of the universe. And would the approach of one of these amazing spheres, be of no importance to us? Especially in its return from the sun? When that immense body is (according to Sir Isaac Newton ’s calculation) heated two thousand times hotter than a red-hot cannon ball. The late ingenious and accurate Dr. Halley (never yet suspected of enthusiasm) fixes the return of the great comet in the year one thousand seven hundred and fifty eight: and he observes that the last time it revolved, it moved in the very same line which the earth describes in her annual course round the sun: but the earth was on the other side of her orbit. Whereas in this revolution it will move not only in the same line, but in the same part of that line wherein the earth moves. And “who can tell (says that great man) what the consequences of such a contact may be?”
“Who can tell?” Any man of common understanding, who knows the very first elements of astronomy. The immediate consequence of such a body of solid fire touching the earth must necessarily be, that it will set the earth on fire, and burn it to a coal, if it do not likewise strike it out of its course; in which case (so far as we can judge) it must drop down directly into the sun.
But what if this vast body is already on its way? If it is nearer than we are aware of? What if these unusual, unprecedented motions of the waters, be one effect of its near approach? We cannot be certain, that it will be visible to the inhabitants of our globe, till it has imbibed the solar fire. But possibly we may see it sooner than we desire. We may see it, not as Milton speaks,
From its horrid hair
Shake pestilence and war:
But ushering in far other calamities than these, and of more extensive influence. Probably it will be seen first, drawing nearer and nearer, till it appears as another moon in magnitude, though not in colour, being of a deep firey red: then scorching and burning up all the produce of the earth, drying away all clouds, and so cutting off the hope or possibility of any rain or dew; drying up every fountain, stream and river, causing all faces to gather blackness, and all men’s hearts to fail. Then executing its grand commission on the globe itself, and causing the stars to fall from heaven. ¹ O who may abide when this ♦ is done? Who will then be able to stand?
Quum mare, quum tellus, ♦ excelsaque regia cœli
Ardeat, & mundi moles operosa laboret?
What shall we do? Do now, that none of these things may come upon us unawares? We are wisely and diligently providing for our defence against one enemy: with such a watchful wisdom and active diligence, as is a comfort to every honest Englishman . But why should we not shew the same wisdom and diligence in providing against all our enemies? And if our own wisdom and strength be sufficient to defend us, let us not seek any further. Let us without delay recruit our forces and guard our coasts against the famine and murrain and pestilence; and still more carefully against immoderate rains and winds, and lightnings and earthquakes and comets: that we may no longer be under any painful apprehensions of any present or future danger, but may smile
“Secure amidst the jar of elements,
The wreck of matter, and the crush of worlds!”
But if our own wisdom and strength be not sufficient to defend us, let us not be ashamed to seek farther help. Let us even dare to own, we believe there is a God: nay, and not a lazy, indolent, epicurean deity, who sits at ease upon the circle of the heavens, and neither knows nor cares what is done below: but one who as he created heaven and earth, and all the armies of them, as he sustains them all by the word of his power, so cannot neglect the work of his own hands. With pleasure we own there is such a God, whose eye pervades the whole sphere of created beings, who knoweth the number of the stars, and calleth them all by their names: a God whose wisdom is as the great abyss, deep and wide as eternity:
“Who high in power, in the beginning said,
Let sea, and air, and earth, and heaven be made,
And it was so. And when he shall ordain
In other sort, hath but to speak again,
And they shall be no more.”
Yet more: whose mercy riseth above the heavens, and his faithfulness above the clouds: who is loving to every man, and his mercy over all his works: let us secure him on our side. Let us make this wise, this powerful, this gracious God our friend! Then need we not fear, though the earth be moved and the hills be carried into the midst of the sea: no, not though the heavens being on fire are dissolved, and the very elements melt with fervent heat. It is enough that the Lord of hosts is with us, the God of love is our everlasting refuge.
But how shall we secure the favour of this great God? How, but by worshipping him in spirit and in truth: by uniformly imitating him we worship, in all his imitable perfections; without which the most accurate systems of opinions, all external modes of religion, are idle cobwebs of the brain, dull farce and empty show. Now God is love. Love God then, and you are a true worshipper. Love mankind, and God is your God, your Father, and your friend. But see that you deceive not your own soul; for this is not a point of small importance. And by this you may know; if you love God, then you are happy in God. If you love God, riches, honours, and the pleasures of sense are no more to you than bubbles on the water: you look on dress and equipage as the tossels of a fool’s cap, diversions, as the bells on a fool’s coat. If you love God, God is in all your thoughts, and your whole life is a sacrifice to him. And if you love mankind, it is your one design, desire and endeavour to spread virtue and happiness all around you; to lessen the present sorrows, and increase the joys of every child of man; and if it be possible, to bring them with you to the rivers of pleasure that are at God’s right-hand for evermore.
But where shall you find one who answers this happy and amiable character? Wherever you find a Christian : for this, and this alone is real, genuine Christianity . Surely you did not imagine, that Christianity was no more than such a system of opinions as is vulgarly called faith ? Or a strict and regular attendance on any kind of external worship ? O no! Were this all that it implied, Christianity were indeed a poor, empty, shallow thing: such as none but half-thinkers could admire, and all who think freely and generously must despise. But this is not the case: the spirit above described, this alone, is Christianity. And if so, it is no wonder, that even a celebrated unbeliever should make that frank declaration, “Well, after all, these Christian dogs, are the happiest fellows upon earth!” Indeed they are. Nay, we may say more. They are the only happy men upon earth: and that tho’ we should have no regard at all to the particular circumstances above-mentioned. Suppose there was no such thing as a comet in the universe, or none that would ever approach the solar system; suppose there had never been an earthquake in the world, or that we were assured there never would be another: yet what advantage has a Christian (I mean always a real, scriptural Christian) above all other men upon earth?
What advantage has he over you in particular, if you do not believe the Christian system? For suppose you have utterly driven away storms, lightnings, earthquakes, comets, yet there is another grim enemy at the door; and you cannot drive him away, it is death. “O that death (said a gentleman of large possessions, of good health, and a chearful natural temper) I do not love to think of it! it comes in and spoils all.” So it does indeed. It comes with its “miscreated front,” and spoils all your mirth, diversions, pleasures! It turns all into the silence of a tomb, into rottenness and dust. And many times it will not stay till the trembling hand of old age beckons to it: but it leaps upon you, while you are in the dawn of life, in the bloom and strength of your years.
“The morning flowers display their sweets,
And gay their silken leaves unfold,
Unmindful of the noon-tide heats,
And fearless of the evening cold.
Nipp’d by the wind’s unkindly blast,
Parch’d by the sun’s directer ray
The momentary glories waste,
The short-liv’d beauties die away.”
And where are you then? Does your soul disperse and dissolve into common air? Or does it share the fate of its former companion, and moulder into dust! Or does it remain conscious of its own existence, in some distant, unknown world? ’Tis all unknown! A black, dreary, melancholy scene! Clouds and darkness rest upon it.
But the case is far otherwise with a Christian. To him life and immortality are brought to light. His eye pierces through the vale of the shadow of death, and sees into the glories of eternity. His view does not terminate on that black line,
“The verge ’twixt mortal and immortal being.”
But extends beyond the bounds of time and place, to the house of God eternal in the heavens. Hence he is so far from looking upon death as an enemy, that he longs to feel his welcome embrace. He groans (but they are pleasing groans) to have mortality swallowed up of life.
Perhaps you will say, “But this is all a dream. He is only in a fool’s paradise?” Supposing he be, it is a pleasing dream.
Maneat mentis gratissimus error!
If he is only in a fool’s paradise, yet it is a paradise, while you are wandering in a wide, weary, barren world. Be it folly: his folly gives him that present happiness, which all your wisdom cannot find. So that he may now turn tables upon you and say,
“Whoe’er can ease by folly get,
With safety may despise
The wretched, unenjoying wit,
The miserable wise.
Such unspeakable advantage (even if there is none beyond death) has a Christian over an Infidel! It is true, he has given up some pleasures before he could attain to this. But what pleasures? That of eating till he is sick: till he weakens a strong, or quite destroys a weak constitution. He has given up the pleasure of drinking a man into a beast, and that of ranging from one worthless creature to another, till he brings a canker upon his estate, and perhaps rottenness into his bones. But in lieu of these, he has now (whatever may be hereafter) a continual serenity of mind, a constant evenness and composure of temper, a peace which passeth all understanding. He has learnt in every state wherein he is, therewith to be content: nay, to give thanks, as being clearly persuaded, it is better for him than any other. He feels continual gratitude to his Supreme Benefactor, Father of Spirits, Parent of Good; and tender, disinterested benevolence to all the children of this common Father. May the Father of your spirit, and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, make you such a Christian! May he work in your soul a divine conviction of things not discerned by eyes of flesh and blood! May he give you to see him that is invisible, and to taste of the powers of the world to come; may he fill you with all peace and joy in believing, that you may be happy in life, in death, in eternity!
First printed in the year 1733.
SUNDAY MORNIN G.
A LMIGHTY God, Father of all mercies, I thy unworthy servant desire to present myself, with all humility, before thee, to offer my morning sacrifice of love and thanksgiving! Glory be to thee, O most adorable Father, who after thou hadst finished the work of creation, enteredst into thy eternal rest. Glory be to thee, O holy Jesus , who having thro’ the eternal Spirit offered thy self a full, perfect, and sufficient sacrifice for the sins of the whole world, didst rise again the third day from the dead, and hadst all power given thee both in heaven and on earth. Glory be to thee, O blessed Spirit, who proceeding from the Father and the Son, didst come down in fiery tongues on the apostles on the first day of the week, and didst enable them to preach the glad tidings of salvation to a sinful world, and hast ever since been moving on the faces of men’s souls, as thou didst once on the face of the great deep, bringing them out of that dark chaos in which they were involved. Glory be to thee, O holy, undivided Trinity, for jointly concurring in the great work of our redemption, and restoring us again to the glorious liberty of the sons of God. Glory be to thee, who in compassion to human weakness, hast appointed a solemn day for the remembrance of thy inestimable benefits. O let me ever esteem it my privilege and happiness, to have a day set apart for the concerns of my soul, a day free from distractions, disengaged from the world, wherein I have nothing to do but to praise and love thee. O let it ever be to me a day sacred to divine love, a day of heavenly rest and refreshment.
Let thy holy Spirit, who on the first day of the week descended in miraculous gifts on thy apostles, descend on me thy unworthy servant, that I may be always in the spirit on the Lord’s day . Let his blessed inspiration prevent and assist me in all the duties of this thy sacred day, that my wandring thoughts may all be fixed on thee, my tumultuous affections composed, and my flat and cold desires quickned into fervent longings and thirstings after thee. O let me join in the prayers and praises of thy church with ardent and heavenly affection, hear thy word with earnest attention and a fixed resolution to obey it. And when I approach thy altar, pour into my heart humility, faith, hope, love, and all those holy dispositions, which become the solemn remembrance of a crucified Saviour. Let me employ this whole day to the ends for which it was ordained, in works of necessity and mercy, in prayer, praise, and meditation; and let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart be always acceptable in thy sight .
I know, O Lord that thou hast commanded me, and therefore it is my duty, to love thee with all my heart, and with all my strength. I know thou art infinitely holy and overflowing in all perfection, and therefore it is my duty so to love thee.
I know thou hast created me, and that I have neither being nor blessing but what is the effect of thy power and goodness.
I know thou art the end for which I was created, and that I can expect no happiness but in thee.
I know that in love to me, being lost in sin, thou didst send thy only Son, and that he being the Lord of glory, did humble himself to the death upon the cross, that I might be raised to glory.
I know thou hast provided me with all necessary helps for carrying me through this life to that eternal glory, and this out of the excess of thy pure mercy to me, unworthy of all mercies.
I know thou hast promised to be thyself my exceeding great reward . Though it is thou alone who thyself workest in me, both to will and to do, of thy good pleasure .
Upon these and many other titles, I confess it is my duty, to love thee my God, with all my heart. Give thy strength unto thy servant, that thy love may fill my heart, and be the motive of all the use I make of my understanding, my affections, my senses, my health, my time, and whatever other talents I have received from thee. Let this, O God, rule my heart, without a rival: let it dispose all my thoughts, words, and works; and thus only can I fulfil my duty and thy command, of loving thee with all my heart, and mind, and soul, and strength .
O thou infinite goodness, confirm thy past mercies to me, by enabling me for what remains of my life, to be more faithful than I have hitherto been, to this thy great command. For the time I have yet to sojourn upon earth, O let me fulfil this great duty. Permit me not to be in any delusion here: let me not trust in words, or sighs, or tears, but love thee even as thou hast commanded. Let me feel, and then I shall know what it is, to love thee with all my heart.
O merciful God, whatsoever thou deniest me, deny me not this love. Save me from the idolatry of loving the world, or any of the things of the world . Let me never love any creature, but for thy sake, and in subordination to thy love. Take thou the full possession of my heart, raise there thy throne, and command there, as thou dost in heaven. Being created by thee, let me live to thee; being created for thee, let me ever act for thy glory; being redeemed by thee, let me render unto thee what is thine, and let my spirit ever cleave to thee alone!
Let the prayers and sacrifices of thy holy church offered unto thee this day, be graciously accepted; cloath thy priests with righteousness, and pardon all thy people who are not prepared according to the preparation of the sanctuary . Prosper all those who are sincerely engaged in propagating or promoting thy faith and love (――) ¹ : Give thy Son the Heathen for his inheritance, and the utmost parts of the earth for his possession : that from the rising up of the sun unto the going down of the same, thy name may be great among the Gentiles. Enable us of this nation, and especially those whom thou hast set over us in church and state, in our several stations, to serve thee in all holiness, and to know the love of Christ which passeth knowledge . Continue to us the means of grace, and grant we may never provoke thee by our non-improvement to deprive us of them. Pour down thy blessing upon our universities, that they may ever promote true religion and sound learning. Shew mercy, O Lord, to my father and mother, my brothers and sisters, to all my friends (――) ¹ relations and enemies, and to all that are in affliction. Let thy fatherly hand be over them, and thy holy Spirit ever with them; that submitting themselves entirely to thy will, and directing all their thoughts, words and works to thy glory, they and those that are already dead in the Lord, may at length enjoy thee, in the glories of thy kingdom, through Jesus Christ our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Ghost, one God, blessed for ever.
SUNDAY EVENIN G.
General questions which a serious Christian may propose to himself, before he begins his evening devotions.
1. With what degree of attention and fervour did I use my morning prayers, public or private?
2. Have I done any thing without a present, or at least a previous perception of its direct, or remote tendency to the glory of God?
3. Did I in the morning consider, what particular virtue I was to exercise, and what business I had to do in the day?
4. Have I been zealous to undertake, and active in doing what good I could?
5. Have I interested myself any farther in the affairs of others, than charity required?
6. Have I, before I visited, or was visited, considered how I might thereby give or receive improvement?
7. Have I mentioned any failing or fault of any man, when it was not necessary for the good of another?
8. Have I ♦ unnecessarily grieved any one by word or deed?
9. Have I before, or in every action considered, how it might be a means of improving in the virtue of the day?
Particular questions relative to the love of God .
1. Have I set apart some of this day, to think upon his perfections and mercies?
2. Have I laboured to make this day, a day of heavenly rest, sacred to divine love?
3. Have I employed those parts of it in works of necessity and mercy, which were not employed in prayer, reading, and meditation?
O MY Father, my God, I am in thy hand; and may I rejoice above all things in being so: do with me what seemeth good in thy sight: only let me love thee with all my mind, soul, and strength.
I magnify thee for granting me to be born in thy church, and of religious parents; for washing me in thy baptism, and instructing me in thy doctrine of truth and holiness; for sustaining me by thy gracious providence, and guiding me by thy blessed Spirit; for admitting me, with the rest of my Christian brethren, to wait on thee at thy public worship: and for so often feeding my soul with thy most precious body and blood, those pledges of love, and sure conveyances of strength and comfort. O be gracious unto all of us, whom thou hast this day [ or at any time ] admitted to thy holy table. Strengthen our hearts in thy ways against all our temptations, and make us more than conquerors in thy love.
O my Father, my God, deliver me, I beseech thee, from all violent passions: I know how greatly obstructive these are, both of the knowledge and love of thee; O let none of them find a way into my heart, but let me ever possess my soul in meekness. O my God, I desire to fear them more than death; let me not serve these cruel tyrants; but do thou reign in my breast; let me ever be thy servant and love thee with all my heart.
Deliver me, O God, from too intense an application to even necessary business. I know how this dissipates my thoughts from the one end of all my business, and impairs that lively perception I would ever retain of thee standing at my right-hand. I know the narrowness of my heart, and that an eager attention to earthly things leaves it no room for the things of heaven. O teach me to go through all my employments with so truly disengaged a heart, that I may still see thee in all things, and see thee therein as continually looking upon me, and searching my reins; and that I may never impair that liberty of spirit, which is necessary for the love of thee.
Deliver me, O God, from a slothful mind, from all lukewarmness, and all dejection of spirit: I know these cannot but deaden my love to thee; mercifully free my heart from them, and give me a lively, zealous, active and chearful spirit; that I may vigorously perform whatever thou commandest, thankfully suffer whatever thou chusest for me, and be ever ardent to obey in all things thy holy love.
Deliver me, O God, from all idolatrous love of any creature. I know infinite numbers have been lost to thee, by loving those creatures for their own sake, which thou permittest, nay, even commandest to love subordinately to thee. Preserve me, I beseech thee, from all such blind affection: be thou a guard to all my desires, that they fix on no creature any farther than the love of it tends to build me up in the love of thee. Thou requirest me to love thee with all my heart: Undertake for me, I beseech thee, and be thou my security, that I may never open my heart to any thing, but out of love to thee.
Above all, deliver me, O my God, from all idolatrous self-love. I know, O God (blessed be thy infinite mercy for giving me this knowledge) that this is the root of all evil. I know, thou madest me, not to do my own will but thine. I know, the very corruption of the devil is, the having a will contrary to thine. O be thou my helper against this most dangerous of all idols, that I may both discern all its subtleties, and withstand all its force. O thou who hast commanded me to renounce myself, give me strength, and I will obey thy command. My choice and desire is, to love myself, as all other creatures, in and for thee. O let thy almighty arm so stablish, strengthen and settle me, that thou mayst ever be the ground and pillar of all my love.
By this love of thee, my God, may my soul, be fixed against its natural inconstancy: by this may it be reduced to an entire indifference as to all things else, and simply desire what is pleasing in thy sight. May this holy flame ever warm my breast, that I may serve thee with all my might; and let it consume in my heart all selfish desires that I may in all things regard, not myself but thee.
O my God, let thy glorious name be duly honoured and loved by all the creatures which thou hast made. Let thy infinite goodness and greatness be ever adored by all angels and men. May thy church, the Catholic seminary of divine love, be protected from all the powers of darkness. O vouchsafe to all, who call themselves by thy name, one short glimpse of thy goodness. May they once taste and see how gracious thou art, that all things else may be tasteless to them; that their desires may be always flying up towards thee, that they may render thee love, and praise, and obedience pure and chearful, constant and zealous, universal and uniform, like that the holy angels render thee in heaven.
Send forth thy blessed Spirit into the midst of these sinful nations, and make us a holy people: stir up the heart of our sovereign, of the royal family, of the clergy, the nobility, and of all whom thou hast set over us, that they may be happy instruments in thy hand, of promoting this good work: be gracious to the universities, to the gentry and commons of this land, and comfort all that are in affliction; let the trial of their faith work patience in them, and perfect them in hope and love (――). ¹
Bless my father, &c. my friends and relations, and all that belong to this family; all that have been instrumental to my good, by their assistance, advice, example, or writing, and all that do not pray for themselves.
Change the hearts of mine enemies, and give me grace to forgive them, even as thou for Christ ’s sake forgivest us.
O thou Shepherd of Israel, vouchsafe to receive me this night and ever, into thy protection; accept my poor services, and pardon the sinfulness of these and all my holy duties. O let it be thy good pleasure shortly to put a period to sin and misery, to infirmity and death, to compleat the number of thine elect, and to hasten thy kingdom; that we, and all that wait for thy salvation, may eternally love and praise thee, O God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost, throughout all ages, world without end.
Our Father , &c.
MONDAY MORNIN G.
General questions, which may be used every morning.
Did I think of God first and last?
Have I examined myself how I behaved since last night’s retirement?
Am I resolved to do all the good I can this day, and to be diligent in the business of my calling?
O GOD, who art the giver of all good gifts, I thy unworthy servant, entirely desire to praise thy name for all the expressions of thy bounty towards me. Blessed be thy love for giving thy Son to die for our sins, for the means of grace, and for the hope of glory. Blessed be thy love for all the temporal benefits which thou hast with a liberal hand poured out upon me; for my health and strength, food and raiment, and all other necessaries with which thou hast provided thy sinful servant. I also bless thee that, after all my refusals of thy grace, thou still hast patience with me, hast preserved me this night, (――) ¹ and given me yet another day, to renew and perfect my repentance. Pardon, good Lord, all my former sins, and make me every day more zealous and diligent to improve every opportunity of building up my soul in thy faith, and love, and obedience: make thyself always present to my mind, and let thy love fill and rule my soul, in all those places, and companies, and employments, to which thou callest me this day. In all my passage through this world, suffer not my heart to be set upon it: but always fix my single eye, and my undivided affections on the prize of my high calling ! This one thing let me do; let me so press toward this, as to make all things else minister unto it; and be careful so to use them, as thereby to fit my soul for that pure bliss, which thou hast prepared for those that love thee!
O thou, who art good and dost good, who extendest thy loving-kindness to all mankind, the work of thine hands, thine image, capable of knowing and loving thee eternally: suffer me to exclude none, O Lord, from my charity, who are the objects of thy mercy; but let me treat all my neighbours with that tender love, which is due to thy servants and to thy children. Thou hast required this mark of my love to thee: O let no temptation expose me to ingratitude, or make me forfeit thy loving kindness which is better than life itself! But grant that I may assist all my brethren with my prayers, where I cannot reach them with actual services. Make me zealous to embrace all occasions that may administer to their happiness, by assisting the needy, protecting the oppressed, instructing the ignorant, confirming the wavering, exhorting the good, and reproving the wicked. Let me look upon the failings of my neighbour as if they were my own; that I may be grieved for them, that I may never reveal them but when charity requires, and then with tenderness and compassion. Let thy love to me, O blessed Saviour, be the pattern of my love to him. Thou thoughtest nothing too dear to part with, to rescue me from eternal misery: O let me think nothing too dear to part with to set forward the everlasting good of my fellow Christians. They are members of thy body; therefore I will cherish them. Thou hast redeemed them with an inestimable price; assisted by thy holy Spirit, therefore I will endeavour to recover them from a state of destruction: that thus adorning thy holy gospel, by doing good according to my power, I may at last be received into the endearments of thy eternal love, and sing everlasting praise unto the Lamb, that was slain and sitteth on the throne for ever.
Extend, I humbly beseech thee, thy mercy to all men, and let them become thy faithful servants. Let all Christians live up to the holy religion they profess; especially these sinful nations. Be intreated for us, good Lord; be glorified by our reformation, and not by our destruction. Turn thou us, and so shall we be turned : O be favourable to thy people; give us grace to put a period to our provocations, and do thou put a period to our punishment. Defend our church from schism, heresy, and sacrilege, and the king from all treasons and conspiracies. Bless all bishops, priests and deacons, with apostolical graces, exemplary lives, and sound doctrine. Grant to the council wisdom from above, to all magistrates integrity and zeal, to the universities quietness and industry, and to the gentry and commons, pious and peaceable, and loyal hearts.
Preserve my parents, my brothers and sisters, my friends and relations, and all mankind, in their souls and bodies (――) ¹ . Forgive mine enemies, and in thy due time make them kindly affected towards me. Have mercy on all who are afflicted in mind, body, or estate: give them patience under their sufferings, and a happy issue out of all their afflictions . O grant that we, with those who are already dead in thy faith and fear may together partake of a joyful resurrection, through him who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Ghost, one God, world without end.
MONDAY EVENIN G.
Particular questions relating to the love of our neighbour.
1. Have I thought any thing but my conscience, too dear to part with, to please or serve my neighbour?
2. Have I rejoiced or grieved with him?
3. Have I received his infirmities with pity, not with anger?
4. Have I contradicted any one, either where I had no good end in view, or where there was no probability of convincing?
5. Have I let him, I thought in the wrong ( in a ♦ trifle ) have the last word?
M OST great and glorious Lord God, I desire to prostrate myself before thy divine Majesty, under a deep sense of my unworthiness, and with sorrow, and shame, and confusion of face, to confess I have, by my manifold transgressions, deserved thy severest visitations, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and am no more worthy to be called thy son : O let thy paternal bowels yern upon me, and for Jesus Christ ’s sake graciously receive me. Accept my imperfect repentance, and send thy Spirit of adoption into my heart, that I may again be owned by thee, call thee Father, and share in the blessings of thy children.
Adored be thy goodness for all the benefits thou hast already from time to time bestowed on me: for the good things of this life, and the hope of eternal happiness. Particularly, I offer to thee my humblest thanks for thy preservation of me this day, (――) ¹ . If I have escaped any sin, it is the effect of thy restraining grace: if I have avoided any danger, it was thy hand directed me. To thy holy name be ascribed the honour and glory. O let the sense of all thy blessings have this effect upon me, to make me daily more diligent in devoting myself, all I am, and all I have to thy glory.
O my God, fill my soul with so entire a love of thee, that I may love nothing but for thy sake, and in subordination to thy love. Give me grace to study thy knowledge daily, that the more I know thee, the more I may love thee. Create in me a zealous obedience to all thy commands, a chearful patience under all thy chastisements, and a thankful resignation to all thy disposals. May I ever have awful thoughts of thee, never mention thy venerable name, unless on just, solemn, and devout occasions; nor even then, without acts of adoration. O let it be the one business of my life to glorify thee, by every thought of my heart, by every word of my tongue, by every work of my hand; by professing thy truth, even to the death, if it should please thee to call me to it; and by engaging all men, as far as in me lies, to glorify and love thee.
Let thy unwearied and tender love to me, make my love unwearied and tender to my neighbour, zealous to pray for, and to procure and promote his health and safety, ease and happiness; and active to comfort, succour, and relieve all whom thy love and their own necessities recommend to my charity. Make me peaceful and reconcilable; easy to ♦ forgive, and glad to return good for evil. Make me like thyself, all kindness and benignity, all goodness and gentleness, all meekness and long-suffering. And, O thou lover of souls, raise in me a compassionate zeal to save the life, the eternal life of souls, and by affectionate and seasonable advice, exhortations and reproof, to reclaim the wicked, and win them to thy love.
Be pleased, O Lord, to take me, with my father and mother, brethren and sisters, my friends and relations, and my enemies, into thy almighty protection this night. Refresh me with such comfortable rest that I may rise more fit for thy service. Let me lie down with holy thoughts of thee, and when I awake let me be still present with thee.
Shew mercy to the whole world, O Father of all; let the gospel of thy Son run and be glorified throughout all the earth. Let it be made known to all infidels, and obeyed by all Christians. Be merciful to this church and nation; give unto thy bishops a discerning spirit, that they may make choice of fit persons to serve in thy sacred ministry; and enable all who are ordained to any holy function, diligently to feed the flocks committed to their charge, instructing them in saving knowledge, guiding them by their examples, praying for and blessing them, exercising spiritual discipline in thy church, and duly administring thy holy sacraments. Multiply thy blessings on our sovereign, on the royal family, and on the nobles, magistrates, gentry and commons of this land; that they may all, according to the several talents they have received, be faithful instruments of thy glory. Give to our schools and universities, zeal, prudence and holiness, visit in mercy all the children of affliction, (――) ¹ . Relieve their necessities, lighten their burthens; give them a chearful submission to thy gracious will, and at length bring them and us, with those that already rest from their labours, into the joy of our Lord, to whom with thee, O Father, and thee, O Holy Ghost, be all praise, now and for ever.
TUESDAY MORNIN G.
O ETERNAL and merciful Father, I give thee humble thanks (increase my thankfulness, I beseech thee) for all the blessings, spiritual and temporal, which in the riches of thy mercy thou hast poured down upon me. Lord, let me not live but to love thee, and to glorify thy name. Particularly I give thee most unfeigned thanks for preserving me from my birth to this moment and for bringing me safe to the beginning of this day (――) ¹ in which, and in all the days of my life, I beseech thee that all my thoughts, words, and works may tend to thy glory. Heal O Father of mercies, all my infirmities (――), strengthen me against all my follies; forgive me all my sins (――), and let them not cry louder in thine ears for vengeance, than my prayers for mercy and forgiveness.
O blessed Lord, enable me to fulfil thy commands, and command what thou wilt. O thou Saviour of all that trust in thee, do with me what seemeth best in thine own eyes: only give me the mind which was in thee: let me learn of thee to be meek and lowly. Pour into me the whole Spirit of humility; fill, I beseech thee, every part of my soul with it, and make it the constant, ruling habit of my mind, that all my other tempers may arise from it: that I may have no thoughts, no desires, no designs, but such as are the true fruit of a lowly spirit. Grant that I may think of myself as I ought to think, that I may know myself, even as I am known . Herein may I exercise myself continually, when I lie down and when I rise up, that I may always appear poor, and little, and mean, and base, and vile in mine own eyes. O convince me, that I have neither learned wisdom, nor have the knowledge of the holy . Give me a lively sense that I am nothing, that I have nothing, and that I can do nothing. Enable me to feel that I am all ignorance and error, weakness and uncleanness, sin and misery; that I am not worthy of the air I breathe, the earth I tread upon, or the sun that shines upon me. And let me be fully content when all other men think of me as I do of myself. O save me from either desiring or seeking the honour that cometh of men. Convince me that the words of praise, when smoother than oil , then especially are very swords . Give me to dread them more than the poison of asps , or the pestilence that walketh in darkness . And when these cords of pride, these snares of death do overtake me, suffer me not to take any pleasure in them, but enable me instantly to flee unto thee, O Lord, and to complain unto my God. Let all my bones cry out, Thou art worthy to be praised; so shall I be safe from mine enemies .
Bless, O gracious Father, all the nations whom thou hast placed upon the earth, with the knowledge of thee, the only true God: But especially bless thy holy catholic church, and fill it with truth and grace; where it is corrupt, purge it; where it is in error, rectify it; where it is right, confirm it; where it is divided and rent asunder, heal the breaches thereof, O thou holy one of Israel. Replenish all whom thou hast called to ♦ any office therein, with truth of doctrine and innocency of life. Let their prayers be as precious incense in thy sight, that their cries and tears for the city of their God may not be in vain.
O Lord, hear the king in the day of his trouble; let thy name, O God, defend him. Grant him his heart’s desire, and fulfil all his mind. Set his heart firm upon thee, and upon other things only as they are in and for thee. O defend him and his royal relations from thy holy heaven, even with the saving strength of thy right-hand.
Have mercy upon this kingdom, and forgive the sins of this people: turn thee unto us, bless us, and cause thy face to shine on our desolations. Inspire the nobles and magistrates with prudent zeal, the gentry and commons, with humble loyalty. Pour down thy blessings on all seminaries of true religion and learning, that they may remember and answer the end of their institution. Comfort all the sons and daughters of affliction, especially those who suffer for righteousness sake . Bless my father and mother, my brethren and sisters, my friends and relations, and all that belong to this family. Forgive all who are mine enemies, and so reconcile them to me and thyself, that we all, together with those that now sleep in thee, may awake to life everlasting, through thy merits and intercession, O blessed Jesus ; to whom with the Father and the Holy Ghost, be ascribed by all creatures, all honour, and might, and wisdom, and glory, and blessing .
TUESDAY EVENIN G.
Particular questions relating to humility.
1. Have I laboured to conform all my thoughts, words and actions to these fundamental maxims; I am nothing, I have nothing, I can do nothing ?
2. Have I set apart some time this day, to think upon my infirmities, follies and sins?
3. Have I ascribed to myself any part of any good which God did by my hand?
4. Have I said or done any thing, with a view to the praise of men?
5. Have I desired the praise of men?
6. Have I taken pleasure in it?
7. Have I commended myself, or others, to their faces, unless for God’s sake, and then with fear and trembling?
8. Have I despised any one’s advice?
9. Have I, when I thought so, said, I am in the wrong ?
10. Have I received contempt for things indifferent, with meekness: For doing my duty, with joy?
11. Have I omitted justifying myself where the glory of God was not concerned? Have I submitted to be thought in the wrong?
12. Have I, when contemned, first prayed God it might not discourage, or puff me up: secondly that it might not be imputed to the contemner: thirdly that it might heal my pride?
13. Have I, without some particular good in view, mentioned the contempt I had met with?
I DESIRE to offer unto thee, O Lord, my evening sacrifice, the sacrifice of a contrite spirit. Have mercy upon me, O God, after thy great goodness, and after the multitude of thy mercies do away mine offences. Let thy unspeakable mercy free me from the sins I have committed, and deliver me from the punishment I have deserved (――) ¹ . O save me from every work of darkness, and cleanse me from all filthiness of flesh and spirit , that, for the time to come, I may with a pure heart and mind follow thee the only true God.
O Lamb of God, who both by thy example and precept didst instruct us to be meek and humble, give me grace throughout my whole life, in every thought, and word and work, to imitate thy meekness and humility. O mortify in me the whole body of pride: grant me to feel that I am nothing and have nothing, and that I deserve nothing but shame and contempt, but misery and punishment. Grant, O Lord, that I may look for nothing, claim nothing, and that I may go through all the scenes of life, not seeking my own glory, but looking wholly unto thee, and acting wholly for thee. Let me never speak any word that may tend to my own praise, unless the good of my neighbour require it. And even then let me beware, lest to heal another, I wound my own soul. Let my ears and my heart be ever shut to the praise that cometh of men, and let me refuse to hear the voice of the charmer, charm he never so sweetly . Give me a dread of applause, in whatsoever form, and from whatsoever tongue it cometh. I know that many stronger men have been slain by it , and that it leadeth to the chambers of death . O deliver my soul from this snare of hell; neither let me spread it for the feet of others. Whosoever perish thereby, be their blood upon their own head, and let not my hand be upon them.
O thou giver of every good and perfect gift, if at any time thou pleasest to work by my hand, teach me to discern what is my own from what is another’s, and to render unto thee the things that are thine. As, all the good that is done on earth, thou dost it thyself, let me ever return to thee all the glory. Let me, as a pure chrystal, transmit all the light thou pourest upon me; but never claim as my own what is thy sole property.
O thou who wert despised and rejected of men, when I am slighted by my friends, disdained by my superiors, overborn, or ridiculed by my equals, or contemptuously treated by my inferiors, let me cry out with thy holy martyr ¹ , “It is now that I begin to be a disciple of Christ .” Then let me thankfully accept, and faithfully use the happy occasion of improving in thy meek and lowly Spirit. If for thy sake men cast out my name as evil, let me rejoice, and be exceeding glad . If for my own infirmities, yet let me acknowledge thy goodness, in giving me this medicine to heal my pride and vanity, and beg thy mercy for those physicians of my soul, by whose hands it is administered to me.
Make me to remember thee on my bed, and think upon thee when I am waking : thou hast preserved me from all the dangers of the day past: thou hast been my support from my youth up until now: under the shadow of thy wings let me pass this night in comfort and peace.
O thou Creator and preserver of all mankind, have mercy upon all conditions of men: purge thy holy Catholic church from all heresy, schism, and superstition. Bless our sovereign in his person, in his actions, in his relations, and in his people. May it please thee to endue his council, and all the nobility, with grace, wisdom, and understanding ; the magistrates with equity, courage and prudence; the gentry with industry and temperance; and all the commons of this land, with increase of grace, and a holy, humble, thankful spirit.
O pour upon our whole church, and especially upon the clergy thereof, the continual dew of thy blessing. Grant to our universities peace and piety, and to all that labour under affliction, constant patience and timely deliverance. Bless all my kindred, (especially my father and mother, my brothers and sisters) and all my friends and benefactors (――) ¹ . Turn the hearts of my enemies (――); forgive them and me all our sins, and grant that we and all the members of thy holy church, may find mercy in the dreadful day of judgment, through the mediation and satisfaction of thy blessed Son Jesus Christ , to whom with thee and the Holy Ghost the comforter, be all honour, praise and thanksgiving, in all the churches of the saints for ever.
WEDNESDAY MORNIN G.
O THOU who dwellest in the light which no man can approach, in whose presence there is no night, in the light of whose countenance there is perpetual day: I thy sinful servant, whom thou hast preserved this night, who live by thy power this day, bless and glorify thee, for the defence of thy almighty providence, (――) ¹ and humbly pray thee, that this, and all my days may be wholly devoted to thy service. Send thy Holy Spirit to be the guide of all my ways, and the sanctifier of my soul and body. Save, defend, and build me up in thy fear and love; give unto me the light of thy countenance, peace from heaven, and the salvation of my soul in the day of the Lord Jesus.
O Thou who art the way, the truth, and the life , thou hast said no man can follow thee, unless he renounce himself. I know, O Saviour, that thou hast laid nothing upon us but what the design of thy love made necessary for us. Thou sawest our disease, our idolatrous self-love, whereby we fell away from God, to be as gods ourselves, to please ourselves, and to do our own will. Lo, I come! May I ever renounce my own, and do thy blessed will in all things!
I know, O God, thou didst empty thyself of thy eternal glory, and tookest upon thee the form of a servant . Thou who madest all men to serve and please thee, didst not please thyself, but wast the servant of all. Thou O Lord of the hosts of heaven and earth, didst yield thy cheeks to be smitten, thy back to be scourged, and thy hands and feet to be nailed to an accursed tree. Thus didst thou, our great Master, renounce thyself: And can we think much of renouncing our vile selves? My Lord and my God, let me not presume to be above my master! Let it be the one desire of my heart, to be as my master, to do not my own will, but the will of him that sent me.
O thou whose whole life did cry aloud, Father, not mine, but thy will be done , give me grace to walk after thy pattern, to tread in thy steps. Give me grace to take up my cross daily , to inure myself to bear hardship. Let me exercise myself unto godliness betimes, before the rains descend and the floods beat upon me: Let me now practise what is not pleasing to flesh and blood, what is not agreeable to my senses, appetites, and passions, that I may not hereafter renounce thee, for fear of suffering for thee, but may stand firm in the day of my visitation .
*O thou, who didst not please thyself, altho’ for thy pleasure all things are and were created , let some portion of thy spirit descend on me, that I may deny myself and follow thee . Strengthen my soul that I may be temperate in all things; that I may never use any of thy creatures but in order to some end thou commandest me to pursue, and in that measure and manner which most conduces to it. Let me never gratify any desire, which has not thee for its ultimate object. Let me ever abstain from all pleasures, which do not prepare me for taking pleasure in thee, as knowing that all such war against the soul, and tend to alienate it from thee. O save me from ever indulging either the desire of the flesh, the desire of the eye, or the pride of life . Set a watch, O Lord, over my senses and appetites, my passions and understanding, that I may resolutely deny them every gratification, which has no tendency to thy glory. O train me up in this good way, that when I am old I may not depart from it : that I may be at length of a truly mortified heart, crucified unto the world, and the world crucified unto me .
Hear also my prayers for all mankind, and guide their feet into the way of peace: for thy holy Catholic church, let her live by thy Spirit, and reign in thy glory. Remember that branch of it which thou hast planted in these kingdoms; especially the stewards of thy holy mysteries; give them such zeal, and diligence, and wisdom, that they may save both themselves and those that hear them.
Preserve, O great King of heaven and earth, all Christian princes, especially our sovereign and his family. Grant that his council, and all that are in authority under him, may truly and indifferently administer justice. And to all thy people give thy heavenly grace, that they may faithfully serve thee all the days of their life. Bless the universities with prudence, unity, and holiness. However the way of truth be evil spoken of, may they walk in it even to the end. Whoever forget or blaspheme their high calling, may they ever remember, that they are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people : and accordingly, shew forth the praise of him, who hath called them out of darkness into his marvellous light .
With a propitious eye, O gracious Lord, behold all my enemies, and all that are in affliction; give them patience under their sufferings, and grant that they, and all the members of thy church, may find rest, where the wicked cease from troubling , and mercy in the great day of trial. In particular I commend to thy mercy, my father and mother, my brethren and sisters, my friends and relations (――) ¹ . Lord, thou best knowest all their wants; O suit thy blessings to their several necessities.
Let these my prayers, O Lord, find access to the throne of grace, through the Son of thy love, Jesus Christ the righteous: to whom, with thee, O Father, in the unity of the Spirit, be all love and obedience now and for ever!
WEDNESDAY EVENIN G.
Particular questions relating to mortification.
1. Have I done any thing merely because it was pleasing?
2. Have I not only ♦ not done what passion sollicited me to, but done just the contrary?
3. Have I received the inconveniences I could not avoid, as means of mortification chosen for me by God?
4. Have I contrived pretences to avoid self-denial? In particular,
5. Have I thought any occasion of denying myself too small to be embraced?
6. Have I submitted my will to the will of every one that opposed it; except where the glory of God was concerned?
7. Have I set apart some time for endeavouring after a lively sense of the sufferings of Christ and my own sins? For deprecating God’s judgment, and thinking how to amend?
O ALMIGHTY Lord of heaven and earth, I desire with fear and shame to cast myself down before thee, humbly confessing my manifold sins and unsufferable wickedness. I confess, O great God, that I have sinned grievously against thee by thought, word and deed (particularly this day). Thy words and thy laws, O God, are holy, and thy judgments are terrible! But I have broken all thy righteous laws, and incurred thy severest judgments; and where shall I appear when thou art angry?
But, O Lord my Judge, thou art also my Redeemer! I have sinned, but thou, O blessed Jesus, art my advocate! Enter not into judgment with me , lest I die; but spare me, gracious Lord, spare thy servant, whom thou hast redeemed with thy most precious blood . O reserve not evil in store for me against the day of vengeance, but let thy mercy be magnified upon me. Deliver me from the power of sin, and preserve me from the punishment of it.
Thou whose mercy is without measure, whose goodness is ♦ unspeakable, despise not thy returning servant, who earnestly begs for pardon and reconciliation. Grant me the forgiveness of what is past, and a perfect repentance of all my sins, that for the time to come I may with a pure spirit do thy will, O God, walking humbly with thee, conversing charitably with men, possessing my soul in resignation and holiness, and my body in sanctification and honour.
* My Lord and my God , I know that unless I am planted together with thee in the likeness of thy death, I cannot in the likeness of thy resurrection. O strengthen me, that by denying myself and taking up my cross daily , I may crucify the old man, and utterly destroy the whole body of sin. Give me grace to mortify all my members which are upon earth , all my works and affections which are according to corrupt nature. Let me be dead unto sin, unto every transgression of thy law, which is holy, merciful and perfect. Let me be dead unto the world, and all that is in the world, the desires ♦ of the flesh, the desire of the eye, and the pride of life . Let me be dead unto pleasure, so far as it tendeth not to thee, and to those pleasures which are at thy right-hand for evermore. Let me be dead unto my own will, and alive only unto thine. I am not my own; thou hast bought me with a price, with the price of thine own blood. And thou didst therefore die for all, that we should not henceforth live unto ourselves, but unto him that died for us. Arm thou me with this mind; circumcise my heart and make me a new creature . Let me no longer live to the desires of men, but to the will of God. Let thy holy Spirit enable me to say with thy blessed apostle, I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ liveth in me .
O thou great Shepherd of souls , bring home unto thy fold all that are gone astray. Preserve thy church from all heresy and schism, from all that persecute or oppose the truth: and give unto thy ministers wisdom and holiness, and the powerful aid of thy blessed Spirit. Advance the just interests, and preserve the persons of all Christian princes, especially our sovereign: give to him and his royal family, and to all his subjects, in their several stations, particularly those that are in authority among them, grace to do thy will in this world, and eternal glory in the world to come.
Bless, O Lord, all our nurseries of piety and schools of learning, that they may devote all their studies to thy glory. Have mercy on all that are in affliction: remember the poor and needy, the widow and fatherless, the friendless and oppressed: heal the sick and languishing, give them a sanctified use of thy rod, and when thou seest it expedient for them, receive them into the number of thy departed saints, and with them into thine everlasting kingdom.
O my God, I praise thee for thy continual preservation of me, for thy fatherly protection over me this day. (――) ¹ . For all the comforts with which thou surroundest me, spiritual and temporal; particularly for leave now to pray unto thee. O accept the poor services, pardon the sinfulness of this and all my holy duties, and bless me, my friends and relations, my benefactors and mine enemies, (this night and ever) with the blessings of thy children.
These my prayers, O most merciful Father, vouchsafe to hear, through the mediation of Jesus Christ our Redeemer, who with thee and the Holy Ghost is worshipped and glorified, in all churches of the saints, one God blessed for ever!
THURSDAY MORNIN G.
O ETERNAL God, my Sovereign Lord, I acknowledge all I am, all I have is thine. O give me such a sense of thy infinite goodness, that I may return to thee all possible love and obedience.
I humbly and heartily thank thee for all the favours thou hast bestow’d upon me; for creating me after thine own image, for thy daily preserving me by thy good providence, for redeeming me by the death of thy blessed Son, and for the assistance of thy holy Spirit: for causing me to be born in a Christian country, for blessing me with plentiful means of salvation, with religious parents and friends, and frequent returns of thy ever blessed sacrament. I also thank thee for all thy temporal blessings; for the preservation of me this night, (――) ¹ for my health, strength, food, raiment, and all the comforts and necessaries of life. O may I always delight to praise thy holy name , and, above all thy benefits, love thee my great benefactor.
And, O Father of mercies, shut not up thy bowels of compassion towards me a vile and miserable sinner; despise not the work of thine own hands, the purchase of thy Son’s blood. For his sake I most humbly implore forgiveness of all my sins. Lo, I come now, to do thy will alone ; and am resolved by thy assistance, to have no longer any choice of my own, but with singleness of heart to obey thy good pleasure: Father not my will, but thine be done, in all my thoughts, words, and actions !
*O thou all-sufficient God of angels and men, who art above all, and through all, and in all; from whom, by whom, and in whom are all things; in whom we live, move, and have our being ; may my will be as entirely and continually derived from thine, as my being and happiness are!
I believe, O sovereign goodness, O mighty wisdom, that thou dost sweetly order and govern all things, even the most minute, even the most noxious, to thy glory, and the good of those that love thee ! I believe, O Father of the families of heaven and earth, that thou so disposest all events, as may best magnify thy goodness to all thy children, especially those whose eyes wait upon thee . I most humbly beseech thee teach me to adore all thy ways, though I cannot comprehend them: teach me to be glad that thou art king, and to give thee thanks for all things that befall me; seeing thou hast chosen that for me, and hast thereby set to thy seal that they are good . And for that which is to come, give me thy grace to do in all things what pleaseth thee, and then, with an absolute submission to thy wisdom, to leave the issues of them in thy hand.
O Lord Jesu, I give thee my body, my soul, my substance, my fame, my friends, my liberty, my life; dispose of me, and all that is mine, as it seemeth best unto thee. I am not mine, but thine; claim me as thy right, keep me as thy charge, love me as thy child! Fight for me when I am assaulted, heal me when I am wounded, and revive me when I am destroyed.
O help me with thy grace, that whatsoever I shall do or suffer this day may tend to thy glory. Keep me in love to thee, and to all men. Do thou direct my paths, and teach me to set thee always before me. Let not the things of this life, or my manifold concerns therein, alienate any part of my affections from thee; nor let me ever pursue or regard them, but for thee, and in obedience to thy will.
Extend, O Lord, thy pity to the whole race of mankind: enlighten the Gentiles with thy truth, and bring into thy flock thy ancient people the Jews. Be gracious to the holy Catholic church; and grant she may always preserve that doctrine and discipline which thou hast delivered to her. Grant that all of this nation, especially our governors and the clergy, may, whatsoever they do, do all to thy glory . Bless all nurseries of true religion and useful learning, and let them not neglect the end of their institution. Be merciful to all that are in distress, (――) ¹ that struggle with pain, poverty or reproach: be thou a guide to them that travel by land or by water: give a strong and quiet spirit to those who are condemned to death, liberty to prisoners and captives, and ease and chearfulness to every sad heart. O give spiritual strength and comfort to scrupulous consciences, and to them that are afflicted by evil spirits. Pity idiots and lunatics, and give life and salvation to all to whom thou hast given no understanding. Give to all that are in error the light of thy truth; bring all sinners to repentance, (――) and give to all heretics humility and grace to make amends to thy church, by the public acknowledgement of an holy faith. Bless all my friends and relations, acquaintance and enemies: (――) unite us all to one another by mutual love, and to thyself by constant holiness; that we, together with all those who are gone before us in thy faith and fear, may find a merciful acceptance in the last day, through the merits of thy blessed Son, to whom with thee and the Holy Ghost, be all glory, world without end!
THURSDAY EVENIN G.
Particular questions relating to resignation and meekness.
1. Have I endeavoured to will what God wills, and that only?
2. Have I received every thing that has befallen me, without my choice, as the choice of infinite wisdom and goodness for me, with thanks?
3. Have I (after doing what he requires of me to do concerning them) left all future things absolutely to God’s disposal? That is, have I laboured to be wholly indifferent to whichsoever way he shall ordain for me?
4. Have I resumed my claim to my body, soul, friends, fame, or fortune, which I have made over to God; or repented of my gift, when God accepted any of them at my hands?
5. Have I endeavoured to be chearful, mild and courteous in whatever I said or did?
6. Have I said any thing with a stern look, accent or gesture? Particularly with regard to religion?
M Y Lord and my God, thou seest my heart, and my desires are not hid from thee. I am encouraged by my happy experience of thy goodness (particularly this day past) to present myself before thee, notwithstanding I know myself unworthy of the least favour from thee. I am ashamed when I think, how long I have lived a stranger, yea, an enemy to thee, taking upon me to dispose of myself, and to please myself in the main course of my life. But I now unfeignedly desire to return unto thee, and renouncing all interest and propriety in myself, to give myself up entirely to thee: I would be thine, and only thine for ever. But I know I am nothing, and can do nothing of myself: and if ever I am thine, I must be wholly indebted to thee for it. O my God, my Saviour, my Sanctifier, turn not away thy face from a poor soul that seeks thee: but as thou hast kindled in me these desires, so confirm, increase, and satisfy them. Reject not that poor gift which I would make of myself unto thee, but teach me so to make it, that it may be acceptable in thy sight. Lord, hear me, help me, and shew mercy unto me for Jesus Christ ’s sake.
To thee, O God, Father, Son and Holy Ghost, my Creator, Redeemer, and Sanctifier, I give up myself entirely: may I no longer serve myself, but thee, all the days of my life.
I give thee my understanding: may it be my only care to know thee, thy perfections, thy works and thy will. Let all things else be as dung and dross unto me, for the excellency of this knowledge. And let me silence all reasonings against whatsoever thou teachest me, who canst neither deceive, nor be deceived.
I give thee my will: may I have no will of my own: whatsoever thou willest, may I will, and that only. May I will thy glory in all things as thou dost, and make that my end in every thing; may I ever say with the Psalmist, Whom have I in heaven but thee, and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee . May I delight to do thy will O God, and rejoice to suffer it. Whatever threatens me let me say, It is the Lord, let him do what seemeth him good : and whatever befalls me, let me give thanks, since it is thy will concerning me.
I give thee my affections; do thou dispose of them all: be thou my love, my fear, my joy: and may nothing have any share in them, but with respect to thee and for thy sake. What thou lovest may I love, what thou hatest may I hate, and that in such measures as thou art pleased to prescribe me.
I give thee my body: may I glorify thee with it, and preserve it holy, fit for thee, O God, to dwell in; may I neither indulge it, nor use too much rigor towards it; but keep it, as far as in me lies, healthy, vigorous and active, and fit to do thee all manner of service, which thou shalt call for.
I give thee all my worldly goods: may I prize them and use them only for thee. May I faithfully restore to thee, in the poor, all thou hast intrusted me with, above the necessaries of life; and be content to part with ♦ them too, whenever thou my Lord, shalt require them at my hands.
I give thee my credit and reputation: may I never value it, but only in respect of thee; nor endeavour to maintain it, but as it may do thee service and advance thy honour in the world.
I give thee myself and my all: let me look upon myself to be nothing, and to have nothing out of thee. Be thou the sole disposer and governor of myself and all; be thou my portion and my all.
O my God and my all, when hereafter I shall be tempted to break this solemn engagement, when I shall be prest to conform to the world, and to the company and customs that surround me; may my answer be, I am not my own ; I am not for myself, nor for the world, but for my God. I will give unto God the things which are God’s. God be merciful to me a sinner.
Have mercy, O Father of the spirits of all flesh, on all mankind. Convert all Jews, Turks and Heathens to thy truth. Bless the Catholic church; heal its breaches, and establish it in truth and peace. Preserve and defend all Christian princes, especially our sovereign and his family. Be merciful to this nation; bless the clergy with soundness of doctrine and purity of life; the council with wisdom, the magistrates with integrity and zeal, and the people with loyalty. Bless the universities with learning and holiness, that they may afford a constant supply of men fit and able to do thee service.
Shower down thy graces on all my relations, on all my friends and all that belong to this family. Comfort and relieve those that labour under any affliction of body or mind: especially those who suffer for the testimony of a good conscience. Visit them, O gracious Lord, in all their distresses. Thou knowest, thou seest them under all. O stay their souls upon thee; give them to rejoice that they are counted worthy to suffer for thy name’s sake, and constantly to look unto the author and finisher of their faith. Supply abundantly to all their souls who are in prison, the want of thy holy ordinances, and in thy good time, deliver them and be merciful unto them, as thou usest to be unto them that love thy name. Those that love or do good to me, reward seven-fold into their bosom: (――) ¹ those that hate me (――) convert and forgive: and grant us all, together with thy whole church, an entrance into thine everlasting kingdom, through Jesus Christ ; to whom with thee and the blessed Spirit, three persons and one God be ascribed all majesty, dominion, and power, now and for evermore. Amen.
FRIDAY MORNIN G.
A LMIGHTY and everlasting God, I bless thee from my heart, that of thy infinite goodness thou hast preserved me this night past, and hast with the impregnable defence of thy providence protected me, from the power and malice of the devil. Withdraw not, I humbly intreat thee, thy protection from me, but mercifully this day watch over me with the eyes of thy mercy; direct my soul and body, according to the rule of thy will, and fill my heart with thy holy Spirit, that I may pass this day, and all the rest of my days, to thy glory.
O Saviour of the world, God of Gods, light of light , thou that art the brightness of thy Father’s glory, the express image of his person; thou that hast destroyed the power of the devil, that hast overcome death, that sittest at the right-hand of the Father , thou wilt speedily come down in thy Father’s glory to judge all men according to their works: be thou my light and my peace; destroy the power of the devil in me, and make me a new creature. O thou who didst cast seven devils out of Mary Magdalen , cast out of my heart all corrupt affections. O thou who didst raise Lazarus from the dead, raise me from the death of sin. Thou who didst cleanse the lepers, heal the sick, and give sight to the blind, heal the diseases of my soul; open my eyes, and fix them singly on the prize of my high-calling, and cleanse my heart from every desire, but that of advancing thy glory.
*O Jesus , poor and abject, unknown and despised, have mercy upon me, and let me not be ashamed to follow thee. O Jesus , hated, caluminated and persecuted; have mercy upon me, and let me not be afraid to come after thee. O Jesus , betrayed and sold at a vile price, have mercy upon me; and make me content to be as my Master. O Jesus , blasphemed, accused and wrongfully condemned, have mercy upon me and teach me to endure the contradiction of sinners. O Jesus , clothed with a habit of reproach and shame, have mercy upon me, and let me not seek my own glory. O Jesus , insulted, mocked and spit upon, have mercy upon me, and let me run with patience the race set before me. O Jesus , dragged to the pillar, scourged and bathed in blood, have mercy upon me, and let me not faint in the fiery trial. O Jesus , crowned with thorns and hailed in derision; O Jesus burthened with our sins, and the curses of the people; O Jesus , affronted, outraged, buffeted, overwhelmed with injuries, griefs and humiliations; O Jesus , hanging on the accursed tree, bowing the head, giving up the Ghost, have mercy upon me, and conform my whole soul to thy holy, humble, suffering Spirit. O thou who for the love of me hast undergone such an infinity of sufferings and humiliations; let me be wholly “emptied of myself,” that I may rejoice to take up my cross daily and follow thee. Enable me too, to endure the pain and despise the shame; and if it be thy will, to resist even unto blood.
Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, I miserable sinner humbly acknowledge that I am altogether unworthy to pray for myself. But since thou hast commanded me to make prayers and intercessions for all men, in obedience to thy command, and confidence of thy unlimited goodness, I commend to thy mercy the wants and necessities of all mankind. Lord, let it be thy good pleasure to restore to thy church Catholic, primitive peace and purity: to shew mercy to these sinful nations, and give us grace at length to break off our sins by repentance: defend our church from all the assaults of schism, heresy and sacrilege, and bless all bishops , priests and deacons with apostolical graces. O let it be thy good pleasure to defend the king from all his enemies spiritual and temporal; to bless all his royal relations; to grant to the council wisdom, to the magistrates, zeal and prudence, to the gentry and commons piety and loyalty.
Lord, let it be thy good pleasure, to give thy grace to the universities; to bless those whom I have wronged, (――) ¹ and to forgive those who have wronged me (――): to comfort the disconsolate, to give health and patience to all that are sick and afflicted (――).
Vouchsafe to bless my father and mother with the fear of thy name, that they may be holy in all manner of conversation. Let them remember how short their time is, and be careful to improve every moment of it. O thou who hast kept them from their youth up until now, forsake them not now they are grey-headed, but perfect them in every good word and work, and be thou their guide unto death. Bless my brethren and sisters, whom thou hast graciously taught the gospel of thy Christ ; give them further degrees of illumination, that they may serve thee with a perfect heart and willing mind. Bless my friends and benefactors, and all who have commended themselves to my prayers (――). Lord, thou best knowest all our conditions, all our desires, all our wants. O do thou suit thy grace and blessings to our several necessities.
Hear, O merciful Father, my supplications, for the sake of thy Son Jesus , and bring us, with all those who have pleased thee from the beginning of the world, into the glories of thy Son’s kingdom: to whom with thee and the Holy Ghost, be all praise for ever and ever!
Our Father , &c.
FRIDAY EVENIN G.
Questions relating to mortification, see before the prayers for Wednesday evening.
O GOD the Father, who canst not be thought to have made me only to destroy me, have mercy upon me.
O God the Son, who knowing thy Father’s will didst come into the world to save me, have mercy upon me.
O God the Holy Ghost, who to the same end hast so often since breathed holy thoughts into me, have mercy upon me.
O holy, blessed and glorious Trinity, whom in Three persons I adore as One God, have mercy upon me.
Lord, carest thou not that I perish! Thou that would’st have all men to be saved! Thou that would’st have none to perish! And wilt thou now shew thine anger against a worm, a leaf! Against a vapour that vanisheth before thee! O remember how short my time is, and deliver not my soul into the power of hell! For, alas, what profit is there in my blood? Or, who shall give thee thanks in that pit? No; let me live in thy sight: let me live, O my God, and my soul shall praise thee. Forget me, as I have been disobedient, provoking thee to anger, and regard me as I am distrest, crying out to thee for help. Look not upon me as I am a sinner; but consider me as I am thy creature. A sinner I am, I confess, a sinner of no ordinary stain: But let not this hinder thee, O my God; for upon such sinners thou gettest the greatest glory.
O remember for whose sake it was that thou camest from the bosom of thy Father, and was content to be born of thine own handmaid. Remember, for whom it was that thy tender body was torn and scourged and crucified! Was it not for the sins of the whole world? And shall I be so injurious to thy glory, as to think thou hast excepted me? Or can I think, thou diedst only for sinners of a lower kind and leftest such as me without remedy? What had become then of him, who filled Jerusalem with blood? What of her, who lived in a trade of sin? Nay, what had become of thine own disciple, who with oaths and curses thrice denied thee?
O how easy is it for thee to forgive? For it is thy nature. How proper is it for thee to save? For it is thy name! How suitable is it to thy coming into the world? For it is thy business. And when I consider that I am the chief of sinners, may I not urge thee farther, and say, Shall the chief of thy business be left undone? Far be that from thee? Have mercy upon me!
I ask not of thee the things of this world, give them to whom thou pleasest so thou givest me mercy. O say unto my soul, Be of good cheer, thy sins are forgiven thee . O that I might never sin against thee more! And whereinsoever my conscience accuses me most, be thou most merciful unto me!
Save me, O God, as a brand snatched out of the fire.
Receive me, O my Saviour, as a sheep that is gone astray, but would now return to the great shepherd and bishop of my soul!
Father, accept my imperfect repentance, compassionate my infirmities, forgive my wickedness, purify my uncleanness, strengthen my weakness, fix my unstableness, and let thy good Spirit watch over me for ever, and thy love ever rule in my heart, through the merits and sufferings and love of thy Son, in whom thou art always well pleased.
Give thy grace, O holy Jesus, to all the world, and let all who are redeemed by thy blood, acknowledge thee to be the Lord. Let all Christians, especially those of this nation, keep themselves unspotted from the world. Let all governors, and especially our sovereign, rule with wisdom and justice; and let the clergy be exemplary in their lives, and discreet and diligent in their labours. Let our universities enjoy freedom from violence and faction, and excel in true religion and sound learning. Be an help at hand to all that are afflicted, and assist them to trust in thee. Raise up friends for the widow and fatherless, the friendless and oppressed. Give patience to all that are sick, comfort to all troubled consciences, strength to all that are tempted. Be gracious to my relations (――) ¹ , to all that are endeared to me by their kindnesses or acquaintance, to all who remember me in their prayers, or desire to be remembered in mine (――). Sanctify, O merciful Lord, the friendship which thou hast granted me, with these thy servants (――). O let our prayers be heard for each other, while our hearts are united in thy fear and love, and graciously unite them therein more and more. Strengthen the hearts of us thy servants against all our corruptions and temptations: enable us to consecrate ourselves faithfully and entirely to thy service. Grant that, we may provoke each other to love and serve thee, and grow up together before thee in thy fear and love, to thy heavenly kingdom. And by thy infinite mercies, vouchsafe to bring us, with those that are dead in thee, to rejoice together before thee, through the merits of our Lord Jesus Christ, to whom with thee and the Holy Ghost, the blessed and only Potentate, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, be honour and power everlasting.
SATURDAY MORNIN G.
O GOD, thou great Creator and Sovereign Lord of heaven and earth, thou Father of angels and men, thou giver of life and protector of all thy creatures, mercifully accept this my morning sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving, which I desire to offer with all humility to thy divine Majesty. Thou art praised, O Lord, by all thy works , and magnified by every thing which thou hast created. The sun rejoiceth to run his course, that he may set forth thy praise who madest him. Nor do the moon and stars refrain to manifest thy glory, even amidst the silent night. The earth breathes forth each day perfumes, as incense to thee her sacred King, who has crowned her with herbs and trees, and beautified her with hills and dales. The deep uttereth his voice, and lifteth up his hands on high to thee, the great Creator, the universal King, the everlasting God. The floods clap their hands, and the hills are joyful together before thee; the fruitful vales rejoice and sing thy praise. Thou feedest the innumerable multitude of animals which thou hast created; these all wait upon thee, and thou givest them their meat in due season . Thou madest light for our comfort, and broughtest forth darkness out of thy treasures, to overshadow the earth, that the living creatures of it might take their rest. The fire and hail, snow and vapour, wind and storm fulfil thy word , and manifest thy glory. Inanimate things declare thee, O Lord of life; and irrational animals demonstrate their wise Creator. Amidst this universal jubilee of nature, suffer not, I beseech thee, the sons of men to be silent; but let the noblest work of thy creation pay thee the noblest sacrifice of praise. O pour thy grace into my heart, that I may worthily magnify thy great and glorious name. Thou hast made me and sent me into the world to do thy work. O assist me to fulfil the end of my creation, and to shew forth thy praise with all diligence, by giving myself up to thy service. Prosper the work of my hands upon me , O Lord; O prosper thou whatever I shall undertake this day, that it may tend to thy glory, the good of my neighbour, and the salvation of my own soul.
Preserve me from all those snares and temptations which continually sollicit me to offend thee. Guide me by thy holy Spirit in all those places whither thy providence shall lead me this day; and suffer not my communications with the world to dissipate my thoughts, to make me inadvertent to thy presence, or lukewarm in thy service: but let me always walk as in thy sight, and as one who knows this life to be the seed-time of an eternal harvest. Keep me, I beseech thee, undefiled, unblamable, and unreprovable unto the end; and grant, that I may so diligently perform thy will, in that station wherein thou hast been pleased to place me, that I may make my calling and election sure, thro’ Jesus Christ our blessed Lord and Saviour.
Hear also, O Lord, my prayers for the whole race of mankind, and guide their feet into the way of peace: reform the corruptions of thy Catholic church, heal her divisions, and restore to her, her ancient discipline: give to the clergy thereof, whether they be bishops, priests or deacons, grace as good shepherds to feed the flocks committed to their charge. Bless King George and all the royal family and all that are put in authority under him. Let them exceed others as much in goodness as greatness, and be signal instruments of thy glory. Grant that in the universities, and in all other places set apart for thy service, whatsoever is praise-worthy may for ever flourish. Keep, O Lord, all the nobility, gentry and commons of this land, in constant communion with thy holy Catholic church, in humble obedience to the king, and in Christian charity one towards another.
In a particular manner, I beseech thee to be gracious to my father and mother, my brethren and sisters, and all my friends and relations. Pardon all their sins, and heal all their infirmities. Give them that share of the blessings of this life, which thou knowest to be most expedient for them; and thy grace so to use them here, that they may enjoy thee eternally.
With a propitious eye, O gracious Comforter, behold all that are in affliction: let the sighings of the prisoners, the groans of the sick, the prayers of the oppressed, the desire of the poor and needy come before thee (――) ¹ . Give unto my enemies (――) grace and pardon, charity to me and love to thee: remove the cloud from their eyes, the stony from their hearts, that they may know and feel what it is to love their neighbour as themselves. And may it please thee to enable me to love all mine enemies, to bless them that now curse me, to do good to them that hate me, and to pray for those who despitefully use me and persecute me . Be pleased, O Lord, of thy goodness, shortly to accomplish the number of thine elect, and to hasten thy kingdom; that we, with all thy whole church, may have our perfect consummation of bliss, through Jesus Christ our Lord, by whom and with whom, in the unity of the Holy Ghost, all honour and glory be unto thee, O Father Almighty, now and for ever.
SATURDAY EVENIN G.
Particular questions relating to thankfulness.
1. Have I allotted some time for thanking God for the blessings of the past week?
2. Have I, in order to be the more sensible of them, seriously and deliberately considered the several circumstances that attended them?
3. Have I considered each of them as an obligation to greater love, and consequently to stricter holiness?
O Most great and glorious God, who art mighty in thy power, and wonderful in thy doings towards the sons of men, accept, I beseech thee, my unfeigned thanks and praise, for my creation, preservation, and all the other blessings, which in the riches of thy mercy, thou hast from time to time poured down upon me. Thou , Lord, in the beginning hast laid the foundation of the earth, and the heavens are the works of thine hand . Thou createdst the sun and moon, the day and night, and makest the outgoings of the morning and evening to praise thee. Thou formedst man of the dust of the ground and breathedst into him the breath of life . In thine own image madest thou him, capable of knowing and loving thee eternally. His nature was perfect, thy will was his law, and thy blessed self his portion. Neither after he had left his first estate didst thou utterly withdraw thy mercy from him; but in every succeeding generation, didst save, deliver, assist and protect him. Thou hast instructed us by thy laws, and enlightened us by thy statutes. Thou hast redeemed us by the blood of thy Son, and sanctifiest us by the grace of thy holy Spirit. For these and all thy other mercies, how can I ever sufficiently love thee, or worthily magnify thy great and glorious name? All the powers of my soul are too few to conceive the thanks that are due to thee, even for vouchsafing me the honour of now appearing before thee and conversing with thee. But thou hast declared thou wilt accept the sacrifice of thanksgiving, in return for all thy goodness. For ever therefore will I bless thee, will I adore thy power, and magnify thy goodness: My tongue shall sing of thy righteousness, and be telling of thy salvation from day to day . I will give thanks unto thee for ever and ever; I will praise my God while I have my being. O that I had the heart of the seraphim, that I might burn with love like theirs! But tho’ I am upon earth, yet will I praise, as I can, the King of heaven; though I am a feeble, mortal creature, yet will I join my song with those that excel in strength, with the immortal host of angels and arch-angels, thrones, dominions and powers, while they laud and magnify thy glorious name, and sing with incessant shouts of praise.
Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord of hosts! Heaven and earth are full of his glory! Glory be to thee O Lord most high. Amen. Hallelujah.
Accept, O merciful Father, my most humble thanks, for thy preservation of me this day (――) ¹ . O continue thy loving-kindness towards me, and take me into thy protection this night. Let thy holy angels watch over me to defend me from the attempts of evil men and evil spirits. Let me rest in peace, and not sleep in sin, and grant that I may rise more fit for thy service.
O thou whose kingdom ruleth over all, rule in the hearts of all the men whom thou hast made: reform the corruptions, and heal the breaches of thy holy church, and establish her in truth and peace. Be gracious unto all priests and deacons, and give them rightly to divine the word of truth. Forgive the sins of this nation, and turn our hearts, that iniquity may not be our ruin. Bless king George and all the royal family, with all those blessings which thou seest to be most expedient for them; and give to his council, and to the nobility and magistracy, grace truely to serve thee in their several stations. Bless our universities, that they may be the great bulwarks of thy faith and love, against all the assaults of vice and infidelity: may the gentry and commons of this realm, live in constant communion with thy church, in obedience to the king, and in love one towards another.
Be gracious to all who are near and dear to me. Thou knowest their names and art acquainted with their wants. Of thy goodness be pleased to proportion thy blessings to their necessities. Pardon my enemies, and give them repentance and charity, and me grace to overcome evil with good. Have compassion on all who are distressed in mind, body or estate, and give them steady patience and timely deliverance.
Now to God the Father, who first loved us, and made us accepted in the Beloved: to God the Son, who loved us and washed us from our sins in his own blood: to God the Holy Ghost, who sheddeth the love of God abroad in our hearts, be all love and all glory in time and to all eternity. Amen!
SUNDAY MORNIN G.
A LMIGHTY and eternal God, we desire to praise thy holy name for so graciously raising us up, in soundness of body and mind, to see the light of this day.
We bless thee in behalf of all thy creatures; for the eyes of all look unto thee, and thou givest them their meat in due season . But above all we acknowledge thy inestimable benefits bestowed upon mankind in Christ Jesus. We thank thee for his miraculous birth, for his most holy life, his bitter agony and bloody death, for his glorious resurrection on this day, his ascension into heaven, his triumph over all the powers of darkness, and his sitting at thy right hand for ever more.
O God, how great was thy love to the sinful sons of men, to give thy only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him, might not perish, but have everlasting life ! How great was that love which hath committed our souls to one so mighty to save ! Which hath chosen us to be thy sons and heirs, together with Christ Jesus, and set such an high priest over thy house and family, to make intercession for us, to pour thy blessings upon us, and to send forth his angels to minister unto them who shall be heirs of salvation ! O the riches of thy grace, in sending the Holy Ghost, to make us abound in hope , that we shall one day rise from the dead, and after our short labours here, rest with thee in thy eternal glory.
O that we could begin this day, in devout ♦ meditations, in joy unspeakable, and in blessing and praising thee, who hast given us such good hope and everlasting consolation! Lift up our minds above all these little things below, which are apt to distract our thoughts; and keep them above, till our hearts are fully bent to seek thee every day, in the way wherein Jesus hath gone before us, tho’ it should be with the loss of all we here possess.
We are ashamed, O Lord, to think that ever we have disobey’d thee, who hast redeemed us by the precious blood of thine own Son. O that we may agree with thy will in all things for the time to come! and that all the powers of our souls and bodies may be wholly dedicated to thy service! We desire unfeignedly that all the thoughts and designs of our minds, all the affections and tempers of our hearts, and all the actions of our life, may be pure, holy, and unreproveable in thy sight.
Search us , O Lord, and prove us; try out our reins and our heart. Look well if there be any way of wickedness in us, and lead us in the way everlasting . Let thy favour be better to us than life itself; that so in all things we may approve our hearts before thee, and feel the sense of thy acceptance of us, giving us a joy which the world cannot give.
Make it our delight to praise thee, to call to mind thy loving-kindness, and to offer the sacrifice of thanksgiving. Help us to take heed to ourselves, lest at any time our hearts be overcharged with surfeiting or drunkenness, or the cares of this life: to have our conversation without covetousness, and to be content with such things as we have: to possess our bodies in sanctification and honour: to love our neighbour as ourselves, and as we would that others should do to us, do even so to them. To live peaceably, as much as lieth in us, with all men: to put on the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit: and to take those who have spoken in the name of our Lord , for an example of suffering affliction and of patience; and when we suffer as Christians, not to be ashamed, but to glorify thee our God on this behalf.
And accept, good Lord, of all the praises of all thy people met together this day. O that thy ways were known upon all the earth, thy saving health among all nations ! And that all Christian kings especially, may be filled with thy holy Spirit, and be faithful subjects of the Lord Jesus the King of Kings and Lord of Lords . O that thy priests may be cloathed with righteousness, and thy saints rejoice and sing ; that all who are in distress may trust in thee, the help of their countenance and their God. O Lord, hear us, and make thy face to shine upon thy servants, that we may enter into thy gates with thanksgiving, and into thy courts with praise: that we may be thankful unto thee and bless thy name . Amen, for Jesus Christ’s sake, in whose words we conclude our imperfect prayers, saying, “Our Father, &c. ”
SUNDAY EVENIN G.
O THOU high and holy one that inhabitest eternity . Thou art to be feared and loved by all thy servants. All thy works praise thee , O God; and we especially give thanks unto thee , for thy marvellous love in Christ Jesus, by whom thou hast reconciled the world to thyself . Thou hast given us exceeding great and precious promises . Thou hast sealed them with his blood, thou hast confirmed them by his resurrection and ascension, and the coming of the Holy Ghost. We thank thee that thou hast given us so many happy opportunities of knowing the truth as it is in Jesus, even the mystery which was hid from ages and generations , but is now revealed to them that believe.
Blessed be thy goodness for that great consolation, and for the assistance of thy holy Spirit. Blessed be thy goodness, that we have felt it so often in our hearts, inspiring us with holy thoughts, filling us with love and joy and comfortable expectations of the glory that shall be revealed . We thank thee, that thou hast suffered us this day, to attend on thee in thy public service: and that we have begun in any measure, to pursue after that eternal rest which remaineth for the people of God.
We offer up again our souls and bodies to thee to be governed, not by our will, but thine. O let it be ever the ease and joy of our hearts, to be under the conduct of thy unerring wisdom, to follow thy counsels, and to be ruled in all things by thy holy will. And let us never distrust thy abundant kindness and tender care over us; whatsoever it is thou wouldst have us to do, or to suffer in this world.
O God, purify our hearts, that we may intirely love thee, and rejoice in being beloved of thee; that we may confide in thee, and absolutely resign ourselves to thee, and be filled with constant devotion toward thee. O that we may never sink into a base love of any thing here below, nor be oppressed with the cares of this life; but assist us to abhor that which is evil, and cleave to that which is good . Let us use this world as not abusing it . Give us true humility of spirit, that we may not think of ourselves more highly than we ought to think . Keep us from being wise in our own conceits. Let our moderation be known to all men. Make us kindly affectioned one to another ; to delight in doing good; to shew all meekness to all men; to render to all their dues; tribute to whom tribute is due, custom to whom custom, fear to whom fear, honour to whom honour ; and to owe no man any thing, but to love one another . Make us so happy, that we may be able to love our enemies, to bless those that curse us, to do good to them that hate us; to rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep . Compose our spirits to a quiet and steady dependance on thy good providence, that we may take no thought for our life , nor be careful for any thing, but by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, still make known our requests to thee our God . And help us to pray always and not faint; in every thing to give thanks, and offer up the sacrifice of praise continually; to rejoice in hope of thy glory; to possess our souls in patience ; and to learn in whatsoever state we are, therewith to be content . Make us know both how to be abased, and how to abound: every where, and in all things , instruct us both to abound and to suffer want , being enabled to do all things through Christ which strengtheneth us .
O that the light of all Christians did so shine before men, that others might glorify thee, our Father which art in heaven! Send forth thy light and thy truth into all the dark corners of the earth; that all kings may fall down before thee, and all nations do thee service ! Bless these kingdoms, and give us grace at length, to bring forth fruits meet for repentance . O Lord, save the king, and establish his throne in righteousness . Prosper the endeavours of all those who faithfully feed thy people, and increase the number of them. O that the seed which hath been sown this day, may take deep root in all our hearts; that being not forgetful hearers, but doers of the word, we may be blessed in our deeds . Help us in all the week following, to set a watch before our mouth, and keep the door of our lips . And let not our heart incline to any evil thing , or to practise wicked works with men that work iniquity . But as we have received how we ought to walk and to please thee, so may we abound more and more .
Protect us, we beseech thee, and all our friends every where this night, and awaken in the morning those good thoughts in our hearts, that the words of our Saviour may abide in us, and we in him ; who hath taught us, when we pray to say, “Our Father, &c. ”
MONDAY MORNIN G.
W E humble ourselves, O Lord of heaven and earth, before thy glorious Majesty. We acknowledge thy eternal power, wisdom, goodness, and truth; and desire to render thee most unfeigned thanks, for all the benefits which thou pourest upon us. But above all, for thine inestimable love, in the redemption of the world, by our Lord Jesus Christ.
We implore thy tender mercies, in the forgiveness of all our sins, whereby we have offended either in thought, word, or deed. We desire to be truly sorry for all our misdoings, and utterly to renounce whatsoever is contrary to thy will. We desire to devote our whole man, body, soul and spirit, to thee. And as thou dost inspire us with these desires, so accompany them always with thy grace, that we may every day, with our whole hearts, give ourselves up to thy service.
We desire to be so holy and undefiled as our blessed Master was. And we trust thou wilt fulfil all the gracious promises which he hath made to us. Let them be dearer to us than thousands of gold and silver; let them be the comfort and joy of our hearts. We ask nothing, but that it may be unto thy servants according to his word.
Thou hast mercifully kept us the last night: blessed be thy continued goodness. Receive us likewise into thy protection this day. Guide and assist us in all our thoughts, words, and actions. Make us willing to do and suffer what thou pleasest; waiting for the mercy of our Lord, Christ Jesus, unto eternal life.
Blessed be thy goodness which hath not suffered us to wander, without instruction, after the foolish desires of our own hearts; but hast clearly shewn us where our happiness lies. O may we receive with all thankfulness, those holy words which teach us the blessedness of poverty of spirit, of mourning after thee, of meekness and gentleness, of hungering and thirsting after righteousness, of mercifulness and purity of heart, of doing good unto all, and patiently suffering for doing the will of our Lord Christ.
O may we always be in the number of those blessed souls! May we ever feel ourselves happy in having the kingdom of God within us, in the comforts of the holy one, in being filled with all the fruits of righteousness, in being made the children of the highest, and above all, in seeing thee, our God. Let us abound in thy love more and more; and in continual prayers and praises to thee, the Father of mercies and God of all consolation, in Jesus Christ our Lord.
And we desire, thou knowest, the good of all mankind, especially of all Christian people; that they may all walk worthy of the gospel, and live together in unity and Christian love. For which end, we pray that all Christian kings, princes, and governors, may be wise, pious, just, and merciful, endeavouring that all their subjects may lead peaceable lives in all godliness and honesty: and more particularly, that our sovereign, king George , may be blest with a religious, quiet, long, and prosperous reign, and that all in authority under him may seek in their several stations to right the oppressed, to comfort the afflicted, to provide for the poor and needy, and to relieve all those that are in any misery. Bless all those that watch over our souls; succeed their labours, and give us grace to follow their godly admonitions, and to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake . The same blessings we crave for our friends, relations, and acquaintance, that we may all live in perfect love and peace together, and rejoice together at the great day of the Lord Jesus; in whose holy words we sum up all our wants, “Our Father, &c. ”
MONDAY EVENIN G.
A LMIGHTY and most merciful Father in whom we live, move, and have our being; to whose tender compassions we owe our safety the day past, together with all the comforts of this life, and the hopes of that which is to come: we praise thee, O Lord, we bow ourselves before thee, acknowledging we have nothing but what we receive from thee. Unto thee do we give thanks , O God, who daily pourest thy benefits upon us.
Blessed be thy goodness for our health, for our food and raiment, for our peace and safety, for the love of our friends, for all our blessings in this life; and our desire to attain that life which is immortal. Blessed be thy love, for that we feel in our hearts any motion toward thee. Behold, O Lord, we present ourselves before thee, to be inspired with such a vigorous sense of thy love, as may put us forward with a greater earnestness, zeal, and diligence in all our duty. Renew in us, we beseech, a lively image of thee, in all righteousness, purity, mercy, faithfulness and truth. O that Jesus, the hope of glory, may be formed in us, in all humility, meekness, patience, and an absolute surrender of our souls and bodies to thy holy will: that we may not live, but Christ may live in us ; that every one of us may say, The life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me .
Let the remembrance of his love, who made himself an offering for our sins, be ever dear and precious to us. Let it continually move us to offer up ourselves to thee, to do thy will, as our blessed Master did. May we place an entire confidence in thee, and still trust ourselves with thee, who hast not spared thine own Son, but freely given him up for us all . May we humbly accept of whatsoever thou sendest us, and in every thing give thanks . Surely thou wilt never leave us nor forsake us . O guide us safe through all the changes of this life, in an unchangeable love to thee, and a lively sense of thy love to us, till we come to live with thee and enjoy thee for ever.
And now that we are going to lay ourselves down to sleep take us into thy gracious protection, and settle our spirits in such quiet and delightful thoughts, of the glory where our Lord Jesus lives, that we may desire to be dissolved and to go to him who died for us, that whether we wake or sleep, we might live together with him.
To thy blessing we recommend all mankind, high and low, rich and poor, that they may all faithfully serve thee, and contentedly enjoy whatsoever is needful for them. And especially we beseech thee, that the course of this world may be so peaceably ordered by thy governance, that thy church may joyfully serve thee in all godly quietness. We leave all we have with thee, especially our friends, and those who are dear unto us; desiring that when we are dead and gone, they may lift up their souls in this manner unto thee; and teach those that come after, to praise, love, and obey thee. And if we awake again in the morning, may we praise thee again with joyful lips, and still offer ourselves a more acceptable sacrifice to thee, thro’ Jesus Christ, in whose words we beseech thee to hear us, according to the full sense and meaning thereof, “Our Father, &c. ”
TUESDAY MORNIN G.
O MOST great and mighty Lord, the possessor of heaven and earth, all the angels rejoice in blessing and praising thee, the Father of spirits: for thou hast created all things, and in wisdom hast thou made them all , and spread thy tender mercies over all thy works. We desire thankfuly to acknowledge thy bounty to us, among the rest of thy creatures, and thy particular grace and favour to us, in Jesus Christ, our merciful Redeemer. O give us a deep sense of that love which gave him to die for us, that he might be the author of eternal salvation to all them that obey him .
And hast thou not said, that thou wilt give thy holy Spirit to them that ask it ? O Father of mercies, let it be unto us, according to thy word. Cherish whatever thou hast already given us, which is acceptable in thy sight. And since at the best we are unprofitable servants, and can do no more than it is our duty to do, enable us to do every thing which thou hast commanded us heartily, with good will, and true love to thy service.
O that we might ever approach thee with delight, and feel it the joy of our hearts, to think of thee, to praise thee, to give thee thanks, and to offer ourselves with absolute resignation to thee. O that mercy may always please us, as it pleaseth thee! That we may be strictly just and righteous! May chearfully pass by injuries, freely deny ourselves whatever is not for thy glory; willingly submit to thy fatherly corrections, and perform the duties of our several relations, with singleness of heart. Render us so mindful of the great love of our Lord, that we may be zealously concerned for his glory, and use our utmost diligence to promote his religion in the world; delighting to commemorate his death and passion, making a joyful sacrifice of our souls and bodies to him, and ♦ earnestly desiring that his kingdom may come over all the earth.
Fulfil, most merciful Lord all our petitions; and as thou hast graciously protected us this night, so accompany us all this day with thy blessing, that we may please thee in body and soul, and be safe under thy defence, who art ever nigh unto all those that call upon thee.
And O that all men may be awakened into a lively and thankful sense of all thy benefits. Stir up especially the minds of all Christian people, to follow the truth as it is in Jesus , and exercise themselves to have a conscience void of offence towards God and towards man . Bless these kingdoms, and endue our sovereign with such excellent wisdom and holy zeal, that we may see many good days under his government. O that true religion, justice, mercy, brotherly-kindness, and all things else that are praise-worthy, may so flourish among us, that we may enjoy the blessings of peace and plenty, and there may be no complaining in our streets.
We recommend to thee all our friends and neighbours, all the poor, the sick, and the afflicted, desiring those mercies for them, which we should ask for ourselves, were we in their condition. O God, whose never failing providence ordereth all things both in heaven and earth, keep them and us, we beseech thee, from all hurtful things, and give us those things which are profitable for us, according to thine abundant mercy in our Lord Jesus; in whose words we conclude our supplication unto thee, saying, “Our Father, &c. ”
TUESDAY EVENIN G.
A LMIGHTY and everlasting God, the sovereign Lord of all creatures in heaven and earth, we acknowledge that our beings, and all the comforts of them, depend on thee, the fountain of all good. We have nothing but what is owing entirely to thy free and bounteous love, O most blessed Creator, and to the riches of thy grace, O most blessed Redeemer.
To thee therefore be given by us, and by all creatures, whom thou hast made to know how great and good thou art, all honour and praise, all love and obedience, as long as we have any being. It is but meet, right, and our bounden duty, that we should at all times, and in all places, give thanks unto thee , O Lord, and devoutly resign both soul and body to thee, to be absolutely governed and ruled according to thy holy will.
Further, we pray thee, increase every good desire which we feel already in our hearts; let us always live as becomes thy creatures, as becomes the disciples of Jesus Christ. Incline us to be more and more in love with thy laws, till they are written upon our hearts. Stir up our wills, to love them exceedingly , and to cleave unto them as our very life.
O that we might heartily surrender our wills to thine! That we may unchangeably cleave unto it, with the greatest and most entire affection to all thy commands. O that there may abide for ever in us, such a strong and powerful sense of thy mighty love towards us in Christ Jesus , as may constrain us freely and willingly to please thee, in the constant exercise of righteousness and mercy, temperance and charity, meekness and patience, truth and fidelity; together with such an humble, contented and peaceable spirit, as may adorn the religion of our Lord and Master. Yea let it ever be the joy of our hearts to be righteous, as thou art righteous; to be merciful, as thou, our heavenly Father, art merciful; to be holy, as thou who hast called us art holy in all manner of conversation ; to be endued with thy divine wisdom, and to resemble thee in faithfulness and truth. O that the example of our blessed Saviour may be always dear unto us, that we may chearfully follow him in every holy temper, and delight to do thy will, O God. Let these desires, which thou hast given us, never die or languish in our hearts, but be kept always alive, always in their vigour and force, by the perpetual inspirations of the Holy Ghost.
Accept likewise of our thanks for thy merciful preservation of us all this day. We are bold again to commit ourselves unto thee this night. Defend us from all the powers of darkness; and raise up our spirits, together with our bodies, in the morning, to such a vigorous sense of thy continued goodness, as may provoke us all the day long to an unwearied diligence in well-doing.
And the same mercies that we beg for ourselves, we desire for the rest of mankind; especially for those who are called by the name of Christ. O that every one of these may do his duty with all fidelity! that kings may be tender-hearted, as the fathers of their countries; and all their subjects may be dutiful and obedient to them, as their children; that the pastors of thy church may feed their flocks with true wisdom and understanding, and the people all may submit unto them, and follow their godly counsels: that the rich and mighty may have compassion on the poor and miserable; and all such distressed people may bless the rich, and rejoice in the prosperity of those that are above them. Give to husbands and wives, parents and children, masters and servants, the grace to behave themselves so in their several relations, that they may adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things, and may receive of him a crown of glory: in whose holy name and words, we continue to beseech thy grace and mercy towards us, and all thy people, every where saying, “Our Father, &c. ”
WEDNESDAY MORNIN G.
O GOD, blessed for ever, we thank and praise thee for all thy benefits, for the comforts of this life, and our hope of everlasting salvation in the life to come. We desire to have a lively sense of thy love always possessing our hearts, that may still constrain us to love thee, to obey thee, to trust in thee, to be content with the portion thy love allots unto us, and to rejoice even in the midst of all the troubles of this life.
Thou hast delivered thine own Son for us all. How shalt thou not with him also freely give us all things? We depend upon thee especially for the grace of thy holy Spirit. O that we may feel it perpetually bearing us up, by the strength of our most holy faith, above all the temptations that may at any time assault us! That we may keep ourselves unspotted from the world, and may still cleave to thee in righteousness, in lowliness, purity of heart, yea, the whole mind that was in Christ.
Let thy mighty power enable us to do our duty towards thee, and towards all men, with care and diligence, and zeal, and perseverance unto the end. Help us to be meek and gentle in our conversation, prudent and discreet in ordering our affairs, observant of thy fatherly providence, in every thing that befalls us, thankful for thy benefits, patient under thy chastisements, and readily disposed for every good word and work. Preserve in us a constant remembrance of thy all-seeing eye; of thy inestimable love in Jesus Christ, whereof thou hast given us so many pledges, and of the great account we must give to him at the day of his appearing; that so we may continue stedfast and unmoveable, and be abundant in the work of the Lord, knowing that our labour shall not be in vain in the Lord.
Deliver us we beseech thee, from worldly cares and foolish desires; from vain hopes and causeless fears; and so dispose our hearts, that death itself may not be dreadful to us, but we may welcome it with a chearful countenance, when and howsoever it shall approach.
O that our hearts may be so firmly established in grace, that nothing may affright us, or shake our constancy, but we may rather chuse to die than to dishonour him who died for us! We resign ourselves to thy wisdom and goodness, who knowest what is best for us; believing thou wilt never suffer us to be tempted above what we are able, and wilt with the temptation also make a way to escape, that we may be able to bear it .
We commend unto thee all mankind; especially thy church, and more particularly these kingdoms, that we may all believe in our Lord Jesus Christ, and be zealous of good works. Bless our sovereign, his counsellors, his ministers, and all employed in public business, whether spiritual or civil, that whatsoever they do may be for thy glory, and the public good. Be gracious to all that are near and dear to us, and keep us all in thy fear and love. Guide us, good Lord, and govern us by the same spirit, that we may be so united to thee here, as not to be divided when thou art pleased to call us hence, but together enter into thy glory, to dwell with thee in love and joy that shall never die, through Jesus Christ our blessed Lord and Saviour, who hath taught us, when we pray, to say, “Our ♦ Father, &c. ”
WEDNESDAY EVENIN G.
O LORD, how manifold are thy works! in wisdom hast thou made them all. The day is thine, the night also is thine; thou hast prepared the light and the sun. We render thee thanks for all the benefits which thou hast bestowed on the whole world; especially on us, whom thou hast called to the knowledge of thy grace in Christ Jesus. It is a marvellous love wherewith thou hast loved us. Thou hast not dealt so with all people: and as for thy great and precious promises, they have not known them.
Accept, O merciful Father, the good resolutions which thou hast inspired us with by thy Spirit. Strengthen them, we beseech thee, with thy continued grace, that no sudden desires, vehement inclinations, ineffectual purposes, no, nor partial performances, may lead us into a false opinion of ourselves: but that we may bring forth actually, and with a constant spirit, all the fruits of righteousness, which are by Christ Jesus.
Deny not, O Lord, the desires of those souls, who would offer up themselves entirely to thy service. But preserve us always in seriousness of spirit. Let the sense of our weakness make us watchful and diligent, the sense of our former negligence, excite us to be fervent in spirit, and the goodness of thy commands render us fruitful and abundant in the work of the Lord. O that all our pious affections may be turned into actions of piety and holiness: and may all our actions be spirited with zeal, and all our zeal regulated with prudence, and our prudence void of all guile, and joined with perfect integrity of heart: that adorning our most holy faith here, by an upright, charitable and discreet conversation, we may receive praise in the day of the Lord, and be numbered with thy saints in glory everlasting.
O lift up our affections to things above, that we may have perfect contentment in well-doing and patient suffering, and the good hope we have of being eternally beloved of thee, may make us rejoice evermore. Free us from the cares of the world, from all distrust of thy good providence, from repining at any thing that befals us, and enable us in every thing to give thanks, believing that all things are ordered wisely, and shall work together for good.
Into thy hands we commend both our souls and bodies, which thou hast mercifully preserved this day. We trust in thy watchful providence, who givest thy angels charge over us , who art about our beds, and about our paths, and spiest out all our thoughts. O continue these holy thoughts and desires in us till we fall asleep, that we may receive the light of the morning, if thou prolongest our lives, with a new joy in thee, and thankful affection to thee.
We desire likewise, O God, the good of the whole world. Pity the follies of mankind; deliver them from their miseries, and forgive thou all their sins. Hear the groans of every part of the creation, that is yet subject to bondage , and bring them all into the glorious liberty of the sons of God. Hear the daily prayers of the Catholic church. Free her from all foul and dividing errors: let the truth as ♦ is in Jesus, prevail, and peace be in all her borders . O that all Christian governors may seek peace and ensue it ! Make thy ministers the messengers of peace, and dispose all who are called Christians, to keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace.
Enlighten the minds of all Jews , Turks , and Infidels. Strengthen all thy faithful servants. Bring back them that wander out of the way; raise up those that are fallen; confirm those that stand, and grant them steadily to persevere in faith, love and obedience. Relieve and comfort all that are in distress. Let the earth bring forth her fruit in due season: and let all honest and industrious people be blest in their labours.
Remember all those who have done good unto us, and reward them sevenfold into their bosom. Grant forgiveness and charity to all our enemies; and continue good-will among all our neighbours. Support the sick with faith and patience; assist those who are leaving this world. Receive the souls which thou hast redeemed with thy Son’s precious blood, and sanctified by the Holy Ghost. And give us all a glorious resurrection and eternal life. “Our Father, &c. ”
THURSDAY MORNIN G.
O LORD, the God of our salvation, thou art the hope of all the ends of the earth . Upon thee the eyes of all do wait; for thou givest unto all life and breath and all things. Thou still watchest over us for good; thou daily renewest to us our lives and thy mercies: and thou hast given us the assurance of thy word, that if we commit our affairs to thee, if we acknowledge thee in all our ways, thou wilt direct our paths. We desire, O Lord, to be still under thy gracious conduct and fatherly protection. We beg the guidance and help of thy good Spirit, to chuse our inheritance for us, and to dispose of us, and all that concerns us, to the glory of thy name.
O Lord, withdraw not thy tender mercies from us, nor the comforts of thy presence! Never punish our past sins, by giving us over to the power of our sins: but pardon all our sins, and save us from all our iniquities. And grant us, O good God, the continual sense of thy gracious acceptance of us, in the Son of thy love, that our souls may bless thee, and all that is within us may praise thy holy name .
And O that we may find the joy of the Lord to be our strength; to defend us from all our sins, and to make us more zealous of every good work: that herein we may exercise ourselves, to have a conscience void of offence, both towards God and towards men . O help us to walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise , carefully redeeming the time , improving all those seasons and means of grace, which thou art pleased to put into our hands. Sanctify to us all our employments in the world; our crosses also and our comforts; all the estates we go through, and all the events that befal us, till through the merits of thy Son, and the multitude of thy mercies, we are conducted safe to be ever with the Lord .
Thou hast laid help for us upon one that is mighty ; that is able to save unto the uttermost, all those who come unto God thro’ him . Through him thou hast encouraged us to come boldly, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need . Help us, we beseech thee, to demean ourselves as becomes the children of God, the redeemed of the Lord, the members of Christ. Put thy Spirit within us, causing us to walk in thy statutes, and to keep thy judgments, and do them. Yea let it be our meat and drink to do thy will, and to run the way of thy commandments.
O gracious Father, keep us we pray thee, this day in thy fear and favour, and teach us, in all our thoughts, words, and works, to live to thy glory. If thou guide us not we go astray; if thou uphold us not, we fall. O let thy good providence be our defence, and thy good Spirit our guide, and counsellor, and supporter in all our ways. And grant that we may do always what is acceptable in thy sight, through Jesus Christ our Lord; in whose holy name and words we close these our imperfect prayers: “Our Father, &c. ”
Let thy grace, O Lord Jesus, thy love, O heavenly Father, and thy comfortable fellowship, O blessed Spirit, be with us, and with all that desire our prayers, this day and for evermore.
THURSDAY EVENIN G.
O LORD our God, thy glory is above all our thoughts, and thy mercy is over all thy works. We are still living monuments of thy mercy. For thou hast not cut us off in our sins, but still givest us a good hope and strong consolation thro’ grace. Thou hast sent thy only Son into the world, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish in his sins, but have everlasting life. O Lord, we believe: help our unbelief; and give us the true repentance towards God, and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, that we may be in the number of those, who do indeed repent and believe to the saving of the soul. Being justified by faith , let us have peace with God thro’ our Lord Jesus Christ, let us rejoice in him thro’ whom we have now redemption in his blood ; and let the love of God be shed abroad in our hearts, by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us .
And as we pray that thou wilt be to us a father of mercies and a God of consolation, so that thou wilt make us followers of God as dear children , ever jealous over our hearts, and watchful over our ways; continually fearing to offend, and endeavouring to please thee. Thou knowest, O Lord, all our temptations, and the sin that doth so easily beset us. Thou knowest the devices of the enemy, and the deceitfulness of our own hearts. We pray thee, good Lord, that thou wilt arm us with the whole armour of God. Uphold us with thy free spirit, and watch over us for good evermore.
Let our supplications also ascend before thee, for the whole race of mankind. Send thy word unto all the ends of the earth, and let it be the savour of life unto all that hear it. Be gracious to this our native land. O do thou rule all our rulers, counsel all our counsellors, teach all our teachers, and order all the public affairs to thy glory. Turn from us the judgments which we feel or fear; continue thy blessings to our souls and bodies, and notwithstanding all our provocations, be thou still our God, and let us be thy people. Have compassion on all the children of affliction, and sanctify thy fatherly corrections to them. Be gracious to all our friends and neighbours. Reward our benefactors. Bless our relations with the best of thy blessings, with thy fear and love. Preserve us from our enemies, and reconcile them both to us and to thyself. O that all the habitations of Christians may be houses of prayer! And be thou especially kind to the several families where thy blessed name is called upon. Let thy blessing rest upon us of this family. Bless all our present estates to us; and fit us all for whatsoever thou shall be pleased to call us to. O teach us how to want and how to abound . In every condition secure our hearts to thyself; and make us ever to approve ourselves sincere and faithful in thy service.
And now, O Father of mercies, be pleased to accept our evening sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving. O that thou wouldst imprint and preserve upon our hearts a lively sense of all thy kindness to us; that our souls may bless thee, and all that is within us may praise thy holy name. Yea, let us give thee thanks from the ground of the heart, and praise our God, while we have our being, for all thy patience with us, thy care over us, and thy continual mercy to us, blessed be thy name, O Lord God, our heavenly Father, and unto thee, with the Son of thy love, and Spirit of grace, be all thanks and praise, now and for evermore.
FRIDAY MORNIN G.
O LORD God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering and abundant in goodness and truth ; thou keepest mercy for thousands; thou pardonest iniquity and transgression and sin. How excellent is thy loving kindness, O God! The children of men shall put their trust under the shadow of thy wings! And therefore do we still look up to that bountiful hand, from whence we have received all our good things. O Lord our God, be favourable unto us; as thou usest to be unto those that love thy holy name! O look not upon the sin of our nature, nor the sins of our hearts and lives, which are more than we can remember, and greater than we can express. It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because thy compassions fail not. But thou lookest upon the face of thine anointed, who was manifested to take away our sins: by whom it is that we have the access unto the Majesty on high.
O God, be merciful to us miserable sinners; for his sake whom thou hast exalted, to be a prince and a Saviour, to give repentance unto thy people and forgiveness of sins . Be merciful O God, be merciful unto our souls which have greatly sinned against thee. O heal our backslidings: renew us to repentance: establish our hearts in thy fear and love; and establish our goings in thy way, that our footsteps slip not. Let us waver no more; let us never more be weary or faint in our minds. Let us not revolt from thee, or turn to folly again, after thou hast spoken peace to our souls: but may we go on conquering and to conquer all the enemies of our souls, and all the hindrances of our salvation, till thou hast bruised Satan under our feet.
Seeing there is in Christ Jesus an infinite fulness of all that we can want or wish, O that we may all receive of his fulness, grace upon grace! Grace to pardon our sins, and subdue our iniquities; to justify our persons, and to sanctify our souls: and to compleat that holy change, that renewal of our hearts, whereby we may be transformed into that blessed image wherein thou didst create us. O make us all meet to be partakers of the inheritance of thy saints in light.
And teach us, O God, to use this world without abusing it: and to receive the things needful for the body, without losing our part in thy love, which is better than life itself. Whatever we have of this world, O may we have the same with thy leave and love; sanctified to us by the word of God and by prayer; and by the right improvement thereof to thy glory. And whatever we want of worldly things, leave us not destitute of the things that accompany salvation ; but adorn our souls with all such graces of thy holy Spirit, that we may adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things.
And now, that thou hast renewed our lives and thy mercies to us this morning, help us to renew our desires and resolutions, and endeavours to live in obedience to thy holy will. O restrain us from the sins into which we are most prone to fall, and quicken us to the duties we are most averse to perform. And grant that we may think and speak, and will and do, the things becoming the children of our heavenly Father; and so find the strong consolation of thy gracious acceptance in Jesus Christ our Saviour: who, when we pray, hath taught us to say, “Our Father, &c. ”
FRIDAY EVENIN G.
O LORD, thou wast before all, thou art above all, and thy years shall not fail. Thou art the searcher of our hearts. Thou knowest the dulness and hardness, the vanity and deceitfulness of them: we were born sinners, and so have we lived. We have added sin to sin. We have abused thy great and manifold mercies, tempted thy patience, and despised thy goodness. And justly mightest thou have cast us into outer darkness, where is wailing and gnashing of teeth.
But of thy loving kindnesses there is no number. Thou still callest us to return to thee: and whosoever cometh to thee, thou wilt in no wise cast out . O meet us with thy heavenly grace, that we may be able to come to thee. Be thou graciously pleased to stretch forth thy hand, and loose the chains wherewith our souls are entangled. O free us from every weight of sin, from every yoke of bondage. O help us to feel, and bewail, and forsake all our sins. And let us never want the comfortable assurance of thy forgiveness of them, thy acceptance of us, and thy love to us, in the blessed Son of thy eternal love.
Thou art never weary, O Lord, of doing us good. Let us never be weary of doing thee service. But as thou hast pleasure in the prosperity of thy servants, so let us take pleasure in the service of our Lord, and abound in thy work, and in thy love and praise evermore. O fill up all that is wanting, reform whatever is amiss in us, and perfect the thing that concerneth us. Let the witness of thy pardoning love ever abide in all our hearts. O speak into every one of our souls the peace which passeth all understanding: and let us always look upon thee as our Father, reconciled to us in Jesus Christ.
In his great name we cry unto thee in the behalf of the whole race of mankind. O that all the ends of the earth may see the salvation of our God. Continue thy mercies to this sinful land; teach us at length to know thy will concerning us: and oh! turn thou all our hearts unto thee, as the heart of one man. Bless the king; O Lord prolong his days and prosper his government; make him always a terror to evil-doers, and a praise to them that do well . And grant unto all magistrates and ministers of thy word, a continual supply of all the needful gifts and graces of the holy Spirit. Be thou a father to the fatherless, a husband to the widow, a refuge to the oppressed, a physician to the sick, a helper of the friendless, a God of consolation to the sorrowful and distressed. Bless to us whatsoever thou art pleased to allot us, and every thing that befals us. Make all work for our good, to build us up in thy grace, and to help us on to thy glory.
Continue thy fatherly care over us this night. O preserve and defend, and bless and keep us, that no evil may befal us, nor any plague come nigh our dwelling . Give us comfortable sleep to strengthen us for thy service. And whenever thou callest us to the sleep of death, let us chearfully resign our spirits into thy hands, through the riches of thy grace, and the worthiness of thy Son, in whose merits and mediation alone we put our trust. And for all that he hath done and suffered for us, to thy name, O blessed God of our salvation, be the praise, and honour, and glory, given by us and all thy people, now and for evermore. “Our Father, &c. ”
SATURDAY MORNIN G.
W E present ourselves before thee, O Lord our God, to pay our tribute of prayer and thanksgiving; desiring thee mercifully to accept us and our services, at the hands of Jesus Christ. In his great name we come to beg thy pardon and peace, the increase of thy grace, and the tokens of thy love. For we are not worthy of the least of thy mercies. But worthy is the Lamb that was slain to take away the sin of the world; for whose sake thou wilt give us all things. For he hath fulfilled those holy laws which we had broken, and perfectly satisfied for our offences. And in him thou art a God gracious and merciful to those who deserve nothing but punishment.
O merciful Father, regard not what we have done against thee : but what our blessed Saviour hath done for us . Regard not what we have made ourselves; but what he is made unto us of thee our God. O that Christ may be to every one of our souls, wisdom and righteousness, sanctification, and redemption ! That his precious blood may cleanse us from all our sins ; and that thy holy Spirit may renew and sanctify our souls. May he crucify our flesh with its affections and lusts, and mortify all our members which are upon earth. O let not sin reign in our mortal bodies, that we should obey it in the lusts thereof ; but being made free from sin, let us be the servants of righteousness . Let us approve our hearts to thee, and let all our ways be pleasing in thy sight.
O teach us to know thee our God, and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent: and enable us to do thy will on earth, as it is done in heaven. Give us to fear thee and to love thee, to trust and delight in thee, and to cleave to thee with full purpose of heart, that no temptations may draw us or drive us from thee; but that all thy dispensations to us and thy dealings with us may be the messengers of thy love to our souls. Quicken us, O Lord, in our dulness, that we may not serve thee in a lifeless and listless manner: but may abound in thy work, and be fervent in spirit, serving the Lord. And make us faithful in all our intercourse with our neighbour, that we may be ready to do good and bear evil, that we may be just and kind, merciful and meek, peaceable and patient, sober and temperate, humble and self-denying, inoffensive and useful in the world; that so glorifying thee here, we may be glorified with thee in thy heavenly kingdom.
Day by day we magnify thee, O Lord, who makest every day an addition to thy mercies. We bless thee for preserving us the night past, and for the rest thou gavest us therein. O cause us to hear thy loving kindness in the morning; for in thee do we trust. Cause us to know the way wherein we shall go, for we lift up our souls unto thee. O take not thy holy Spirit from us: but direct all our ways to please thee our God. Help us to see thy power, to own thy presence, to admire thy wisdom, and to love thy goodness in all thy creatures: and by all, draw our hearts still nearer to thee. Such thy mercy and grace we beg for ourselves, and all ours and thine every where, in our great Mediator’s blessed words.
“Our Father, &c. ”
SATURDAY EVENIN G.
O LORD our God, thou art infinitely good, and thou hast shewed us what is good. Thou sendest out thy light and thy truth, that they may guide us, and makest plain thy way before our face. Thou givest us many opportunities and advantages, to quicken and further us in thy service. We have line upon line , and precept upon precept ; thy messengers early and late, to open and apply thy word, to call and warn, to direct and exhort us with all long-suffering. But how little have we improved all the precious talents, which thou hast put into our hands! O Lord, thou mightest justly take away the gospel of thy kingdom from us, and give it unto another people, who would bring forth the fruits thereof. Because thou hast called and we refused, thou hast stretched forth thy hands, and we have not regarded, thou mightest leave us to our own perverseness and impenitence, till our iniquities became our ruin.
But, O Lord God, enter not thus into judgment with thy servants. Pardon all our contempt of thy word, and our not profiting thereby. And help us for the time to come, better to improve the blessed opportunities set before us. As the rain descends from heaven and returns not thither, but waters the earth and maketh it fruitful: so let not thy word return unto thee void, but prosper in the work whereunto thou sendest it. O make it effectual to build us all up, in the true fear and love of God, and in the right knowledge and faith of our Lord Jesus Christ.
O gracious God, may thy Spirit cause thy word to work thoroughly and successfully in all our hearts. And as we daily receive, how we ought to walk and to please thee our God; so help us to walk worthy of the Lord, unto all well-pleasing : increasing in the knowledge and love of thee, and abounding more and more in every good work, which is pleasing in thy sight, through Jesus Christ.
At his hands, O Lord our God, we beg thy gracious acceptance, of our humble praise and thanksgiving, for all thy blessings, spiritual and temporal, so freely conferred upon us. We praise thee for all the comforts and conveniencies of this life, and for all the means and hopes of a better: particularly for what we have received this day; the food of our souls set before us; the word of salvation sounding in our ears, and the Spirit of God striving with our hearts. O withdraw not thy tender mercies from us, but still continue thy accustomed goodness, and increase thy grace and heavenly blessings upon us, and rejoice over us to do us good.
In mercy pass by all which thy most pure and holy eyes have seen amiss in us this day. Forgive the iniquities of our holy things; overlook all our sins and failings, through our great Mediator and Redeemer, who ever lives at thy right-hand to make intercession for us. And for Jesus Christ, and all which thou art pleased to give us together with him; not unto us, O Lord, but unto thy name be all the praise and honour and glory, humbly ascribed by us, and all thy church, now and for evermore!
“Our Father, &c. ”
Brethren and Fathers ,
L ET it not be imputed to forwardness, vanity or presumption, that one who is of little esteem in the church, takes upon him thus to address a body of people, to many of whom he owes the highest reverence. I owe a still higher regard to him who I believe requires this at my hands; to the great bishop of our souls; before whom both you and I must shortly give an account of our stewardship. It is a debt I owe to love, to real, disinterested affection, to declare what has long been the burden of my soul. And may the God of love enable you to read these lines, in the same spirit wherewith they were wrote! It will easily appear to an unprejudiced reader, that I do not speak from a spirit of anger or resentment. I know well, the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God . Much less would I utter one word out of contempt ; a spirit justly abhorred by God and man. Neither of these can consist with that earnest, tender love, which is the motive of my present undertaking. In this spirit I desire to cast my bread upon the waters ; it is enough, if I find it again after many days .
Meantime you are sensible, love does not forbid, but rather require plainness of speech. Has it not often constrained you as well as me, to lay aside not only disguise, but reserve also? And by manifestation of the truth to commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God ? And while I endeavour to do this, let me earnestly entreat you, for the love of God, for the love of your own soul, for the love of the souls committed to your charge, yea, and of the whole church of Christ , do not bias your mind, by thinking who it is that speaks; but impartially consider, what is spoken. And if it be false or foolish, reject it: but do not reject the words of truth and soberness .
My first design was, to offer a few plain thoughts to the clergy of our own church only. But upon farther reflection, I see no cause for being so straitened in my own bowels . I am a debtor to all: and therefore though I primarily speak to them with whom I am more immediately connected, yet I would not be understood to exclude any, of whatsoever denomination, whom God has called to watch over the souls of others, as they that must give account .
In order to our giving this account with joy, are there not two things which it highly imports us to consider, first , What manner of men ought we to be? Secondly , Are we such, or are we not?
I. And, first , If we are overseers over the church of God, which he hath bought with his own blood , what manner of men ought we to be, in gifts as well as in grace ?
(1.) To begin with gifts , and 1. with those that are from nature . Ought not a minister to have, 1st , A good understanding? A clear apprehension, a sound judgment, and a capacity of reasoning with some closeness? Is not this necessary in an high degree for the work of the ministry? Otherwise how will he be able to understand the various states of those under his care? Or to steer them through a thousand difficulties and dangers, to the haven where they would be? Is it not necessary, with respect to the numerous enemies whom he has to encounter? Can a fool cope with all the men that know not God? And with all the spirits of darkness? Nay, he will neither be aware of the devices of Satan , nor the craftiness of his children.
2dly , Is it not highly expedient that a guide of souls should have likewise some liveliness and readiness of thought? Or how will he be able, when need requires, to answer a fool according to his folly ? How frequent is this need? Seeing we almost every where meet with those empty, yet petulant creatures, who are far wiser in their own eyes, than seven men that can render a reason . Reasoning therefore is not the weapon to be used with them. You cannot deal with them thus. They scorn being convinced ; nor can they be silenced , but in their own way.
3dly , To a sound understanding, and a lively turn of thought, should be joined a good memory : if it may be, ready , that you may make whatever occurs in reading or conversation, your own; but however, retentive , lest we be ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth . On the contrary, every scribe instructed unto the kingdom of heaven , every teacher fitted for his work, is like an housholder who bringeth out of his treasures things new and old .
2. And as to acquired endowments , can he take one step aright, without, first, a competent share of knowledge ? A knowledge, 1st , of his own office; of the high trust in which he stands, the important work to which he is called? Is there any hope that a man should discharge his office well, if he knows not what it is? That he should acquit himself faithfully of a trust, the very nature whereof he does not understand? Nay: if he knows not the work God has given him to do, he cannot finish it.
2dly , No less necessary is a knowledge of the scriptures , which teach us how to teach others: yea, a knowledge of all the scriptures; seeing scripture interprets scripture; one part fixing the sense of another. So that whether it be true or not, that every good textuary is a good divine, it is certain, none can be a good divine who is not a good textuary. None else can be mighty in the scriptures ; able both to instruct, and to stop the mouths of gainsayers.
In order to do this accurately, ought he not to know the literal meaning of every word, verse and chapter, without which there can be no firm foundation on which the spiritual meaning can be built? Should he not likewise be able to deduce the proper corollaries, speculative and practical, from each text; to solve the difficulties which arise, and answer the objections which are or may be raised against it; and to make a suitable application of all, to the consciences of his hearers?
3dly , But can he do this, in the most effectual manner, without a knowledge of the original tongues ? Without this, will he not frequently be at a stand, even as to texts which regard practice only? But he will be under still greater difficulties, with respect to controverted scriptures. He will be ill able to rescue these out of the hands of any man of learning that would pervert them: for whenever an appeal is made to the original, his mouth is stopt at once.
4thly , Is not a knowledge of profane history likewise, of antient customs, of chronology and geography, tho’ not absolutely necessary, yet highly expedient for him that would throughly understand the scriptures? Since the want even of this knowledge is but poorly supplied by reading the comments of other men.
5thly , Some knowledge of the sciences also, is (to say the least) equally expedient . Nay, may we not say, that the knowledge of one (whether art or science) altho’ now quite unfashionable, is even necessary , next, and in order to, the knowledge of the scripture itself? I mean, logic . For what is this, if rightly understood, but the art of good sense ? Of apprehending things clearly, judging truly, and reasoning conclusively? What is it, viewed in another light, but the art of learning and teaching ? Whether by convincing or persuading? What is there then, in the whole compass of science , to be desired in comparison of it?
Is not some acquaintance with what has been termed The second part of logic, metaphysicks , if not so necessary as this, yet highly expedient, 1. In order to clear our apprehension (without which it is impossible either to judge correctly, or to reason closely or conclusively) by ranging our ideas under general heads: and, 2. In order to understand many useful writers, who can very hardly be understood without it?
Should not a minister be acquainted too with at least the general grounds of natural philosophy ? Is not this a great help to the accurate understanding several passages of scripture? Assisted by this, he may himself comprehend, and on proper occasions explain to others, how the invisible things of God are seen from the creation of the world? how the heavens declare the glory of God , and the firmament sheweth his handy work : till they cry out, O Lord , how manifold are thy works! In wisdom hast thou made them all.
But how far can he go in this, without some knowledge of geometry ? which is likewise useful, not barely on this account, but to give clearness of apprehension, and an habit of thinking closely and connectedly.
It must be allowed indeed, that some of these branches of knowledge are not so indispensably necessary as the rest; and therefore no thinking man will condemn the fathers of the Church, for having in all ages and nations, appointed some to the ministry, who suppose they had the capacity, yet had not had the opportunity of attaining them. But what excuse is this, for one who has the opportunity, and makes no use of it? What can be urged for a person who has had an university education, if he does not understand them all? Certainly, supposing him to have any capacity, to have common understanding, he is inexcusable before God and man.
6thly , Can any who spend several years in those seats of learning, be excused, if they do not add to that of the languages and sciences , the knowledge of the fathers ? The most authentic commentators on scripture, as being both nearest the fountain, and eminently endued with that spirit by whom all scripture was given ? It will be easily perceived, I speak chiefly of those who wrote before the council of Nice . But who would not likewise desire to have some acquaintance with those that followed them? With St. Chrysostom , Basil , Jerome , Austin ; and above all, the man of a broken heart, Ephraim Syrus .
7thly , There is yet another branch of knowledge highly necessary for a clergyman, and that is, knowledge of the world ; a knowledge of men, of their maxims, tempers and manners, such as they occur in real life. Without this he will be liable to receive much hurt, and capable of doing little good; as he will not know, either how to deal with men, according to the vast variety of their characters; or to preserve himself from those, who almost in every place lie in wait to deceive.
How nearly allied to this, is, the discernment of spirits ? so far as it may be acquired by diligent observation. And can a guide of souls be without it? If he is, is he not liable to stumble at every step?
8thly , Can he be without an eminent share of prudence ? that most uncommon thing which is usually called common sense ? But how shall we define it? Shall we say, with the schools, that it is, recta ratio rerum agibilium particularium ? Or is it, an habitual consideration of all the circumstances of a thing?
Quis, quid, ubi, quibus auxiliis, cur, quomodo quando?
And a facility of adapting our behaviour to the various combinations of them? However it be defined, should it not be studied with all care, and pursued with all earnestness of application? For what terrible inconveniences ensue, whenever it is remarkably wanting?
9thly , Next to prudence or common sense (if it be not included therein) a clergyman ought certainly to have some degree of good-breeding : I mean, address, easiness and propriety of behaviour, wherever his lot is cast: perhaps one might add, he should have (tho’ not the stateliness; for he is the servant of all , yet) all the courtesy of a gentleman , joined with the correctness of a scholar . Do we want a pattern of this? We have one in St. Paul , even before Felix , Festus , King Agrippa . One can scarce help thinking, he was one of the best bred men, one of the finest gentlemen in the world. O that we likewise had the skill to please all men, for their good unto edification !
In order to this, especially in our public ministrations, would not one wish for a strong, clear , musical voice , and a good delivery , both with regard to pronunciation and action? I name these here because they are far more acquirable, than has been commonly imagined. A ♦ remarkably weak and untuneable voice has by steady application become strong and agreeable. Those who stammered almost at every word, have learned to speak clearly and plainly. And many who were eminently ungraceful in their pronunciation, and aukward in their gesture, have in some time by art and labour not only corrected that aukwardness of action, and ungracefulness of utterance, but have become excellent in both, and in these respects likewise the ornaments of their profession.
What may greatly encourage those who give themselves up to the work, with regard to all these endowments, many of which cannot be attained without considerable labour, is this: they are assured of being assisted in all their labour, by him who teacheth man knowledge . And who teacheth like him ? Who, like him, giveth wisdom to the simple ? How easy is it for him, (if we desire it, and believe that he is both able and willing to do this ) by the powerful tho’ secret influences of his Spirit, to open and enlarge our understanding; to strengthen all our faculties; to bring to our remembrance whatsoever things are needful, and to fix and sharpen our attention to them; so that we may profit above all who depend wholly on themselves, in whatever may qualify us for our masters work.
(2.) But all these things, however great they may be in themselves, are little in comparison of those that follow. For what are all other gifts , whether natural or acquired, when compared to the grace of God? And how ought this to animate and govern the whole intention , affection , and practice of a minister of Christ .
1. As to his intention , both in undertaking this important office, and in executing every part of it, ought it not to be singly this, to glorify God, and to save souls from death? Is not this absolutely and indispensably necessary, before all and above all things? If his eye be single, his whole body , his whole soul, his whole work will be full of light . God who commanded light to shine out of darkness , will shine on his heart ; will direct him in all his ways, will give him to see the travel of his soul and be satisfied. But if his eye, his intention be not single, if there be any mixture of meaner motives, (how much more, if those were or are his leading motives in undertaking or exercising this high office?) his whole body , his whole soul will be full of darkness , even such as issues from the bottomless pit : let not such a man think, that he shall have any blessing from the Lord. No: The curse of God abideth on him. Let him not expect to enjoy any settled peace, any solid comfort in his own breast: neither can he hope, there will be any fruit of his labours, any sinners converted unto God.
*2. As to his affections . Ought not a steward of the mysteries of God, a shepherd of the souls for whom Christ died, to be endued with an eminent measure of love to God, and love to all his brethren? A love the same in kind, but in degree far beyond that of ordinary Christians? Can he otherwise answer the high character he bears, and the relation wherein he stands? Without this, how can he go through all the toils and difficulties which necessarily attend the faithful execution of his office? Would it be possible for a parent to go through the pain and fatigue of bearing and bringing up even one child, were it not for that vehement affection, that inexpressible Στοργὴ , which the Creator has given for that very end? How much less will it be possible for any pastor, any spiritual parent to go through the pain and labour of travailing in birth for , and bringing up many children, to the measure of the full stature of Christ , without a large measure of that inexpressible affection, which a ♦ stranger intermeddleth not with ?
He therefore must be utterly void of understanding, must be a madman of the highest order, who on any consideration whatever, undertakes this office, while he is a stranger to this affection. Nay, I have often wondered that any man in his senses, does not rather dig or thresh for a livelihood, than continue therein, unless he feels at least (which is extremâ lineâ amare ) such an earnest concern for the glory of God, and such a thirst after the salvation of souls, that he is ready to do any thing, to lose any thing, or to suffer any thing, rather than one should perish for whom Christ died.
And is not even this degree of love to God and man utterly inconsistent with the love of the world? With the love of money or praise? With the very lowest degree of either ambition or sensuality? How much less can it consist with that poor, low, irrational, childish principle, the love of diversions? (Surely even a man , were he neither a minister, nor a Christian, should put away childish things .) Not only this, but the love of pleasure, and what lies still deeper in the soul, the love of ease, flees before it.
*3. As to his practice. Unto the ungodly, saith God, why dost thou preach my laws ? What is a minister of Christ , a shepherd of souls, unless he is all devoted to God? Unless he abstain with the utmost care and diligence, from every evil word and work; from all appearance of evil; yea, from the most innocent things, whereby any might be offended or made weak? Is he not called above others, to be an example to the flock , in his private as well as public character? An example of all holy and heavenly tempers, filling the heart so as to shine through the life? Consequently, is not his whole life, if he walks worthy of his calling one incessant labour of love? One continued tract of praising God, and helping man? One series of thankfulness and beneficence? Is he not always humble, always serious, tho’ rejoicing evermore; mild, gentle, patient, abstinent? May you not resemble him to a guardian angel, ministering to those who shall be heirs of salvation ? Is he not one sent forth from God, to stand between God and man, to ♦ guard and assist the poor, helpless children of men, to supply them both with light and strength, to guide them through a thousand known and unknown dangers, ’till at the appointed time he returns with those committed to his charge, to his and their Father who is in heaven?
*O who is able to describe such a messenger of God, faithfully executing his high office? Working together with God, with the great Author both of the old and new creation! See his Lord the eternal Son of God, going forth on that work of omnipotence, and creating heaven and earth by the breath of his mouth! See the servant whom he delighteth to honour, fulfilling the counsel of his will, and in his name speaking the word whereby is raised a new spiritual creation. Impowered by him, he says to the dark, unformed void of nature, let there be light: and there is light. Old things are passed away: behold all things are become new. He is continually employed, in what the angels of God have not the honour to do, co-operating with the Redeemer of men, in bringing many children to glory .
Such is a true minister of Christ . And such, beyond all possibility of dispute, ought both you and I to be.
II. But are we such? What are we in the respects above named? It is a melancholy, but necessary consideration. It is true, many have wrote upon this subject; and some of them admirably well. Yet few, if any, at least in our nation, have carried their enquiry through all these particulars. Neither have they always spoken so plain and home, as the nature of the thing required. But why did they not? Was it because they were unwilling to give pain to those whom they loved? Or were they hindered by fear of disobliging? Or of incurring any temporal inconvenience? Miserable fear! Is any temporal inconvenience whatever to be laid in the ballance with the souls of our brethren? Or were they prevented by shame, arising from a consciousness of their own many and great defects? Undoubtedly this might extenuate the fault, but not altogether remove it. For is it not a wise advice, Be not ashamed when it concerneth thy soul ? Especially, when it concerns the souls of thousands also? In such a case may God
“Set as a flint our steady face,
“Harden to adamant our brow!”
But is there not another hindrance? Should not compassion, should not tenderness hinder us from giving pain? Yes, from giving unnecessary pain. But what manner of tenderness is this? It is like that of a surgeon who lets his patient be lost, because he is too compassionate to probe his wounds. Cruel compassion! Let me give pain, so I may save life. Let me probe, that God may heal.
(1.) Are we then such as we are sensible we should be, 1st , With regard to natural endowments? I am afraid not. If we were, how many stumbling-blocks would be removed out of the way of serious infidels? Alas, what terrible effects do we continually see of that common, tho’ senseless imagination, “The boy, if he is fit for nothing else, will do well enough for a parson?” Hence it is, that we see (I would to God there were no such instance in all Great-Britain , or Ireland ) dull, heavy, blockish ministers; men of no life, no spirit; no readiness of thought ; who are consequently the jest of every pert fool, every lively, airy coxcomb they meet. We see others whose memory can retain nothing: therefore they can never be men of considerable knowledge. They can never know much even of those things which they are more nearly concerned to know. Alas they are pouring the water into a leaky vessel; and the broken cistern can hold no water. I do not say, with Plato , That “all human knowledge is nothing but remembring. ” Yet certain it is, that without remembring , we can have but a small share of knowledge. And even those who enjoy the most retentive memory, find great reason still to complain,
“Skill comes so slow, and life so fast does fly;
“We learn so little, and forget so much.”
And yet we see and bewail a still greater defect, in some that are in the ministry. They want sense ; they are defective in understanding ; their capacity is low and shallow: their apprehension is muddy and confused: of consequence they are utterly incapable, either of forming a true judgment of things, or of reasoning justly upon any thing. O how can these who themselves know nothing aright, impart knowledge to others? How instruct them in all the variety of duty, to God, their neighbour, and themselves? How will they guide them through all the mazes of error, through all the intanglements of sin and temptation? How will they apprize them of the devices of Satan, and guard them against all the wisdom of the world ?
It is easy to perceive, I do not speak this for their sake; (for they are incorrigible) but for the sake of parents, that they may open their eyes and see, A blockhead can never “ do well enough for a parson.” He may do well enough for a tradesman; so well as to gain fifty or an hundred thousand pounds. He may do well enough for a soldier; nay, (if you pay well for it) for a very well-drest and well-mounted officer. He may do well enough for a sailor, and may shine on the quarter-deck of a man of war. He may do so well, in the capacity of a lawyer or physician, as to ride in his gilt chariot. But O! think not of his being a minister, unless you would bring a blot upon your family, a scandal upon our church, and a reproach on the gospel, which he may murder, but cannot teach.
Are we such as we are sensible we should be, 2dly , With regard to acquired endowments ? Here the matter (suppose we have common understanding) lies more directly within our own power. But under this, as well as the following heads, methinks, I would not consider at all, how many or how few , are either excellent or defective. I would only desire every person who reads this, to apply it to himself. Certainly some one in the nation is defective. Am not I the man?
Let us each seriously examine himself. Have I 1. Such a knowledge of scripture , as becomes him who undertakes so to explain it to others, that it may be a light in all their paths ? Have I a full and clear view of the analogy of faith, which is the clue to guide me through the whole? Am I acquainted with the several parts of scripture; with all parts of the Old Testament and the New? Upon the mention of any text, do I know the context, and the parallel places? Have I that point at least of a good divine, the being a good textuary? Do I know the grammatical construction of the four gospels? Of the acts? Of the epistles? And am I a master of the spiritual sense (as well as the literal) of what I read? Do I understand the scope of each book, and how every part of it tends thereto? Have I skill to draw the natural inferences deducible from each text? Do I know the objections raised to them or from them by Jews , Deists , Papists , Arians , Socinians , and all other sectaries, who more or less corrupt or cauponize the word of God? Am I ready to give a satisfactory answer to each of these objections? And have I learned to apply every part of the sacred writings, as the various states of my hearers require?
2. Do I understand Greek and Hebrew ? Otherwise how can I undertake (as every minister does) not only to explain books which are written therein, but to defend them against all opponents? Am I not at the mercy of every one who does understand, or even pretends to understand the original? For which way can I confute his pretence? Do I understand the language of the Old Testament? Critically? At all? Can I read into English one of David’s psalms ? Or even the first chapter of Genesis ? Do I understand the language of the New Testament? Am I a critical master of it? Have I enough of it even to read into English the first chapter of St. Luke ? If not, how many years did I spend at school? How many at the university? And what was I doing all those years? Ought not shame to cover my face?
*3. Do I understand my own office ? Have I deeply considered before God the character which I bear? What is it to be an ambassador of Christ? An envoy from the King of heaven? And do I know and feel what is implied in watching over the souls of men, as he that must give account ?
Do I understand so much of profane history as tends to confirm and illustrate the sacred? Am I acquainted with the antient customs of the Jews and other nations mentioned in scripture? Have I a competent knowledge of chronology , that at least which refers to the sacred writings? And am I so far (if no farther) skilled in geography , as to know the situation, and give some account of all the considerable places mentioned therein?
5. Am I a tolerable master of the sciences ? Have I gone through the very gate of them, logic ? If not, I am not likely to go much farther, when I stumble at the threshold. Do I understand it, so as to be ever the better for it? To have it always ready for use? So as to apply every rule of it, when occasion is, almost as naturally as I turn my hand? Do I understand it at all? Are not even the moods and figures above my comprehension? Do not I poorly endeavour to cover my ignorance, by affecting to laugh at their barbarous names? Can I even reduce an indirect mood to a direct ? An hypothetic to a categorical syllogism? Rather, have not my stupid indolence and laziness, made me very ready to believe what the little wits and pretty gentlemen affirm, “That logic is good for nothing?” It is good for this at least (wherever it is understood) to make people talk less ; by shewing them both what is, and what is not to the point; and how extremely hard it is to prove any thing. Do I understand metaphysics ? If not the depths of the schoolmen, the subtleties of Scotus or Aquinas , yet the first rudiments, the general principles of that useful science ? Have I conquered so much of it, as to clear my apprehension and range my ideas under proper heads? So much as enables me to read with ease and pleasure as well as profit, Dr. Henry More ’s Works, Malebranche’s Search after Truth , and Dr. Clark’s Demonstration of the Being and Attributes of God ? Do I understand natural philosophy ? If I have not gone deep therein, have I digested the general grounds of it? Have I mastered Gravesande , Keil , Sir Isaac Newton’s Principia , with his Theory of Light and Colours ? In order thereto, have I laid in some stock of mathematical knowledge? Am I master of the mathematical A B C, of Euclid’s Elements ? If I have not gone thus far, if I am such a novice still, what have I been about ever since I came from school?
6. Am I acquainted with the fathers ? At least with those venerable men, who lived in the earliest ages of the church? Have I read over and over the golden remains of Clemens Romanus , of Ignatius and Polycarp? And have I given one reading, at least, to the works of Justin Martyr , Tertullian , Origen , Clemens Alexandrinus and Cyprian ?
7. Have I any knowledge of the world ? Have I studied men (as well as books) and observed their tempers, maxims and manners? Have I learned, to beware of men ? To add the wisdom of the serpent to the innocence of the dove? Has God given me by nature, or have I acquired, any measure of the discernment of spirits ? Or of its near ally, prudence , enabling me on all occasions to consider all circumstances, and to suit and vary my behaviour according to the various combinations of them? Do I labour never to be rude or ill-mannered? Not to be remarkably wanting in good-breeding ? Do I endeavour to copy after those who are eminent for address and easiness of behaviour? Am I (tho’ never light or trifling, either in word or action, yet) affable and courteous to all men? And do I omit no means which is in my power, and consistent with my character, of pleasing all men with whom I converse, for their good, to edification ?
If I am wanting even in these lowest endowments, shall I not frequently regret the want? How often shall I move heavily, and be far less useful than I might have been? How much more shall I suffer in my usefulness, if I have wasted the opportunities I once had of acquainting myself with the great lights of antiquity, the Antenicene fathers? Or if I have droned away those precious hours, wherein I might have made myself master of the sciences ? How poorly must I many times drag on, for want of the helps which I have vilely cast away? But is not my case still worse, if I have loitered away the time wherein I should have perfected myself in Greek and Hebrew ? I might before this have been critically acquainted with the treasuries of sacred knowledge. But they are now hid from my eyes; they are close locked up, and I have no key to open them. However, have I used all possible diligence to supply that grievous defect, (so far as it can be supplied now) by the most accurate knowledge of the English scriptures? Do I meditate therein day and night? Do I think (and consequently speak) thereof, when I sit in the house, and when I walk by the way; when I lie down, and when I rise up ? By this means have I at length attained a thorough knowledge as of the sacred text, so of its literal and spiritual meaning? Otherwise how can I attempt to instruct others therein? Without this, I am a blind guide indeed! I am absolutely incapable of teaching my flock, what I have never learned myself: no more fit to lead souls to God, than I am to govern the world.
(2.) And yet there is a higher consideration than that of gifts ; higher than any or all of these joined together; a consideration in view of which all external and all intellectual endowments vanish into nothing. Am I such as I ought to be, with regard to the grace of God? The Lord God enable me to judge aright of this!
And 1. What was my intention in taking upon me this office and ministry? What was it, in taking charge of this parish, either as minister or curate? Was it always, and is it now, wholly and solely, to glorify God, and save souls? Has my eye been singly fixed on this, from the beginning hitherto? Had I never, have I not now, any mixture in my intention; any alloy of baser metal? Had I, or have I no thought of worldly gain? Filthy lucre , as the apostle terms it. Had I at first, have I now, no secular view? No eye to honour or preferment? To a plentiful income? Or, at least, a competency? A warm and comfortable livelihood?
*Alas, my brother! If the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness? Was a comfortable livelihood then your motive for entering into the ministry? And do you avow this in the face of the sun, and without one blush upon your cheek? I cannot compare you with Simon Magus : you are many degrees beneath him. He offered to give money for the gift of God, the power of conferring the Holy Ghost. Hereby however he shewed, that he set an higher value on the gift than on the money which he would have parted with for it. But you do not: you set a far higher value on the money than on the gift ; insomuch that you do not desire, you will not accept of the gift , unless the money accompany it! The bishop said, when you was ordained, “Receive thou the Holy Ghost.” But that was the least of your care. Let who will receive this, so you receive the money, the revenue of a good benefice. While you minister the word and sacraments before God, he gives the Holy Ghost to those who duly receive them: so that through your hands likewise the Holy Ghost is in this sense given now. But you have little concern whether he be or not: so little, that you will minister no longer, he shall be given no more either through your lips or hands, if you have no more money for your labour. O Simon , Simon ! what a saint wert thou, compared to many of the most honourable men now in Christendom?
Let not any either ignorantly or wilfully mistake me. I would not muzzle the ox that treadeth out the corn . I know the spiritual labourer too is worthy of his reward ; and that if we sow unto our flock spiritual things , it is meet that we reap of their carnal things . I do not therefore blame, no, not in any degree, a minister’s taking a yearly salary: but I blame his seeking it. The thing blameable is, the having it in his view, as the motive, or any part of the motive, for entering into this sacred office.
Hic nigræ succus loliginis, hæc est Ærugo mera.
If preferment, or honour, or profit was in his eye, his eye was not single . And our Lord knew no medium between a single and an evil eye . The eye therefore which is not single is evil . It is a plain, adjudged case. He then that has any other design in undertaking or executing the office of a minister, than purely this, to glorify God and save souls, his eye is not single . Of consequence, it is evil ; and therefore his whole body must be full of darkness. The light which is in him is very darkness : darkness covers his whole soul: he has no solid peace: he has no blessing from God: And there is no fruit of his labours.
It is no wonder, that they who see no harm in this, see no harm in adding one living to another, and, if they can, another to that; yet still wiping their mouth , and saying, they have done no evil . In the very first step, their eye was not single : therefore their mind was filled with darkness. So they stumble on still in the same mire, till their feet stumble on the dark mountains .
*It is pleaded indeed, That “a small living will not maintain a large family.” Maintain? How? It will not cloath them in purple and fine linen ; nor enable them to fare sumptuously every day . But will not the living you have now, afford you and yours the plain necessaries, yea and conveniencies of life? Will it not maintain you in the frugal, Christian simplicity, which becomes a minister of Christ ? It will not maintain you in pomp and grandeur, in elegant luxury, in fashionable sensuality. So much the better. If your eyes were open, whatever your income was, you would flee from these as from hell-fire.
It has been pleaded, secondly, “by having a larger income, I am able to do more good.” But dare you aver, in the presence of God, that it was singly with this view, only for this end, that you sought a larger income? If not, you are still condemned before God; your eye was not single . Do not therefore quibble and evade. This was not your motive of acting. It was not the desire of doing more good, whether to the souls or bodies of men, it was not the love of God; (you know it was not, your own conscience is as a thousand witnesses) but it was the love of money , and the desire of other things , which animated you in this pursuit. If then the word of God is true, you are in darkness still: It fills and covers your soul.
I might add, a larger income does not necessarily imply a capacity of doing more spiritual good . And this is the highest kind of good. It is good to feed the hungry, to cloath the naked: But it is a far nobler good, to save souls from death , to pluck poor brands out of the burning . And it is that to which you are peculiarly called, and to which you have solemnly promised to “bend all your studies and endeavours.” But you are by no means sure, that by adding a second living to your first, you shall be more capable of doing good in this kind, than you would have been, had you laid out all your time, and all your strength, on your first flock.
“However I shall be able to do more temporal good .” You are not sure even of this. If riches encrease, they are increased that eat them. Perhaps your expences may rise proportionably with your income. But if not, if you have a greater ability, shall you have a greater willingness to do good? You have no reason in the world to believe this. There are a thousand instances of the contrary. How many have less will, when they have more power? Now they have more money, they love it more. When they had little, they did their diligence gladly to give of that little : but since they have had much , they are so far from giving plenteously , that they can hardly afford to give at all.
“But by my having another living, I maintain a valuable man, who might otherwise want the necessaries of life.” I answer, 1. Was this your whole and sole motive, in seeking that other living? If not, this plea will not clear you from the charge: your eye was not single . 2. If it was you may put it beyond dispute. You may prove at once the purity of your intention . Make that valuable man rector of one of your parishes, and you are clear before God and man.
But what can be pleaded for those who have two or more flocks, and take care of none of them? Who just look at them now and then for a few days, and then remove to a convenient distance, and say, soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease; eat, drink, and be merry ?
*Some years ago I was asking a plain man, “Ought not he who feeds the flock, to eat of the milk of the flock ?” He answered, “Friend, I have no objection to that. But what is that to him who does not feed the flock ? He stands on the far side of the hedge, and feeds himself. It is another who feeds the flock. And ought he to have the milk of the flock? What canst thou say for him? Truly, nothing at all. And he will have nothing to say for himself, when the great Shepherd shall pronounce that just sentence, bind the unprofitable servant hand and foot, and cast him into outer darkness .”
I have dwelt the longer on this head, because a right intention is the first point of all, and the most necessary of all; inasmuch as the want of this cannot be supplied by any thing else whatsoever. It is the setting out wrong; a fault never to be amended, unless you return to the place whence you came, and set out right. It is impossible therefore to lay too great stress upon a single eye, a pure intention ; without which, all our sacrifice, our prayers, sermons and sacraments are an abomination to the Lord.
I cannot dismiss this important article, without touching upon one thing more. How many are directly concerned therein, I leave to the searcher of hearts.
You have been settled in a living or a curacy for some time. You are now going to exchange it for another. Why do you do this? For what reason do you prefer this before your former living or curacy? “Why, I had but fifty pounds a year where I was before, and now I shall have an hundred.” And is this your real motive of acting? The true reason why you make the exchange? “It is: And is it not a sufficient reason?” Yes, for a Heathen; but not for one who calls himself a Christian.
*Perhaps a more gross infatuation than this, was never yet known upon earth. There goes one, who is commissioned to be an ambassador of Christ, a shepherd of never-dying souls, a watchman over the Israel of God, a steward of the mysteries which angels desire to look into. Where is he going? “To London , to Bristol , to Northampton .” Why does he go thither? “To get more money.” A tolerable reason for driving an herd of bullocks to one market rather than the other; though if a drover does this, without any farther view, he acts as an Heathen, not a Christian. But what a reason for leaving the immortal souls, over whom the Holy Ghost had made you overseer! And yet this is the motive which not only influences in secret, but is acknowledged openly and without a blush! Nay, it is executed, justified, defended; and that not by a few, here and there, who are apparently void both of piety and shame; but by numbers of seemingly religious men, from one end of England to the other!
2. Am I, secondly, such as I ought to be, with regard to my affections ? I am taken from among, and ordained for men, in things pertaining to God . I stand between God and man, by the authority of the great Mediator, in the nearest and most endearing relation both to my Creator and my fellow-creatures. Have I accordingly given my heart to God, and to my brethren for his sake? Do I love God with all my soul and strength? And my neighbour , every man as myself? Does this love swallow me up? Possess me whole? Constitute my supreme happiness? Does it animate all my passions and tempers, and regulate all my powers and faculties? Is it the spring which gives rise to all my thoughts, and governs all my words and actions? If it does, not unto me, but unto God be the praise. If it does not, God be merciful to me a sinner !
At least, do I feel such a concern for the glory of God, and such a thirst after the salvation of men, that I am ready to do any thing, however contrary to my natural inclination, to part with any thing, however agreeable to me, to suffer any thing, however grievous to flesh and blood, so I may save one soul from hell? Is this my ruling temper at all times and in all places? Does it make all my labour light? If not what a weariness is it? What a drudgery? Had I not far better hold the plough?
But is it possible this should be my ruling temper, if I still love the world? No certainly, If I love the world, the love of the Father is not in me . The love of God is not in me, if I love pleasure so called, or diversion. Neither is it in me, if I am a lover of honour or praise, or of dress, or of good eating and drinking. Nay, even indolence, or the love of ease, is inconsistent with the love of God.
What a creature then is a coveteous, an ambitious, a luxurious, an indolent, a diversion-loving clergyman? Is it any wonder that infidelity should encrease, where any of these are to be found? That many, comparing their spirit with their profession, should blaspheme that worthy name whereby they are called? But woe be unto him by whom the offence cometh! It were good for that man if he had never been born. It were good for him now, rather than he should continue to turn the lame out of the way, that a mill-stone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the depth of the sea !
3. May not you, who are of a better spirit consider, thirdly, am I such as I ought to be, with regard to my practice ? Am I in my private life, wholly devoted to God? Am I intent upon this one thing, to do in every point not my own will, but the will of him that sent me ? Do I carefully and resolutely abstain from every evil word and work? From all appearance of evil? From all indifferent things, which might lay a stumbling block in the way of the weak? Am I zealous of good works? As I have time, do I do good to all men? And that in every kind, and in as high a degree as I am capable?
How do I behave in the public work whereunto I am called? In my pastoral character? Am I a pattern to my flock, in word, in behaviour, in love, in spirit, in faith and purity ? Is my word , my daily conversation, always in grace , always meet to minister grace to the hearers ? Is my behaviour suitable to the dignity of my calling ? Do I walk as Christ also walked? Does the love of God and man not only fill my heart but shine through my whole conversation? Is the spirit , the temper which appears in all my words and actions, such as allows me to say with humble boldness, herein ye be followers of me, as I am of Christ? Do all who have spiritual discernment take knowledge, (judging of the tree by its fruits) that the life which I now live, I live by faith in the Son of God; and that in all simplicity and godly sincerity I have my conversation in the world ? Am I exemplarily pure from all worldly desire? From all vile and vain affections? Is my life one continued labour of love? One tract of praising God and helping man? Do I in every thing see him who is invisible ? And beholding with open face the glory of the Lord, am I changed into the same image from glory to glory, by the spirit of the Lord?
Brethren, is not this our calling, even as we are Christians? But more eminently as we are ministers of Christ ? And why (I will not say, do we fall short, but why) are we satisfied with falling so short of it? Is there any necessity laid upon us, of sinking so infinitely below our calling? Who hath required this at our hands? Certainly not he by whose authority we minister. Is not his will the same with regard to us, as with regard to his first ambassadors? Is not his love, and is not his power still the same, as they were in the antient days? Know we not, that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, to-day, and for ever ! Why then may not you be as burning and as shining lights , as those that shone seventeen hundred years ago? Do you desire to partake of the same burning love, of the same shining holiness? Surely you do. You cannot but be sensible, it is the greatest blessing which can be bestowed on any child of man. Do you design it? Aim at it? Press on to this mark of the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus? Do you constantly and earnestly pray for it; Then as the Lord liveth, ye shall attain. Only let us pray on, and tarry at Jerusalem, ’till we be endued with power from on high . Let us continue in all the ordinances of God, particularly in meditating on his word, in denying ourselves, and taking up our cross daily , and as we have time doing good to all men : and then assuredly the great shepherd of us and our flocks, will make us perfect in every good work, to do his will, and work in us all that is well pleasing in his sight ! This is the desire and prayer of
Your Brother and Servant in our common Lord ,
JOHN WESLEY.
London
,
February 6, 1756
.
Bisveal , near Redruth, Cornwall .
1. M Y son, Thomas Hitchens , was born April 14, 1723 . He went to school till he was about ten years old. From school he went to work at the stamps in dressing of tin oar, in which employment he continued about six years. Afterwards he wrought in the tin works underground, till about a year before his death. Then he went to dress tin-leavings for me, having five or six boys under him. At the same time he plowed, sowed, mowed, reaped, and managed all my husbandry; understanding every thing both as to the tin and the land; so that we had scarce one in the neighbourhood like him.
2. He was from a child of a very sober and a very sweet behaviour, and remarkably dutiful to his parents. But about nineteen he began to go revellings and hurlings, and sometimes to be merry with his companions. Of this I now and then told him, but not sharply; for I counted both him and his brother mighty good young men: and was not a little proud, when people told me, “I had two likely sons, and as stout men as any in the parish.” I thought it best therefore to let him have his liberty: especially as I then saw no great harm in these things.
3. But he had done with these, from the hour he first heard the gospel of the grace of God. He then chose to suffer affliction with the people of God, rather than to enjoy all the pleasures of sin . He had no fear, in the hottest of the persecution. While the mob were pulling down the house in which we used to meet, he stood at a small distance, all the time, being nothing terrified; encouraged his brother and said, “God will deliver us; only let us trust in him.” Nor was he at all moved, when the showers of stones obliged us to stop up all our windows with whole deals. One night we heard a great tumult and noise as of much people and many cries. And it was told us, they were at the house of one of our brethren, who lived about a quarter of a mile off: Thomas did not take time to go the road way, (tho’ it was exceeding dark;) but ran directly through the grounds and over the hedges, ’till he came to the house. The mob, hearing the sound of feet, ran away, not one being left behind. So, said Thomas , the scripture is fulfilled. One of you shall chase a thousand. As he came into the house, the family too were preparing to run out of it. But he soon convinced them, they had no cause to fear, and they mightily rejoiced together, and praised God who had delivered them out of the hands of unreasonable and cruel men. All the windows and doors were dashed in pieces; but none of the family hurt at all, notwithstanding the vast quantities of stones, which had fallen on all sides of them. One very large stone they found in the cradle, close by a little child. But the child was not hurt. So that in all things they saw the hand of God was over them for good.
4. About eighteen months ago, while his brother William and he were working in the pit with another man, the earth calved in upon the man, who cried out for help, and Thomas ran toward the place where he was. In running his light went out: but he found the man by his voice, tho’ not till he was almost covered in. Before he had cleared him, the earth calved in again, and he was very near covered in himself. And but that it stopt, they knew not how, in one minute more they must both have perished together. William hearing the noise, made up to the place, and in some time relieved them both. Of this Thomas often made mention, praising God for his wonderful deliverance.
5. Some account of the manner wherein he found peace with God, (two or three months after his brother) I lately found in his pocket-book. The substance of it was this:
“In reading the three first chapters of St. John , while I was in much trouble and heaviness of soul, the Lord gave me great comfort; especially from these words, To as many as believe in his name, to them gave he power to become the sons of God. But soon after I was stript of all, as though God had left me, a final cast-away. Nevertheless I went into my closet, and with a heavy heart said, Lord, I praise thee, that thou hast not given me over unto death. But how shall I appear before thee? While I spoke, the Lord answered, and applied these words, I am thy righteousness ; which burst the cords that before kept my spirit down.”
6. He often complained, that when he found great joy, he was in the greatest danger both of pride and lightness: and therefore said, he had much rather, if it were the will of God, be always in a mourning state. He likewise found great temptation to pride when he was most blessed in speaking to the people. And this was the main reason of his not stirring up the gift of God which was in him.
7. He frequently repeated those words of St. Paul , It is good for a man not to touch a woman ; and those of Job , I have made a covenant with my eyes; why then should I think upon a maid ! He was very jealous over himself when he was in company with those of a different sex. And if no man besides himself was there, he generally quitted the company as soon as he could.
8. In the latter part of his life he was much grown in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. He sometimes saw, as he said, anger and pride in himself; but they had no power: neither had the love or desire of any creature; they were all in subjection under his feet. He was more and more dead to all earthly things, and filled with the fire of God’s love. The work of God had a deeper root in his heart and he was more settled and established in the grace of God.
9. After his brother’s death, he declared he could not rest through the earnestness of his desire to follow him. However in the mean time he put in practice what Samuel spoke of, namely meeting all the family once a week. He reproved me and his mother in several things; but we could not reprove him in any. I could not convince him or Samuel of sin, for two years or more.
10. On Wednesday, September 10 , in the evening he found himself out of order; he went to bed something earlier than usual, and soon appeared to be in a high fever. But his confidence in God was still the same, and all his words, both that night and the next day, convinced all who came near him, that the peace of God continually ruled his heart.
11. On Thursday evening, between nine and ten, his sister sitting by him said, “Lord, shall I call, and wilt thou not answer? No; it cannot be. Thou hast promised every one that asks in faith shall receive.” Then he began praying for his father and mother; for his brothers and sisters, and in particular for her that sat by him. “O my God marry her to thyself, make her all glorious within. Give her an undivided heart.” He then prayed for himself. “Now come O my God, and sanctify me wholly. Press me closer to thyself. Thou knowest, this is all my desire. Give me power to declare thy wonderous works before I go hence. O death where is thy sting? O grave where is thy victory? ”
12. As Mary Busvine came to the bedside he looked on her and said, “Now I am free. Now my heart is at liberty. I will praise my God as long as I have breath.” After speaking much to the same effect, he laid still a small time, and then broke out into exceeding loud, vehement prayer, his voice being quite altered and every sentence ♦ pronounced with uncommon emphasis. He prayed first for all estates and conditions of men; that the church of Christ might spread over all the nations, that ten thousand times ten thousand might be converted to God, and all the people of the earth praise him. Then he prayed for all ministers of the gospel, from the greatest even to the least; especially for those whom God had lately employed to seek and save those that were lost in Cornwall . Afterwards he prayed for John Trembath that he might live to the glory of God, who had brought him back from the gates of death, and might be a means of saving many souls from the bitter pains of eternal death. He then prayed for the society: “O Lord unite them as the heart of one man. O Lord, give them eyes to see whereinsoever they have departed from thee. O take from them the spirit of unthankfulness, and suffer them not to bite or devour one another. Heal thou their backslidings and spread over them the banner of thy love!”
13. With prayer there was continual praise intermixed. Sometimes he was blessing God for what he had done; then praying, “O my God finish thy work and take me into thy kingdom. Is this the day, O my God that I shall kiss my brother in paradise?—O Lord the angels have already praised thee at my conversion. Is this the day that I shall praise thee with them? Yes, O my God, I am now going to join them, to sing praises to thee for ever.”
Then he prayed with great earnestness for Mary ♦ Busvine , and his own sister (both of whom he had in the beginning of the evening desired, to stay with him till he was in eternity) that they might never grow weary or faint in their minds, that God would send down the spirit of sanctification into their hearts, and give them resigned wills to bear whatever his providence should lay upon them: adding, they shall run and not be weary. I know we shall all meet together, and sing praises unto him that sitteth on the throne, and to the Lamb, for ever and ever.”
He went on, “O how good is God to me, that he hath given me a tongue to praise him! A little while, yet a little while, and I shall praise him in heaven! O the goodness of God, that I a worm of the earth, shall stand there, upon mount Sion , with the hundred and forty and four thousand which have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb ! Here is a privilege; here is a wonder: that I am made a son of God and a joint-heir with Christ, and I shall soon be where I shall behold him for ever! I, even I, who have been a backslider from God! But he has healed my backslidings and loved me freely.”
14. Soon after he said, “I love thee, O my God, Thou knowest that I love thee, because thou hast first loved me. O what manner of love is this, that God should stoop to love me! And he is coming to carry me home. O! I see thousands and ten thousands of angels! Do you not see them? O brother Trembath , do you not see what a glorious place I am going to; I am going to join with angels and arch-angels, and with all the company of heaven. I am going to reign with God, among ten thousands of his saints and to bask in the beams of his love for ever.”
Then looking on Mary Busvine , he said, “Can’t you see Jesus Christ coming, with an innumerable company of angels, and the golden banner display’d! They are coming to carry me to the bosom of my God. Open their eyes, O God, that they may see them. O what a good God have I served! I am sanctified, soul, body, and spirit. I am whiter than snow. I am washed in the blood of my Redeemer. Why, I am all God. My heart is full of God! O let them who hear me now, praise thee for ever and ever!”
“And yet I have been unfaithful to my God. For he gave me a gift, but I improved it not. I thought I was not worthy to stand in the highway and call sinners to repentance. But, O God, thou hast forgiven me this also, and I will preach thee now as long as I have breath.”
15. He ceased not thus praying and praising for an hour. His parents then coming in (early on Friday morning) he said, “O my mother, you will not weep to see me going to such a loving God. My father and mother will not be backsliders. No; I know that God loves them, and that we shall all meet together in heaven, to praise him to all eternity.” Then looking on his brother, about twelve years old, he said, “Stand off, for fear you catch the distemper: for I fear you are not prepared to die, you have played away the grace of God. The harvest may come, before you are renewed in the image of God, and then how will you appear? Cry mightily to God. Strive with all your might. Call upon him, and God will hear.”
He then said, “Right my feet, that I may lie strait to resign my breath. When I am dead, do you sing me all the way, sing my body to the grave, lay me by my brother, and at the same time my spirit shall be joined to his, and to ten thousand times ten thousand of angels and spirits, singing praises to God and the Lamb for ever.”
16. Having spoken till he had no breath left, he paused; and in a short time, began again, “Hear now the words of a dying man, a living wonder, a Christian triumphing over death! O what a God do the Christians serve! What a God I have served! Praise him with me for ever. Behold the immense goodness of our God. O that all the world knew our God! He has now made my heart free that I may praise him, and I cannot stop while I have breath. Go, tell all the world of this. O brethren! What a good God do we serve! Be not afraid to tell it abroad! Go, shew it to all people, that they may come and serve him too.”
When he stopt speaking, the oppression on his breast returned. This he took notice of and said, “While I am praising God, my heart is free: but when I cease, I feel this load again. But I may well bear this; for this is all the hell I shall have.” Then he broke out,
“See a soul escape to bliss,
Keep the Christian festival.”
“He hath washed me and I am whiter than snow. God is mine, and I am God’s. I shall soon be with him.” Thus he continued, till he could speak no more.
Bisveal , near Redruth, Cornwall .
1. M Y son, Samuel Hitchens , was born on the 23d of March 1725 . He was brought up to read and write. But he had almost forgot that, and every thing which is good, until God sent his ministers into these parts also, to call sinners to repentance . He was soon very deeply convinced of sin: particularly, in the beginning of January, 1744 , while Mr. Reeves was praying in my house. In the middle of our prayer, he fell to the ground, and cried so hard, that it greatly surprized us all. We were met, to take our leave of Mr. Reeves and John Daniel , who were going to Bristol . Mr. Reeves raised him up, and strove to comfort him. But he still cried out, “He was a lost, undone sinner.” In the morning they set out before it was day. Samuel would needs go with them. He had not rode six miles, before God spoke peace to his soul. He rode about ten miles further, and then returned home rejoicing.
2. But it was not long before his faith was tried. The devil first strove to reason him out of it. But he could not prevail. Then he stirred up the world against him. They came in multitudes, threatening to kill us all, and broke down the door and all the windows of the house, where we used to meet. After we had repaired these, they came and tore down the house itself, swearing they would also tear down the house also where we lived. And we were forced to stop up the chamber windows as well as we could, or we should have been stoned as we lay in our beds.
3. When this did not move him, they got a warrant, and came to press him for a soldier, much about the time that they had pressed the Rev. Mr. Graves at St. Just , and carried him on board the man of war. And several of our neighbours who were quiet, industrious men, they did press, by virtue of that warrant, and carried them away from their work, and wives and families. But God suffered them not to touch him, though he was daily in his shop; and going up and down about his business.
4. But he was not so well aware of another snare which was laid for him: for soon after, having some thoughts of marriage, he gave way by little and little, till he found his heart was quite drawn away from God. Hereby he was quickly plunged into utter darkness of soul, and fell under stronger convictions than at first. He often told his brother, “he was in hell.” He wandered about in the fields by night, seeking rest, but finding none ; and often threw himself on the earth, and beat his head against the ground. And once when his brother and several others were present, he cast himself on the ground, roaring aloud for the disquietness of his heart , and beat and cut himself in several places.
5. He was quite delivered in a moment, in December last, and the Lord was with him as at the first. But after this deliverance, he began more sensibly to feel his want of inward holiness. He had always walked very circumspectly, having a tender conscience, even in the smallest things, avoiding all light discourse, and finding constant power over anger, his bosom-sin. But this did not make him shut his eyes against the light, which shewed him the corruptions of his heart: And this knowledge, in particular, he was willing to learn, even from the meanest instrument. Nor did it cost any one much trouble to teach him; for he was indeed a man that feared always : being so jealous of his own heart and conduct, that half a sentence, sometimes a single word, or even a look, would shew him what was amiss. And reproof, instead of falling short, would frequently strike much deeper than was intended.
6. He was very zealous for the Lord, and had great opportunities of shewing it in his daily business. For abundance of tinners came to his shop (he being a smith by trade) both at morning and mid-day and in the evening, to have their tools repaired. These he continually exhorted and reproved, with great boldness and plainness of speech: and yet so meekly, that few of them went away angry, and the greater part were quite in love with him.
7. His common hours of sleep, were between eleven and five. He was very diligent in his labour. Yet he could not refrain from breaking it off now and then, to go up into a little room, which he had purposely ♦ built just over his shop, and pour out his soul before God. But he soon made up the time he had thus employed, so that no necessary business was neglected.
8. He had frequent and sore conflicts with the enemy of souls, who was permitted to sift him with divers temptations. One of the most dreadful was, doubting the being of a God; but out of this also the Lord delivered him.
9. His love of souls cannot easily be described, especially those that were more immediately under his care. If any thing was amiss in his class or band, he often felt the weight, before he discovered the reason of it: and would lay it home to them with the greatest earnestness, till he had found out the accursed thing. But his love was by no means confined to these. He would lament over sinners of every kind, those especially who would not hear the call of God, with inexpressible grief and tenderness. The prophet Jeremiah was in this his particular favourite. He used to tell much concerning, “The weeping prophet:” And was often saying to himself, O that my head were waters, and mine eyes a fountain of tears! If ye will not hear, my soul shall weep for you in secret places.
10. By this eager love of souls, he was even constrained at the time we had no preacher among us, himself to exhort, first our own, and then other societies, to continue in the grace of God . But he had many sharp trials concerning this, fearing he should run before he was sent: till one day in May last, being in deep distress, he went up into his room, threw himself down before God, and ceased not to wrestle with him in prayer, till all his doubts fled away, and he was fully convinced what was the will of God concerning him.
11. He often complained, that the world was a burthen to him, and he wanted to be wholly sequestered from it. But God convinced him at length, this was not right. “I now, said he, see plainly, there is such a thing as going through any business, and taking all prudent care, yet so as it shall only pass through our hands, without either troubling or intangling our hearts.”
12. For some time he was under another mistake. He was even to an extreme, negligent of his apparel, thinking it was below the character of a Christian, to have any, the least concern about it. But afterwards he was clearly convinced, that in this also he had gone too far, and that a Christian ought even by his outward neatness, to shew forth the purity of his mind.
13. The last great temptation into which he fell, was that of denying to the body even what was necessary for its support. Though he worked hard at his own business, and spent his strength very much, in all the intervals of his work, in going up and down and exhorting the societies, he could not be prevailed on to take any cordial, or any thing for the preserving of his lungs. For a considerable time before he was sick, he wholly abstained from flesh. And even other victuals he took at his father’s table, as if he was stealing it; and it seemed by his manner, as if he seldom or never eat so as to satisfy nature. The error of this was not shewed him, till a day or two before he was taken ill: when he was fully convinced, that seeing the body as well as the soul is committed to our charge, we ought with prudence and moderation to use all proper means, for preserving the one as well as the other.
14. This temptation, I believe, began and ended, while he walked in the broad light of God’s countenance: which he enjoyed with little intermission for two or three months before his last sickness. Indeed it increased very much toward the period of his life: He saw the corruptions that remained in his heart. But though they were not destroyed, yet they were fast bound, so that they could not hurt him. The only shadow of doubt which he had was this: Whether the peace he had was not too great, while sin remained? But this was but a few moments at a time. And “e’er he was aware (he said) his soul flew back and center’d in God.”
15. On Wednesday, August 13 . John Trembath , being ill of a malignant fever, and as it was believed both by himself and others, ready to depart, desired to take his leave of the family. Samuel stooped down to kiss him, and was immediately sensible he had caught the distemper. However he met the society in the evening, and was unusually vehement in prayer. Thursday , the 14th , he continued working at his trade, till about four in the afternoon. Being then obliged to leave off, he came in to his parents, and said, he was not well. He talked of sickness and death with as much ease as of going to sleep, and mostly with a smiling countenance. Towards evening he took his bed: As he lay down he said, “Once I laid on this bed, full of guilt and fears; but now they are all taken away. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, for sending his messengers into these parts. Now is the harvest come. Now I shall reap the end of all my prayers.”
16. About nine his mother and I came to him, and he said, “mother, you are troubled about many things. I know you have a great cross now sickness is in the house, over and above the care of this large family. Father, you must bear your part. There is a want in you both. You are religious singly: But you are not free in confessing your faults and temptations one to another. It would be a great help, if you would set apart a time for this, for the family in general, once a week. God has made you an instrument of keeping his little flock together in this place. I believe you do it with all your heart. Let us do it chearfully, and he will greatly bless us all.”
17. He passed the night without sleep; but continually praising God, and exhorting all that came in his sight. To one who stood by him he said, “I opened my bible to-day on the cxii. Psalm . Take the prayer-book and find it.” She did so, and he took especial notice of the 6th , 7th , and 8th verses. “’Tis sweet (said he) to speak those words experimentally: He shall never be moved. He will not be afraid of any evil tidings; for his heart standeth fast, believing in the Lord. His heart is established, and will not shrink, until he shall see his desire upon his enemies. ”
18. In the morning, Friday, 15 . He was full of the spirit of grace, and of supplication: always expressing an unshaken confidence in God, and making strong intercession for the church. “O said he, could I but see the church of Christ, in peace and unity! Of one heart, and of one mind! then I should die rejoicing indeed!”
19. Three of the leaders of classes coming in, he said, “We have been neglectful in one thing, in not going more diligently after backsliders, and bringing back the sheep that were lost. O it is a great thing, to bring one soul unto the Lord! Let me desire you to remember it for the time to come.” One of them asked, “Shall I pray for you?” He said, “Yes: but do not pray for my recovery.” After praying, he asked, “How do you find yourself now?” He said, “Clear of doubt: full of God.”
20. The man coming to him who used to work with him in the shop, he said, “ John , how is the case between God and your soul? Of late you have not been so earnest as you was. Why do you not join in the society? I believe you are kept from outward sin. But that will not do.” A few days after the man came to me, desiring to be admitted into the society, and saying, “He hoped the words would never go out of his mind, and that he should never rest till he knew the Lord.”
21. Speaking of some who were intangled with inordinate affection, and talked of their “wanting to know the will of God,” he said, “When we can give up our own wills, then we shall know the will of God. And when that is known and carefully followed, all temptations of this kind are at an end.”
22. He asked one ¹ who was much with him, “Are you willing to die?” And on her saying, “If I knew it was the will of God, I could lie down and not leave a wish behind:” He answered, “I think I am drawn two ways. I have a strong desire to depart and to be with Christ ; but sometimes I am drawn a little backward, not knowing whether my abiding awhile in the flesh , may not be for the glory of God. These are two opposite points. When they are brought to meet, my way will lie strait before me.”
23. He often made her repeat those lines of Dr. Watts ’s:
“Say, live for ever, glorious King,
Born to redeem and strong to save!”
And catch’d the two next from her, repeating with triumph,
“Then ask the monster, Where’s his sting?
And where’s thy victory, boasting grave?”
24. Those three verses in one of the funeral hymns he was almost continually repeating,
“Thou know’st, in the spirit of prayer,
We groan thy appearing to see,
Resign’d to the burden we bear,
But longing to triumph with thee.
’Tis good at thy word to be here,
’Tis better in thee to be gone,
And see thee in glory appear,
And rise to a share of thy throne.
“To mourn for thy coming is sweet,
To weep at thy longer delay:
But thou whom we hasten to meet
Shall chase all our sorrows away.
The tears shall be wip’d from our eyes,
When thee we behold in the cloud,
And echo the joys of the skies,
And shout to the trumpet of God.
“Come then to thy languishing bride,
Who went’st to prepare us a place,
Receive us with thee to abide,
And rest in thy mercy’s embrace.
Our heaven of heavens be this,
Thy fulness of mercy to prove,
Implung’d in the glorious abyss,
And lost in the ocean of love.”
25. Elizabeth Thomas being with him on Friday night, he asked her to pray, and said, “I can pour out my whole heart, and soul, and spirit, and life in prayer.” She asked, “Can you rejoice in God?” He replied, “Yes; I have not the least doubt of my salvation. I know that my Redeemer liveth , and that I shall stand before him in that day. I know my Saviour is now at the right hand of God, and that he is praying for me. I see the gates of heaven stand open, and Jesus stands with open arms to receive me.” Then he cried, “Let me go! I must be gone!” She asked him, “Whither he would go?” He said, “To my God;” and burst out, “Come, Lord Jesus! The harvest is ready. Come, Lord, and put in the sickle!”
26. The next morning, Saturday 16 . his sweats stopped. All proper means were used to recover them. He said, “I believe they will not return. But I have left all to God. My heart is full of God. I know he will appear the second time, without sin, unto salvation .”
After lying a short time he broke out into vehement prayer, first for the church, and then for himself: crying out aloud, “Open the heavens, O my God, and come down into my soul! Come, Father, Son and Holy Ghost, and plunge me into God! Carry me ye angels, to the bosom of my God. Bear me to the feet of Jesus!” Then with smiles of triumph, not to be exprest, he cried, “Jesus is coming! Now I shall see the unclouded face of Jesus! ’Tis finish’d! ’Tis finish’d! Jesus is come! Jesus is come!
“For us is prepar’d
The angelical guard,
The convoy attends
A minist’ring host of invisible friends!
“Ready-wing’d for their flight
To the regions of light
The horses are come,
The chariots of Israel to carry me home!”
*One called aloud to his mother to come. He said, “You may call; but God will not stop one moment.” He spake no more till he resigned his spirit into the hands of God.
Who was shot in Dover-Castle, October 26, 1757 .
1. I WAS born at Ogham in Hampshire , of honest parents, and when about thirteen years old, went to service to a farmer near Ogham , whom I served faithfully for a year. I was then for a year and a half postilion to the Exeter stage-coach. Afterwards I went up to London , and hired myself again, in the place of a postilion. It was here I was soon led into drunkenness, and by that means not long after into lewdness. Leaving this place after six months, I hired myself for another year as a postilion, at the White-Horse in Piccadilly . Here I got more money, but could keep none, squandering it all away in drink and debauchery. My mistress reproving me for this, I was so enraged, that I went and entered on board a privateer. I went down as far as Exeter , in my way to Plymouth , in order to embark. But my mind then changed: so I came back to London , and hired myself in the Hay-Market as a second coachman. I soon quitted this place, and served Lord H―― in the same post for a year and a half, who when he wanted me no longer, recommended me to Colonel B―― with whom I had large wages. But I wasted all among lewd women, ’till I embarked with my master for Holland .
2. In eight days we arrived at Williamstadt . Thence we went to Breda , where I was again drawn into drunkenness. My master hearing ♦ of it, desired the groom to reprove me, which made me reflect on my past life. I went out into the fields, and went to prayers, repeating the prayers which I had been taught by my parents. And this I did many times while we staid at Breda : And I had more power over sin than formerly.
3. We now removed to Mastricht . Soon after my master parted with the horses I took care of, and recommended me to another master. But I stayed with him only a fortnight, before I relapsed into drunkenness, and was persuaded to inlist among the Welch Fusileers, in the year 1747. I remained at camp till Michaelmas : thence we marched to Rudenburgh , where I remained all the winter. On the first day of March, 1748 , we marched to Ruremond , where we encamped, tho’ the weather was cold and the snow deep. After the cessation of arms, we removed from place to place, till in November we came to Williamstadt .
4. Here we lay five weeks on board the Seaflower , a ship belonging to Whitby . On December 18 , new stile, we set sail for Burnt-island : our ship having 41 horses on board. About sun-rise, just as we got over the bar, it looking as if we should have hard weather, the man of war that sailed with us prepared for it, backing his sails, and making fast his guns. Before we lost sight of land, we saw one of the transports break her yard. Soon after we came up along-side of a man of war, who advised us, to take in some of our sails. But our captain, being head strong, did not regard him, but kept all his sails set, except the main-top-gallant. About two hours before sun-set, it blew a hurricane; and we having but few sailors, before they were able to furl the sails, the wind tore them all in pieces. And it was well it did. For we lay gunnel to; so that had the sails stood, we must have overset. Suddenly a great outcry was made below, that the horses were broke loose. I ran down and found seven of them had broke loose, which made the rest so wild, that we were obliged to kill them all but one. But it was six days before we could get them over-board: during which the smell was so offensive, that it made the whole ship’s crew sick. Two days after we saw the shore; but we could not possibly make it, the wind was so high. We then endeavoured to make Aberdeen : but were beat to sea again. The next morning we lost sight of land, the weather continued as before for five days. The sixth, at day-break, we were surprised to see in the midst of the sea a rock very high out of the water, and the ship was almost upon it: so all hands were called. The captain standing on the deck, cried, “O my ship, my ship.” Some of the soldiers cursed him for disheartening them, he answered, “You need not swear and curse, for you may look over the side of the ship, and see your graves.” Many were then frighted, and some went to prayer. When we got to the lee-side of the rock, we strove to anchor; but the wind blew so hard, and the sea was so rough, we could not. The ship was now taking in water apace, so that we had two foot water in our hold already. Ten soldiers were employed, of whom I was one, to ♦ bale the water out with their camp-kettles. In a little while our steward perished with cold, as did the carpenter soon after. And several of the boys had their limbs frozen, so that they were unable to work. Eight soldiers who had been on board a man of war were ordered to supply their place.
5. The wind continued to blow hard at south which drove us on the coast of Greenland . We were now so far north that I believe we had not above four hours day-light. The captain now came into the cabin, and cried, “Lord, have mercy upon us! What shall we do? I am afraid we shall be drove so far north, as to have no day-light at all.” Quickly after, he went out of his senses, and was confined in his cabin. But just then the wind shifted from south to north; and Lieutenant Eyres , understanding the theory of navigation, undertook the management of the ship. The 10th of March we came in sight of a rocky coast, but knew not what land it was. We tried to take soundings; but could find no bottom. A strong current ran between the rocks, which was against us: but the wind blew strong for us. We hung out a flag of distress at our main-top-mast, and fired several guns and several platoons.
6. During this distress most in the ship called upon God, and if any man spoke profanely, he was reproved for it. At the same time, a thought came into the minds of many, that there was some grievous sinner in the ship: and all agreed to cast lots, that they might find the man, for whose sake this was come upon us. But they did not execute what they had agreed. Here we remained five days. One who had been a sailor, then swore, that it was the Orkneys we saw, and undertook to bring us safe in. But we had not gone far, before our passage was quite shut up, and we were just upon the rocks. In the morning a man was sent to the main-top-mast head, and ordered to keep a good look-out. Before twelve he cried, “A boat a-head.” Our boat was quickly manned in order to row to them. In a short time they came on board: they brought us into the harbour about sun-set. Here we remained, till we had liberty from the king of Denmark , to come to North-Bergen in Norway . When we came thither, several lost the use of their limbs, and many died in an hospital erected for us. Here we continued a month. Having then repaired our ship, and got a new captain, (for the old one was still disordered) we set sail for Scotland , intending for Burnt-island , which we hoped to reach in a short time.
7. But we had scarce lost sight of land two hours, when another violent storm arose. I then renewed the good resolutions I made in the last, and which I forgot almost as soon as I had made them. It blew exceeding hard; however on April 9 , we came with great difficulty to Leith . When we were safe on shore, instead of returning God thanks, I soon fell to my old trade of drunkenness: and during our several removes, I continually plunged deeper and deeper into all manner of wickedness.
8. After being at several other places we marched to Glasgow , where I met with a sober woman, and one that feared God, whom I married and lived comfortably with, till orders came for my remove to England . We past the winter at Dover , where the advice of my wife made such an impression upon me, that I began to take up, and be a good husband, and worked hard to maintain myself and her. So I continued to do at Exeter , where I had a son born, and stayed eleven months. Thence we marched to Plymouth , where we embarked for Minorca . We landed there May 25 , and I lived happy with my wife for two months. Then both she and my child were taken sick and died. This was a loss indeed! I believe if she had lived, it would have been the saving of my life.
9. After her death I soon fell back to drunkenness, and to supply the expence of it, took to coining. The next spring, April 20 , the French invested the castle of St. Philip . Toward the end of the siege, my companion and I got drunk together and quarrelled: upon which he threatened to inform against me, for which a great reward was offered. Being soon after told that he was gone to give information, I thought there was but one way to save my life. So I and he that told me determined to desert together. In getting out of the castle, I fell into the sea, and was very near being drowned. With much difficulty we then got to an old house, and took shelter therein. But we were between the fire of the French and the English ; so we stayed not above a quarter of an hour. I would now fain have returned; but our case was desperate: so we went on hand in hand. As we advanced, the French gave the signal, which was three slaps with their hand on the cartouch-box. As we did not answer it, or speak, (for neither of us could speak French ) they immediately fired upon us. But here also the hand of God was over us. The shot all flew over our heads. They then came and took us to the commanding officer, who sent us to the town as prisoners. In the morning we were removed to a prison near one of the general’s quarters, who sent for us about noon, and asked, what our design was? I answered, it was our desire to go into France and work. He said, “this could not be allowed by any means, unless I first serv’d in the army for three years.” I said, I would only comply, on condition I should not serve on the island, he replied, if I would not serve on the island, I must go back to prison, I was going, but he called me back and ask’d, “in what regiment in France would you like to serve?” I answer’d in Fitz-James ’s. He said, I should. However for the present, I was remanded to prison. Two days after I was carried before the Duke de Richlieu , who asked me many questions. But I continued a prisoner during the whole siege, and was so, till we came to Valenciennes .
10. Here I was enlisted into Fitz-James ’s horse, and continued two months: but with an aking heart. I longed to be in England again, and only waited for an opportunity. This was suspected: so that when we marched hence, I was confined every night, till we got a great way into France . By interceding with the quarter-master, I then got my liberty. After many removes, we marched to Hanau , and from thence about thirty leagues toward Muscovy. Here four of us agreed to desert the next night, and make the best of our way to the Duke of Cumberland ’s army. At eleven we set out in thunder, lightning and rain. We took each of us a brace of pistols, with our swords, and plenty of powder and ball. With great difficulty we past the guards, and then not knowing the roads, quickly lost our way: so that at break of day, we had got but nine miles. However we were now got into the right road: but day-light approaching, we went into a wood, and stayed there till six in the evening: having been all this time without victuals, we were weak and faint; however we walk’d all night. In the morning we learn’d from a waggoner, that a party of French horse were within a mile and a half of us. We ask’d what he thought they came there for? He said he knew not unless it was to look for deserters. Upon this, finding no way to get to the duke, we agreed to make for Holland , having changed our clothes with some of the boors, who likewise behaved kindly to us, or we must have perished.
11. Having sold our arms to buy us provisions, after many difficulties and dangers, in passing by both the French and Imperial troops, we at length came to Mastricht . Thence we went to Middleburgh , and afterward to Flushing , where we got on board an English man of war, which the next morning sailed, and brought us into the Downs . The third day after we landed, we were apprehended as deserters, and laid in irons for six days. We were then removed to Brumpton camp, near Chatham , where I was tried by a court martial, for deserting from the castle of St. Philips , which I acknowledg’d and was condemned to die.
12. I now began to be in great trouble, not knowing what to do. At length my companion and I determined to lay violent hands on ourselves. In this resolution I continued till night. Then I began to think of the consequences of self-murder. Betimes in the morning I went to prayer, and continued praying ’till about ten o’clock. In my distress I bethought me of one James Harbuckle , a drummer in our regiment. When he came I told him of my condition, and he began to talk to me of the love of Christ to sinners: of repentance toward God, and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. In the evening he was obliged to go; but he promised to send some of his brethren to me. Two of them came at night and explained more at large what James Harbuckle had said. From this time I found another kind of trouble: my sins were so set in array against me, that not an evil work or word, or thought, I had ever given way to, but was brought to my remembrance. Yet I was not so much troubled for fear of hell, as for grief that I had offended so good a God, and had crucified the Son of God afresh. For three days and three nights my distress was so great, that it was as if all my flesh was tearing off my bones, and my bones breaking in pieces, which made me often look at my hands and legs, to see if it was not so.
13. My load so increased, that I was just ready to despair of mercy, when on a sudden it all dropt off. I was on my knees at prayer, when in a moment all my fear was gone. I knew I had redemption in the blood of Christ, the forgiveness of my sins: and the love of God was shed abroad in my heart, enabling me to love all mankind, even my enemies: and him in particular who had been the cause of my deserting. And I had an earnest desire to see and tell him so. And I found every day an increase in love, and in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. I was so delivered from the fear of death, that I could have rejoiced to have died that instant; being filled with prayer, and praise, and thanksgiving, such as no tongue can express. And this sense of the love of God to my soul, I never since lost, not for a moment.
14. I was removed from hence to Dover-Castle , where I sent for Mr. Edwards , the minister of St. Mary’s . He came the next morning, and afterwards attended me very diligently. I desire to thank God for his help, and hope the Lord will bless him for his kindness to me. But I could not be satisfied, till I had sent into the town to enquire, if there were any of the people call’d Methodists there? They sent word, they would come when their day’s work was done: but it being then late, they could not be admitted. On Sunday they came again, and we prayed, and sang, and rejoiced together in the salvation of God, I desired they would come again if I was spared, which they did the following Sunday , when my spirit was so revived, that I could not help declaring to my fellow-soldiers what God had done for my soul. And now my prison was turned into a church, an house of prayer and praise. People crowded in, soldiers and others, to whom Mr. W――r gave an exhortation. When he had done, I stood up, and begged my fellow-soldiers, to cry to God for mercy, and grace to forsake all their sins, lest the day of grace should be past, and they be given over to a reprobate mind.
15. I spent the remaining part of the day in giving a relation of my life, to one who wrote it down from my mouth; but I could not finish it then. Monday, October 23 , Mr. Edwards administered the Lord’s Supper to me. In the afternoon Mr. W――r gave another exhortation as I did likewise when he had done, and we sang praises to God with a good courage, and poured out our souls in prayer. The soldier who had threatened to inform against me at St. Philip’s now came in. Formerly I was resolved to kill him, wherever I met him: but I now felt nothing but love and pity. So I earnestly exhorted him to forsake his sins, and seek mercy while it might be found.
16. What follows is added by him who wrote the forgoing relation. We now parted, after I had promised to be with him, during the short remainder of his life, as much as my business would permit. Tuesday the 25th , Mr. Edwards administered the Sacrament to him, and examined him closely as to the state of his soul. He readily answered every question, and declared his desire to depart and to be with Christ. About ten at night I came to him again, and found him employed in exhorting his fellow soldiers, and in praise and prayer. In the same employment he had been the greatest part of the day. In the same he continued till about twelve: when his strength being quite exhausted, he was forced to take some rest. He would fain have slept on his coffin; but we persuaded him to lie on the straw: when he waked, he asked, what o’clock it was? And being answered “about three,” he complained that he had slept too long; but found himself much refresh’d. After Mr. W――r had read and expounded a chapter, and spent some time in prayer and praise, he again exhorted his fellow soldiers, to forsake their sins, particularly those to which he knew they were addicted.
*17. The morning now advancing, he exprest much longing for the happy hour, when he was to “put on, as he called it, his wedding dress” and to be with the Lord. We then left him awhile and when we returned, found him drest in white, standing on a long form, and exhorting all the people. We all joined in prayer, after which he broke out in praise to God his Saviour. Mr. Edwards coming in, asked, how he did? He answered, “Blessed be God, never happier.” After a few more questions he withdrew, and Othen getting on the form again, exhorted all that were present with such joy and fervency of spirit, as testified a hope full of immortality.
18. He was thus employed, when the officer came, to tell him, the time was come; he then chearfully stept off the bench, and without any delay went forwards, and said, “I had a good wife, and I loved her well: but I now go forth with greater pleasure to die, than I did on my wedding day to be married.” When he was out of prison and delivered to the soldiers who were to guard him to the place of execution, he began singing that hymn with a loud voice,
“Behold the Saviour of mankind,
“Nail’d to a shameful tree!”
Walking on he took notice of a company of young soldiers, to whom he earnestly said, “take warning by me, I am young; but 27 years of age, in full health and strength. And yet I shall soon be as water spilt on the ground, which cannot be gathered up. My morning sun goes down at ten o’clock. Yet I have found mercy: and so may you. O that you saw the danger of being out of Christ! If you felt this in the manner I felt it, especially for three days and three nights, it would make the stoutest of you tremble.”
19. Then turning to me and some others, who walked near him, he said, “come which of you will help me to sing?” On which he gave out his favourite hymn (that on the crucifixion) and we all sang it with him. When he came to the spot where he was to suffer, the minister was ready to pray with him, in which we all joined. Afterwards the officer gave him liberty to go round and exhort all the soldiers. He began at the right and ended at the left, sparing neither officers nor private men: though to some he spoke more particularly, and in a manner which I trust they will never forget. He then asked the serjeant if the major thought him too long. He said, no: upon which he gave out, the lamentation of a sinner. While we were singing, the men were drawn out that were to shoot him, and stood a little behind him. He turned and looked upon them, and Mr. W――r asked him, “whether he felt any fear of death?” He said, “none at all blessed be God: I feel my faith stronger and stronger,” here we all took our last farewel of him, and ♦ parted with a kiss of love. He then chearfully walked to the mark, kneeled down, and having commended his soul to God, gave the signal. In that instant his body pitched forward, and his soul sprang into eternity.
20. Some of our friends told the serjeant, that if it was agreeable to the major, Mr. W――r would preach a sermon on the occasion. The offer was readily accepted. So in the afternoon he stood near the place of execution, and all the soldiers were ordered out, and formed a ring round about him. The officers as well as soldiers were present, and behaved with the utmost seriousness.
As I was coming back, a soldier said to the people, “If I was as well prepared for death as Othen , I did not care if I was to be carried up to the green, and shot this moment.”
Another said, I was so prejudiced against him by reports, that I would have shot him, as soon as I would a dog. And I waited at the prison door, expecting to see a monstrous creature, when I saw a man with grace shining in his face. And I hope what I then saw and heard will be a blessing to me as long as I live.
M ATTHEW LEE was born at Croft in Lincolnshire , was educated in that neighbourhood; and at eleven years of age, put apprentice to a shoe-maker in Brator near Spillsbury , and served his time to the approbation of his master: was of a sober, quiet disposition, and esteemed for his good-nature and integrity. Shortly after the expiration of his apprenticeship, by the invitation of his brother, he came to London ; but being used to coarse country work, unskilled in the method of working in London , and but a slow hand withal, he was incapable, by his business, of gaining even the necessaries of life. This involved him in great difficulties and distresses, his relations not being in circumstances to grant him any assistance. On his application to them for advice, he was advised to get a waiter’s or drawer’s place at an inn.
After some time he was hired to the Swan at Fulham , where he lived contentedly and agreeably, gained the good-will of those whom he conversed with, and kept his character unblemished. He afterwards lived at a public-house in Carnaby-market : from thence he went to the Three Tuns in New-street , Fetter-lane , where he continued to live, till a person who came frequently to drink at his master’s house, and with whom Matthew had contracted an intimacy, one day told him that it lay in his power to be of great benefit to him, and if he would hearken to his advice, he might live more advantageously than he could do in a public house: Matthew enquired into the particulars of the affair: Walton (for so was his companion’s name) informed him, that his aunt had left him a large legacy, and he was now going to receive the same, and if he would quit his present service, and attend on him, he would give him great wages, and he should live as himself. He the more readily agreed thereto, from a desire to be freed from the threatenings of a woman with whom he had sinful commerce. He had borrowed money of her, which he was at present incapable of paying her, for which she frequently threatened him with a gaol. This made him the more willing to leave his place, to be freed from her importunity. Accordingly he packed up his cloaths, with what money he had, and went from his place with his new pretended master.
But he soon found his mistake: they wandered up and down, till their money being expended, Walton shewed Lee a pistol, and said, “This must stand our friend, and supply us with all we want.” When he objected to the proposal, the other with dreadful curses threatened to blow his brains out, if he did not comply. While they were arguing upon the point, they had an opportunity of putting their design in execution: for in the midst of their discourse, Mr. Chalmer came in sight. Walton gave Lee the pistol to attack him, but his heart failed; he sat down on the side of the field, and Mr. Chalmer passed by uninterrupted.
For this, Walton reproached him bitterly; upon which they both followed him, Lee with his pistol, and Walton with a large stick, and robbed the gentleman of his watch and fourteen shillings. Had Walton been contented with what the gentleman had given him, in all probability they might have escaped; but Walton perceiving a bulk in his pocket (which was thirteen guineas) demanded it, which Mr. Chalmer refused, and recovering his spirits, told them, “Except they would give him his watch, he would follow them.” Walton observing this, took the pistol from Lee , and made his escape over the fields; but Lee having the watch, was closely pursued, and taken with the watch upon him.
He was first committed to Bridewell , and continued there six weeks: during his stay there, God was pleased to incline the heart of one to visit those who were there confined, and to publish the glad tidings of salvation; and God gave Lee an ear to hear the gospel-sound, and an heart to embrace it. He took great delight in hearing: and a visible alteration was observed in his whole behaviour. He was convinced of his lost and undone state; was sensible how vile and guilty he was before God: was much by himself in reading and prayer, frequently and earnestly crying for mercy. But he was very fearful lest his many and great sins would exclude him from the favour of God; and though he was only guilty of this robbery, yet he acknowledged himself a vile and hell-deserving creature, for his whole life. It was now the grief of his heart that he had ever sinned against such a good and gracious God: who he acknowledged had been frequently striving with him. For (said he) I remember when I have been drinking and merry-making with my companions, in the midst of my mirth, great horror and distress have seized me, that I have often times been forced to leave my company, and retire by myself. I have been frequently distressed on account of my sin: my conscience has checked me in, and after the committing of it; but by company and mirth it would soon wear off, though not so, but at times it would return again.
The very first time he heard the preaching in Bridewell , the terrors of the Almighty fell upon him, and the arrows of God stuck fast in his soul. The sense of his crime (not as it was merely against the laws of man, but as it was against the law of God) and all his former sins greatly distressed him. The thoughts of death, but especially of a judgment to come, made him tremble exceedingly. He feared the wrath to come, and knew not how to flee from it. He was desirous to know what he must do to be saved; but did not see Christ the way of salvation. He was now crying out undone! undone! and writing bitter things against himself. He was so desirous to hear the gospel, that he would rather lose the favour of his relations and friends, that visited him, than lose one opportunity: saying, “He had but one friend to please, and that was Christ.”
He heard with such attention and affection, that he seemed even to eat the words of the preacher. He earnestly longed for the pardon of his sins: but for the first three weeks he had not the least glimpse of comfort.
Shortly after, as he was in prayer, crying earnestly for mercy, under great horror of soul, God broke in upon him in a wonderful manner, which he thus expressed to the person that preached.
*“I believe now my peace is made with God through Jesus Christ. I experience a great change in my soul, for while I was at prayer, last night, in great terror, apprehensive that I was going immediately body and soul to hell: I cry’d out so loud that my fellow-prisoners in the next ward heard me, and called to know what was the matter: I told them that I was going to hell, and begged their prayers for me: but while I was in the midst of this horror and despair, I suddenly experienced a blessed and comfortable change: my mind was immediately calmed: I believed my sins were forgiven: the fear of hell was taken away: and I was so far from fearing death, that I was now more desirous to die, than to live.”
He earnestly desired prayer to God in his behalf, and wept bitterly that ever he should sin against him. It was very observable from this time, that the greater sense he experienced of the mercy of God to him, the greater abhorrence he had of sin, and of himself for committing it.
He was now more serious in hearing the word than ever; and was frequently singing of psalms and hymns. He could not bear to hear any of his fellow-prisoners profane the name of God, but would reprove them and exhort them with a serious concern to reflect on the consequences of such a behaviour.
“Oh! (said he) did you but feel the terrors I lately did for my sins, you would dread the thoughts of ever sinning again.”
“I have (says he, to a friend) deserved eternal death; but blessed be God who hath taken away the sting of death, and the guilt of sin; and now I can walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and not be afraid: now I can lay down and rise up, can live and die in peace.”
Being removed from Bridewell to Newgate , to be tried at the Old Bailey , the day before he was brought to the bar, he said, “Shortly I shall appear before the bar of man, and receive a sentence of death on this body; but this is my comfort, before man condemns me, God, the eternal God, has pardoned me: I shall stand guilty before man, but guiltless before God.”
Being asked, “How he, who acknowledged himself a sinner could stand guiltless before God.”
He replied, “Because Jesus Christ hath washed away my sins in his own blood; and I am justified by his grace: my sins are blotted out of the book of his remembrance.”
It was asked again, “How he knew that Christ had taken away his sins, and that he was washed in his blood.”
*He replied: “As a lost and undone sinner, I have laid hold on Jesus Christ by faith: I rest the whole of my salvation upon him: I have believed in him: and he hath adopted me into his family: the Spirit of God bears witness with my spirit, that I am a child of God. Thus I know that all my sins are pardoned, and let death come when it will, I am ready; for I am assured, as soon as this body is dead, my soul will be with Jesus in paradise.”
One present said, “That we need be cautious of deceiving our own souls, and advised him to be modest in his expressions: for many who had made a great profession for many years, could not speak with such confidence as he did.”
He answered, “I speak it from a certainty of the thing; that which I see and feel , I testify unto you.”
*“Sir, If these heavy irons were removed from me, should not I be sensible of it; and could not I by experience declare to others that my irons were removed, and my legs were at liberty? Would not the alteration I felt, be a sufficient foundation to assert the satisfaction I found by the removal of them? Why thus it was lately with my soul: it was fettered down to sin: I was a slave to my lusts, and I could no more get rid of my sins, than I can of these irons. But while I was fearing and expecting to be cast into hell every moment, Jesus Christ came and knocked off my irons, my sins: he shut the doors of hell, and opened the doors of heaven; and set my soul at liberty. God has made me, who was a slave of the devil, to be a subject of Christ. I am brought from my lusts and pleasures, which I loved, to love nothing else but Jesus Christ. And can such an alteration be wrought in my soul, and I be ignorant thereof?――O blessed be God, this change fills me with joy: I am full of joy: joy, not to be expressed: for Christ loves me, and I love Christ, and I shall shortly be with him for ever.”
One saying, he had a heavy pair of irons on, “Oh! (says he) these are the cursed fruits of sin: this is the honour the devil’s servants have: these are the badges that declare to whom I did belong, and tell what dirty work I have been engaged in. Ah, cursed sin, that exposes us to such misery here, and to ten thousand times ten thousand worse hereafter! *It was my sins that brought me here; and my sins made me liable to be the devil’s prisoner, in the dreadful prison of hell for ever: but the Lord hath spread all my sins before my face, that I may see the magnitude and the multitude of them; and then he blowed them away with a blast of his Holy Spirit. All my sins appeared before me, and they looked like the devil from whence they came: but then Jesus Christ cast them all behind his back, and made me whiter than driven snow in his presence.”
Being advised to plead, not guilty, when called to the bar, and told, perhaps it might save his life:
*He replied: “I will not tell a lie to save ten thousand lives. It is true, life is sweet, but the love and favour of God is sweeter to me than life itself: how do I know, but while I am telling of a lie to save my life, I may be struck dead, and lose my precious soul for ever? I shall therefore plead guilty: not with a design to obtain the favour of man thereby: for I expect, I deserve none; but because I would not offend God, and grieve his Holy Spirit.”
A by-stander asked him, Whether he was willing to die?
He said, “When I consult with flesh and blood, it seems hard to leave the world in the bloom of my youth; but when I consider I am going to him whom my soul loves, then I long to be dissolved, and to be with Christ Jesus.”
This, with much more to the same import, he uttered, with a chearful countenance, and with such an humble, yet confident boldness, as filled all with admiration that heard him.
A Roman Catholic, being present, could not believe that it was possible for any one to know his sins were forgiven; but acknowledged he believed Matthew to be a pious young man, and that if it was to be known here, he did know it.
A near relation being of the same opinion, as to the knowledge of the forgiveness of sins, he said, “Believe me, as I shortly expect to die, and look on myself as a dying man, I am positive God for Christ’s sake hath pardoned all my sins; and I am not afraid to face death, for death cannot hurt me.”
To some, he said, “My living in an alehouse exposed me to much evil company, and I was forced to hear much cursing and swearing, to which I myself was too much addicted. This with my living in uncleanness, made me forget God; so that God for my manifold sins, left me to commit the crime, for which I am justly to lose my life. But I have no cause to complain, since God hath made me repent, and see the evil of my ways in my chains: and glory be to his name, he hath set my soul at liberty. Oh! blessed be his name for his unspeakable goodness to me, so vile and wretched a sinner, for he hath enabled me to repent with a repentance not to be repented of. I formerly took great pleasure in committing sin, but now I hate the very thoughts of sin; and I really believe (by God’s grace) I could not commit a sin to gain a kingdom.”
After the person, by whom he was first convinced, had been with him, he cryed out, “Oh, that he could be with me always, then would my prison be a palace, and my confinement better than liberty!—*But, why do I want a man to be with me? Have I not the presence of God with me? Have I not communion with Jesus Christ? And that is more valuable than all the helps and conversation of poor sinful man.”
Being informed there was a minister belonging to the gaol, who would help him in his addresses to the Almighty God:
He answered, “Why don’t he then? Why don’t he come and instruct me? Why don’t he wrestle with God for me? I see no regard paid to the immortal souls of any that are confined here. They are running head-long to hell, and no one seeks to stop them. None prays with; none admonishes, reproves, exhorts them: but he that is filthy, is left to be filthy still. What! Have the prisoners in Newgate , immortal souls! And yet no one regardeth them? Are they so good as not to need reproof and admonition? Or are they so bad as to be past recovery? Who can tell, but by frequent, earnest and heart-searching preaching, God might reach some hellish sinner here, as he reached me in Bridewell ? And shall the servants of the Most High God be forbid to preach in Newgate !――What! forbid to preach to the servants of the devil!――Servants of the devil, did I say? Devils incarnate; but yet they are not blacker than I: and the blood of Christ hath reached me, and the same blood can cleanse the most defiled and vilest sinner here.――Lord, pity us in Newgate , and send some one to preach thy word; and do thou make it effectual to reach their hearts.”
When he was brought to the bar, he said but little; only pleaded guilty to the indictment: but when he received sentence of death, with an audible voice, he said, “Though I stand condemned at the bar of man, I shall be acquitted at the bar of God; for he hath forgiven me all my sins, and assured me of his glory.”
After his return back to prison, he was solid and serious, yet remarkably chearful: crying out “What a vile wretch am I; and yet God for his Son’s sake hath pardoned me, and I shall stand before his throne, and praise him for ever; for I am an heir of God, and a joint heir with Jesus Christ; a citizen of Zion , and a companion with saints and angels to all eternity: Oh, how do I long to die, that I may be with Jesus Christ, who is my lot and portion: Oh, the happiness I shall enjoy when I have left this clay! O, help me, sir, to glorify God: I do praise him; but shew me how to do it more and more, and more still: I cannot do it enough till I come to heaven, and I shall not do it enough then.—*Blessed be God for what I have experienced in these cells: these dark and dismal cells have been light and pleasant places to me; for I have had the prospect of eternal glory; and have seen that eternal glory reserved for me ! Thither, thither, am I going: I have but one storm to endure, and I shall be in harbour for ever.”
One asked, “Whither he should not be glad of a reprieve, and whither he had not hopes of not being included in the dead warrant?”
He reply’d, “My flesh and blood desire life, but my soul longs to be where death shall be no more. Welcome life; and welcome death: if I am reprieved, I shall bless God; and if I am included in the dead warrant, I shall still praise and magnify his name.”
One inquiring “Whether he had any to make intercession for him?”
He replied, “I have no one on earth to intercede in my behalf: but I have one in the court of heaven, who hath interceeded for me, and obtained my pardon. My pardon is sealed above, and sealed with the broad seal of king Jesus; that shall abide to all eternity!――Jesus is my friend, and he will prepare a place for me.”
The two persons that were condemned for murder seeing his seriousness, and the time he spent in singing and prayer; cursed him for “Making such-a-do, about nothing,” (as they termed it) and said to him, “Why, we shall only be hanged.”
“Only be hanged (says he) and is not that bad enough, to die in ones youth and vigour, such a shameful death?”
They answered, “Why, we must all die, one time or other; and now is as well as another time.”
“How can you (replied he) speak so carelessly about the most important thing in the world? But you forget.――Death is not all: for after death there is a judgment and eternity! Indeed for my part I am easy; because I know I shall be happy: but I wonder you can be so easy, and your peace not made with God.――Why you are on the brink of hell, and will be miserable for ever, if you die without repentance.”
Upon their laughing at what he said, he could not forbear weeping. He then turned away and said no more; but it had such an effect upon him, that he could not sleep all night, to think what an unhappy state they were in.
One of his fellow prisoners being asked, “Whether his peace was made with God, or whether he could say his sins were pardoned, as Mr. Lee did?” He replied, “He hoped it was.” Mr. Lee immediately said, “That is a sure sign your peace is not made with God; for, if it was, you would not only hope it was, but be sure of it; you would feel the effects of it; your soul would be warmed with love; you would love Jesus Christ, and long to be with him?”
The two prisoners that died with him, asked him to eat with them. He answered, “No—What, must we eat to grow fat for the grave? Our thoughts had need to be engaged about other things, than in filling and pleasing the flesh.”—They answered, “If we think so much, it will make us mad.”—“What (said he) are you afraid of being mad by repenting of your sins? You have more need of being afraid of going to hell for the committing of them: if we had not all been mad, we had not committed those things that brought us here. And I am sure we shall be madder still, if before we have lost our bodies, we take no heed to save our souls.”――“Ay! But (says one of them) we shall some, if not all of us, get off, for the dead warrant is not come down yet.”――“What then (said he) if the dead warrant saves any of our bodies, it does not save our souls. We have need to be thoughtful about death, and to seek to have our peace made with God, if we escape death at ♦ this time.”
One of the prisoners said, “Can you now forgive your prosecutor?”—“As I am a dying man (said he) I love all mankind, my prosecutor and all, as I love my own soul; I do not know any person, not even the greatest enemy I have or ever had, but whom I as heartily love, as I do myself; and I can pray for them as readily as I can for my greatest friends.”
The night before the dead warrant came down, he was filled with more joy than usual, and said, “Now the Lord is smiling upon me; now he is speaking comfort to my soul; now, now, I find nothing shall separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus: O how does the Father of mercies manifest his love to me, and make me to taste of the joys of heaven before I come there: now my heart feels what my mouth cannot utter: *he hath made darkness light before me; my dark cell, and my dark soul, is full of the glory of the Lord; I am as full as my poor soul can contain of the divine presence: and if the foretastes of glory are so great, What must heaven itself be? God hath opened my eyes to behold his glory, and my soul is dazled with the sight of it.”
When the dead warrant came, and he was informed he was in it: “Blessed be God, (he said) I am not daunted: I receive the account with joy: and had it been to have died immediately, it would not have surprized me; for I am ready for it.—Lord, thou knowest I am waiting for thy salvation; and must I stay still Wednesday before I am with thee? Why must my longing soul be kept from thee till then?――But it is thy will, and I am content to wait till thou shalt take me for ever unto thyself.――O what a blessed day will that be to my soul, when it will be separated from its body, to be with Christ for ever! Death, do thy worst; thou canst not hurt me; for thy sting is taken away, and thou canst but carry me to glory; to the glory prepared for me.――Lord, into thy arms I will throw myself. Lord, I come, I come; I long to come to thee; I resign myself to thee, and I depend for salvation only on thee, my dear Lord Jesus Christ; thou art my Saviour; thou art my God, and thou wilt be mine for ever, and ever. Thou hast forgiven me, and by thy grace I forgive all my enemies. O that they may all be saved, and brought to live with thee in thy glory.――O who could have thought there had been so much sweetness at the bottom of this bitter cup?――O Walton , Walton ; turn unto God, before it is too late: let my death be the means of making thee leave thy evil ways: and may God change thy heart, and forgive thee, as he hath forgiven me.”
“Oh (said he) I find more solid joy and comfort in death than ever I found in all the pleasures of life. Oh, that my relations would not weep for me: it grieves me to see them grieve. Oh, that they may speedily turn to God, and then, though we part here in sorrow, we shall meet hereafter in joy; never, never to part again.—Now, my God, I can sing of thy salvation: my tongue shall sing of thy righteousness: and shortly shall I be, where I shall sing praises, without ceasing, for ever.—What will my friends weep when I am thus to be employed! O let them learn to follow me; not to follow me in sin, to prison, or to a gallows; but follow me to Christ Jesus.—O that they would attend to the voice of a dying man, and cry to God for his grace, that they may break off their sins by repentance, and lay hold of Christ by faith, for everlasting life and salvation. Beg of God a broken spirit; since a broken and contrite heart, God will not despise.”
The night before his execution, he spent in prayer and praise, and was heard to say, “Lord my time is short here, let me not fear in my last moments: give me courage to face death: let me not be afraid of its terrors: let thy grace fill me with consolation: and let me go off the stage of life, testifying what thou hast done for my soul. May I declare thy pardoning grace to me. To thee, O Lord, do I fly for succour. To thee I come with a Saviour in my arms; and, if I perish, it shall be crying out, God be merciful to me a sinner ! If thou hurlest me down to hell, I will keep my hold on Christ Jesus, and I will not let him go till thou dost bless me.”
Praying with a friend (he said) Lord strengthen my faith in my dying moments, that I may not dishonour thee by the fear of death, but enable me to bear a testimony to thy pardoning grace. May I die in the full assurance of faith, and leave a testimony of the freeness of thy grace, and of thy readiness to pardon the chief of sinners.
The morning of his execution, when his fetters were knocked off, he pulled off his hat, and with great seriousness, blessed God that had vouchsafed him his presence, and prayed for the increase and strength of grace to hold out to the end.
*The person who was taking off his irons said, “He was afraid he should hurt him.” “Oh, fear not, said he, nothing can hurt me here, and I shall shortly be where nothing shall hurt me to all eternity.”
When the ordinary of Newgate asked him, “if his peace was made with God?” He answered, “Yea, I know my peace is made with God, and that God, for Christ’s sake hath pardoned all my sins.”
As he was going to execution, he seemed full of prayer and praise; his countenance chearful, and his deportment serious and solid. In Tyburn Road , a gentleman begged leave that the cart might be stopped, for two young women to speak to him.
To one of them he said, “My dear Nanny , don’t fret for me, for I am going to heaven: look up with an eye of faith, and you will see the holy angels waiting to be my convoy. My Lord Jesus is calling me, and I shall shortly be with him in paradise.”
When he came to Tyburn , and saw among the spectators, the instrument, under God, of his conversion, he called out to him.
“Now I know you and I shall soon meet together in glory. I am going thither, and I know you shall soon follow after. I know that I have been a vile sinner, undeserving the mercy of God: but I know also that God, for Christ’s sake, hath pardoned all my sins. Oh, this is a happy time indeed! Blessed be God I am not afraid to die. Now I experience what you so often told me about the children of God’s triumphing over the fears of death.”――Then with a smile he said, “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; the strength of sin is the law. But blessed be God, who hath given me the victory over sin, and over death, through our Lord Jesus Christ.—Surely God’s mercies are unbounded: they extend to the chief of sinners: for since the grace of God hath reached me, what room is there for the vilest sinner to despair of pardon?”
The last words he was heard to speak, was to a near relation. “My dear, don’t vex yourself for me; for I shall be in heaven in two or three minutes.” Prayers being ended, he committed his spirit into the hands of God, with a chearful countenance, being in the 20th year of his age.
His body was taken care of by his friends, and on the Sunday following, was decently interred in Tindall ’s burial ground.— Mr. H. and another friend, performed the last office of prayer and praise over his grave, before a great concourse of people; where we must leave him to rest till the morning of the resurrection, when his body, sown in dishonour, shall be raised in glory.
An account of him from his childhood, to the seventeenth year of his age.
M R. John Janeway was born in the year ♦ 1633, October 27 , in Tylly , in the county of Hertford . He soon gave his parents the hope of much comfort, and the symptoms of something more than ordinary appeared in him. For pregnancy of wit , solidity of judgment , and the greatness of his memory , he had no superiors , and few equals , considering his age and education.
He was initiated in the Latin tongue by his father ; afterwards he was brought up at St. Paul ’s school in London , where he made a considerable proficiency in Latin and Greek . When he was about eleven years old he took a great fancy to the Hebrew tongue .
About this time his parents removing into a little village called Aspoden , had the opportunity of having their son instructed by a learned neighbour, who was pleased to count it diversion to read mathematics to him, being then about twelve years old; and he made such progress that he read Oughtred with understanding before he was thirteen. A person of quality, hearing of the admirable proficiency of this boy, sent for him up to London , and kept him with him for sometime to read mathematics to him.
In the year 1646, he was chosen by the provost of Eaton college, one of the foundation of that school: where he gave no unsuitable returns to the high expectations that were conceived of him.
After a little continuance at Eaton , he obtained leave of his master to go to Oxford , to perfect himself in mathematics , being with Dr. Ward , one of the professors, he attained to a strange exactness in that study, the doctor looked upon him as one of the wonders of his age ; loved him dearly, and could not for some time after his death mention his name without tears. When he had spent about a quarter of a year with Dr. Ward , he was commanded to return to Eaton , where he soon gave proof of the improvement of his time while he was absent, by calculating the eclipses for many years before hand; so that by this time he had many eyes upon him as the glory of the school. Yet he did not discover the least self-conceit; every one took more notice of his parts than himself.
At about seventeen years old he was chose to King’s-college in Cambridge . He was chosen first, and an elder brother of his the sixth; but he was very willing to change places with his elder brother, letting him have the first, and thankfully accepting of the sixth place.
Besides his great learning, his deportment was so sweet and lovely, his demeanor so courteous and obliging, that many of them who had little kindness for religion could not but speak well of him. His great wisdom did even command respect: he had an excellent power over his passions, and was free from vices which usually attend such an age and place.
But all this while he understood little of Christ, or his own soul. He studied the heavens and the motion of the sun, moon, and stars, but thought little of God, who made them; the creature had not led him to the Creator; but God, when he was about eighteen years old shone in upon his soul with power; and convinced him what a poor thing it was to know so much of the heavens and never come there. He now thought Mr. Bolton had reason to say, Give me the most magnificent glorious worldling, that ever trod upon earthly mould, richly crowned with all the ornaments and excellencies of nature, art, policy, preferment, or what heart can wish besides; yet without the life of grace, to animate and ennoble them, he were to the eye of heavenly wisdom, but as a rotten carcase, stuck over with flowers, magnified dung, guilded rotteness, golden damnation .
Of his conversion and carriage when fellow of ♦ the college.
T HE great work of conversion , was not ♦ carried on upon his soul, in that dreadful manner that it is upon some, but the Lord was pleased, sweetly, to unlock his heart, by the exemplary life, and heavenly discourse of a young man in the college whose heart God had inflamed with love to his soul. He quickly made an attempt upon this young man, and the Spirit of God set home his councils with such power, that they proved effectual for his awakening; being accompanied with the preaching of Dr. Hill , and Dr. Arrowsmith , together with the reading of Mr. Baxter ’s Saints Everlasting Rest.
Now a mighty alteration might be discerned in him. He did not taste so much sweetness in those kind of studies, which he so greedily employed himself in as formerly. He began to pity them who ♦ were curious in their enquiries after every thing, but that which is most needful, Christ , and themselves; and that which sometimes was his gain he now counted loss for Christ. Not that he looked upon human learning as useless; but when not improved for Christ? He looked upon wisdom as folly, and learning as madness, and that which would make one more like the devil.
Mr. Janeway now considered how he might best improve what he did know, and turn all his studies into the right channel: grace did not take him off from, but made him more diligent and spiritual in his study. And now Christ was at the end of every thing: how did he contrive how he might most express his love and thankfulness to him who had brought him out of darkness into his marvellous light! To this end he sent up and down packets of letters, in which, he discoursed so substantially of the great things of God, that it would not at all have unbecome some grey head to have owned what he wrote.
He was not a little like Elihu , in whose words he used to excuse his freedom with persons of years. He said, days should speak, and multitude of years should teach wisdom; but there is a spirit in a man, and the inspiration of the Almighty giveth them understanding; I am full of matter, the spirit within me constraineth me: behold my belly is as wine which hath no vent, it is ready to burst like new bottles, I will speak that I may be refreshed . He could not but speak the things which he had seen and heard, and invite all the world, to taste and see how good the Lord is.
He began first with his relations, begging them to think of their immortal souls, and to lay in speedy provisions for eternity. And what pathetic expressions did he use, what vehement expostulations?
Read what his language was (when he was between eighteen and nineteen years old) in a letter to a friend that had the care of many children.
SIR,
Y OUR charge is great upon a temporal account, but greater upon a spiritual. Out of an earnest desire of the good of souls and your own joy and peace, I importunately request that you should have a great care of your children, and be often dropping in some wholesome admonitions; and this I humbly, with submission to your judgment in it, commend to you: not to admonish them always together, but likewise privately one by one. Wherein you may please to press upon ♦ them natural corruption, the necessity of regeneration, the excellency of Christ, and how unspeakably lovely it is to see young ones setting out for heaven. This way I think may do most good, having had experience of it myself in some small measure; God grant that all may work for the edifying of those who are committed to you. I leave you under the protection of him that hath loved us, and given himself for us.
When he was about twenty years old, he was made fellow of the college, which did not a little advance those noble projects which he had for the interest of the Lord Christ . Then how sweetly would he insinuate into the young ones desiring to carry as many of them as possible with him to heaven. Many attempts he made upon some of the same house, that he might season them with grace, and animate those who were looking towards heaven . And as for his own relations, never was there a more compassionate and tender-hearted brother. How many pathetical letters did he send to them! And how did he follow them with prayers and tears .
Read what his heart was, in the following lines.
“Distance of place cannot at all lessen that natural bond, whereby we are conjoined in blood, neither ought to lessen that of love. Nay, where true love is, it cannot; for love towards you I can only say this, that I feel it better than I can express it: but love felt and not expressed is little worth. I therefore desire to make my love manifest in the best way I can. Let us look upon one another not as brethren only, but as members of the same body whereof Christ is the head. Let us therefore hunger after him, so that our close knot may meet in Christ: if we are in Christ, and Christ in us, then we shall be one with each other. You cannot complain for want of instruction, God hath not been to us a dry wilderness; you have had line upon line, and precept upon precept: he hath planted you by the rivers of water. It is the Lord indeed who maketh fruitful, but yet we are not to stand and do nothing. There is a crown worth looking for; seek therefore, and that earnestly. Oh! seek by continual prayer, keep your soul in a praying frame, this is a great and necessary duty: nay, a high and precious privilege. If thou canst say nothing, come and lay thyself in an humble manner before the Lord. You may believe me, for I have experienced what I say. There is more sweetness in one glimpse of God’s love, than in all that the world can afford. Oh! do but try; taste and see how good the Lord is. Get into a corner and throw yourself down before the Lord, and beg of God to make you sensible of your lost state by nature, and of the excellency and necessity of Christ. Say, Lord give me a broken heart, soften and melt me. Any thing in the world, so I may be enabled to value Christ, and to accept of him, as he is tendered in the gospel. O that I may be delivered from the wrath to come! Oh! a blessing for me, even for me! And resolve not to be content till the Lord have in some measure answered you. My bowels yearn towards you. Oh! that you did but know with what affection I write now, and what prayers and tears are mingled with these lines! The Lord set these things home, and give you an heart to apply them! Give me leave to deal plainly, for I love your soul so well, that I cannot bear the thoughts of the loss of it. Know this, that except a man be born again, he cannot enter into the kingdom of heaven; God’s favour is not to be recovered without it. This new birth hath its foundation laid in a sense of sin, a godly sorrow for it, and a heart set against it; without this there can be no salvation. Look well about you, and see into yourself, and thou wilt see that thou art at hell’s mouth without this first step, and nothing but free-grace and pure mercy is between you and the state of the devils. The Lord deliver us from a secure careless heart! Here you see a natural man’s condition. How darest thou then lie down in security. Oh! look about for your soul’s sake. Repentance itself may lose its labour, if it be not in the right manner. Tears and groans, and prayers will not do without Christ. Most, when they are convinced of sin, and are under fears of hell, reform something, and thus the wound is healed, and by this thousands fall short of heaven. For if we be not brought off from ourselves, and our righteousness as well as our sins, we are never like to be saved. We must see an absolute need of Christ, and give ourselves up to him, and count all but dung and dross in comparison of Christ’s righteousness. Look therefore for mercy only in Christ, for his sake rely upon God’s mercy. The terms of the gospel are, repent and believe; gracious terms! Mercy for fetching, nay, mercy for desiring, nay, for nothing but receiving. Dost thou desire mercy and grace? I know thou dost. Even this is the gift of God to desire, hunger after Christ; let desires put you upon endeavour, the work itself is sweet: yea, repentance and mourning itself hath more sweetness in it, than all the world’s comforts. Upon repentance and believing comes justification, after this sanctification, by the spirit dwelling in us. By this we come to be the children of God, to be made partakers of the divine nature, to have a suitableness to God.”
His great love to prayer.
H E was mighty in prayer, and his spirit was oftentimes so transported in it that he forgot the weakness of his own body. Indeed the acquaintance he had with God was so sweet, and his converse with him so frequent, that when he was engaged in duty, he scarce knew how to leave off. His constant course for some years was this. He prayed at least three times a day in secret, sometimes seven times, twice a day in the family or college. And he found the sweetness of it beyond imagination and enjoyed wonderful communion with God. He could say by experience, that the ways of wisdom were ways of pleasantness, and all her paths peace. He knew what it was to wrestle with God, and he could scarce come off his knees, without his blessing. He was used to converse with God, with a holy familiarity as a friend , and would upon all occasions run to him for advice, and had many strange and immediate answers of prayer. One of which I think it not impertinent to give an account of.
His father Mr. William Janeway , minister of Kelshall in Hertfordshire , being sick, and under dark apprehensions as to the state of his soul, he would often say to his son John : “Oh! Son! This passing into eternity is a great thing, this dying is a solemn business, and enough to make one’s heart ake, that hath not his evidences for heaven clear. And truly, son, I am under no small fears, as to my own estate for another world. Oh! That God would clear his love! Oh! that I could say chearfully, I can upon good grounds be able to look death in the face, and venture upon eternity with well grounded peace and comfort.”
Seeing his father continuing under despondings of spirit (though no Christians that knew him but had a high esteem of his uprightness) he got by himself and spent sometime in wrestling with God, earnestly begging that he would speedily give him some token for good, that he might joyfully and honourably leave this world. After he was risen from his knees, he came down to his father, and asked him, how he felt himself. His father made no answer for sometime, but wept exceedingly, (a passion he was not subject to) and continued for some considerable time weeping, so that he was not able to speak. But at last having recovered himself, he burst out: “O! Son! now it is come, it is come, it is come: I bless God I can die; the spirit of God hath witnessed with my spirit that I am his child. Now I can look up to God as my dear Father, and Christ as my redeemer; I can now say, this is my friend, and this is my beloved. My heart is full, it is brim full, I can hold no more. I know now what that sentence means, The peace of God which passeth understanding; I know now what that white stone is wherein a new name is written, which none know but them that have it, and that fit of weeping which you saw me in, was from overpowering love and joy, so great that I could not contain myself: neither can I express what glorious discoveries God hath made of himself to me. And had that joy been greater, I question whether it would not have separated soul and body. Bless the Lord O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name, that hath pardoned all my sins, and sealed the pardon. He hath healed my wounds, and caused the bones which he had broken to rejoice. Oh! help me to bless the Lord, he hath put a new song into my mouth: now I can die! It is nothing, I bless God I can die. I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ.” You may well think his son’s heart was not a little refreshed to meet the messenger that he had sent to heaven returned back so speedily.
After the death of his father, he did what he could to supply his absence, doing the part of a husband, son, and brother; so that he was no small comfort to his poor mother in her disconsolate state, and all the rest of his relations, that had any sense of God upon their spirits.
His return to King’s-college after his father’s death and his temptations.
W HEN his father was dead he returned again to King’s-college , and was a member of a society, which began to contrive how they might best be serviceable to God and their generation. Their custom was frequently to meet together, to pray and to communicate studies and experiences . Some of this company grew cold, but others lived to let the world see, that what they did was from a vital principle : among whom, this young man was none of the least . One of their designs was to engage the Juniors , if possible, before they were ensnared by wicked company, when they came from school. After some time, most of his dear companions were transplanted either into gentlemen’s families or livings, and Mr. Janeway , being one of the youngest, was, for a while, left alone in the College . But wanting suitable society, he fixed so intensely upon his studies, that he soon gave an incurable wound to his constitution.
But he had his gloomy days, and his sweets were sometimes imbittered with dreadful and horrid temptations. The devil shot his poisonous arrows at him: yet through the captain of his salvation, he came off more than conqueror.
It would make a Christian’s heart even ake to hear what strange temptations he was exercised with. But he was well armed for such a conflict, having the shield of faith, whereby he quenched the fiery darts of that wicked one: yet, this fight cost him the sweating of his body for agonies of spirit; and tears and strong cries to heaven. As for himself, he was wont to take an arrow out of God’s quiver, and discharge it by faith and prayer, for the discomfiture of his violent enemy, who at last was fain to fly.
These conflicts with Satan, did not a little help ♦ him dealing with them that are afflicted with the like temptations. I insert a letter of his to one in the like case.
Dear Friend ,
‘You say that you are troubled with blasphemous thoughts: so then, though they are blasphemous, yet they are your trouble; and neither sent for, nor welcome. What then shall we think of them? If they were your own production, your heart would be delighted in its own issue, but it is nothing less. They are the injections of that wicked one, who is the accuser of the brethren, and the disturber of the peace of the people of God. But Satan uses only to employ those weapons against those he is in fear of losing? He is not wont to assault and fight against his friends in this manner. Those that he hath fast, he leads on as softly and quietly as he can; fearing lest they should awake, and see their danger: but those that have in some measure escaped his snares, he follows hard, with all the discouragements he can. These things are no other but a bitter relish of those things, which you know to be bitter after you have tasted how good the Lord is. What then shall I call these motions of your mind? They are the soul’s loathing the morsels which Satan would have it swallow: but you will say, if these horrible thoughts be not your sin, yet they are your misery. And you will ask, How shall I get free from them? First , See that you possess your soul in patience: know that God hath an over-ruling hand in all this: and wait upon him, for he can and will bring good out of all this evil. At present you see no light: yet, Trust in the Lord, and stay yourself upon your God . Can Christ forget the purchase of his own blood? Can a mother forget her sucking child? Yet, God cannot forget his . God hath gracious intents in all this, and his bowels yearn towards you. Yea, our Saviour suffers with us, through his ardent love by sympathy, as well as he hath suffered for us. And you know he hath all power in his hand. This power is made yours through the prayer of faith: but for your own work, do this.
‘ First , Let not such thoughts have any time of abode in your mind, but turn them out with all the abhorrence you can: yet not with so much trouble and disturbance of mind as I believe you do. For by this the devil is pleased and makes you your own tormentor.
‘ Secondly , Always divert your thoughts to some good thing, and let those very injections be the occasion of spiritual meditation. Think the quite contrary, or fall a praying with earnestness; and the devil will be weary if he finds his designs thus broken, and that those sparks of hell (which he struck into the soul to kindle corruption,) set faith and prayer a working.
‘ Thirdly , Consider that this is no new thing; if any soul hath escaped out of darkness, if he will have heaven, he shall have it with as much trouble, as the devil can lay on; but, blessed be God, he cannot pluck us out of these almighty arms.’
His love to Christ and souls, made him very desirous to spend, and be spent in the work of the ministry . Accordingly he complied with the first clear call to preach the everlasting gospel. And though he was but two and twenty years old, yet he came to that work like one that understood what preaching was. He was a workman that needed not be ashamed, that was thoroughly furnished for every good word and work; one that hated sin with a perfect hatred, and loved holiness with all his soul; one that knew the terrors of the Lord , and how to beseech sinners in Christ’s stead to be reconciled unto God : one, in whom learning and holiness did as it were strive which could excel. He never preached publicly but twice; but he came to it, as if he had been used to it forty years; delivering the word of God with that power and majesty, with that tenderness and compassion, with that readiness and freedom, that it made his hearers amazed. He spoke nothing to others but what was the language of his heart, and the fruit of great experience, and which one might easily perceive had no small impression first upon his own spirit.
His first and last sermons were upon communion with God, out of Job xxii. 21. A subject that few Christians under heaven were better able to manage than himself: for he did for some time maintain such an intimate familiarity with God, that he seemed to converse with him as a friend with another. This he began whilst he was here: but the perfecting his acquaintance with God, was a work for another world.
He kept an exact watch over his thoughts, words and actions, and made a review of all, at least once a day. He kept a diary , in which he set down every evening what the frame of his spirit had been all the day, especially in every duty. He took notice what profit he received; what returns from that far country; what answers of prayer, what deadness and flatness, and what observable providences. He set down the substance of what he had been doing: and any wanderings of thoughts, or passion. It cannot be conceived by them who do not practise this, to what a good account it turned. This made him retain a grateful remembrance of mercy, and live in a constant adoring of divine goodness; this brought him to a very intimate acquaintance with his own heart; kept his spirit low, and fitted him for free communications from God; this made him more lively and active; helped him to walk humbly with God; and made him speak more affectionately and experimentally to others of the things of God. In a word, this left a sweet calm upon his spirits, because he every night made even his accounts; and if his sheets should prove his winding-sheet, it had been all one; for his work was done; so that death could not surprize him.
An account of the latter part of his life.
F OR the latter part of his life, he lived like a man that was quite weary of the world, and that looked upon himself as a stranger here, and lived in the constant sight of a better. He plainly declared himself but a pilgrim that looked for a better country, a city that had foundations, whose builder and maker was God. His habit, his language, his deportment, all spoke him one of another world. His meditations were so intense, long, and frequent, that they ripened him apace for heaven. Few attain to such a holy contempt of the world, and to such a clear, joyful constant apprehension of the world that is to come.
He made it his whole business to grow into an humble familiarity with God, and to maintain it. And if by reason of company, or any necessary business, this was in any measure interrupted, he would complain like one out of his element, till his spirit was recovered into a delightful, unmixed, free intercourse with God. He was never so well satisfied, as when he was more immediately engaged in what brought him nearer to God; and by this he constantly enjoyed those comforts, which others rarely meet with. His graces and experiences toward his end grew to astonishment. He was oft brought into the banqueting-house, and there Christ’s banner over him was love. His eyes beheld the king in his beauty: he had frequent visions of glory, and lay in the bosom of his master. He was even sick of love, and could say to the world, O taste and see ! And to Christians, Come and I will tell you what God hath done for my soul . O what do Christians mean that they do no more to get their senses spiritually exercised? Little do people think what they slight, when they are formal in secret duties, and when they neglect that great duty of meditation . Did they but know the thousandth part of that sweetness that is in Christ, they could not choose but follow him hard; they would run and not be weary; and walk and not be faint.
In the midst of all worldly comforts he longed for death; and the thoughts of the day of judgment made all his enjoyments sweeter. O, how did he long for the coming of Christ! Whilst some have been discoursing by him of that great and terrible day of the Lord, he would smile, and humbly express his delight in the forethought of its approach.
I remember once, one had foretold that doomsday should be upon such a day: although he blamed their daring folly, yet granting their suspicion to be true, he said, what if the day of judgment were to come, as it certainly will come shortly? If I were sure it were to begin within an hour, I should be glad with all my heart. If at this instant I should hear such thunderings, and see such lightnings, as Israel did at mount Sinai , my very heart would leap for joy. Through infinite mercy, the very meditation of that day ravishes my soul, and the thought of the nearness of it is more refreshing than the comforts of the whole world. Surely nothing can more revive my spirits than to behold the blessed Jesus, the joy, and life of my soul. Would it not more rejoice me than Joseph ’s waggons did old Jacob ? I lately dreamed that the day of judgment was come. Methought I heard terrible cracks of thunder, and saw dreadful lightnings; the foundations of the earth shook, and the heavens were rolled together as a garment; methought I saw the graves opened, and the earth and sea giving up their dead; I saw millions of angels, and Christ coming in clouds. I beheld the Ancient of Days sitting upon his throne, and all other thrones cast down. I beheld him whose garments were white as snow, and the hair of his head like pure wool: His throne was like the fiery flame, and his wheels as burning fire; ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him; and the judgment was set and the books were opened. Oh with what an extasy of joy was I surprized! It was the most heart-raising sight that ever my eyes beheld: I cried out, I have waited for thy salvation O God ; and mounted into the air, to meet my Lord.
This was the condition of Mr. Janeway for about three years before he died. He had some clouds; but he usually walked in a sweet, even, humble serenity of spirit; having his heart fixed upon that rock that neither waves nor winds could shake.
His last sickness and death.
H E now fell into a deep consumption; but, this messenger of God did not in the least damp him. Spitting of blood, was no ghastly thing to one who had his eye upon the blood of Jesus; faint sweats did not daunt him that had always such reviving cordials at hand. It was matter of joy to him, that he was now in hopes of having his earnest desires satisfied.
After he had been a while sick, a hidden dimness seized upon his eyes: by and by his sight quite failed; and there was such a visible alteration in him, that he and others judged these things to be the symptoms of death approaching. But when he was thus taken he was not in the least surprized; but was lifted up with joy to think what a life he was going to, looking upon death itself as one of his fathers servants, and his friend, that was sent as a messenger to conduct him safely to his glorious palace.
But it pleased the Lord to raise him again a little out of his fainting fit, for his Master had yet more work for him to do. Although his outward man decayed apace, yet he was renewed in the inward man day by day: his graces were never more active, and his experience never greater. When one would have thought, it had been enough for him to grapple with his pains, he quite forgot his weakness: and was so swallowed up of the life to come, that he had scarce leisure to think of his sickness.
For several weeks together, I never heard the least word that savoured of any complaint or weariness under the hand of God. Now was the time when one might have seen heaven and the glory of another world realized to sense. His faith grew exceedingly, and his love was proportionable, and his joys were equal to both.
It was a very heaven upon earth, to hear and see a man admiring God at such a rate. Those that did not see, cannot well conceive, what a sweet frame he was in, for at least six weeks before he died. His soul was almost always filled with those joys unspeakable and full of glory. How oft would he cry out, “Oh, that I could let you know what I now feel! Oh, that I could shew you what I see! Oh that I could express the thousandth part of that sweetness that I find in Christ! You would all think it well worth the while to make it your business to be religious. Oh my dear friends, we little think what Christ is worth upon a death bed. I would not for a world, nay for millions of worlds, be now without Christ, and a pardon. I would not for a world be to live any longer: the very thoughts of a possibility of recovery, make me tremble.”
When one came to visit him, and told him, that he hoped it might please God to raise him again. And do you think to please me (said he) by such discourse as this? No, friend, you are much mistaken if you think that the thoughts of life and health are pleasing to me. The world hath quite lost its excellency in my judgment. How poor a thing is it in all its glory compared with that world which I now live in the sight of! And as for life, Christ is my life, health, and strength; and I know, I shall have another kind of life, when I leave this. I tell you it would incomparably more please me, if you should say to me, “before to-morrow you will be in eternity.” I so long to be with Christ, that I could be contented to be cut in pieces, so I might but die and be with him. Oh how sweet is Jesus! Come Lord Jesus, come quickly. Death do thy worst! Death hath lost it terribleness. Death, it is nothing, I say, death is nothing (through grace) to me. I can as easily die as shut my eyes, to turn my head and sleep: I long to be with Christ; I long to die!
His mother and brethren standing by him he said; “ Dear mother , I beseech you, that you would chearfully give me up to Christ; do not hinder me, now I am going to rest in glory. I am afraid of your prayers, lest they pull one way, and mine another.”
And then turning to his brethren, he said, “I charge you do not pray for my life; you do me wrong if you do. Oh that glory, the unspeakable glory that I behold! My heart is full, my heart is full. Christ smiles, and I cannot chuse but smile: can you find in your heart to stop me, who am now going to the compleat and eternal enjoyment of Christ? Would you keep me from my crown? The arms of my blessed Saviour are open to embrace me; the angels stand ready to carry my soul into his bosom. Oh, did you but see what I see, you would all cry out with me, how long, dear Lord; come, Lord Jesus, come quickly! oh, why are his chariot-wheels so long a coming!”
A minister came often to him, and discoursed with him of the excellency of Christ, and the glory of the invisible world. Sir , said he, I feel something of it; my heart is as full as it can hold in this lower state; I can hold no more here. Oh that I could let you know what I feel!
This holy minister praying with him, his soul was ravished with the abundant incomes of light, life, and love; so that he could scarce bear the thought of staying longer in the world, but longed to be in such a condition, wherein he should be better able to bear that weight of glory; some manifestations whereof did almost sink his weak body. Indeed had he not been sustained by a great power, his very joys would have overwhelmed him. While he was in these extasies of joy and love, he was wont to cry out:
‘Who am I, Lord, who am I, that thou shouldst be mindful of me! Why me, Lord, why me! Oh, what shall I say unto thee, thou preserver of men! Oh why me, Lord, why me! If thou wilt look upon such a poor worm, who can hinder! Who would not love thee! Oh blessed Father? How sweet and gracious hast thou been unto me!’
*‘Stand astonished, ye heavens, and wonder, O ye angels, at his infinite grace! Was ever any under heaven more beholding to free grace than I? Doth God use to do thus with his creatures? Admire him for ever and ever, Oh ye redeemed ones! Oh those joys, the taste of which I have! The everlasting joys, which are at his right hand for evermore! Eternity, eternity itself is too short to praise this God in. O bless the Lord with me, come let us shout for joy, and boast in the God of our salvation. Oh, help me to praise the Lord, for his mercy endureth for ever.’
One of his brethren (that had formerly been wrought upon by his holy exhortations) praying with him, and seeing him (as he apprehended) near his dissolution, desired that the Lord would be pleased to continue those astonishing comforts to the last moment, that he might go from one heaven to another; and when his work was done here, might have an easy and triumphant passage to rest.
Mean time he talked as if he had been in the third heaven, and broke out:
‘Oh, he is come! He is come! O how sweet! How glorious is the blessed Jesus! What shall I do to speak the thousandth part of his praises! Oh for words, to set out a little of that excellency! But it is inexpressible! Oh how excellent, glorious and lovely is the precious Jesus! He is sweet, he is altogether lovely! And now I am sick of love, he hath ravished my soul with his beauty! I shall die sick of love!
‘Oh my friends, stand by and wonder, come look upon a dying man, and wonder; I cannot myself but stand and wonder! Was there ever a greater kindness; was there ever sensibler manifestations of rich grace! Oh, why me! Lord, why me! Sure this is akin to heaven, and if I were never to enjoy any more than this: it were well worth all the torments that men and devils could invent, to come through even hell to such transcendent joys. If this be dying, let no true Christian ever be afraid of dying. Oh death is sweet to me. This bed is soft. Christ’s arms and kisses, his smiles and visits, would turn hell into heaven. Oh that you did but see and feel what I do! Come and behold a dying man, more chearful than ever you saw an healthful man in the midst of his sweetest enjoyments. Oh Sirs, worldly pleasures are poor, sorry things, compared with one glimpse of this glory, which shines in so strongly into my soul! Oh why should any of you be so sad, when I am glad: this, this is the hour that I have waited for!’
About eight and forty hours before his death, his eyes were dim, and his sight failed; his jaws shook and trembled, and his feet were cold, and all the symptoms of death were upon him. His extreme parts were already dead, and yet, his joys were (if possible) greater still. He seemed to be in one continued act of seraphic love and praise. He spake like one that was just entring into the gates of the new Jerusalem : the greatest part of him was now in heaven; not a word dropt from his mouth but it breathed Christ and heaven.
Then he would give instructions to them that came to see him. He was scarce ever silent, because the love of Christ and souls constrained him. There was so much work done for Christ in his last hours, that he did as much in one hour as some do in a year.
Every person had a faithful affectionate warning. And that good minister, that was so much with him, used this as an argument to persuade him to be willing to live a little longer, “God hath something for thee to do that is yet undone; some word of exhortation to some poor soul, that you have forgot.”
He was wont every evening to take his leave of his friends, hoping not to see them till the morning of the resurrection; and he desired that they would make sure of a comfortable meeting at our Father’s house in that other world.
When Ministers or Christians came to him, he would beg of them to spend all the time they had with him in praise. ‘O help me to praise God, I have nothing to do from this time to eternity, but to praise and love God. I have what my soul desires upon earth; I cannot tell what to pray for, but what I have graciously given.’ The wants that are capable of supplying in this world, are supplied. I want but one thing, and that is, a speedy lift to heaven . I expect no more here, I can’t desire more, I can’t hear more. Oh praise, praise, praise that infinite boundless love that hath, to a wonder, looked upon my soul. ‘Help me, O my friends, to praise and admire him that hath done such astonishing wonders for my soul: he hath pardoned all my sins, he hath filled me with his goodness; he hath given me grace and glory, and no good thing hath he withheld from me.
‘Come, help me with praises, all are too little: come, help me, Oh ye glorious and mighty angels, who are so well skilled in this heavenly work. Praise him, all ye creatures upon earth, let every thing that hath being, help me to praise him, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah: praise is now my work, and I shall be engaged in that sweet employment for ever. Bring the bible, turn to David’s psalms , and let us sing a psalm of praise: come let us lift up our voice in the praise of the Most High; I with you as long as my breath doth last, and when I have none, I shall do it better.’
Then turning to some of his friends that were weeping, he desired them rather to rejoice than weep. It may seem a wonder, he could speak so much as he did when he was so weak; but the joy of the Lord strengthened him.
He commended the study of the promises to believers, and desired that they would be sure to make good their claim to them, and then they might come to the wells of consolation and drink thereof their fill.
According to his desire most of the time that was spent with him, was spent in praise; and he would be still calling out, more praise still . ‘O help me to praise him; I have now nothing else to do; I have done with prayer and all other ordinances; I have almost done conversing with mortals. I shall presently be beholding Christ himself, that died for me, and loved me, and washed me in his blood.
‘I shall, before a few hours are over, be in eternity, singing the song of Moses , and of the Lamb . I shall presently stand upon mount Zion , with an innumerable company of angels, and the spirits of the just made perfect, and Jesus the mediator of the new covenant. I shall hear the voice of much people, and be one amongst them, which shall say, hallelujah, salvation, glory, honour, and power unto the Lord our God; and again, we shall say, hallelujah. Yet a very little while, and I shall sing unto the Lamb , saying, worthy, art thou to receive praise who wert slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood, out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation, and hast made us unto our God, kings, and priests, and we shall reign with thee for ever and ever.
‘Methinks, I stand, as it were, with one foot in heaven, and the other upon earth. Methinks I hear the melody of heaven, and see the angels waiting to carry my soul to the bosom of Jesus, I shall be for ever with the Lord in glory. And who can chuse but rejoice in all this?’
The day before his death, he looked earnestly on his brother James , who stood by him very sad; of whom he judged, that he was putting up some ejaculation to God upon his account: I thank thee, my dear brother, for thy love , said he, thou art now praying for me; and I know thou hast loved me dearly: but Christ loved me ten thousand times more than thou dost; come and kiss me dear brother, before I die . And so with his cold, dying lips he kissed him, and said, I shall go before, and I hope thou shalt follow after to glory .
Though he was almost always praising God, and exhorting them that were about him to mind their everlasting concerns, and though he slept but very little for some nights, yet he was not in the least impaired in his intellectuals, but his actions were all decent and becoming, and his discourse rational, solid, divine. And so he continued to the last minute.
A few hours before his death he called all his relations together, that he might give them one solemn warning more; and bless them, and pray for them as his breath and strength would give him leave: which he did with abundance of authority, affection and spirituality.
First , he thanked his dear mother for her tender love to him, and desired that she might be in travail to see Christ formed in the souls of the rest of her children, and might see of the travail of her soul, and meet them with joy in that great day.
Then he charged all his brethren and sisters as they would answer it before God, to carry it dutiful to their dear mother. And for his eldest brother William (at whose house he lay sick) his prayer was that he might be swallowed up of Christ and love to souls; and be more and more exemplary in his life and successful in his ministry.
His next brother’s name was Andrew , a citizen of London , who was with him sometimes; but (his necessary business calling him away) he could not then be by. Yet he was not forgot, but he was thus blessed, The God of heaven remember my poor brother at London; the Lord make him truly rich in giving him the pearl of great price, and make him a fellow citizen with the saints, and of the houshold of God; the Lord deliver him from the sins of that city; may the world be kept out of his heart. Oh that he may be as his name is, a strong man, and that I may meet him with you .
Then he called his next brother whose name was James (whom God had made him a spiritual father to) and said brother James, I hope the Lord hath given thee a goodly heritage; the lines are fallen to thee in pleasant places: the Lord is thy portion . I hope the Lord hath shewed thee the worth of Christ . Hold on, dear brother; Christ, heaven and glory, are worth striving for; the Lord give thee more abundance of his grace.
Then his next brother Abraham was called, to whom he spake to this purpose, the blessing of the God of Abraham rest upon thee, the Lord make thee a father of many spiritual children .
His fifth brother was Joseph , whom he blessed in this manner; Let him bless thee, Oh Joseph, that blessed him that was separated from his brethren. O that his everlasting arms may take hold on thee! It is enough, if yet thou mayest live in his sight. My heart hath been working toward thee poor Joseph; and I am not without hopes, that the arms of the Almighty will embrace thee. The God of thy father bless thee with the blessing of heaven above.
The next was his sister Mary, to whom he spoke thus, poor sister Mary, thy body is weak and thy days will ♦ be filled with bitterness; thy name is Marah; the Lord sweeten all with his grace and peace, and give thee health in thy soul. Be patient, make sure of Christ, and all is well.
Then his other sister whose name was Sarah was called; whom he thus blessed, Sister Sarah, thy body is strong and healthful: Oh that thy soul may be so too! The Lord make thee first a wise virgin, and then a mother in Israel; a pattern of modesty, humility, and holiness .
Then another brother, Jacob was called, whom he blessed after this manner; The Lord make thee an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no guile! Oh that thou mayest learn to wrestle with God, and like a prince mayest prevail, and not go without a blessing .
Then he prayed for his youngest brother Benjamin , who was then but an infant; Poor little Benjamin, O that the Father of the fatherless, would take care of the poor child, that thou, which never sawest thy father upon earth, mayest see him with joy in heaven; The Lord be thy Father, and portion: mayest thou prove the son of thy mother’s right hand, and the joy of her age.
‘O that none of us all may be found amongst the unconverted in the day of judgment! Oh that every one of us may appear (with our honoured father and dear mother) before Christ with joy, that they may say, Lord, here are we, and the children which thou hast given us. Oh that we may live to God here, and live with him hereafter.’
“And now my dear mother, brethren and sisters, farewell; I leave you for awhile and I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them that are sanctified.”
“And now dear Lord, my work is done. I have finished my course, I have fought the good fight; and henceforth there remaineth for me a crown of righteousness! Now come, dear Lord Jesus, come quickly.”
Then the minister came to give him his last visit, and to do the office of an inferior angel, to help to convey his blessed soul to glory. When the minister spake to him, his heart was in a flame of love, and joy, which drew tears of joy from him, to hear a man just dying, talk as ♦ if he came from the immediate presence of God. One might have read grace and glory in his countenance. Oh the praise, the triumphant praises that he put up! And every one must speak praise about him, or else they made a jar in his harmony.
And indeed most did, as well as they could, help him in praise. So that I never heard, or knew more praise given to God in one room, than in his chamber.
A little before he died, in the prayer or rather praises, he was so wrapped up with admiration and joy, that he could scarce forbear shouting for joy. In the conclusion of the duty, with abundance of faith and fervency, he said aloud, Amen, Amen .
And now his desires shall soon be satisfied; death comes apace to do his office; his jaws are loosened more and more, his hands and feet are cold as clay, and a cold sweat is upon him: but, oh how glad was he when he felt his spirit just a going! never was death more welcome to any mortal. Though the pangs of death were strong, yet that far more exceeding weight of glory, made him endure bitter pains with much patience and courage. In the extremity of his pains, he desired his eldest brother to take away one pillow from him that he might die with more ease: His brother replied, that he durst not for a world, do any thing that might hasten his death a moment. Then he was well satisfied, and sweetly resigned himself up wholly to God’s disposal: and after a few minutes, he gave himself a little turn on one side, and departed to the Lord.
Oh that all the relations which thou hast left behind thee, may live thy life, and die thy death, and live with Christ and thee, for ever and ever. Amen, Amen.
He died June, 1657, aged 23 ‒ 24, and was buried in Kelshall Church in Hertfordshire.
1. “ T HE kingdom of God ,” saith our blessed Lord , “is within you.” It is no outward, no distant thing: “but a well of living water” in the soul, “springing up into everlasting life.” It is “righteousness and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.” It is holiness and happiness.
2. The general manner wherein it pleases God to set it up in the heart is this. A sinner, being drawn by the love of the Father, enlightened by the Son (“the true light which lighteth every man that cometh into the world”) and convinced of sin by the Holy Ghost; through the preventing grace which is given him freely, cometh weary and heavy laden, and casteth all his sins upon him that is “mighty to save.” He receiveth from him, true living faith. Being justified by faith he hath peace with God : he rejoices in hope of the glory of God , and knows that sin hath no more dominion over him. And the love of God is shed abroad in his heart, producing all holiness of heart and of conversation.
3. This work of God in the soul of man is so described in the following treatise, as I have not seen it in any other, either antient or modern, in our own or any other language. So that I cannot but value it next to the holy scriptures, above any other human composition, excepting only the Christian pattern , and the small remains of Clemens Romanus, Polycarp , and Ignatius .
4. Yet this great servant of God at some times fell back from the glorious liberty he had received, into the spirit of fear and sin and bondage. But why was it thus? Because the hand of the Lord was shortened? No verily: but because he did not abide in Christ ; because he did not cleave to him with all his heart: because he grieved the holy Spirit, by some, perhaps undiscerned, unfaithfulness; who thereupon for a season departing from him, left him weak and like another man.
5. But it may be said, “The gospel covenant does not promise entire freedom from sin.” What do you mean by the word sin? Those numberless weaknesses and follies, sometimes (improperly) termed sins of infirmity? If you mean only this, we shall not put off these but with our bodies. But if you mean, “It does not promise entire freedom from sin, in its proper sense, or from committing sin:” this is by no means true, unless the scripture be false: for thus it is written: “whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin:” (unless he lose the spirit of adoption, if not finally, yet for awhile, as did this child of God) “for his seed remaineth in him, and he cannot sin, because he is born of God .” He cannot sin so long as “he keepeth himself;” for then “that wicked one toucheth him not.” 1 John iii. 9, 5, 18.
6. We see then how to judge of that other assertion, “That the mercy of God to his sons in Christ Jesus , extends to all infirmities, follies and sins, multiplied relapses not excepted.” We grant many of the children of God find mercy, notwithstanding multiplied relapses. But tho’ it is possible a man may be a child of God , who is not fully freed from sin, it does not follow that freedom from sin is impossible; or, that it is not to be expected by all; for it is promised. It is described by the Holy Ghost as the common privilege of all. And “ God will be mindful (O let us be so!) of his covenant and promise, which he hath made to a thousand generations.”
7. This caution is necessary to be remembered, that ye who are weak be not offended. Neither be ye offended, when ye hear the wisdom of the world pronounce all this, mere enthusiasm: a hard word, which most of those who are fondest of it, no more understand ♦ than they do Arabic. Ask, in the spirit of meekness, him who calls it so, “Is the kingdom of God set up in your soul? Do you feel that peace of God which passeth all understanding? Do you rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory? Is the love of God shed abroad in your heart, by the Holy Ghost which dwelleth in you ?” If not, you are no judge of these matters. You cannot discern the things of the spirit of God . They are enthusiasm, madness, foolishness to you: for they are spiritually discerned.
8. Ask such a one (but with meekness and love) “Are you taught of God ? Do you know that he abideth in you? Have you the revelation of the Holy Ghost (they are the words of your own church) inspiring into you the true meaning of scripture?” If you have not, with all your human science and worldly wisdom, you know nothing yet as you ought to know. Whatever you are in other respects, as to the things of God , you are an unlearned and ignorant man. And if you are unstable too, you will wrest these, as you do also the other scriptures, to your own destruction.
9. Be not then surprized, ye that wait for peace, and joy, and love, thro’ faith in the blood of Jesus , that such judges, as these are continually crying out “Enthusiasm!” if you speak of the inward operations of the Holy Ghost. And as to you who have already peace with God , thro’ our Lord Jesus Christ , who now feel his love shed abroad in your hearts, by the Holy Ghost which is given unto you; with whose spirit the spirit of God beareth witness, that ye are the sons of God ; it is your part to confirm your love toward them in all lowliness and meekness: (for who is it that maketh thee to differ? Or what hast thou, which thou hast not received?) And to plead earnestly for them at the throne of grace, that the day-star may appear in their hearts also, and the sun of righteousness at length arise upon them, with healing in his wings!
London,
February 9, 1738
‒
9.
JOHN WESLEY.
PART I.
A short account of his birth and life, till ten years of age.
1. M R. Thomas Haliburton , was born at Duplin , in the parish of Aberdalgy, (of which his father was sometime minister) on December 25, 1674 . The three former parts of the following account were wrote by himself: the last is partly extracted from his diary, and partly taken from eye and ear-witnesses.
2. The common occurrences of the life of one in all respects so inconsiderable, are not worth recording; and if recorded, could be of little use either to my self or others. But if I can recount what has past between God and my soul, so as to discover not only the parts of this work, the several advances it made, the opposition of the world, the devil and my own heart; if I can represent this work in its order, it may be of great use to my own establishment; and, should it fall into the hands of any other Christian, it might not be unuseful: for the work of God in all is, as to the substance, the same and uniform; and as face answers to face in a glass, so does one Christian’s experience answer to another’s; and both to the word of God.
3. I came into the world with a nature wholly corrupted, and a heart fully set in me to do evil: and from the morning of my days, though I was under the great light of the gospel, and the inspection of pious parents, and not yet corrupted by custom; yet the imaginations of my heart, and the whole tenor of my life were only evil continually.
4. Indeed, in this period of my life, I had unusual advantages: my parents were eminently religious; I continually heard the sound of divine truth in their instructions, and had the beauty of holiness set before my eyes in their example. They kept me from ill company, and habituated me early to such outwards duties as I was capable of. But this care of my father during his life, (which ended October, 1682,) and of my mother after his death, did not change, but only hide nature. And, though I cannot remember all the particulars, from the fourth or fifth year of my life; yet I do remember the general bent of my mind, which was even then wholly set against God: insomuch, that when I now survey the decalogue, and review this portion of my time, notwithstanding the great distance, I still distinctly remember, and could easily enumerate many instances of the opposition of my heart unto every one of its precepts.
*5. For many years it is true, the sins of this part of my life were entirely out of my thoughts. But when God began to convince me of sin, even those I had long since forgotten, those that were of an older date than any thing else I could remember, and not attended with any such remarkable circumstances, as could be supposed to make a deep impression on my memory, were brought on my mind with unusual distinctness. Whence I cannot but observe: 1. What exact notice the holy God takes of what men pass over as pardonable follies. 2. How just reason we have to fear, that in the strokes we feel in riper years, God is “making us to possess the iniquities of our youth.” 3. What an exact register, conscience, God’s deputy, keeps; how early it begins; how accurate it is (even when it seems to sleep) and how it will justify his severity against sinners at the last day. O how far up will it fetch its accounts of those evils which we mind nothing of! When God shall open our eyes to discern those prints which he setteth upon the heels of our feet; when the books shall be opened, and the dead, small and great, judged out of the things that are written therein !
*6. When I review this first period of my life, what reason have I to be ashamed, and even confounded, to think I have spent ten years of a short life, without almost a rational thought, undoubtedly without any that was not sinful. And this being matter of undoubted experience, I have herein a strong confirmation of my faith, as to the guilt of Adam ’s sin, and its imputation to his posterity: for, 1. From a child the bent of my soul was “enmity against God.” Nor was this the effect of custom or education, no; there was a sweet conspiracy of precept, discipline and example, to carry me the contrary way. Nor can I charge the fault of this on my constitution of body, or any thing that might in a natural way proceed from my parents. Yet was this enmity so strong as not to be supprest, much less subdued, by the utmost care, and the best outward means. This is undoubted fact. 2. To say, I was thus originally framed without respect to any sin chargeable on me, is a position so full of flat contrariety to all the notions I can entertain of God, to his wisdom, his equity, and his goodness, that I cannot think of it without horror. 3. Penal then this corruption must be, as death and diseases are. And whereof can it be a punishment, if not of Adam ’s sin? While then these things are so plain in fact, and the deduction so easy from them, whatever subtle arguments any use against this great truth, I have no reason to be moved thereby.
7. Hence, lastly, I am taught what estimate to make of those good inclinations with which some are said to be born. Either they are the early effects of preventing grace; or, of education, custom, occasional restraints, and freedom from temptation. A natural temper may be easily influenced by some of these, and by the constitution of the body, to a distaste of those grosser sins which makes the most noise in the world. Yet all this is but sin under a disguise: and the odds is not great. The one sort of sinners promise good fruit, but deceive; whereas the openly profane forbid expectation. And yet of this last sort more receive the gospel than of the former. Verily I say unto you, the publicans and harlots go into the kingdom of God before you.
An account of the next two years of his life.
1. I N May 1685, I went with my mother into Holland, and being in some danger while we were at sea, my conscience, till then asleep, began to awaken, and to be terrified with apprehensions of death. But all this concern was nothing more than natural fear, and a selfish desire of preservation. I was unwilling to die, and afraid of hell: it was not sin, but the consequence of it I wanted to escape. The glory of God I was not concerned for at all; and accordingly was the event. I promised, that were I at land, I would keep all his commands. My mother told me, it would not hold. But I was too ignorant of my own heart to believe her: I multiplied engagements, and doubted not but I should perform them. But no sooner was I fixed at Rotterdam, than I forgot all my promises and resolutions. The unrenewed heart being free from the force put upon it, fell again into its old course. Nay, I grew still worse: the corruption that stopped for awhile, now ran with greater violence. It is true, my awe for my mother, and the power of education, still restrained me from open sins. But to many secret things I was strongly inclined, and in many instances followed my inclinations: being a ready and easy prey to every temptation, notwithstanding all my engagements.
2. My sins here had this grievous aggravation, they were committed against greater light, and more of the means of grace, than I had ever before enjoyed. We had sermons almost every day, and were catechized every Saturday. My mother took care I should attend most of these, and at the same time, private duties, praying with me, and for me, and obliging me to read the scripture, and other useful books. But so far was all this from having its due effect, that I was weary of it, and went on in sin: though not without frequent convictions, occasioned sometimes by the remains of my education. Yet all these were only as the starts of a sleeping man, disturbed by some sudden noise: he stirs a little but soon sinks down again, faster asleep than before. I easily freed myself from them, either by promising to hear, or comply with them afterward, by withdrawing from the means of conviction, by extenuating my sins; or by turning my eye to some thing I thought good in myself, though God knows I had little which had even the appearance of it. At other times I looked to the tendency of these convictions, viz. the engaging me to be holy; and then I pored upon the difficulties of that course, till I had frighted myself from a compliance with them. If all these shifts failed, I then betook myself to diversions, which soon choaked the word, and all convictions from it.
3. In December 1686, upon the earnest desire of my father’s sister, married to the provost of Perth, I was sent home. While I stayed in this family, I saw nothing of religion; and I easily took the liberty they gave, and made fair advances towards rejecting the very form of it. My aversion to those sins, which through the influence of education I abominated before, sensibly weakened. My hate to learning increased, which I looked on as a burthen and a drudgery, worse than the basest employment. And many a sinful shift did I betake myself to, that I might get the time shuffled over. In spring my mother came to me. I was then so rooted in ill, that in spite of natural affection, I was grieved at her return; and when I first heard her voice, it damped me. I cared not to see her; nor was there any thing I disliked more than her conversation. I feared to be questioned as to what was past, or to be restrained from my sinful liberty. However, in the beginning of summer, my mother took me again to Rotterdam, and put me to Erasmus’s school there. Here, though I stayed not long, the method of teaching took with me, so that I began to delight in learning. But otherwise I was still worse and worse, under all the means God made use of to bring me to myself.
Of the revival of his convictions, and their effects till 1690.
1. I N the beginning of Autumn 1687, we returned home, and fixed at Perth. Here I was immediately sent to school, and made more progress in learning than before. But as to religion, I continued as unconcerned about, and as averse from it as ever. However I behaved myself under my mother’s eye, when I was with my comrades I took my full liberty; and, notwithstanding my greater knowledge, ran with them into all the same follies and extravagancies. And thus I continued till toward the close of king James’s reign; when the fear of some sudden stroke from the Papists, of which there was every where a great noise, revived my concern about religion. Of this, being somewhat deeper than before, I shall endeavour to give a distinct account.
2. It was about this time that God by the preaching of the word, and by catechizing in publick and private, enlightened my mind farther with the notional knowledge of the law, and of the gospel. And then sin was left without excuse, and conscience being armed with more knowledge, its checks were more frequent and sharp, and not so easily evaded; some touches of sickness too rivetted in me the impressions of frailty and mortality, and the tendency of each of those numerous diseases, to which we are daily exposed. And hereby I was brought into, and kept under continual bondage through fear of death.
3. I was now cast into the most grievous disquietude, having sorrow in my heart daily. I was in a dreadful strait betwixt two, on the one hand, my fears gave an edge to my convictions of sin. This made me attend more to the word of God; the more I attended to it, they increased the more; and I saw there was no way to be freed from them, but by being thoroughly religious. On the other hand if I should engage in religion in earnest, I saw the hazard of suffering, perhaps dying for it. And this I could not think of. Betwixt both I was dreadfully tost, so that for some nights, sleep went from my eyes. There was often imprest on my fancy, one holding a dagger to my breast, with “Quit your religion or die.” And that so strongly, that I have almost fainted under it, being still terribly unresolved what to do. Some times I would let him give the fatal stroke; but then my spirits failed, and my heart sunk within me. At other times I resolved to quit my religion, and take it again when the danger was past. But neither could I find rest here. What thought I, if he destroy me afterward, and so I loose both life and religion? Or what if I die, before the danger is past, and so have no time to take it again.
♦ 4. For near a year, few weeks, nay, few days and nights, past over me without these struggles. But after King James’s army was overthrown, on July 27, 1689, I soon grew as remiss as before. All my remaining difficulty was to stifle my convictions, which I endeavoured partly by a more careful attendance on outward duties, partly by promising to abstain from those sins, which most directly crost my light, and partly by resolving to enquire farther into the will of God, and to comply with it hereafter .
5. But these courses afforded no solid repose. The first sin against light or omission of duty, shook all, and I was confounded at the thoughts of appearing before God in such a righteousness. Indeed, I had some ease when trials were at a distance; but it vanished on their approach. This was not gold tried in the fire; nor would it abide so much as a near view of danger; but at the very appearance of a storm, the foundation fell away.
6. The effects of my being thus exercised were: 1. I was brought to doubt of the truths of religion. Whenever I would have built on them in time of distress, a suspicion secretly haunted me; “What if these things are not so? Have I a certainty and evidence about them, answerable to the weight that is to be laid upon them?” Death and the trouble attending it, were certain things: but I was not so certain of the truths of religion. Still when, under apprehensions of death, I would have taken rest therein, but my mind began to waver. Not that I could give any reason for it; but the way of the wicked is as darkness; they know not at what they stumble . 2. I found plainly hereby that I could never have peace, till I came to another sort of certainty about religion. Death I saw was unavoidable and might be sudden; nor could I banish the thoughts of it. Therefore I concluded, “Unless I obtain such a conviction of religion, and such an interest in it, as will make me look death in the face, not only without fear, but with joy; good it were I had never been born.” But how or ♦ where this was to be obtained I was utterly uncertain. Here I lay in great perplexity, under the melancholly sense that I had hitherto spent my money for that which is not bread, and my labour for that which profiteth not . 3. This perplexity was somewhat eased one day, while I was reading how Mr. Robert Bruce was in a doubt, even concerning the being of God, who yet afterwards came to the fullest satisfaction. I then felt a secret hope, “That sometime in one way or other, God might thus satisfy me .” Here was the dawning of a light, which though if it was not soon cleared up, yet was never wholly put out again. A light which though as yet it was far from satisfying, yet kept me from utter despair.
7. About this time one Mr. Donaldson , a reverend old clergyman, preached at Perth , and coming to visit my mother, called for me, and asked me among other questions, “If I sought a blessing upon my learning?” I frankly answered, no. He replied, with a severe look, “Sirrah, unsanctified learning has done much mischief in the church of God.” This saying left so deep an impression on me ever after, that whenever I was any way straitened, I applied to God, by prayer for help in my learning, and pardon for not seeking it before. Yet as to the main, I was still afar off from God, and an enemy to him both in my heart and works.
Of the increase of his convictions, from Autumn 1690, till May 1693.
1. F OR the better advantage of my education my mother in 1690, removed with me to Edinburgh . I was now again put to school, and in November 1692 , entered at the college. Here my knowledge of the law of God daily increased; and therewith my knowledge of sin. I saw more and more, that he was displeased with me for sins which formerly I had not observed. The impressions of my mortality were likewise rivetted in me by new afflictions, and I was more in bondage through the growing fear of death. Again the scriptures being now daily preached, forced me to some enquiry into my own sincerity in religion; and I was willing, provided I might save my bosom-idols, not only to hear, but to do many things .
2. I was now carried far in a form of religion. I prayed not only morning and evening, but at other times too: I wept much in secret: I read and meditated, and resolved to live otherwise than I had done. But this goodness too was as the morning cloud it was force and not nature: and therefore could not be expected to last any longer than the force which occasioned it.
3. While I was under this distress many a wretched shift did I betake myself to for relief. When I read or heard searching things; if any thing that was said seemed to make for me, I greedily catched hold of it. When I found somewhat required that I neither did, nor could even resolve to comply with; I thought to compound and make amends some other way. Or else I questioned, whether God had required it or no? Whether he that taught so was not mistaken? And whether I might not be in a state of salvation, without those marks of it which he assigned. Again, many times when I would not see, I quarrelled with ministers or books for not speaking plainly. Always I carefully sought for the lowest marks, and the least degrees of grace that were saving. For I designed but so much religion as would take me to heaven, the very least that would serve the turn. And when none of those shifts availed, I resolved in general, to do all that God commanded. But I soon retracted when he tried me in any particulars that were contrary to my inclinations. And when I saw I must do it, I begged a little respite: with St. Austin , “I was content to be holy, but not yet:” forgetting that a delay is, in God’s account, a refusal; since all his commandments require present obedience. After all ways were tried I blamed my education. I knew religion was a change of heart; but whether mine had undergone this change was the question: Now, thought I, “If I had not been educated religiously, but had changed all at once, it would have been more easily discernable.” Thus was I entangled in my own ways, and even seeking wisdom, I found it not .
4. Although I now seemed to have gone far; yet I was indeed wholly wrong. For being convinced of the necessity of righteousness, but ignorant of Christ, I sought it by the works of the law . Therefore the carnal mind, which was enmity against God, still continued in me: and all my struggles were only a toiling to and fro, between light and love of sin, wherein sin was still conqueror; for my bosom idols I could not part with. Beside the small religion I had, was not abiding, but rose and fell with the above mentioned occasions.
5. About this time Clark’s Martyrology came into my hands. I loved history and read it greedily. The patience, courage, and joy of the martyrs convinced me that there was a reality in religion, beyond the power of nature. I was convinced likewise that I was a stranger to it, because I could not think of suffering. And withal I felt some faint desires after it, so at least, as often to join in Balaam ’s wish, Let me die the death of the righteous, and let my last end be like his .
6. At this time likewise God restrained me from many follies I was inclined to, by bodily infirmity. He provided me too with friends who were very tender of me. He fed me, though I knew him not . But so far was I from being thankful for these mercies, that my proud heart fretted at them. O what reason have I to say, The Lord is good even to the evil and unthankful.
Of the straits he was in, and the course he took for relief, from May 1693, to August 1696.
1. T HE air of Edinburgh agreeing neither with my mother nor me, in May 1693 she removed to St. Andrews . And here I came under the care of Mr. Taylor , a wise man, and one very careful of me. Thus chased as I was from place to place, God every where provided me with friends. And now by the searching ministry of Mr. Forrester , he began to give me some small discovery of the more spiritual evils of my soul. He opened to me first the pride of my heart, and the wickedness and injustice of valuing myself upon those deliverances from my own weakness, which had been wholly wrought by his own strength. I likewise saw the impiety of drawing near to him with my mouth, while my heart was far from him : and indeed of trusting to any outward performance, without the life of all, faith working by love .
2. This, added to what I was conscious of before, frequently ♦ threw me into racking perplexity; when finding no peace in my former evasions I resolved to enter into a solemn covenant with God; and having wrote and subscribed this, I believed all was right. I found a sort of present peace; amendment I thought sufficient atonement, and such an engagement I looked on as a performance. I now likewise often found an unusual sweetness in hearing the word, and sometimes the most piercing convictions. And these were indeed a taste of the good word of God, and of the powers of the world to come .
3. But the merciful God would not let me rest here: the peace I found by making this covenant, was soon lost by breaking it: at the same time my heart smote me for my old sins, by which I found former accounts to be still standing against me, which filled me with confusion and jealousies of these ways. I perceived too, something of the treachery of my engagements, and that my heart had not been found therein, but had secret reserves for some sins, which were then given ♦ up inward only. God also let loose some of my corruptions upon me; which as soon as his restraint was taken off, were more violent than ever, and bore down before them all that I had set in their way. By these means he discovered to me the fruitlesness of my covenant, and threw me afresh into the utmost confusion: while the evil I thought so effectually provided against, again came upon me.
4. Yet notwithstanding I felt the vanity of these ways, I still adhered to them. I again trusted my own heart, and hoped to recover by renewing the peace I lost by breaking my covenant. I laid the blame on some accidental defect in my former management, and thought, were that mended, all would be well. When I found something wanting still, I contrived to make it up with something extraordinary of my own, with the multiplication of prayers, or of some outward duty or other. But all these refuges failed, and my life was so throughly miserable while I was pursuing them, that had not the infinite mercy of God prevented, one of these effects had surely followed. Either, 1. The convictions I was under would have ceased, God giving over his striving with me, and then having attained to a form of godliness, I should have rested therein and looked no farther. Or, 2. If those convictions had continued, and I had been left to my own way, I should have laboured in the fire all my days, wearying myself with vanity , in a continual vicissitude of resolutions and breaches, security and disquietude: engagements and sins, false peace and racking anxiety, by turns taking place. Or, 3. When I had wearied myself in vain, I should have utterly given up religion, and gone over, if not to direct Atheism, at least to open prophaneness. Or, lastly, Being forced to seek shelter somewhere, and being so sadly disappointed in all the ways I tried, I had said, This evil is of the Lord , why wait I any longer ? And so sunk in final despair. And in fact, I had some experience of all these. Sometimes I sat down with the bare form. Sometimes I wearied myself in running from one of these vain courses to another. At other times, finding no profit, I turned careless, and was on the point of throwing off all religion. And very often I was driven almost to distraction, and stood on the very brink of despair.
5. When I had been disappointed again and again, I was in the utmost perplexity to find where the fault lay. I found this way of covenanting with God mentioned in scripture, recommended by ministers, and approved by the experience of all the people of God. I could not tax myself with guile in doing it: I was resolved to perform the engagement I made. I made it with much concern and solemnity, and for some time kept it strictly. But though I could not then see where the failing was, I have since been enabled to see it clearly. 1. Being ignorant of the righteousness of God, I was still establishing a righteousness of my own : and though in words I renounced this, yet in fact I sought righteousness and peace, not in the Lord Jesus, but in my own covenants and engagements, so that I really put them in Christ’s room: and as to forgiveness of sins, my real trust was not in his blood, but in the evenness of my own walk. Therefore, I obtained not righteousness, because I still sought it, as it were by the works of the law . And it was evident I did so, by this plain sign; whenever I was challenged for sin, instead of recourse to the blood of Christ, I still sought peace only in renewing my vows again; the consent I gave to the law, was not from the reconcilement of my heart to its holiness; but merely from fear. The enmity against it continued: nor would I have chosen it, had that force been away. Farther, my eye was not single; provided I was safe, I had no concern for the glory of God. In a word, I engaged, before God had thoroughly engaged me. We may be in a sort willing, before he hath made us truly so. But the first real kindness begins with him: and we never love till his kindness draws us. Fear may indeed overpower us into something like it, as it did me. I was willing to be saved from hell: but not to be saved in God’s way, and in order to those ends he proposes in our salvation.
6. This was not my only trouble. I was now engaged in metaphysics and natural divinity; accustomed to subtil notions, and pleased with them; whence, by the just permission of God, the devil took occasion to cast me into doubts about the great truths of religion, especially the being of a God. I not only felt, as formerly, the want of evidence for it, but various arguments were suggested against it. But though the enmity of my heart against God was still great, yet he suffered me not to yield to them. There remained so much evidence of his being, in his works of creation and providence, as made me recoil at the terrible conclusion, aimed at by those arguments. And being likewise affected with deep apprehensions of the shortness and uncertainty of the present life, I dreaded a supposition that shook the foundations of any hope of relief, from the other side of time.
7. In this strait between light and darkness, as my disturbance was from my own reasonings, so from the same I sought my relief. By these I hoped to obtain establishment in the truth, and give answer to all objections against it. I therefore seriously set myself to search for demonstrative arguments: and I found them, but found no relief. The most forcible of them indeed extorted assent, by the absurdity of the contrary conclusion: but not giving me any satisfying discoveries of that God, whose existence they obliged me to own, my mind was not quieted. Nay, and besides, those arguments not dissolving contrary objections, whenever the light of them was removed, and those objections came again in view, I was again exceedingly shaken. I was like him, who reading Plato of the immortality of the soul , said, “While I read, I assent: but I cannot tell how; so soon as I lay down the book, all my assent is gone.”
8. I still hoped to attain what I had hitherto failed of, by some farther progress in learning: but all in vain: the farther I went, the greater was my disappointment; the more difficulties I continually met with, and found he that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow . When this would not avail, then I spent my weary hours in vain wishes for some extraordinary discoveries. Nay, but if one rose from the dead, they will believe. And this, notwithstanding my disappointment I gained: I was somewhat beat from that towring opinion of my knowledge and abilities, which my first seeming success in philosophy gave me, and brought to a diffidence of myself.
9. But still my corruptions took daily root, and increased in strength by my weak resistance. Yet I had a fair form of religion: I avoided all those sins that plainly thwarted the light of my conscience. I abstained from those evils which even the more serious students gave into; and kept at a distance from the occasions of them. I was more exact in attending both public and private prayer, and not without some concern for my inward frame in them. When I was insnared into any sin or omission of any duty, I was deeply sorrowful. I had a kindness for all that feared God, and a pleasure in their converse, especially on religion. I had frequent tastes of the good word of God, which made me delight in approaching him. I had many returns to prayer; when under a deep sense of my impotence, I betook me to God in any strait, I was so remarkably helped, that I could not but observe it. Hereby God drew me gradually in, to expect every good gift from above, and encouraged the very faintest beginnings of a look toward a return.
10. But tho’ by these means I got a name to live, yet was I really dead. For, 1. My natural darkness still remained, tho’ with some small dawnings of light. 2. The enmity of my mind against the law of God was yet untaken away. I had not a respect unto all his commands, nor a sight of the beauty of holiness: neither did my heart approve of the whole yoke of Christ, as good and desirable; and I complied with it in part, not from a delight therein, but because I saw I was undone without it. 3. I yet sought righteousness as it were by the works of the law ; I was wholly legal in all I did: not seeing the necessity, the security, the glory of the gospel-method of salvation, by seeking righteousness and strength in the Lord Christ alone. Lastly, my sole aim was to save myself, without any regard to the glory of God, or any enquiry how it could consist with it to save one who had so deeply offended. In a word, all my religion was servile, constrained, and anti-evangelical.
11. From the foregoing passages I cannot but observe, 1. What a depth of deceitfulness there is in the heart of man. How many shifts did mine use to elude the design of all those strivings of the Spirit of the Lord with me? I have told many, but the one half is not told. And all these respect but one point in religion. If a single man were to recount but the more remarkable deceits, with respect to the whole of his behaviour, how many volumes must he write? And if so many be seen, how many secret, undiscernable, or at least undiscerned deceits must still remain! So much truth is there couched in that short scripture, The heart is deceitful above all things: who can know it?
*I observe, 2. How far we may go toward religion, and yet come short of it. I had and did many things: I heard the scriptures gladly:—I was almost persuaded to be a Christian : I had escaped the outward pollutions that are in the world : yea, I seemed enlightened, and a partaker of the heavenly gift ; having many times tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come . I had undergone many changes; but not the great change: I was not born of God: I was not begotten anew, and made a child of God through a living faith in Christ Jesus.
Again, I cannot but look back with wonder at the astonishing patience of God, which suffered my manners so long, and the steadiness he shewed in pursuing his work, notwithstanding all my provocations. All the creation could not have afforded so much forbearance: the disciples of Christ would have called for fire from heaven: yea, Moses would have found more here to irritate him than at Meribah . Glory be to God, that we have to do with him, and not with man. His ways are not as our ways, nor his thoughts as our thoughts: but as the heavens are high above the earth, so are his ways and thoughts of mercy above ours.
* Fourthly , I must bear witness to the reasonableness of God’s way. It did not destroy my faculties, but improve them. He enlightened my eyes to see what he would have me to do, and did not force but gradually persuade me to comply with it. This was not to compel, but gently bend the will, to the things that were really fit for it to incline to: nor did he ever oblige me to part with any sin, till he had let me see it was against my interest as well as duty: and the smallest piece of compliance with his will, wanted not even a present reward.
Lastly , Though this work was agreeable to reason, yet it was far above the power of nature. I cannot ascribe either its rise or progress to myself; for it was what I sought not, I thought not of; nay I hated, and feared and avoided, and shunned and opposed it with all my might. I cannot ascribe it to any outward means. There are many parts of it which they did not reach: and as to the rest, the most forcible failed; the weakest wrought the effect. Neither strong, nor weak had the same effect always. But the work was still carried on, by a secret and undiscernable power, like the wind, blowing where it listeth. It bore the impress of God in all its steps. The word that awakened me, was the voice of him who maketh the dead to hear, and calleth the things which are not, as though they were . The light that shone was, the candle of the Lord, tracing an unsearchable heart through all its windings. It was all the work of one who is every where, who knoweth every thing, and who will not faint or be discouraged, till he hath brought forth judgment unto victory. And it was all an uniform work, though variously carried on, through many interruptions, over many oppositions, for a long tract of time, by means seemingly weak, improper, contrary, suitable only for him whose paths are in the great waters, and whose footsteps are not known. In a word, it was a bush burning and not consumed, only by the presence of God. It was as a spark in the midst of the ocean, still kept alive, notwithstanding floods continually poured upon it. This was the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes.
PART II.
Of the progress of his convictions and temptations.
1. I HAD now a design to go abroad: but on the advice of some friends, I laid aside that design, and engaged as chaplain to a family. Accordingly in August 1696 , I went to the Wemyss . When I came hither, a stranger among persons of considerable quality, I was in a great strait, and cried to God for help. And though it was my own, more than his honour, I was concerned for, yet he, who would not overlook even Ahab ’s humiliation, did not fail to assist me, so far as to maintain the respect due to the station I was in.
2. I had not been here long, when I was often engaged (and frequently, without necessity) in debates about the divinity of the scriptures, and the most important doctrines therein. This drew me to read the writings of Deists, that I might know the strength of the enemy. But I soon perceived, that these foolish questions and contentions were unprofitable and vain. For evil men and seducers will wax worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived. And to my sad experience I found, that their word doth eat as doth a gangrene: so that happy is he who stops his ears against it!
3. The reading these was of dangerous consequence to one who was not rooted and grounded in the truth. Their objections I found struck at the foundations; they were many, new, and set off to the best advantage by the cunning craftiness of men practised in deceit. Nor was I acquainted with that vigilance and humble sobriety that were necessary for my defence against them. The adversary finding all things thus prepared, set furiously upon me. He wrought up first the natural atheism, darkness and enmity of my own heart, blasphemously to ask concerning the great truths of religion, “How can these things be?” To increase these doubts he employed some who had all the advantages of nature and education, persons smooth, sober, of generous tempers, and good understandings, to oppose the truth with the most plausible appearances of argument and reason. To all this he added his own subtil suggestions, “Hath God indeed said so?” And sometimes he threw in fiery darts, to enflame and disorder me; especially, when I was alone, or most seriously employed in prayer or meditation.
4. By all these ways he assaulted me, both as to the being of God, as to his providence, and as to the truth both of his revelation in general, and of many particulars contained in it. Sometimes he suggested the want of sufficient evidence; at other times, that it was obscure or hard. Yea, some parts of it were accused as plain blasphemy: some as contradictory to each other. The great mystery of the gospel was particularly set upon and represented as foolishness: and for fear of some or other of those suggestions, it was even a terror to me, to look into the bible.
5. The subtle enemy, who had so often before tempted me to pride, now pressed me to a bastard sort of humility. “How can such an one as you expect to remove difficulties, which so many abler men have sunk under?” By this I was brought into grievous perplexity. I sought relief from my own reasonings, from books, and even from prayer, but I found it not. Then I wished for some extraordinary revelation; and at last sat down with the sluggard, folding my hands, and eating my own flesh . My own reasonings availed not against him, who esteems iron as straw, and brass as rotten wood . All my books overlooked many of my scruples, and did not satisfy me as to the rest. And as to extraordinary expectations, God justly rejected them, seeing I would not hear Moses and the prophets. So that I had quite sunk under the weight of my trouble, and been swallowed up of sorrow and despair, had it not been for some little assistances which the goodness of God gave me, sometimes one way, sometimes another. When I was urged to reject the scriptures, it was often seasonably suggested, To whom shall I go? These are the words of eternal life. God powerfully convinced me, and kept the conviction strong upon my mind, that whenever I parted with revelation, I must give up all prospect of certainty or satisfaction about eternal life. The boasted demonstrations of a future happiness, built only on the light of nature, I had tried long ago, and found to be altogether weak and inconclusive; though had they been ever so conclusive, I had been not a whit the nearer satisfaction. For, to tell me of such a state, without an account of its nature, or the terms whereon it was attainable, was all one as if nothing had been said about it, and left my mind in equal confusion. Again, on a due observation of those who were truly religious, I could not but even then think them the better part of mankind; and my soul started at charging all the best of mankind with a lie in a thing of the greatest importance. On the other hand, God opened my eyes to see the unaccountable folly of those who had abandoned revealed religion. The scripture tells them plainly, they must do his will, if they would know whether the doctrine be of God. But they walk in a direct contradiction to his will; how then can they know of the doctrine? Nay, some sober, learned, and otherwise inquisitive persons, owned, that we are already miserable, if we are either cut off from the hopes of, or left at uncertainty about a future state of happiness. They owned likewise themselves to be thus uncertain, and yet were at little or no pains to be satisfied; yea, I found they rather sought for what might strengthen their doubts than remove them; which plainly shewed a hatred of the light.
6. I received further help from considering the lives, but more especially the deaths of the martyrs. When I considered the number, the quality, and all the circumstances of those who had been tortured, not accepting deliverance , I could not but own the finger of God, and the reality of religion. The known instances of its power over children in their tender years, appeared likewise of great weight; and I began to get frequent touches of conviction, whereby feeling the piercing virtue of his word, making manifest the secrets of my heart, I was forced to own God to be in it of a truth. Lastly, I found a secret hope begot and cherished I know not how, sometimes even amidst the violence of temptations, that as God had delivered others from temptations like mine, (though I doubted, if ever any had been so much molested as I) so he would deliver me at length; that what I knew not now, I should know hereafter: that my mouth should yet be filled with his praise: and that Satan’s rage shewed his time was but short.
7. Hereby I was enabled, not only to persevere, and with more earnestness, both in public and private duties, but also carefully to conceal all my straits from others, who might have stumbled at, or been hardened by them. I was unwilling others should know any thing that might disgust them at religion; Tell it not in Gath, lest the daughters of the uncircumcised triumph . *In converse with such as were shaken, I still stood for the truth, as if I had been under no doubt about it. And I must own, that while I did so, God often gave me both success with others, and satisfaction in my own mind. How good a master is God! A word spoken for him is not lost: nor will he suffer the least service to be in vain. A Heathen Cyrus, yea Nebuchadnezzar himself, shall not work without his reward.
8. Before I proceed, I must observe the folly of reasoning with Satan; whenever I did so, he had still great advantage: he easily evaded all my arguments, and enforced his own suggestions: and even when they were not maintained by argument, he injected them so strongly, that I was not able to stand against them: our safest course is to hold him at a distance, and avoid all communion with him. *I must observe likewise, the wise providence of God, that the greatest difficulties against religion are hid from Atheists. None of the objections they make are near so subtle as those which were often suggested to me. Indeed they do not view religion near enough, to see either the difficulties, or the advantages that attend it. And the devil finding them quiet, keeps them so, not using force, where he can do his work without it. Besides, God, in his infinite wisdom, permits, not all these subtleties of hell to be published, in tenderness to the faith of the weak, which could not bear so severe an assault.
9. I lay under many inconveniences all this while. Most of the converse I had was with unholy men. I had no friend to whom I could impart my griefs with freedom, or any prospect of satisfaction. And the entire concealing my concern made it fasten more and more, and drink up my blood and spirits. I laid aside my studies; I could not pursue either business or diversion: I had no heart to any thing; I could not read, unless now and then a small portion of scripture, or some other practical book (except when, for a short space, there was an intermission of my trouble.) For near a year and a half I read scarce any thing; and this slothful posture laid me open to fresh temptations, and made my corruptions grow stronger still.
10. Yet even now, God minding his own work, by the means of his word, brought the law, in its spiritual meaning, nearer. And then I found more discernibly the stirrings of sin, which taking occasion from the commandment, and being fretted at the light let into my soul, wrought in me all manner of concupiscence. Hereby I was plunged into deeper guilt; My iniquities went over my head ; and my conscience was so alarmed, that I found no rest in my bones by reason of my sin .
11. I still laboured for rest, either by extenuating my faults, pleading the strength of temptation, (sometimes not without secret reflections upon God) or by trying to persuade myself they were no faults at all. When all these failed, I made new vows and resolutions; and November 23, 1697 , (a day I had set apart for fasting and prayer) I drew up a short account of my treacherous dealing with God from my youth up, and solemnly bound myself to him for the time to come.
12. But tho’ by this means I was kept from open pollutions; tho’ I was careful of outward duties; received the word with joy; watched against pride of heart, unbelief, and other spiritual evils; though I fasted, prayed, mourned, and was much in secret; yea, strove against all sins, even those I loved best; yet all this was only a form of religion, the power of which I was still a stranger to. I was a stranger to that blessed relief of sinners, faith imputed for righteousness. Though I professed to believe it, I was really in the dark, as to its glorious efficacy, tendency and design. Still my eye was not single; I regarded only myself, and not the glory of God. It was still by some righteousness of my own, in whole or in part, that I sought relief. Though I did part with my beloved sins, yet it was neither without reluctance, nor without some secret reserve. Lastly, My heart was utterly averse from all spiritual religion: and if I sometimes aimed at fixing my mind on heavenly things; yet it was soon weary of this forcible bent, and it seemed intolerable to think of being always spiritual.
13. I was now reduced to the last extremity. My sins were set in order before me, and had taken such hold upon me, that I was not able to look up. They were set in order in the dreadfulness of their nature and aggravations; my excuses baffled, and my mouth stopped before God. All the ways I had taken for my relief had deceived me; they were the staff of a broken reed; they pierced my arm when I essayed to lean upon them; and I was ashamed, and even confounded, that I had hoped . The wrath of God was likewise dropped into my soul, and the poison of his arrows drunk up my spirits . Add to this, that I was still unsatisfied about religion, and my enemies often told me, that even in God there was no succour for me. Yea, sometimes Satan, to entangle me the more, assaulted all the truths of religion at once; and then I was utterly confounded, when the Lord commanded that my enemies should close me in on every side.
14. By the extremity of this anguish, I was for some time, about the end of ninety-seven, and the beginning of ninety-eight, dreadfully cast down. I was weary of my life. Oft did I use Job ’s words, I loath it, I would not live alway . And yet I was afraid to die. I had no rest; My sore ran in the day, and in the night time it ceased not . At night I wished for day, and in the day I wished for night. I said, My couch shall comfort me; but then darkness was as the shadow of death . I was often on the brink of despair. He filled me with bitterness, he made me drunk with wormwood. He removed my soul far from peace: I forgat prosperity. I said my hope and my strength are perished from the Lord. I wondered that I was not consumed; and though I dreaded destruction from the Almighty, yet I must have justified him if he had destroyed me. Thus I walked about dejected, weary and heavy laden: weary of my disease, and weary of my vain remedies; and utterly uncertain what to do next, or what course to take.
Of his deliverance from these temptations.
* I T was in this extremity God stepped in; he found me wallowing in my blood, in a helpless and hopeless condition. I was quite overcome, neither able to fight nor fly, when the Lord passed by me, and made this time a time of love. Towards the beginning of February 1698 , this seasonable relief came. I was then, as I remember, at secret prayer, when he discovered himself to me, when he let me see, that there are forgivenesses with him, and mercy, and plenteous redemption. He made all his goodness to pass, and he proclaimed his name, the Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity, transgression and sin; who will be gracious to whom he will be gracious, and will shew mercy to whom he will shew mercy. This was a strange sight to one who before looked on God only as a consuming fire, which I could not see and live. He brought me from Sinai , and its thundrings, to mount Sion , and to the blood which speaketh better things than that of Abel . I now with wonder beheld Christ in his glory, full of grace and truth . I saw that he, who had before rejected all my offerings, was well pleased in the Beloved, being fully satisfied, not only that there is forgiveness of sins, through the redemption which is in Jesus; but also, that God by this means might be just in justifying even the ungodly that believe in him . How was I ravished with delight, to see that such mercy might consist even with his inflexible justice and spotless purity? And yet more, when he let me see, that to me, even to me, was the word of this salvation sent; that even I was invited to come , and take the water of life freely ! Farther, he discovered to me his design in the whole, even that no flesh might glory in his sight : that he might manifest the riches of his grace, and be exalted in shewing mercy . And when this strange discovery was made, of a relief which made full provision both for God’s glory and my salvation, my soul was sweetly carried out to rest in it, as worthy of God, and every way suited to my necessity.
2. All these discoveries were conveyed to me by his word: not indeed by one particular passage, but by the concurring light of many of its testimonies and promises, seasonably set home, and plainly expressing those truths; thus I found it to be the power of God unto salvation. But neither was it his word alone; for the same passages I had read before, and thought upon, without any relief; but now the Lord shined into my mind by them. Before this I knew the letter only, but now the words were spirit and life; a burning light by them shone into my mind, and gave me not merely some notional knowledge, but an experimental knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ . *And vastly different this was from all the notions I had before of the same truths. It shone from heaven: it was not a spark kindled by my own endeavours, but it shone suddenly about me: it came by a heavenly means, the word; it opened heaven, and discovered heavenly things; and its whole tendency was heavenward. It was a true light, giving true manifestations of the one God, and the one Mediator between God and man, and a true view of my state with respect to God, not according to my foolish imaginations. It was a distinct and clear light, not only representing spiritual things, but manifesting them in their glory, and in their comely order. It set all things in their due line of subordination to God, and gave distinct views of their genuine tendency. It was a satisfying light; the soul absolutely rested upon the discoveries it made: it was assured of them; it could not doubt if it saw, or if the things were so as it represented them. It was a quickening, refreshing, healing light. It arose with healing in its wings. It was a powerful light; it dissipated that thick darkness which overspread my mind, and made all those frightful temptations, that before tormented me, instantly flee before it. Lastly, It was a composing light; it did not, like a flash of lightning, fill the soul with fear and amazement; but it quieted my mind, and gave me the full and free use of all my faculties. I need not give a large account of this light, for no words can give a notion of light to the blind; and he that has eyes, (at least, while he sees it) will need no words to describe it. Proceed we, then, to its fruits, whereby the difference of it from all my former light will most evidently appear.
3. The first effect of it was an approbation of God’s way of saving sinners by Jesus Christ; as a way of relief in all respects suitable to the needs of a poor, guilty, self-condemned, self-destroyed sinner, who is at length beat from all other reliefs, and hath his mouth entirely stopped before God. In this I rested as a way full of peace and comfort, and providing abundantly for all those ends I desired to have secured. And this approbation discovered itself ever after in all temptations, by keeping up in me a settled persuasion, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son . And when afterwards I was under temptations, it still kept me firm in an absolute determination utterly to reject all other ways of relief, whether I found present comfort in this or no. This was also my only sanctuary against guilt; let me be found in him, not having mine own righteousness . And whenever God gave me a fresh beam of this light, all difficulties vanish’d away; then I rejoiced in Christ Jesus, and nothing was able to disturb me while it lasted; and ever after I was then only pleased, when I found my soul, in some measure, moulded into a compliance with the design of the gospel, emptied of myself, subjected to God, and careful to have him alone exalted.
4. A second effect of this discovery was, my eye began to be single, looking in all things, to the glory of God. I now desired that he alone, (which before I had no real concern for) might be glorified in my life, or by my death. I saw that shame and confusion belonged to me and to him only the whole glory of my salvation. I watched over the most secret ♦ actings of pride, labouring to renounce it utterly, looking on it as my grand enemy, on which I was always to have an eye, and counting the power it still had, my greatest affliction. I never found comfort, but when this idol was discernably abased; and when ever this light shone in proportion to its clearness and continuance, the power of this was weakened in my soul, and I sought not myself but Christ Jesus.
5. A third effect of this light was with respect to his commandments, which I now saw were not grievous, but right concerning all things . I own’d his yoke to be easy, and his burden light. Amidst all temptations I knew the law was holy, just and good; I perceived too, that it was exceeding broad, extending even to the lightest motion of the heart. The duties I was most averse from before were now easy, pleasant, and refreshing. I saw a peculiar beauty in those laws in particular that crossed the sins which had the firmest rooting in my temper. None were so hateful to me; for none did I loathe myself so much; none was I so glad of a victory over. My mind was continually engaged in contrivances for their ruin, which formerly, I still sought to spare. And would God have given me my choice, to have the laws against them blotted out, he knows I should not have chose it, and that I should have thought his law less pleasant and less perfect, had these prohibitions been wanting. I took pleasure in others only so far as there appeared in them any thing of an humble, self-denying conformity to his law, and had a fix’d dislike of the least inconformity thereto, either in myself or others. In a word I saw, that if I could reach holiness I should have pleasure, and peace, and liberty; that all wisdom’s ways, were ways of pleasantness; nor was any thing insupportable to me, but that remaining unsubdued corruption that would not stoop to put its neck under her yoke.
*6. A fourth effect of it was a right sorrow for sin, flowing from a deep sense of my ingratitude, to provoke such a God, who had prevented and still followed me with so much mercy. And this sorrow filled my heart with love to God, and his way, sweetened my soul, and endeared God to it. And the more God manifested his kindness, the more it increased; when he was pacified, I was ashamed and confounded; nor was it a burdensome, but a sweet and pleasant sorrow, as being the exercise of filial gratitude. This sense of my unkindness, when kept within, covered me with blushes; and I was eased, when God allowed me to vent my sense of it, and to pour it, as it were into his bosom. It was likewise a spring of activity in the way of duty. I was glad to be employed in the meanest work, which might shew how deeply sensible I was of my former disobedience. It was not as my late sorrow, pregnant with pride, stiffness and unwillingness to suffer any chastisement; but it humbled, softened the soul, and made it willing to bear the indignation of the Lord, since I had sinn’d against him . In a word, I was glad when God gave me my measure of it, and grieved when I found it wanting, and I cried to the Prince exalted for it, as a necessary help to the obeying his whole law.
7. A fifth effect of this light, was a comfortable hope of salvation, rising in strength, or growing more weak, as the discoveries of the way of salvation, were more or less clear and strong. I knew I could not fail of salvation, otherwise than by missing this way. Sometimes I doubted of myself, but not of the way; so far as I walked in it, I was sweetly satisfied that my expectation should not be cut off. And as this light shewed salvation in a way of self-denial, and trust only in the Lord, nothing so shook this hope, as the least stirring of pride. As this sight of the glory of the Lord always filled me with shame, so the deeper my humiliation the stronger was my confidence. And so far was this assurance from begetting negligence, that it could not consist with it. To intermit or neglect duty, razed the foundation, or at least, laid an insurmountable stop in the way of its progress.
8. Many other effects there were, too long to repeat at large. I felt a new and formerly unknown, love to all who seemed to have any thing of the image of God, though known only by report; and this evidenced itself in prayer for them, and sympathy with them in their afflictions. Again, I found my care of all God’s concerns enlarged, and I desired more and more, that he might be exalted upon earth. I was grieved at any loss his interest sustained, and zealous for his glory. To conclude, I found this light sweetly drawing me to a willing, chearful endeavour after holiness in all manner of conversation. Thus were all things in some measure become new; and I who a little before, with the goaler, had fallen down trembling, was now raised, and set down to feast with the disciples of the Lord, rejoicing and believing.
PART III.
Of the pleasure of this state; the mistakes attending it, and the way of their discovery.
1. T HIS glorious discovery was very surprising: oft I stood and wonder’d what this strange sight meant. The greatness of the things God ♦ had done surpassed belief; and yet the effects would not suffer me to doubt of them. Not that I distinctly observed them at the very first; the glory of the Lord was then so great, that for a time I fixed my eyes on that, and was less intent on the change which it wrought in me. Again, I was the less exact in observing them then, because of the darkness still remaining in me. I clearly saw the mystery of free justification through Christ, and peace by his blood: but I was still sadly ignorant of many of the most important things relating even to that mystery: as the daily application of that atonement, and the use of Christ with respect to sanctification, What therefore God did at this time I knew not now, but hereafter, when the Comforter had further instructed me in the gospel, as my exigencies required: then, at length, I saw distinctly the work of God, and what he had done for me.
2. This discovery could not but be full of ravishing sweetness, considering the state wherein it found me. I was condemned by God and my own conscience, and under pressing fears of a present execution of the sentence. When the labours of the day required that I should sleep, and my body wasted with the disquiet of my mind, yet I was afraid to close my eyes lest I should wake in hell, and durst not suffer myself to sleep, till I was beguiled into it I knew not how. Was it strange, that the hopes of pardon were sweet to one in such a condition, whereby I laid down in safety and quiet rest, while there was none to make me afraid? A little before, the waters compassed me about, even to the soul! the deep closed me round about, I went down to the bottoms of the mountains, and said, I am cast out of God’s sight . Now, was it any wonder that such an one should rejoice, when brought into a garden of delights and set down under the refreshing rays of the sun of righteousness? And the things he discovered to me here were not only altogether new and such as I was utterly unacquainted with before; but also glorious in themselves. It was the glory of the Lord that shone round about me; and I saw such things as eye hath not seen, beside thee, O God. In a word, what I saw was (what the angels desire to look into) the mystery of godliness , the wonders of God’s law, and the unsearchable riches of his mercy .
3. This discovery was of longer continuance, and far brighter than any I have had since: it shone in its glory for ten days; nor was it quite gone for a long time after; and while it lasted, new discoveries were daily made. God carried me from one thing to another, and in this short space taught me more than I had learned by all my study in my whole life. Yea, he taught me the things I had learned before, in another, and quite different manner. Every day he instructed me out of the scriptures, walking and talking with me by the way, and opening them to me, which before was as a sealed book, wherein whatever I read was dark. Indeed all this time my mind was almost wholly taken up about spiritual things; and whatever occur’d in reading, meditation, converse, or daily observation, it (like a mold) cast into its own shape. All this while I was carried out to extraordinary diligence in duty. It was not as formerly, a burthen; but my heart was enlarged, so that I ran in the ways of God’s ordinances and commandments. And herein my soul often made me like the chariots of Aminadab , not easily to be stopped; sometimes to the disgust of these who did not taste the same ravishing sweetness which I enjoyed. But the life of all was, that God, by keeping his glory continually in my eye, kept me humble and self-denied all this while: seeing him I loathed myself. Beholding his glory I was in my own eyes as a grashopper, as nothing, less than nothing, and vanity. I gloried only in the Lord, rejoiced in Christ Jesus, and had no confidence in the flesh .
4. God had many gracious designs in this. I was sore broken and wounded, and he did this in tenderness; he bound up my wounds, he poured in oil, he made me a bed in my sickness. He watched me, and kept me from disturbance, till I was somewhat strengthened. I had been plunged into grievous and hard thoughts of him, as if he has forgotten to be gracious. Nor was I easily induced to believe good tidings; yea, though it was told me, I could not believe, till I had a clear sight of the waggons and provisions, and then my spirit revived. God in deep condescension, satisfied me that he was real, and had no pleasure in my death; and that the wound was not incurable, that it was not the wound of an enemy, or the stroke of a cruel one, but the wound of a friend in order to healing. He was now to make me sell all for that goodly pearl; and that I might be satisfied with my purchase, he let me see both what I was to leave, and what I was to obtain. Again, he knew what a wilderness I was to go through, and therefore fed me before I entered into it. Lastly, He designed to give me something which might be a stay in all succeeding trials. And often since, when my soul has been in heaviness, have I been cheared by the remembrance of it.
5. But, alas! I understood not this: I fancied this world would last always; I talked of building tabernacles here, and knew not I was to come down from the mount, and that my Lord would depart from me again. I dreamed not of learning, or having occasion for war any more; I expected no more to fight with my corruptions, but thought the enemies, which appeared not were dead, and that the “ Egyptians were all drowned in the sea.” Accordingly I projected to tie myself up to such a bent, and to stint myself to such a method of living, as neither our circumstances and temptations, nor our duty in this world allows of. I could not endure to read those books which were really necessary to be read, and all the time I spent in them seemed lost. Yea, I began to grudge the time which my body absolutely required for sleep or other refreshments. Thus the devil secretly drove from one extreme to the other, knowing well, that I should not rest here, and that he could easily throw me back from this into the first, of assuming too great a latitude. I began likewise to reckon this enlargement of heart as my due, and as more mine own than it really was. And I looked on the stock I already had as sufficient to carry me through all my difficulties; and saw not, that the grace, which was sufficient for me, was yet in the Lord’s hand.
6. But now God began to undeceive me; he gave me a thorn in the flesh to humble me, and a messenger of Satan was sent to buffet me, who soon made me feel the fury of his temptations. Hereupon I fell into deep perplexity; I began to question the truth of former manifestations, to doubt of my own perseverance; yea, sometimes to quarrel secretly with God, as if he had beguiled me. I tried many ways, to escape; I thought upon God; I complained to him; I sought for the causes of my affliction; I essay’d to shake myself, and to go forth to duty as before ; but alas! the Lord was departed from me; and the enemy, which lay in my bosom , had discovered my secret, and shorn me of my strength .
7. Yet I could not but see, when I recovered myself a little, after the violence of my conflict, that things were better with me now at my worst case, than formerly at my best. God frequently shewed me something of his power and glory; he open’d a scripture, and made my heart burn within me, or unfolded my case, and told me all that was in my heart; or let me see my desire upon my enemies. Sometimes he gave me access unto him, and made me come even to his seat, and pour out my heart before him. And when at the lowest, I was otherwise affected to Christ than before; my soul still longed after him; I essay’d to stretch out the withered hand, and wished for the command that would impower me to lay hold of him. I refused to go any where else, but resolved to wait on him, and to trust in him, even though he should slay me. And as to his law, though I could not run in it, my will was still toward it; I had no quarrel to it, but to myself; I breathed after conformity with it; I delighted therein after the inward man. And as to sin, though I was sometimes driven to it, this was just such a forced consent as before I gave to the law. Though it prevailed, my heart was not with it as before; I found another sort of opposition to it; and if ever it gained a victory, I was the more enraged against it. Lastly, This coldness was now a preternatural state: I cried daily, When wilt thou receive me ? I loathed myself for it; I could not rest in it; I wearied myself with essaying to break my prison: I looked back to former seasons, and said, O that it were with me as in months past !
Of his fresh strugglings with sin; its victories; and the cause of them, and God’s goodness with respect to this trial.
1. F INDING my enemies had gained great advantage over me, by the security into which I was fallen, though I was unwilling to fight, yet upon their appearance I tried what weapons would be most successful. I objected to them, that now I was engaged to the Lord; I reasoned with them: I prayed against them. Nor could I then see, whence it was that they prevailed: but God hath since shewn me several reasons of it. I laid too much stress on the grace I had already received; I was not sufficiently watchful: the enemy put me on vain work; where the sin lay not in the thing itself, but in the degree of it, there he set me upon renouncing it in the gross, and rooting out what was in itself lawful. Of this I had many instances with respect to my passions, and worldly employments, and converse with sinful people. I still neglected some means of God’s appointment, under pretence of difficulties and inconveniences, and so prevented his blessing upon the rest. I was sometimes not single in my aims: I wanted a victory which would ease me of the trouble of watchfulness, I was weary of a fighting life, and desired to conquer, that I might be at rest. Lastly, when I was not quickly heard, I did not persevere in prayer, for grace to help in time of need .
2. Yet was God even then exceeding merciful to me: he kept me from giving quite over: when I had many times gone furthest into temptations, yet he came in with seasonable help; and frequently, when I was hard prest, he so cleared up to me my own sincerity, as emboldened me to appeal to him, which left me at liberty, under this new encouragement, vigorously to oppose all my enemies.
3. And God has since let me see, what gracious designs he carried on by these trials. Hereby he taught me, that all Christians must be soldiers; that our security as to future temptations does not lie in grace already received, but in having our way open to the throne of grace; that God deals it out in the proper seasons, whereof he alone is able to judge; ¹ that the covenant of grace doth not promise entire freedom from sins of infirmity, nor even from wilful sins, otherwise than in the constant, as well as careful use, of all the means which he hath appointed. Hereby too he let me see, how displeased he was for my cleaving to sin so long. The sins that now frequently cast me down were those I sought to spare before. God cried often to me, to part with them, and I would not hear; and now God would not hear when I cried against them. Hereby also he discovered the riches of that forgiveness that is with him, that it reaches sins of all sorts, multiplied relapses not excepted. He that requires us to forgive seventy times seven, will not do less himself. And finally, he fitted me hereby to compassionate, and to comfort others also who were tempted.
4. During all this time, besides sins of infirmity, my corruptions did sometimes bear me down to relapses, both into omissions of duties, and commission of known sins. And these being sins against light, love, and all sorts of engagements, lay heavy upon my conscience. I was much perplexed about them, my bones were broken, my spirit wounded exceedingly.
5. At some times, indeed, I was for a while hardened by the deceitfulness of sin , and senseless; at other times my heart instantly smote me, and I was immediately after my fall stirred up to the exercise of repentance. But sooner or later God set my sins in order before me, either by some outward or inward affliction (often so remarkably chosen, that the sin was wrote upon the punishment) or by his word, or his holy Spirit in his ordinances, which told me all that I had done.
6. Then was my soul troubled with fear and shame, and a sense of his anger, by which Satan often sought to drive me to despair. But God graciously brake the force of this temptation, sometimes by distant discoveries of forgiveness; sometimes by reminding me of his former kindness, or shewing me the fatal issue of casting away my confidence. *And when the temptation was most violently urged, I thought it no time to dispute, but allowed the worst the tempter could suggest, and then laid my case, in all its aggravations, to the extensive promises of the covenant. “Be it granted, said I, that I am but an hypocrite: that I never obtained pardon: that I am the chief of sinners; that my sins have such aggravations as the sins of no other man ever had;” yet the blood of Christ cleanseth from all sin , and he came to save the chief of sinners.
*7. When I had got thus far, I got up again as I could, and sought him in all the duties of his appointment. Nor was it long (if I humbly and patiently continued in this way) before I found him, as at the first. He set my sin, in all its aggravations, before me; he led me up to original sin, the source of all: he cut off all excuses, and left me self-convicted, owning that any punishment on this side hell would be mercy. Then he stepped in, and made a gracious discovery of the fountain opened for sin, and for uncleanness . He drew my soul to close with, and with trembling to lay stress upon it. Having by this look drawn my eyes to look at him again, while I looked, my soul melted into tears; my heart, before bound up, was loosed; and my lips, before closed, were opened. While he thus answered me, and I could scarce believe the news, he created peace by the fruit of his lips , and as it were forced it upon my soul, and shed abroad his love in my heart .
8. Before I conclude this head, I must observe, 1. That sometimes this work was wrought gradually; sometimes all at once, and in a moment. 2. Sometimes I sought peace long before I obtained it; sometimes God surprized me immediately upon my sin, before I had thought in the least what I had done, and gave me such a look as made me weep bitterly. And when it was thus, it pierced through my soul, filling me with the deepest loathing of my ♦ sin, and the highest wonder at the riches, freedom, and astonishing sovereignty of his grace.
9. There was a great difference as to the continuance of these impressions, and likewise as to the degrees of them. At some times, my convictions and humiliations were deeper, and my faith and hope far clearer than at others. But amidst all these accidental differences, the substance of the work was always the same. I would observe, lastly, That the most terrible enemies are not the most dangerous. While I was attacked by plain sins, I was easily convinced and alarmed at them, which was attended with all these happy effects; whereas I have been since assaulted by less discernible evils, sins under the mask of duties; and these secretly devour the strength, and are ♦ with difficulty discovered in their exceeding sinfulness.
*I must not pass over without notice, that when I first felt forgiveness of sins, I was much exercised with, and troubled for, sins of infirmity and daily incursion: of this I shall give a more distinct account. 1. When God manifested himself, his enemies fled before him: they received a stunning stroke, and vanished away at the brightness of his appearing. He, for a time bore down corruption, chained up Satan, and kept me from any, the least disturbance from them. 2. It was some time before my stronger enemies appeared again; presumptuous sins did not soon approach me; I first found the remaining power of sin only by the invasion of sins of daily infirmity, particularly deadness in prayer. 3. Hereupon I began to be much discouraged, neither understanding my present state, nor the provision made for the case in the covenant of grace, by a daily application of the blood of ♦ atonement. 4. When my fond expectation was disappointed, I at first essayed to humble myself distinctly for each of these transgressions. But finding my whole time would not suffice for this, I was obliged to go with them all at once, and plunge into the fountain opened for sin, and for uncleanness. I took a view of myself defiled by innumerable evils, and under a sense of them cast myself on the glorious atonement, and relied for the cleansing me from them all on that blood which cleanseth from all sin. 5. To clear this matter yet further, I observe, that the light which first discovered this plenteous redemption, tho’ variously clouded, yet was never quite lost. A child of light is never in utter darkness. He has, indeed, a summer’s sun, that shines longer, brighter, and warmer; and his winter’s sun, which shines more faintly. He has fair and rainy days; he has a changeable intercourse of day and night: but light more or less, there is always.
10. Upon the whole, we may remark, 1. That we may heal our wounds slightly; but it is God’s prerogative to speak solid peace. 2. That considering our unbelief, and pride of heart, it is not easy to win a sinner to believe, that the forgiveness, which is with God, is able to answer all necessities. And when the soul is in some measure satisfied with this and willing to come to God daily for grace and mercy, it is not easy to keep up either a due abhorrence of sin, or a due sense of that boundless mercy. *Yea, here lies one of the greatest secrets of practical godliness, and the highest attainment in close walking with God, to come daily and wash, and yet retain as high a value for this discovery of forgiveness, as if it were only to be had once, and no more. The more we see of it, the more, doubtless, we ought to value it; whereas on the contrary, unless the utmost care be used, our hearts turn formal, and count it a common thing. I observe, ♦ 3. That the joy of the Lord is then only to be retained, when we walk tenderly and circumspectly: being inconsistent not only with any gross sin, but with any remissness of behaviour. And, lastly, That when I was at the lowest ebb, I have often recovered myself by thankfulness. If you ask, What I had then to be thankful for? I answer, I began thus: “What a mercy is it I am out of hell! Blessed be the Lord for this.” Again: “What a mercy is it, that he hath given me to see, and thank him for that mercy! Blessed be the Lord for this likewise.” And thus I have gone on, till he hath led me to a sense of his love, and restored comfort to my soul.
A more particular account of his preceding doubts, concerning the being of God, and deliverance from them.
1. I BEFORE mentioned the trials I had about the being of a God, almost as soon as I had any concern about religion. But at first I had no arguments, urged against it: only seeing this was the hinge on which all religion turned, I found myself at a loss for evidence so clear and strong, and convincing, as I thought necessary, with respect to a truth, whereon so much weight was to be laid. I said, “Very great things are demanded of me, and I am called to hope for great things; but, before, I trust so far, I would know more of that God, in whom I am to trust.”
2. But afterwards, when I was more estrang’d from God, and intent upon abstract subtleties, the devil took his opportunity, and said daily, “Where is now thy God?” He then triumph’d, “Where is now that mouth, with which thou hast so often reproached Atheists?” These are the arguments they have; come forth then, try thy strength, and fight them.
3. Hereupon a sharp conflict began, in which I used various ways. Sometimes I rejected his suggestions, and refused them a hearing. Sometimes I tried to answer his arguments; but the longer I stood arguing the case, I was always at the greater loss. Then I would wish for a discovery of God himself; O that I knew where I might find him ! Whence the enemy failed not to infer, “If there was a God he would help one, who was thus standing up for him, in such a strait.” Sometimes I prayed, and though Satan urged me with the unreasonableness of praying till I was sure there was a God; yet I always thought, “If there be one, he can best satisfy me as to his own being.”
4. And he did satisfy me in part. 1. By clear discoveries of the tendency of these temptations, viz. To cast reproach on all the best and wisest of men, and to destroy the foundations of all human happiness. 2. By some glimpses of his glory, even in the works of creation. 3. By some beams of light from his word; and more than once, in particular, by suggesting to my mind, with power, that answer of the three children, O Nebuchadnezzar , we are not careful to answer thee in this matter. If it be so, our God , whom we serve, is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand. But if not, be it known unto thee, O King, that we will not serve thy God, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.
5. But yet I was not fully relieved; nothing but a discovery of God could give a full defeat to Satan. But considering I was then an unhumbled enemy, God could not have appeared otherwise than as an enemy; and this my nature could not bear, I could not have thus seen his face and lived. Wherefore he led me another way; he discovered sin to me first, and thereby broke the force of the temptation; and having humbled me, he then discovered himself in his glory in Christ Jesus.
*6. This it was which gave me full satisfaction, while God commanded this light to shine on my mind, I could not desire a clearer proof of his being; all his enemies fled before it: all the mountains of opposition shook at the presence of the Lord, and were carried into the midst of the sea. I had now manifold evidences of this glorious truth. I had, 1. The evidence of sight: by the eye of faith I saw the glory of God as represented in the word, shining with the clearest lustre: it not only convinced me of its own reality, but that, in a manner, nothing else was real. This sight gave me more consistent, becoming notions of God, his nature and attributes, than ever I attained before, and so shook the very foundations of those doubts which flowed purely from my ignorance of his nature. 2. I had the evidence of the ear; I heard him speak, and his voice sufficiently distinguished itself from the voice of any creature. He first spoke terror to me from Sinai ; and when my soul was as the troubled sea, he said unto it, “Peace, be still, and there was a great calm.” His words had light and power peculiar to God with them, both when he spoke for me and against me: they made me taste and see that the Lord is good, and that blessed is he that trusteth in him . All my objections were solv’d. As to the seeming inconsistency of his attributes, at the time that he condescended to shew me his back-parts, he satisfied me, that no man can behold his face . He gave me a view of his incomprehensibility, which silenced all those suggestions. And as to the seeming disorders in his government, a plain answer was, He giveth account to none; his way is in the sea; his paths in the great waters, and his footsteps are not known .
A more ♦ particular account of his preceding doubts concerning the holy scriptures, and deliverance from them.
1. T HIS temptation, as observed before, did not attack me so soon as the former; but it was managed in much the same way. Sometimes my mind only hung in suspence, for want of a sufficient evidence. Sometimes I was strangely harrassed with multiplied objections, either by the books I read, the enemies of the word, with whom I conversed, or by Satan, whose suggestions were far the most subtle, and most perplexing of all.
2. This trial was more grievous than even the former. These objections were equally destructive of all religion, and were far more numerous, more plausible, and entertained by persons of a fairer character. Besides, the evidence of this truth lay farther from the reach of an unenlightened mind.
3. I tried many ways to escape; besides prayer, and attending public ordinances, I read many books writ in defence of the scriptures. And this wanted not its use; I got a rational conviction of the truth, and so was emboldened to plead for it against his enemies; and I found answers to many particular objections, which encouraged me to wait for full satisfaction. But that I found not yet: this being but the wisdom of men, had not power to silence temptations, to enlighten me to see the evidence of God in his word, or to give a relish for it to an indisposed soul.
4. God began to break the force of this temptation, when his word fastened a sense of guilt on my soul: though this rather extorted an assent than induced to a chearful acquiescing therein, as coming from God. But when he gave me that light which repelled all temptations, which revived and comforted a soul bowed down before, I instantly closed with his word as the word of life; I rejoiced as one that had found a hid treasure; I was sweetly satisfied, that it came from him; and that by many evidences: for,
First , All discoveries of guilt were made by it. God by this spoke in my ear, sins which none save he who searcheth the heart, could know, which I knew not, nor any creature else. By it the secrets of my heart were manifest, so that I was compelled to own, that God was in it of a truth; I could not but cry out, “Come, see a book which told me all that ever I did. Is not this the book of God?”
Secondly , All the discoveries he made of his anger were made by the holy scriptures; it was by them that his wrath was dropt into my soul, and revealed from heaven against me. It was by the same that he let in upon my soul the glorious discovery of his being, attributes, and his whole will concerning my salvation by Jesus Christ. By the same he conveyed all those quickening, converting, transforming, supporting, composing influences, and let me see the other wonders of his law; excellent things in counsel and knowledge . By this he was pleased to reveal the craft, the power, the actings, and the designs of my enemies; his own designs in my trials, and something of his secret designs in many of his public administrations.
* Thirdly , As all these influences and discoveries were conveyed by his word, so by the peculiar light and power that attended them, he evidenced that his name was there. It taught, not as the greatest, the wisest, the best of men; but with another sort of authority and weight; it spake as never man spake. Whatever it said, my conscience stood to. When it challenged me for what I knew not to be faults, no defences availed; I was scarce sooner accused than arraigned, convicted, condemned. In like manner when God hereby spoke peace, he created it. The dead heard, and the hearer lived. Temptations after it spoke not again. When I was self-destroyed, self-condemned, and cast hereby into the greatest agony; yet whenever he sent his word, it healed me; my soul was commanded to be at peace, and there ensued a glorious calm.
5. And ♦ whereas my enemies had often asked me, how I could distinguish the real among so many pretended revelations? God himself now gave me a reply: The prophet that hath a dream, let him tell a dream; and he that hath my word, let him speak my word faithfully. What is the chaff to the wheat, saith the Lord? Is not my word like as a fire? And like a hammer, that breaketh the rock in pieces? Jeremiah xxiii. 28, 29. And he was pleased particularly to speak those things, whereat I had stumbled, to my soul, which both humbled me for my former unbelief, and encouraged me to hope, that I should know other things hereafter which I understood not now. Again he satisfied me as to many things, that the time of knowing them was not yet; and that when he saw the proper season to be come, he would shew me plainly of them. He let me see his wisdom and goodness in thus training me up to dependance, for learning of him what I knew not; and shewed me that it was my duty to meditate in his law day and night, and to search the scriptures with all humility; since the secret of the Lord is only with those that fear him, and he will shew none but them his covenant .
6. When after this I read the scriptures, and found not that powerful light shining with that warming, quickning, dazzling glory, yet I found an habitual light in my soul, whereby I could almost every where discern part of the glory of the Lord; and by this I was over-awed, and brought still to regard them as the word of God. A light was still reflected on the whole scripture; and I was ordinarily enabled to perceive, how worthy of him, and like himself, every thing was which I read there, and by this abiding light I was capable of discerning therein discoveries of the actings of sin and grace, with a penetration and exactness beyond the reach of any, save, the omniscient and only wise God.
Of some other temptations, and his deliverance from them.
1. I BEFORE shewed that when I was in doubt about the holy scriptures, the devil often suggested to me, “how can you expect satisfaction in these things, when men of so much greater abilities have sought it in vain?” And this suggestion was often so violently urged, that I had no spirit left in me.
2. But when God discovered himself to me in his own light, the force of this temptation was utterly broken; though I had not a particular sight of the weakness of it till I read (some time after) the three first chapters of the first epistle to the Corinthians : the substance of what God then shewed me was,
First , That his great design in the method of salvation he had chosen, was to stain the pride of all human glory, that no flesh might glory in his sight, but he that glorieth might glory in the Lord. Secondly , That a vain ambition to be wise above what God allowed, was the spring and chief part of our apostacy from God; and still vain man would be wise; the Jews ask a sign, and the Greeks seek after wisdom . Thirdly , That in order to the attainment of the foregoing design, and to the recovery of man from his apostacy it was plainly necessary, that his ambition, being a flat opposition to his design, and a principal part of his corruption, should be removed. It was requisite, That God should destroy the wisdom of the wise, and bring to nought the understanding of the prudent . Fourthly , God to vindicate his own wisdom, reproached by this vain ambition of man, to fix an eternal blot on human wisdom, and to discover his holy severity in punishing this ambition, with the other wickednesses of vain man, suffered, for many ages, all nations to walk in their own ways , and to try whether they were better than God’s ways; whether they could supply the defects which they fondly imagined God had made them with, or relieve themselves from the misery of their apostacy, and the event answered the design of his wisdom and justice, and the desert of them who made the attempt. For after the fruitless endeavours of four thousand years, The world by wisdom knew not God . They missed the mark, their foolish hearts were darkened; seeking to be wise, they became fools ; instead of getting their eyes opened to see more than God allowed, they could see nothing but their own nakedness; and so imperfect were their discoveries even of that, they imagined fig-leaves would cover it. Fifthly , after they had spent the time allotted for shewing the vanity of their own wisdom; God, in the depth of his compassion stepped in to their relief; and in order thereto, was pleased to pitch upon a way quite opposite to all wisdom of foolish man. He chose not the enticing words of man’s wisdom , or eloquence; it was not suitable to the truth of God, to use that mean art, whereby the judgments of men are led blindfold in subjection to their passions. He made no choice of artificial reasonings, the other eye of human wisdom. It did not become the majesty of God to dispute men into a compliance with his will. And although he wrought signs to awaken the attention of a drowsy world, to gain respect to his ambassadors, to strengthen the faith of weak believers, and to cut off every plea from unbelief: yet he chose not them chiefly to convert and recover the world, being unwilling so to derrogate from his word, as if the word of God were not, upon its own evidence, worthy the acceptation of all rational creatures. Sixthly , God having rejected all these, made use of the foolishness of preaching : that is, a plain declaration of his will in his name, in the demonstration of the spirit and power , by men commissioned by him for that purpose. Now this was a means every way worthy of God. Man had believed the devil rather than God; the devil seemed to have gained a great advantage, by persuading man in his integrity to credit him and discredit God. God now cast back the shame on him, by engaging fallen man to renounce the devil, and give up Satan and all that adher’d to him. And further to manifest his design, as he made use of the foolishness of preaching, so he chose for his ambassadors, not the learned disputers of the world, but foolish, weak, illiterate men, that by things which in appearance are not, he might bring to nought those that are . Lastly , To lay man lower yet, that the Lord alone might be exalted , he chose not for his people such as the world would have thought stood fairest for mercy; but he chose, for the general, the most miserable and contemptible of mankind; Not many wise, not many noble, not many mighty are called; but God hath chosen the foolish things of this world to confound the wise .
*3. Hence God shewed me, that it was to be expected, and was indeed inevitable, that a great opposition, should be every where made to his gospel; that this opposition would principally be by pretenders to wisdom, and learned men; that their objections must be against all the concernments of the gospel, the matter, manner, means of it; all being opposite to their expectation, and that therefore it was no wonder to see some stumble at the cross, some at the preaching, some at the preachers; that it was to be expected their objections would be specious, as being suited to the wisdom of men, the natural apprehension of all who were not brought to a compliance with the grand design of God. Lastly , That it was impossible for any man, who was not brought to be a fool in his own eyes, to be wise in the things of God, or to discern and approve of the conduct of God in this whole matter.
4. Upon this discovery I was fully satisfied, that the opposition of learned men, and their unsuccessfulness in their enquiries, was so far from being a just prejudice to, that it was a strong confirmation of the truths of religion; and on the other hand, that though they were, in the wisdom of God, hid from the wise and prudent, yet babes might have a clear discovery thereof, because it had pleased the father to reveal these things to them.
5. Another common objection, which had made, at some times, a considerable impression upon my mind, was, that the scriptures are contrary to reason. I shall just point at the springs of my relief.
First , I was long before fixed in a deep, rational conviction of the shortness of human knowledge, and that there was no truth which we receive, whether upon the evidence of metaphysical, mathematical, or moral principles, or even on the evidence of our senses, against which there lay not insoluble objections. Yet no man questioned those truths; nor though we endeavoured it ever so much, could we doubt of many of them. And as this was one of the most considerable fruits of my studies in philosophy, so it was of use to me many ways; it made me see through the vanity of that pretence against the truths revealed by God, that there lie unanswerable objections against them. This I plainly saw ought not to shake my assent, if I found sufficient evidence for them; especially as I was convinced, ’twas reasonable to expect more inextricable difficulties about truths supernaturally revealed than others, since they lie farther out of our reach. Therefore, when any such occurred, I was led rather to suspect my own ignorance than the truths of God.
* Secondly , God had before fixed in me the faith of his incomprehensibility, and fully convinced me, that I could not know him to perfection. He let me see, that his ways are not our ways , so that I durst not any more attempt to measure him, or his ways, by my short line, but in all things I relied in the resolution of his word. To the law and to the testimony I brought all, and where that clearly interposed, my soul was now taught fully to acquiesce in, and stand to its determination.
Thirdly , When the enemy strongly attacked any particular truth, and I could not instantly solve his objections, I was much relieved by a view of the multiplied testimonies of the word, all running the same way. And when by consulting interpreters, especially critics, I was darkened rather than cleared, I had recourse to the scope of the words, and the plain meaning that first occurred, with an humble dependance on God for his light.
* Fourthly , If for a time, by the subtle perversion of some scriptures, I could not find the true meaning of them, the analogy of faith staid my mind, till I could recover those particular passages out of the enemy’s hand. When God manifested himself to me, he gave me a view of his whole design in the revelation he had made of himself, and of the harmonious consent and concurrence of all the doctrines of the gospel, in promoting that design. He shewed me likewise, how the end and the means were so closely linked together, that one of these truths could not be overturned, but all the rest would follow. Whenever therefore any of them was controverted, its connexion with the other truths, uniformly and plainly attested by the current of scripture, presented itself; and my mind was satisfied, this could not fall without they all fell together. This I take to be the analogy of faith, and herein I often took sanctuary.
6. I before mentioned what a continual bondage I was long in, through fear of death; I shall now give some account of my relief from this also.
First , The Lord’s mercy manifested in Christ freed me from this spirit of bondage, and gave me a taste of the liberty of the sons of God. He in great measure removed the grounds whereon I most feared it, viz. Sin the sting of death, and want of evidence about the reality of future things.
Secondly , Whereas there still continued some fear upon a near prospect of it, I was much relieved by God’s promise, that we should not be tempted above what we are able to bear , especially when I recollected my former experience. I remember one day in particular, I was opprest with fear of death, when God mercifully suggested to me, “Hast thou not shrunk under the remote prospect of other trials, and yet been carried through them? Why shouldst thou distrust him as to future trials, who hath so often helped thee in time of need?” I then considered, it is no way proper that God should give his grace before our trial comes: but rather that he should keep us humble and dependent by reserving it in his own hand, and teach us to submit to his wisdom, as to the measure and time of performing his own promises. And I have ever since rested in this faith, that the Lord is a God of judgment, and that blessed are all they who wait on him ; not doubting either his faithfulness as to the accomplishment of his promises, or judgment as to the right timing and measuring them, in proportion to our necessities. Hereupon I rest to this day; I dare not say I am ready to die; I dare not say I have faith or grace sufficient to carry me through death; I dare not say I have no fear of death: but this I say, there is sufficient grace laid up for me in the promise; there is a throne of grace to have recourse to; and there is a God of judgment, who will not with-hold it, when it is really the time of need.
PART IV.
Of his entrance upon the ministry, and behaviour at Ceres .
1. W HEN I was under the violent strugglings before-mentioned, I had laid aside all thoughts of the ministry; for I could not entertain a thought of preaching to others what I did not believe myself. But now the scene being changed, I was, after long deliberation and fervent prayer, determined to comply with my mother’s desire (who had devoted me from my childhood to this work) with the advice of my most pious friends, the importunity of many others, and the motions of my own heart. For I had a lively sense of the strong obligation laid upon me, to lay out myself in the service of my good master, and I thought the nearer my employment related to him, the happier it would be.
2. Accordingly on May 1, 1700 , I entered into holy orders, and May 5 , began my ministry at Ceres . From this time he prepared his ♦ sermons with much secret prayer, for a blessing thereon, both to himself and his hearers. His practice also was, exactly to review and remark his behaviour in public duties; what assistance and enlargement of heart he obtained, and what concern for the souls of his hearers. When he fell short, it was matter of humiliation to him; when he was assisted, of greater gratitude and watchfulness.
3. Knowing he was to watch over souls, as one that must give account, he had the weight of this charge much upon his spirit: he therefore laboured to know the state of the souls of his flock, that he might be able to guide them according to their particular cases. In order thereto he was diligent in visiting all the families within his parish, in instructing his people by catechizing, and in marking their proficiency in the knowledge of the gospel. Especially, before administring the Lord’s supper, he conversed severally with those who desired to partake thereof, to try what sense they had of real religion; what influence the word of God had had upon them: and what fruits of it were in their hearts and lives, that he might deal with their consciences accordingly.
4. Take an instance of this in his own words: July 8, 1703 . “I have now spent about a month in converse with my people, and I observe the few following things:”
* First , “That of three or four hundred persons there were not above forty who had not at one time or other been more or less awakened, though with far the greater part it came to no length. Whence it is plain, that God leaves not himself without witness, even in the bosom of his enemies, but sooner or later so far touches the hearts of all men, as will dreadfully enhance the guilt of those, who put out the light, and quench his Spirit.”
* Secondly , “That some of those whom it has pleased God to awaken by my ministry, promise more than flowers, even fruit: and that most acknowledge, that the word comes nearer them daily, which makes me ashamed of my own negligence, and astonished at the goodness of God, who blesses my weak labours notwithstanding.”
Thirdly , “That though God may make use of the words of man, in letting us into the meaning of the scriptures, yet ’tis ordinarily the very scripture-word whereby he conveys any comfort or advantage.”
5. Hearing about this time of some who ♦ were much swayed by good people, in dark steps of their ministerial work, I was satisfied in the evident clearness of the following rules:
* First , That it is very dangerous to lay much stress on the apprehensions of the best of people, as to what may be sin or duty in things that belong not to their station; for the promise of the Spirits, teachings belongs not to them, as to what may concern a minister’s station. Therefore, it is safer to desire their prayers, that God would, according to his promise, discover to us what is our duty, than to learn them to step out of their stations, and advise in things that belong not to them.
* Secondly , In consulting others for light, great regard should be had to the different talents of men; in matters of soul-exercise, most regard should be had to those whom God has fitted with endowments that way; in matters of government most regard should be had to those whom he has fitted that way.
Thirdly , The holiest men are most likely to know God’s mind; but to know who are the holiest, we must consider, not only what men’s behaviour, but what their temptations are. For one in whom less appears may indeed have more grace, than another who seems to have more; when the one is continually plunged in floods of temptation, and the other is free from them.
*Observe, Fourthly , That ministers are commonly more shaken about the truths of religion, than about their own state: but the people, more about their own state, than about the truths of religion. And as ministers are assisted to clear the people as to what they are straitened about; so are the people often enabled to help their ministers, as to what occasions their uneasiness. Thus they mutually excel and are excelled, to humble both, and keep both in their stations.
As to the clearing up our duty in doubtful cases, observe, Lastly , That there is ever a bias to one way or the other; that we must seek to have this removed, and cry to God to bring our hearts to equal willingness to take either or neither way; that when this is attained, we must use our best reason, and take the way that appears most proper, though still crying to him, that he would put a stop to us, if we be out of the road. If he afforded light in any other particular way we must use it, still taking care, to seek light soberly, to use it tenderly, and to be wary in the application of it.
6. July 2, 1702. God about this time giving me somewhat of a revival from a long deadness, I think myself concerned to take notice of the means by which I obtained this benefit. And, 1. It was signally promoted by converse with zealous Christians. I found, that as iron sharpeneth iron, so doth the countenance of a man his friend . 2. By some heavy strokes laid upon me. 3. By terrible providences to the public. 4. By some papers seasonably brought to my hands, containing the exercise of some real Christians, wherein I saw how far short I was of them, and also not a few of the causes of my sadly withered and decayed state. 5. By some discovery of the vanity ♦ of my sweetest enjoyments. And, Lastly, By God’s leading me to some subjects, which I chose for others, wherein I found my own case remarkably touched.
7. March 12, 1705. I was far out of order; “Lord pity and shine upon me.” At night I was somewhat refreshed in family-worship. In meditation hereon I saw unbelief was the root of all my misery. I was broken on account of it; I cried to God for relief, “O manifest thyself to my soul!” I was much grieved, that at a time when so many strange evils abound, there should be so strange a stupidity ♦ on my spirit, that I could not mourn for the dishonour done to God. I cried for a spirit of supplication and repentance.
8. April 17, 1705. I was much disordered in body; but about seven at night I was a little relieved. Yet bowing my knees to prayer I was full of perplexity; the Lord hid himself, and my spirit was overwhelmed. But meeting with that scripture, Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh ; I found my mind composed; but, O, that it were with me as in months past!
9. February 24, 1706. Being the Lord’s day, I was sore shaken in the morning about the truths of God, but came to peace as to what I was to preach, in three things. “Lord thou hast fully satisfied me,” that 1. All other courses to satisfaction in our great concern, besides that of the gospel, are utterly vain and unsatisfactory. 2. That supposing the truth of the gospel, there is a plenary security as to all I can desire in time or in eternity. And ♦ 3. That it can be only the wretched unbelief of my heart that makes me ever hesitate concerning the truth of it, seeing I have full evidence for it, far beyond what in other things would absolutely cut off all hesitation. I will look then for faith to the author of it: Lord I believe! help thou mine unbelief! Thou hast so fixed me in the belief of these three truths, that no temptation hath been able to shake me.
10. In the spring, 1707. Some of the followers of Mrs. Bourignon coming into his parish, he laboured to guard his people against the infection of their specious errors. A short account whereof he gives in the following words:
April 20, 1707 : This day the Lord directed me to strike at the root of the prevailing delusion, in opposition to which I taught.
First , That true holiness will not admit ♦ of leaving out some duties, whereas the devotees, while they withdraw from the world, omit the unquestionable duties both of general usefulness among men, and of diligence in their particular callings.
Secondly , That holiness consists not in a strict observance of rules of our own invention, such as most of theirs are.
Thirdly , That whatever holiness those profess, who neglect the ordinances of God, none can reasonably conclude, that they are influenced by the authority of the Lord Jesus, for the same authority binds to the one as well as the other.
Lastly , That the most effectual inducement to universal obedience, is a sense that our sins are forgiven us, still kept fresh upon our souls, and a constant improvement of the blood of Christ by faith.
11. January 11, 1708. In the morning I arose greatly indisposed with a looseness. Before church I was somewhat relieved, but immediately after sermon, seized with vomiting. Lord, lead me to some suitable improvement!
* January 12. Was a day set apart for examining the state of my soul; chiefly on these heads. 1. Are daily sins, and sins of infirmity, searched, observed, weighed, mourned for? And do I exercise faith distinctly, in order to the pardon of them? 2. Does the impression of the necessity and excellency of Christ’s blood decay? Are the experiences of its life and efficacy distinct as before? 3. Am I formal in worship? In secret, family, public prayer? Desiring blessing on meat, returning thanks? Meditation and reading? 4. Is there due concern for the flock? Singleness and diligence in ministerial duties, prayers for them? &c. 5. Is there sympathy with afflicted saints and churches? 6. Is the voice of the rod heard, calling to deniedness to relations, even the dearest? Deniedness to the world? To life? Preparation for death? Spirituality in duty?
12. October 12, 1709. Being seized with a violent flux and griping, yet God kept me submissive, without repining; and brought me to commit the disposal of all to him, crying for a removal of any aversion to his will. And as to my ministry, tho’ I felt much remorse for the want of wrestling with God, for the success of his word among the people, yet it was refreshing that I durst say in the sight of God, that I was really concerned to know the truth; that I kept back none which might be profitable for them: that I preached what I resolved to venture my soul on, and that I desired to preach home to their consciences.
Of his marriage, and conduct in his family.
1. W HEN God convinced me, that it was not meet I should be alone, he also dearly convinced me, that a prudent wife is from the Lord .—I looked therefore and cried to, and waited on him for direction, with that eminent freedom and preparation of heart, which gave a fixed hope he would incline his ear, and bless me in my choice.
2. The command, Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers , was so strongly imprest on my soul, that no prospect of outward advantage could have swayed me to chuse one void of the fear of God. But whether to chuse on the testimony of others, or from personal acquaintance, I could not easily determine.
3. At last inclining to think a personal acquaintance necessary, I pitched on one who appeared suitable to me; and who falling at that time under some unusual concern about religion, which she imparted to me, it looked like a providential clearing of the way; on which, I too hastily proceeded in the proposal. Yet I never durst pray absolutely for success, but had great freedom in praying that God would direct: and that if it were not for my good, my way might be hedged in, and my design effectually disappointed. Mean while she carried on an intrigue with another, to whom she was soon after clandestinely married.
4. Another marriage was proposed to me some time after. In the beginning of this affair, March 1700 , I was confident to meet with a disappointment; whereon I resolved to quit it, and did so for some time. But God, by one means or other, broke all my designs of turning away. He visibly interposed his providence, gave fresh opportunities, directed me to means I had never before thought of, and reconciled those to it, from whom I expected the strongest opposition.
5. Yet after I had the greatest encouragement to proceed, I met with discouragements again: this was follow’d by new encouragement when I least expected it: and by this variety of success, I was kept low as to my thoughts of myself, and wholly dependent on God for the event.
6. December 13. This forenoon I set apart for prayer: and being to address God with regard to my proposal of marriage, I began the work with an enquiry into my own state. Upon this enquiry, I found,
First , With respect to God, I was under a full conviction, that life was in his favour , nay, that his loving-kindness is better than life itself . That any interest in his favour is utterly impossible, without respect had to a mediator: God being holy, I unholy; God a consuming fire, I a sinner meet to be consum’d: that God out of mere love has been pleased to send into the world Jesus Christ, as the mediator through whom sinners might regain his favour.
Secondly , With respect to Christ, nothing has been able (since it was first given me) to shake my full conviction of the following particulars: that Jesus Christ is such a Saviour as it became the goodness, justice, wisdom, and power of God to provide; and such as became the desires and needs of sinners, as being sufficient to save all that come to God through him , and that to the uttermost, his blood being able to cleanse from all sin , his power to subdue all things to himself , and his Spirit to lead into all truth : that I need him in all his offices; there being no time when I durst once think of parting them: God knows that my heart is as much reconciled to his kingly as to his priestly office, and that it would for ever damp me, had he not power to captivate every thought to the obedience of himself; that all my hope of freedom from that darkness which is my burden, is from Christ’s prophetical office; and my hope of freedom from the guilt and power of sin, arises from his priestly and kingly offices. In one word, I have no hope of any mercy in time or eternity, but through him. ’Tis through him I expect all, from the least drop of water to the immense riches of his glory.
Thirdly , With respect to this law, notwithstanding my frequent breaches of it, I dare take God to witness, that I count all his commandments concerning all things, to be holy, and just, and good; insomuch that I would not desire any alteration in any, and least of all in those which most cross my inclinations: that I desire inward, universal conformity to them all, and that in the spiritual meaning and extent, as reaching all thoughts, words, and actions, and even the minutest circumstances of them. Lastly , That since the commencement of this affair particularly, I have seen a peculiar beauty in the law, as exemplified in the life of our Lord; more especially in his absolute submission to the divine will, even in those things which were most contrary to his innocent nature. And though I could scarce reach this submission at some times, yet I earnestly desired it, I look’d upon it as exceedingly amiable, and condemned myself so far as I came short of it.
7. As to the whole, my spirit was in a calm and composed frame: but contrary to my positive resolution, and under fears of a refusal, I was carried out to be more peremptory than usual as to the success. Yea, when I was in the most submissive frame, I was more peremptory as to the event, than when my heart was most eagerly set upon it.
8. January 7, 1701 , was a day set apart by us both, to be kept with fasting and prayer, for obtaining a blessing on our marriage. I began it with prayer, wherein I endeavoured to trace back sin to my very infancy. Lord, I have been in all sin: not one of thy commands but I have broken in almost all instances; save in the outward acts, and from them, O Lord, only thy free grace restrained me.
*I now again solemnly devoted myself to him, in this new relation I was to enter upon; beseeching that he would not contend with either of us, for the sins of our single life; that he would make us holy, and bless us in this new state, fitting us every way for one another. In my second address to God by prayer, he gave me much sweetness and enlargement (blessed be his goodness) in reference to that particular, for which I set apart this day. When he prepareth our hearts to pray, his ear hearkeneth thereto .
This day I again searched into my state, and found these evidences of the Lord’s work in my soul: 1. He hath given me by his Spirit some discovery of the innumerable sins of every period of my life, and especially of the root of all, the inexpressible corruption of my nature: 2. He has discovered to me the vanity of all those reliefs nature leads to, with regard to the guilt of sin; he hath made me see, that my own works cannot save me, and, I hope, taken me off from resting upon them; for under trouble, occasioned by sin, nothing but Christ could quiet me: the view of my own works only increased it. And God, when he assisted me most therein, so guarded me against this, that he then always opened my eyes to see a world of sin in them; insomuch that I have as earnestly desired to be saved from my best duties, as ever I did from my worst sins: and whenever my heart inclined to lay some stress on duties spiritually perform’d, God stirred up in my soul a holy jealousy over my heart in this particular. 3. As to the power of sin, he hath brought me to an utter despair of relief from my own prayers, vows, or resolutions. 4. He hath been pleased to determine me to chuse the gospel-way of salvation, by resting on Christ for righteousness, sanctification, and redemption; as a way full of admirable mercy and wisdom; a way of great peace and security to sinners, and best suited to give glory to God. Upon these grounds, I conclude, that the Lord hath wrought faith in me, and will compleat my salvation. And because he hath determined me to chuse him, therefore I dare call him my God, my Saviour, my Sanctifier.
On January 23, 1701 , he was accordingly married at Edinburgh , to Janet Watson , daughter of Mr. David Watson , of St. Andrews . By her he had nine children, three sons and six daughters, of whom one son and five daughters survived him.
8. In March, 1705 , his then youngest child fell into a languishing illness: concerning whom he writes thus: “ April 11. My child died: blessed be God, I have had a child to give at his call; and blessed be the Lord, that he helped me to give her willingly.”
In March 1712 , his son George fell ill: I had often says he, given all my children up to God, and now it pleased him to try me in the tenderest point, whether I would stand to my resignation. I could not find freedom in a asking for his life, but much, in crying for mercy for him. Yet I cannot say, but the burthen was great upon me, till communing with a friend about the state of the church and religion, concern for God’s interest got the ascendant over that for my own, and from that time I found comfort: *and the nearer he was to his end, the more loosed I was from him, and the more chearful was my resignation: so that before his death, prayers were almost made up of praises, and he was set off with thanksgiving.
Of his removal to St. Andrews .
1. T HE place of professor of divinity in the university of St. Andrews being vacant, her Majesty’s patent was procured for him: upon which he made the following reflection: “This seems to be of the Lord, for it was without so much as a thought in me; yet were all obstructions removed, all attempts for others crossed, and my spirit so held that I durst not oppose it, but was obliged to submit to the desires of those who were the most competent judges.”
2. Accordingly, April 26, 1710 , he was by the principal of the college admitted into his professorship. But he enjoyed little health in that office: for in the beginning of April, 1711 , he was suddenly seized with a violent pleurisy, which obliged his physicians to take from him a large quantity of blood; and although he was relieved from the disease, he never recovered his strength, by reason of the indisposition of his stomach, and frequent vomitings. Hereupon ensued, ♦ in the following winter, a coldness, swelling and stiffness in his legs, with frequent and very painful cramps. But besides his bodily illness, the grievances of the church did not a little add to his trouble: especially the imposing the oath of abjuration upon ministers, which he feared might have fatal effects, from the difference of their sentiments, concerning the lawfulness of it. His advice upon it was, that after all due information, every one should act according to the light he had. But what he most of all inculcated was, that their differing about the meaning of an expression therein, gave no just ground for any alienation of affection, much less for separation, either amongst ministers or people.
The End of the Tenth Volume .
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